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.....^.■,<T^-S¥<?vS?JS^?SS?¥??!???W»K.y^ 




G. L. MORRILL 



ON THE 
WARPATH 



BY 

G. L. MORRILL 

CGOLIGHTLY'*) 

PASTOR OP PEOPLE'S CHURCH, 
Minneapolis, Minn., U. S. A. 



LOWELL L. MORRILL 

PHOTOGRAPHER 



7/y 



■MST 



Copyright 1918 
G. L. MORRILL 



OCT -7 l^i'ri 
€)CI.A506174 



Dedicated 

To 

Those lV]^o 

Love the Truth — 

If There Are Any 



BOOKS BY a L MORRILL 

MUSINGS 

DRIFTWOOD 

UPPER CUTS 

THE MORALIST 

EASTER ECHOES 

PEOPLE'S PULPIT 

HERE AND THERE 

FIRESIDE FANCIES 

A MUSICAL MINISTER 

PARSON'S PILGRIMAGE 

THE DEVIL IN MEXICO 

SOUTH SEA SILHOUETTES 

TRACKS OF A TENDERFOOT 

GOLIGHTLY 'ROUND THE GLOBE 

TO HELL AND BACK— SOUTH AMERICA 

ROTTEN REPUBLICS— CENTRAL AMERICA 



On the Warpath 

Cain went on the warpath with a club, the Kaiser with 
a sword. I use a pen — not to spill blood, but ink in attack- 
ing human folly, stupidity, superstition, hsrpocrisy and in- 
justice. 

— GOLIGHTLY, 



TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN : 
David wrote the One-Hundred and Ninth Psalm in sweet 
solicitude for his enemies. I "pan" mine with the same pane- 
gyric : 

For the mouth of the wicked and the mouth of the deceitful are opened 
against me: they have spoken against me with a lying tongue. 
They compassed me about also with words of hatred; and fought 
against me without a cause. 

For my love they are my adversaries: but I give myself unto prayer. 
And they have rewarded me evil for good, and hatred for my love. 
Set thou a wicked man over him: and let Satan stand at his right hand. 
When he shall be judged, let him be condemned: and let his prayer be- 
come sin. 

Let his days be few; and let another take his office. 
Let his children be fatherless, and his wife a widow. 
Let his children be continually vagabonds, and beg; let them seek their 
bread also out of their desolate places. 

Let the extortioner catch all that he hath; and let the strangers spoil 
his labour. 

Let there be none to extend mercy unto him: neither let there be any to 
favour his fatherless children. 

Let his posterity be cut off; and in the generation following let their 
name be blotted out. 

Let the iniquity of his fathers be remembered with the Lord; and let 
not the sin of his mother be blotted out. 

Let them be before the Lord continually, that he may cut off the mem- 
ory of them from the earth. 

Because that he remembered not to shew mercy, but persecuted the poor 
and needy man, that he might even slay the broken in heart. 

As he loved cursing, so let it come unto him: as he delighted not in 
blessing, so let it be far from him. 

As he clothed himself with cursing like as with his garment, so let it 
come into his bowels like water, and like oil into his bones. 
Let it be unto him as the garment which covereth him, and for a girdle 
wherewith he is girded continually. 

Let this be the reward of mine adversaries from the Lord, and of them 
that speak evil against my soul. 



CONTENTS 



PAGE 

Fig-Leaf Fanatics 7 

Arrested 10 

New Year Resolutions 12 

The Panama Limited .... 13 
Passports Confiscated .... 14 

Manuscript Stolen 17 

Suppressing Truth 23 

Postal Inquisitors 24 

Official Fraud 25 

Press Comment 30 

Centaurs i 32 

A Dethroned King 33 

Moral Repairs 34 

Masks 35 

Jazz Jamboree 37 

Grave Thoughts 38 

Some Saint 40 

A Cook's Tour 43 

Evil Spirits 47 

Echoes From Ecuador ... 49 

Why Travel? 50 

Old and New Orleans .... 53 

Moss-Covered 56 

Louisiana 58 

Troubles 60 

Lynching — A Fine Art 61 

A Fiendish Film 63 

Texas Towns 67 

Smuggling 69 

Mexican Atrocities 70 

King Cotton 73 

What to Tax? 74 

New Mexico 75 

Relics 76 

Under Ground 78 

Copper 79 

Globe-Trotting 80 

The Apache Trail 81 



PAGE 

High Livers 83 

The Roosevelt Dam 85 

Scouting ,. . . 86 

On the Warpath 88 

The Desert 91 

Phoenixiana 96 

The Death Penalty 99 

Civilized Savages 100 

A Savage Attack 103 

Arizona's Fossil Forests.. 105 
Hard Wood Questions. . . .109 
The "Role" of the Drum. .112 

Auto Stops . . ., 115 

San Diego, Now and Then. 117 

Theosophistry 119 

Human Birds 120 

Rich Man's Retreat 121 

Soldiers* Morals 123 

Capistrano 125 

The Double Cross 126 

A Happy Valley 129 

Apples of Hesperides 129 

Luther and Liberty 133 

Movie Madness 135 

Climate- Worshippers 139 

In an Earthquake. 142 

Catalina 145 

Kelp 147 

A French Countess 147 

Island Views 148 

Fine Points of the Cactus. 149 

Aboard a Pirate Ship 150 

Fish Tales 154 

Human Sharks ,157 

An Accomplished Archangel . 1 60 

San Gabriel's Gold 161 

The Mission Play 163 

Trinity Grape Vine 164 



CONTENTS— Continued 



PAGE 

Lincoln's Birthday 172 

A Lowe Mountain 174 

The Angelus or Liberty 

Bell? 165 

Boycotts and Bigots 167 

Freemasons and K. C.'s. . . . 169 

Is Rome Pro-German? 171 

George Washington 177 

Washed Ashore 178 

Art, Where Art Thou?... 179 

Music and Books 180 

Elysium 181 

Et Cetera 182 

A Chinese New Year 183 

California's Yellow Streak. 185 

Greaser Town 187 

Waste 189 

Haunch of Venison 192 

Beach Debauchery 193 

Summer Fools 197 

Busy Beavers 200 

Painted Women 201 

'Frisco 202 

Club Life 204 

In Irons 205 



PAGE 

On the Ocean 206 

Astoria's Story 212 

Portland and Water 214 

Salt Lake Saints . . ., 214 

Street Scenes 217 

Free Love Religion 219 

The Mormon Bible 220 

Old Brigham Young 222 

Mountain Meadow Mas- 
sacre 225 

Bones 227 

No Man's Land 230 

Bill Nye's Territory 232 

My Wild West Alphabet ... 232 

Hot Air 233 

Indicted 234 

A Jaundiced Jury 234 

Putrid Politics 236 

''Obscene" Classics ...... .237 

Bigoted Censors 239 

Gag-Law 242 

Truth, Where Is She?.... 246 

Infernal Persecution 249 

In Jail 255 



LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS 




APACHE SQUAW. ARIZONA— FRONTISPIECE 

G. L. MORRILL 

CLIFF-DWELLING. ARIZONA 

DESERT CACTUS. 

CAMEL OF PLANTS. ARIZONA 

PETRIFIED TREE BRIDGE. ARIZONA 

A FRENCH COUNTESS 

NING PO. PIRATE SLAVE SHIP. 

CATALINA 

LANDING A 480 POUND SEA BASS. 
NEWPORT BEACH. CALIFORNIA 

A "BONNY" BATHER. NEWPORT BEACH. 

CALIFORNIA 



Be just, and fear not; 
Let all the ends, thou aim'st at, he thy country's, 
Thy God's, and truth's; then if thou fall'st, Cromwell, 
Thou fall'st a blessed martyr! 

— Shakespeare, 



ON THE WARPATH 




PIG-LEAP PANATICS 

|KRESTED! Just as I was leaving Minneapolis for 
Ecuador I was arrested by the arm of the law, al- 
though armed with passports and a personal letter 
of introduction from Secretary Lansing commending 
me to the diplomatic representatives there. 

Why held up? Had I committed murder, stolen an auto, 
robbed a bank, run off with some one's household goods, gods 
or goddess, forged a check, burned a house, written a con- 
gratulatory letter to the Kaiser, preached seditious sermons? 
No, for no such commonplace crimes, but for writing a sweet, 
innocent, charming, little book, "The Devil in Mexico.'- The 
offense was not in writing it and telling the truth of my Mexi- 
can experiences, but in sending it through the post office. 

Had I clothed this naked Truth in a lovely gown of lies 
she would have been well received by the mails, but an im- 
pure Puritan in Aurora, 111., who evidently had only seen Truth 
in masquerade and didn't know her when he saw her, was 
shocked. He insulted her by calling her filthy names and had 
the post office swear out a warrant for her arrest. 

To the impure all things are impure. 

Those who say my book is obscene in any picture or para- 
graph are themselves obscene and guilty of ignorant or mali- 
cious falsehood. 

My accusers belong to that class of whited sepulchres which 
mistakes hysteria for holiness and prudery for piety. They 
would put a corset on the statue of Venus de Milo; dress 
Michael Angelo's "David" in B. V. D.'s; paint diapers on 
Raphael's cherubs; and emasculate the Bible, Shakespeare 
and all literature, from Aristophanes to Zola. If by any 
mischance they ever enter heaven they will be sad and shocked 
if the angels do not wear pantalettes. 

"Evil to him who evil thinks." These miserable moral 
mountebanks have innocency of word, not of thought; the 



8 ON THE WARPATH 

morality of tongue, not of heart. They see suggestive insinu- 
ation where none is implied, imagine the words ''nude'' and 
**lewd" are synoymous, and place the suggestive fig-leaf on 
decent nakedness. 

God is in his heaven and prohibition is coming to his world, 
yet I fear these critics will continue to grow grape-vines to 
use the leaves for fig-leaves for statues. 

Isn't it shocking that everything is naked but hypocrisy? 
Truth is naked, lies are clothed. 

Virtue may sit, stand or ride naked as Godiva clad in 
purity, while prude and Puritanical objecting critics and 
juries may wear a display window full of clothes and be 
morally worse. 

Some so-called "Christian" censors, who wear twice as 
many clothes as their "heathen" brothers and sisters in the 
South Sea Islands, have not half as much modesty or virtue, 
I am sorry to say. 

How ought one to write ? "Who is to be the boss? Do legal 
and political positions bring infallible ethical and literary qual- 
ifications with which to judge another? These literary police 
try to follow you with club to silence you. No one can ven- 
ture out from their narrow circle of criteria without incurring 
their excommunicating curse. They would change the "Re- 
public of Letters" into an oligarchy. liike Nebuchadnezzar, 
they set up their image in the plain, a very plain image too, 
and command us to bow down before it. 

Like flies, such critics speck the whitest page in a book. 
The immortal Heine at one time had all the political and cler- 
ical powers of Europe against him. You may judge of a man 
and his work by the number of his enemies, what they say 
about him and do to him. 

These pastmasters of mediocrity have a monopoly on igno- 
rance. At one time, in Glasgow, the citizens petitioned Parlia- 
ment to suppress the models of nude women in drawing. Re- 
cently a statue was removed from the Chicago Museum be- 
cause it offended some haloed humbug. The Chicago censors 
must have been afflicted with moral lumbago. They would 
put Apollo in a Prince Albert and garb all the Greek Gods. 

Heaven save us, if these mental Mentors apply Ladies' 
Boarding School rules to art and literature! A pig goes 



ON THE WARPATH 9 

through a flower garden to root in the muck. Pig-headed 
critics see nothing but dirt and spoil everything in their way 
to get it — if there isn't any, they make it. Do these mud- 
geysers want us to believe they are Castalian fountains ? Shall 
we canonize critics who worship themselves ? Saintly Tartuft'es ! 
they lack nothing but a holy haircut and a cleric's collar. 

for a new Cervantes to hit off these Don Quixotes riding 
their hobbies atilt at everything and everybody! for a 
Siegfried to slaughter this dragon of hypocrisy! for a 
Hercules club to smash these little bigots, and for the hun- 
dred hands of Briareus to choke off these pious praters, with 
hellish hearts, who so charitably damn us! 

Mistaking asininity for divinity, these proud humans blush 
at naked truth and clothe her in the tights of lies. As critic 
costumers, they would rule the age and trick out law, politics 
and literature in fancy dress. To tell the simple naked truth 
is shockingly unpopular. Facts must be padded and corseted. 
Today he is the successful man who hides the truth. 

The profession of hypocrite is always crowded. 

Apostles of stupidity always teach and preach loyalty to 
their own creed. Weary of their own small ideas, they fall 
into the sleep of dullness and only wake to perform acts of 
greater idiocy. Their eccentricities are *'idiotsyncracies." 

The bark of these Cerberus dogs is worse than their bite. 
Let an author launch out a book on a sea of printer's ink, and 
his cargo of ideas, if orignial, is at once made contraband 
and held up in their literary custom-house. Beware of in- 
quisitors who would burn books, and guillotiners who would 
behead writers. How many books have been butchered on 
block heads ! 

The caste of these critics is castration. Their Pegasus is a 
mule, their eagle a capon, their God an eunuch. 

Censorious cads, who never travel, are the first to pro- 
nounce judgment on books of travel. If they did travel, in- 
stead of becoming broader, they would resemble a piece of 
copper wire which gets narrower the farther it goes. 

With Byron we ask: 

**And shall we own such judgment? no — as soon 
Seek roses in December — ice in June ; 
Hope constancy in wind, or corn in chaff; 



10 ON THE WARPATH 

Believe a woman or an epitaph, 

Or any other thing that's false, before 

You trust in critics/* 

Their milk of human kindness, if they ever had any, has 
turned into swill. Pharisaically they wear broad phylacteries 
upon their narrow brows, and are the self -elected High Priests 
in the Temple of Fame, permitting none but themselves to 
enter its holy of holies. 

God help us to forgive and forget these critical Pecksniffs 
who sniff around with their lifted nose and curling lip; who 
imagine they are pious when they're simply bilious; who think 
their candle brains are arc lights. These black-leg saints who 
cant and rant, seem to think this would have been a better 
world if they had been present to give advice when it was 
created. They act as if they were the confidential advisers of 
the Almighty, and expect to be at heaven's Judgment gate 
with a key to lock in or out any who did or did not belong to 
their race, religion, trade, club or political party. 

Excuse me from the society of long-eared oracles of letters, 
the companionship of self-satisfied saints with Psalms on their 
lips and perfidy in their life. Out upon these sanctimonious 
sinners with the mummery of a monk and the morals of a 
monkey — these sacred satyrs, reverend rascals, anointed knaves 
and sewer-minded seraphs! 

God is my judge and heaven is my court of appeal. When 
I die I want a copy of my book, *'The Devil in Mexico," 
placed in my coffin, so that if there is a literal resurrection 
I may appear in judgment and receive final sentence of heaven 
or hell according to what I have written. 



ARRESTED ! 

USUALLY when a man leaves his home town even his 
friends are glad to get rid of him. No one objected 
to my departure except the officers of the law, who 
hated to see me go. Instead of being served with 
candy, flowers, fruits and fond farewells, they served me with 
a Federal warrant for which there was no warrant. 



ON THE WARPATH U 

All this happened New Year's eve an hour before court 
closed and about four hours before my train started. I wonder 
why this action was not taken in the morning, or a day or 
week before? "Was it a frame-up? Did the officials think I 
would be unable to obtain bondsmen immediately, and so 
spend New Year's eve and day behind the **bars," instead of 
in front of them? Why did the Post Office Inspector, W. J. 
Morles, come to my home in the morning of the day of my de- 
parture in order to assure me, among other things, that there 
would be no obstacle placed in my way to start that evening? 
Why all these whys? You will learn as you read further. 

I doubt if a crack crook ever made a faster get-away than 
mine. Something had to be done quickly. I happened to see 
my lawyer friend Ernest Carey crossing the street and told 
him the situation. We jumped into his car, providentially 
near, put her in high, and arrived at my home in time to 
meet the U. S. deputy sheriff at the front door, extend my 
hand in welcome and receive his with the warrant. In the 
meantime my brother Frank heard of the trick and wanted 
a hand in the game. He met us and we four sped to the 
Federal Court. 

I knew of the bondsmen in Egypt and had already bought 
Liberty Bonds for the government, but now I wanted one for 
myself to be at liberty. The old proverb was illustrated, *'A 
friend in need is a friend indeed." I hurried to the Radisson 
Hotel and saw Simon Kruse, to the New England and met 
W. L. Harris. I gave a picture of my predicament and the 
**frame-up," and they immediately went with me to the 
Federal Building where they signed my bail bond of $3000. 
The deputy sheriff had told me it was $2000, but the Court 
Commissioner Howard Abbott placed it at $3000. I was 
as much surprised as were my bondsmen, but they stood for 
the raise. Looking towards them I quietly and thankfully 
remarked, **Many are the afflictions of the righteous; but the 
Lord delivereth him out of them all." Thereupon his Honor 
turned gravely around, reprimanded me as if I were making 
irrelevant and irreverent remarks in his presence, and said I 
should apologize to the court. I did, T might have known 
that Scripture was out of place in a Court Room. On the 
charge of sending an '* immoral" book through the mail, I 



12 ON THE WARPATH 

pleaded ''Not Guilty," and was set free to go when and where 
I pleased, as a good American citizen, until April 2nd on which 
date I must arrange with Time, Fate and Providence to appear 
before the Federal Grand Jury in Minneapolis. 



NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS 



WE made the train. I have watched the old year go 
and new year come on tipsy reels but never before on 
wheels. A train of thoughts whirled me through the 
land of 1917 and I recalled the side stations of success 
and failure, joy and sorrow. 

Midnight found us sitting at a buffet table looking out of 
the window to see the ghost of the dead year. Did I hear its 
death-rattle or was it the rattle of the wheels? Instead of a 
factory whistle, it was the ''toot-toot" of the train, instead of 
a church bell it was an engine bell ringing out the old and 
ringing in the new. In the delightful company of my '^reaP'ty 
friend, C. W. Reynolds, and his wife, we drank to the health of 
the new year in a cup of coffee, for we were in prohibition 
Iowa where the only near approach to liquor is Oelwein. 

Ours was an evening of revery, not revelry. The proverb 
*'time flies" is especially true on a train when you are cross- 
ing the border between the old and new year. At forty miles 
an hour we were surely "speeding" the parting guest. The 
C. & G. W. shook us up like ivories in a dice-box and our pack 
of cares rolled away like Pilgrim's bundle of sin. 

To make the New Year happy and prosperous I made some 
new resolutions: Not to write another book; never to tell 
the truth ; to believe all I read in the papers ; to drive my auto 
with more Pure Oil and less profane thoughts; never to criti- 
cize the Democratic party; to think everybody better than 
myself ; to love my enemies ; never to travel with Trouble ; to 
preach that the world is perfect ; to go to the movies ; to be a 
gentleman and not pay my bills ; to learn how to smoke, drink, 
play cards and gossip and so be eligible to high society; to be 
a successful, tricky business man ; to cultivate a heavy head of 
hair; never to look twice at one pretty girl. But you must re- 



ON THE WARPATH 13 

member that New Year resolutions are made to be broken 
and I have broken these every daj^ since. 

Chicago on New Year's day at 10 A. M. looked like a ceme- 
tery shrouded in snow. The inhabitants were dead asleep in 
a Rip Van Winkle nap from 1917 to 1918. This city of soot 
and sin in its robe of snow looked like a criminal in a surplice. 



THE PANAMA LIMITED 

THE Panama Limited took us, in 23 hours, to New 
Orleans. It was the I. C. road but I didn't see much 
scenery outside, though there was enough inside to 
make up for it. This was travel de looks. There was 
a barber shop on the train, but I just had had a *' close shave" 
and was too bald to need a haircut ; and a shower-bath — not a 
luxury but a necessity for people leaving Chicago. There was 
a ladies' maid to manicure, but my wife had me in hand, and 
the services of the gentle octoroon were not needed. A valet 
service filled a pressing need and suited lovers who had jostled 
each other on the observation platform. A telephone service 
made it possible for the traveler to say ''Hello" to Central 
and '* Good-bye" to his creditors. 

The dining car was built architecturally high for observa- 
tion. I observed the high prices on the menu, the "flat coun- 
try and my flat pocketbook. The service was rather niggard, 
yet you expect that from colored waiters. 

There was a new wrinkle in the curtains of the sleeper. 
They call them *' split-berth" curtains for when the berths are 
made up the curtains completely cut off one berth from an- 
other. A great blessing. No longer does the poor unfortunate, 
doomed to an upper, make that embarrassing ascension by put- 
ting his foot in your mouth or stomach, or are you, in a lower, 
forced to watch the gymnastic and vaudeville performance of 
the man or woman going up. 

One takes the Panama Limited route for speed, not scenery. 
It's a ''fast" train for fast people and almost wholly "limited" 
to this class who fly South at this season of the year. The 
scenery is limited because the road doesn't show you anj^thing 




14 ON THE WARPATH 

except a straight line, the shortest distance between the two 
points of Chicago and New Orleans. The line is a "clothes" 
line as well, for there are many well dressed passengers on it. 
The blizzard that had struck out from Chicago had given a 
blow below the corn belt, but on the next day this foul bluster- 
er was knocked out. Sleet and snow were exchanged for 
swamps, Spanish moss, pine-woods, cotton fields and truck 
gardens. Our train rounded Lake Pontchartrain and entered 
New Orleans, the city of molasses and lassitude. 



PASSPCHTS CONFISCATED 

In this ''Paris of America" we taxied to the French 
Hotel Monteleone. It was full, but in the spirit of 
Lafayette, room was made for us as Allied Americans. 

'On my return to the hotel from the boat office, where 
I had shown tickets and passports and was making final pre- 
parations for sailing, the phone rang and I was asked to come 
down to the lobby to see some one. I wondered what friend 
had come to bid me good-bye. He was a good Shriner, but 
instead of saying, "Hello, Noble, let her go," he informed 
me that he had just dropped in to confiscate my passport on 
a wire from the Department of Justice at Washington. This 
was no surprise after my arrest at Minneapolis, but it did 
amaze him when he saw my letters of introduction and com- 
mendation. 

"On the square" at the Federal Building I told him what 
had recently happened. He didn't see why the government 
should stop me any more than I do now. I was ushered into 
the office, and while he went out to confer with his superior 
and show him my letters, a man entered followed by a Depart- 
ment agent. The man sat opposite, looked nice and was social. 
I imagined he was a government official, until our conversa- 
tion was interrupted by the agent who stepped up to him, ran 
his hands over his hip pockets to see whether he had a gun, 
and like a true Artful Dodger, went through his pockets with 
lightning speed, relieving them of papers, knife and money. 
Wondering what I was in for and whether I had anything they 



ON THE WARPATH 15 

wanted, for as a patriotic citizen I was willing to give outright 
or make a Liberty Loan, the door opened and in walked Mr. 
Schaumberg and his superior Mr. Pendleton. They returned 
my letters but kept the passport. When I asked the reason 
for this official act they showed the telegram from Mr. Bielaski 
at Washington who said they were to take up the passport 
of Julian L. Morrill. I said my name wasn't Julian but Gulian, 
and that I was not related to the famous Christian apostate 
of that name any more than he, Pendleton, was related to Dr. 
Pendleton, the famous Baptist divine and writer on doctrine. 
He said that was all he knew or could do about the case. It 
was enough. When I learned I was free and not to be jailed 
or have my baggage confiscated, I hied me to the Western 
Union and for two days made the wires hot to AYashington 
asking why my passport was taken up. The Department of 
^Mustice'' replied it was taken at the request of the Depart- 
ment of State, but all my wires to that Department were un- 
answered. An American citizen expects this treatment in 
Mexico and Latin America, not in the U. S. A. 

Before the war one could leave the country without a pass- 
port, not now. How difficult it had been to get it even at the 
cost of time, money, questions and delay, and when I did have 
it, I wondered why it was issued if it was to be taken up so 
soon. 

The ship sailed away without us, though we hoped to be 
able to make the next one. I wired again and again and re- 
ceived no answer, offered to go to Washington if necessary to 
fix up the matter, whatever it was, but it was useless — there 
was no more reply than when I talked to the Sphinx in Egypt. 
The government was as reticent as when it is questioned con- 
cerning its Mexican policy. However, I found one citizen in 
Washington — that city of demi-tasse, demi-gods, demimonde, 
demagogues and Democrats, which shames the spirit of Wash- 
ington and Lincoln — my friend Senator Knute Nelson, who 
was not too busy, dignified or prejudiced to answer the ques- 
tion of an American citizen in distress. He wired that he 
could do nothing for me, that the passport had been confiscated 
on account of my Mexico book. I was relieved to know it was 
simply this and nothing more. But why this? Was it be- 



16 ONTHEWARPATH 

cause I criticized the Administration's dismal diplomacy in 
Mexico in not protecting or avenging the theft, murder and 
rape of Americans there, or because I exposed Carranza's Pro- 
Germanism and told the truth about existing conditions? I 
should have been awarded a medal of honor and vote of thanks 
by the U. S. government, received a diplomatic mission with 
expenses paid and a salary for revealing German plot and per- 
fidy in Mexico against the United States. 

"Who were favored with passports? Professional gamblers, 
pleasure-seekers, sports, pimps and prostitutes to Havana; a 
murderess to Honolulu ; priestly plotters to Panama ; and diplo- 
matic intrigues of the " delindquent ' ' John Lind type all over 
the world. You see, I was not in their class. Although no 
one is allowed to enter Mexico without a passport, hundreds 
of Americans without passports recently crossed over the 
Mexican border to engage in a Pre-Lenten carnival carousal. 
Our Department of State is very fastidious concerning the 
reasons and motives of persons leaving the U. S. 

The U. S. government, through the postal authorities, was 
very glad and quick to arrest me on the lying charge of a 
low-browed, shrivelled souled man in Aurora, 111., but has 
been very slow to avenge obscene insults to our flag, ribald 
attacks on Uncle Sam and vile outrage and murder to American 
women and men in Mexico. 

The day our boat sailed, word was received in New Orleans 
to confiscate my son's passport. What had he done? Was 
the government to take the divine prerogative and visit the 
inquities of the fathers upon the children? 

Here I was, not a man without a country, but without per- 
mission to leave my country. What crimes, unwhipped of 
justice, had I committed? It is true that I had volunteered 
to enter the army or navy, but was rejected on account of my 
age. Further, I had offered to go to France with my son, who 
had been honorably discharged from Camp Dodge by reason 
of defective vision, to secure material for lectures for the Red 
Cross or any other war philanthropy. This offer was not ac- 
cepted. 

Since September 7, 1917, a regulation of the Federal Re- 
serve Board was enforced permitting travelers leaving the 
country to carry on their persons or in their baggage : U. S, 



ON THE WARPATH 17 

notes, national bank notes and Federal Reserve notes, not to 
exceed $5,000 for each adult; American silver dollars, sub- 
sidiary silver coins and silver certificates not to exceed $200 
for each adult; gold coin or gold certificates not to exceed 
$200 for each adult. Punishment for violation of this regu- 
lation was a fine of not more than $10,000, or iinprisonment 
for not more than 2 years or both, and the confiscation of all 
the money to the U. S. My friends know there was never any 
danger of my violation of this rule. 

The United Fruit Steamship Co. sadly refunded our money 
on the steamer tickets, but not the $15 war tax on them. Yet 
I was pleased to add this to the other amounts I had sub- 
scribed to the war fund. 

I was not hindered by further arrest or confiscation from 
pious and patriotic pastimes. On the Pacific coast I lectured 
for the Red Cross, wrote patriotic editorials and preached 
Christian citizenship sermons. 

Tired of little things and people, I spent three months in 
mountain, desert and by the ocean. I found the Apache In- 
dians, miners and fishers more civil, liberal, fair, patriotic, in- 
teresting and companionable than many so-called Americans 
further East. 

The "West is in this war to fight the Kaiser to a finish and is 
willing to make sacrifice of money and men, but is sane, be- 
lieving that liberty and democracy are the safeguards of 
America and should not all be exported to Europe. 



MANUSCRIPT STOLEN 

HETHER the reader has read my Mexico book or not, 
he may find the following account of its production 
and publication as interesting as any chapter in it. 
Last fall a man telephoned my residence and asked 
to see the manuscript of my book, ''The Devil in Mexico.'* 
His name was Richard P. Esswein. On Oct. 17th he came to 
my house, said he had heard me speak on Mexico, understood 
I was publishing a book on my trip to that country, and asked 




Ih, ON THE WARPATH 

the name of my publisher. I told him, M. A. Donohue of 
Chicago. He declared that he and a certain Mr. *' Jones," 
who had money, would like to publish the book on a big scale. 
He asked if he might take the manuscript home, read it and 
show it to Mr. ** Jones," and assured me he would return it 
the next day. I told him to take it and his time reading it, 
hoping he would like it well enough to publish it. 

Days went hy and no manuscript was returned. On Oct. 
30th, I think, I called him up but he was not at home. On 
Oct. 31st he telephoned the house. Mrs. Morrill answered and 
informed him I wanted the manuscript. He said his wife had 
been sick, but that he had finished reading it and would bring 
it to me at my house that afternoon. 

Before he arrived I received a letter from my publisher, 
M. A. Donohue, who stated that he did not wish to be in- 
volved in any lawsuits, and enclosed a copy of the following 
letter of Oct. 25th from John Lind : 

Minnesota Commission of Public Safety 
State Capitol, Saint Paul 

M. A. Donohue Co., 
Chicago. 

Gentlemen : 

My attention has been called to a manuscript by the Rev. 
G. L. Morrill, now said to be in your hands for publication in 
book form, the book to be called, **The Devil in Mexico." 
Glancing over the copy of the manuscript, which has been 
placed in my hands, I cannot escape the conviction that the 
book, if published, will cause great injury to the relations 
between our country and Mexico, and that it will materially 
aid German propaganda in the latter country. 

The publication, it seems to me, is not only ill-advised, but 
libelous and scandalous. The chapters commenting on my 
public work cannot be considered as written in fair criticism. 
They are evidently dictated by a spirit of malice and are 
criminally libelous, both in your state and in this state. I 
thought it only fair to call your attention to my views in time, 
and in advance of publication, so that you may fully consider 



ON THE WARPATH 19 

the consequences of publication before any expense is incurred. 

Yours respectfully, 

(Signed) JOHN LIND. 

On Oct. 31st, replying to a letter from Donohue, Mr. Lind 
wrote : 

Mr. J. W. Donohue, Vice-President, 
M. A. Donohue & Co., 
Chicago, Illinois. 

Dear Sir: 

Your favor of October 30th is at hand and noted. In para- 
graph 2 of your letter you say ''Nor do we wish to publish 
a book which will libel you or anyone else. If there be any- 
thing in this book libelous we ask you to point out to us spe- 
cifically the libelous matter and advise us wherein and for 
what reason it is libelous,'^ etc. In answer I beg leave to sug- 
gest that the entire chapter, or topic, devoted to the discus- 
sion of myself and my services in public life is libelous. A 
mere cursory reading makes this so apparent that it is idle 
and unnecessary to particularize. 

In paragraph 1 you say, **"We will not publish any book 
which is likely to injure our Country, but we cannot take 
your mere statement that the book will injure our Country 
and we ask you to point out to us the specific portions of the 
manuscript, a publication of which will produce such injury, 
and on your failure to do so, we shall assume that you are 
in error in the charge you make.*' In answer to this para- 
graph permit me to state that reflection only confirms the view 
I expressed to you that the publication of a book like ''The 
Devil in Mexico" would be very embarrassing and injurious 
to our relations with Mexico. In saying this, however, I do 
not assume to speak for the Government. A portion of the 
manuscript was transmitted to the Secretary of State, who, I 
understand, has turned it over to the Attorney General. You 
can probably obtain the information you desire by writing 
the latter official. 

Yours truly, 

(Signed) JOHN LIND. 



20 ON THE WARPATH 

After dark on the evening of Oct. 31st, Mr. Esswein came 
to my home, handed me the manuscript, and innocently ex- 
claimed, *'I wonder how any outside party discovered I had 
this manuscript?" Then he told me that, although he had 
shown it to no one except Mr. *' Jones" who had read it, locked 
it in his safe and shown it to no one, a man, wearing some 
sort of official star, came to Mr. ''Jones' " office and de- 
manded the manuscript. But it was not given up, Esswein 
said, because the man had no authority or warrant to take 
it. Esswein then stated that during his absence, a man wear- 
ing a star came to his (Esswein 's) home and commanded his 
sister to give him the manuscript. She let him look for it, 
but he couldn't find it, because he (Esswein) was carrying it 
around town with him that day. Esswein then said that while 
he was bringing the manuscript to me he looked about, again 
and again, to see if he was shadowed, and that before entering 
my house he glanced around to see if spies were following 
him. I asked Esswein what he would suggest or advise if 
any officers came to my house for the manuscript. He re- 
plied, *'I don't know — it's yours now — I brought it to you 
unharmed — why not burn it?" 

On November 5th I received a letter from my publishers 
saying that after careful consideration they regretted they 
could not go on with the work because they did not ''wish to 
get into any controversy with Mr. John Lind, who has 
threatened to sue us for libel in case we print this book." 
They enclosed a copy of a letter to Mr. Lind in which they 
informed him they had concluded not to print the book be- 
cause they did not wish to get into any controversy with 
him. 

On Wednesday evening, Nov. 7th, I was billed to lecture on 
"Mexico" at the Odin Club. Although this announcement 
had been posted for two weeks on the Club Bulletin Board, 
and further had been noticed in the city press, the day before 
the lecture the following notice was mailed to the members: 

ODIN CLUB— NOTICE! 

The Lecture by Rev. G. L. Morrill, Scheduled for Wednes- 
day, November 7th, has been cancelled. 

BOARD OF DIRECTORS. 



ON THE WARPATH 21 

This action took place without the knowledge of the Presi- 
dent of the Club, and, as I learned, through the insistent rec- 
ommendation of Mr. Lind, who is a member of the Club. 

If Mr. Esswein let no one see the manuscript, except Mr. 
** Jones" who hid it in his safe, how did Mr. Lind obtain 
copies of it? Possibly the recent Luxburg incident in Argen- 
tina, which showed how well the Germans and Swedes could 
treacherously work together, although their **spurlos versenkt" 
failed, might answer and explain the question. 

"Why was Mr. Lind afraid of the publication of this book? 

What right had he to make copies of a private manuscript? 
Why did he use the Safety Commission for his own safety and 
try to suppress the book without my knowledge ? Why did he 
resort to such underhand methods? Why didn't he come to 
me in the first place, and tell me what he thought? We live 
in the same city — why did he discuss it with others in Chicago 
and Washington? 

Did he think that, because he could intimidate a publisher 
with threats of lawsuits, it would stop a Christian minister 
and American citizen from printing the book, or cause him to 
censor the chapter on his "deLINDquent" diplomacy in Mex- 
ico? Some people seem to think it's worse for the clergyman 
to censure wrong than it is for them to commit it. The min- 
ister is to pay no attention to the squatter claims of any politi- 
cian who would muzzle him. Let clerical, autocratic Europe 
and her mouthpieces in Latin America wear muzzles, but it is 
the glory of American democracy to take orders direct from 
God and His Word and express them in free thought and 
speech according to the dictates of conscience. 

Why did Mr. Lind prohibit my lecture on Mexico, and on 
what authority? He should remember that he is in free Amer- 
ica now, not Mexico, and that Machiavellian and Kaiseristic 
methods are not calculated to make the world, and that part 
of it known as Minneapolis, ''safe for democracy.'* 

Who appointed Mr. Lind U. S. censor of books and lec- 
tures? By what authority of God or man did he use his Safety 
Board position as a club over the heads of respectable citizens? 



22 ON THE WARPATH 

This is no time for the revival of the Roman proscription, the 
gentle Inquisition, the Venetian Council of Ten or a Lettre 
de Cachet regime. 

This is the Twentieth Century, and not the Middle Ages. 
His whole persecuting plot is a beautiful illustration of a 
diplomacy I characterized in my book as one that ** pulls 
wires, prevaricates, evades, suppresses truth and juggles jus- 
tice.'' 

If Mr. Lind wants his record brought up before the courts, 
I am willing, although it would seem unnecessary, since every- 
body in Mexico and the United States who knows anything 
about the Mexican situation is already familiar with it. 

In order to cover up the history of his diplomatic failure, 
which I revealed in my book, Mr. Lind *' camouflages" about 
the book being ** embarrassing and injurious to our relations 
with Mexico," and maliciously libels and slanders it and its 
author by sajdng it is *' ill-advised," ** libelous," *' scandalous," 
and that it will *' materially aid the German propaganda" in 
Mexico. These are the charges of a diplomut, cursed in Mexico 
and laughed at in the United States — of a man whose mission 
did more to injure friendly relations between the two coun- 
tries than anyone I know of. 

If it is ''ill-advised" for an American citizen to tell hov/ he 
escaped with his life from a bandit-infested country; if it is 
*' libelous" to tell the truth about Mexico's depravity, desti- 
tution, hellish atrocities, despots, diplomatic duplicity, greaser 
hatred of Americans and love to insult Old Glory; if it is 
*' injurious to our relations with Mexico," and "materially aid- 
ing pro-German propaganda," to expose German plotting and 
perfidy in Mexico against our countrj^, and to stand by our 
flag in this war of Democracy against imperial Kaiserism; if 
it is "scandalous" to pay tribute to the memory of good 
American women dishonored, children maltreated, and Amer- 
ican citizens tortured, robbed and murdered in Mexico — then 
my book on Mexico is infernal treason, I am a despicable 
traitor and deserve to be imprisoned for life or to face the 
firing squad. 




ONTHEWARPATH 23 

SUPPRESSING TRUTH 

HAVE traveled the world and found it had boun- 
daries, but have discovered that human ignorance 
and prejudice have no limits. Contrary to recent 
press reports, my book is not being used in Mexico 
to ''inflame'* the people. What has been quoted from me is 
from the Associated Press and newspaper syndicate accounts 
of my visit and opinions given on my return from Mexico last 
year. 

To say my book gives ''aid and comfort to the enemy" is 
as funny as it is false. In my press articles and book chapters 
I exposed German propaganda in Mexico against the United 
States. Of course, the Devil can cite Scripture for his pur- 
pose, and we know the Kaiser has distributed President "Wil- 
son's speeches in a garbled and false-meaning manner to stir 
up nations against America. My book, "The Devil in Mex- 
ico," is patriotic from cover to cover, and is no more a prop- 
aganda for the Kaiser's agents in Mexico than the Bible is a 
guidebook for Satan. I would rather be pro-Hell than pro- 
German. 

The reason Carranza suppressed newspapers in Mexico 
City was not because they were pro-German and using my 
articles, but because the editors dared to criticize his rule- 
and-ruin policy. The fact that Mexico is neutral today is evi- 
dence that she is a German ally. Now one must be either for 
or against autocracy or democracy, imperialism or individ- 
ualism. 

A Mr. Charles Petran, a Presbyterian missionary to Mex- 
ico, was quoted recently in the Minneapolis Daily News as 
saying: "We must not let the kindly spirit of mutual appre- 
ciation between peoples be killed by such books as Mr. Mor- 
rill proposes to publish, and which enmesh governments in a 
net of deceit and distrust." 

T know we are commanded to "love" our enemies, but the 
Redeemer, who bade us not to cast our pearls before swine, 
does not expect us to say "muchas gratias'* to the Mexican 
who burns, butchers, robs and rapes Americans, though Mr. 



24 ONTHEWARPATH 

Petran and some diplomuts we have sent to Mexico say we 
should. 

As to ^* seeds of hate, deceit and distrust," they have been 
sown, not by me, but by clerical and diplomatic duplicity 
which has made Mexicans love to hate us so that the sight of 
an American is the occasion for derision and profanity, our 
government is execrated and Old Glory obscenely insulted. 

I hope my book, like dynamite, will ''raise the Devil" in 
Mexico, where he is so firmly entrenched, and that his Satanic 
spirit and sway will be utterly ''razed." 

As to "suppressing my book," I have told only the truth, 
and truth cannot be suppressed. 



POSTAL INQUISITORS 

SHORTLY after the book was published, the post office 
inspectors became inquisitors and asked me every 
thing between my prenatal and postmortem existence. 
I was summoned by phone to a Star-Chamber 
session in the Minneapolis post office, presided over by Postal 
Suspectors W. J. Morles and C. F. Egge. An Inquisition, 
Ecumenical Council, Bar of Conscience or Future Judgment 
could scarcely ask more questions than they asked me. Their 
interrogations were absurd, impertinent, irrelevant, and ap- 
parently asked to satisfy mere curiosity. Who was I? Why 
was I? Where was I? How much money did I have in the 
bank? How did I make it? Was it in my name? What was 
my business and my belief? Why did I travel? Who accom- 
panied me? Where had I ever been? How many years ago, 
and when? How much did it cost? Did I write, preach and 
lecture? How much did I make? Who printed my books? 
How many? Did I write for the press and magazines? What 
salary did I receive ? How large were their circulations ? What 
were my motives? Who financed my books? Did I pay for 
them in cash or check, and in my name or my wife's name? 
How much did it cost to travel? Why did people read me 
and hear me? Where did I preach? How long had I been at 
it? Why did I talk and write as 1 did? Where did I live, 



ON THE WARPATH 25 

and where had I lived? What pastorates had I had? What 
property did I possess? So on and so forth, from A to Z, ad 
nauseam. 

This information, and much more, I laughingly volun- 
teered, answering them patiently, politely, categorically, meta- 
phorically, allegorically and paregorically, as a good little 
boy should. As I remember now, there were two or three im- 
portant things they forgot to ask, and I now answer for future 
reference. Do I chew gum ? Infrequently. Who is my favor- 
ite movie actress? Never had any. When do I retire? At 
different times. Is my appetite good? Yes. Do I prefer 
tailor or ready made clothing? Anything I can get. Do I 
drive an auto? Something that looks like one. Did my an- 
cestors read the Bible? Yes. Did my boys have the measles 
when young? Sure. Who struck Billy Patterson? Ask 
Dooley. Who has been the pastor for the longest time in 
Minneapolis, traveled more miles, lectured about it and writ- 
ten more books than all the other ministers put together? I 
am too modest to tell. Reader, can you beat it? Whoever, 
at any time, anywhere outside of a lunatic asylum, was for any 
reason asked so many questions? 



OFFICIAL FRAUD 

SEVERAL months later, on my return from California, 
some chapters were added to the volume of postal 
persecution. 

I have traveled in Russia, Germany and Mexico, 
and in their attempts to suppress truth I never found any 
more flagrant outrage on its justice and liberty than I have 
unearthed in the Minneapolis post office. 

For months it accepted my money for postage on my Mex- 
ico books with one hand and with the other held them up 
in the mail, without even notifying me or my purchasers. 

What authority was there for this literary lettre de cachet 
sent from Washington to our Department ? Was it on account 



of malicious, lying, libelous charges that the book was pro- 



26 ON THE WARPATH 

German and obscene — (no more moral and patriotic book 
could be written) — or is it political persecution because I 
criticized the Administration's woeful diplomacy in Mexico 
in not protecting American citizens against murder, rape, theft, 
and our flag from unspeakable insult? 

The Department's conspiracy of silence and suppression 
is mediaeval, monarchical, unfair and un-American, and con- 
victs it of culpable misuse of the mail. 

"Why didn't the Janus-faced officials of our post office tell 
me on what pretext my books were held, my money accepted 
and my honest reputation among book purchasers held in 
question? 

True, some of my books reached their destination in spite 
of the order to hold them. Was this through compassion for 
me, or just plain inefficiency? 

Mercury was the messenger and mail-carrier for the Gods, 
and he was also the God of thieves. May the God of Washing- 
ton and Lincoln forbid that he become the patron saint of the 
U. S. postal department. 

Postmaster E. A. Purdy said that my indictment for send- 
ing **The Devil in Mexico," an "obscene" book, through the 
mail was sufficient cause for holding it up. I emphatically 
deny that it is obscene ; but even if it were, that does not 
explain why it was detained four and a half months before 
the indictment. 

The book was scarcely off the press before it was held. 
This proves that all that the Washington officials knew about 
it was from "portions" of the manuscript sent them by John 
Lind. 

When I complained to Postal Inspectors W. J. Morles and 
C. F. Egge, shortly after the publication of the book, that 
some of the copies were not reaching their destinations, they 
professed surprise, although they doubtless knew then the 
book was being held. Not once did these inspectors intimate 
that the book was "obscene." 

Mr. Purdy said the book was held because it was "ob- 
scene," yet when I asked Mr. I. C. Crowley and John 
Lucey why the book was detained they said they did not 
know, but simply were acting on orders from Washington. 



ON THE WARPATH 27 

However, the postmaster complacently informed the gen- 
eral public that private inspectors had the right to bar any- 
thing they deemed objectionable, and that my book was con- 
sidered ''in this light." It would seem the ''light" my book 
was viewed in was midnight by these wise owl inspectors. 
As a Christian citizen, I object to being placed in this ''light." 

If "The Devil in Mexico" is considered unmailable by 
these infallible inspectors, I wonder why they let the Bible 
pass. Is it possible they never read it? Shakespeare goes 
through the Minneapolis post office — but then, he never crit- 
icized John Lind, nor the Democratic maladministration's 
diplomacy in Mexico. 

It would appear the IT. S, Post Office stands for "Un 
Speakable Political Organization." 

The "D" in the U. S. Post Office Department stands for 
Democratic politics, Delay, Despotism, Dishonesty and the 
Dark Ages. The word FRAUD should be emblazoned in 
capital letters over the entrance of the Minneapolis Post 
Office. Though this structure is low architecturally, an in- 
surmountable, impenetrable Chinese Wall of secrecy has been 
erected around it. The P. 0. Department at Washington and 
its branch office in Minneapolis on Washington avenue, con- 
sidered in the light of truthfulness, honesty and patriotism, 
are a disgrace to George Washington, Father of Our Country. 
The "heads" of this institution beautifully illustrate the 
dictionary definition of "post," as "a piece of timber or 
any solid material." Politics is the "business" of the Post 
"Office," although postal methods of investigation are those 
of the Holy Office of the Inquisition. "Postpone," and not 
"post haste," is the motto of these mail men, rigidly and reli- 
giously observed. But the "mail" of these modern Knights 
is not invulnerable, but open to the attack of Mediaevalism. 
The Post Officious officials deserve life memberships in the 
ancient order of the Knights of the Post, the initiatory degree 
of which consisted in being "dubbed at the whipping-post." 
Maeterlinck says that bees will not work except in darkness. 
The product of the bee's labor is honey and wax — sweetness 
and light, but the busy bees of the Burleson Hive produce the 
dirt and poison of libel and lies. 



28 ON THE WARPATH 

The Scripture says, ''Men loved darkness rather than light, 
because their deeds were evil." This may explain why the 
Postmaster of the Minneapolis Post Office asked me why I 
wanted to turn the light of publicity on their department, and 
why I didn't keep the matter quiet. Yet last December it 
was the Postal Inspectors who held the threatening club of 
pitiless newspaper publicity over my head if I did not tell 
them how much money I had in the bank. I told them the 
truth — a poor preacher can afford to tell nothing else — yet 
what my small bank account had to do with the "obscenity" 
the Department five months later alleged to be in my book, 
*'The Devil in Mexico," only the defective or detective (which 
is it?) brain of an inspector knows. 

Col. Roosevelt declares the Department of Justice 
worked hand in glove with the post office persecutors in their 
attempt to boycott the Metropolitan Magazine. When my 
book was scarcely off the press and was being held up in the 
mail, one of Attorney-General Gregory's bloodhounds from 
the Minneapolis Department of Justice was put on the scent. 
To change the figure, after a recital of my life-history to this 
recording angel, I was repeatedly asked who was the publisher 
of the book. This was the question the Postal Suspectors in- 
sisted on being answered. I did not see why they were so 
anxious about it until I called on my publisher in Chicago 
five months later, on my return from California, and found 
he had been so mercilessly investigated and quizzed by a U. 
S. agent that he was afraid to print any more editions of the 
book. 

In Minneapolis the book was barred out of some book- 
stores and hotel news-stands, and hidden under the counters 
in others. Why? Because the press stated that it had been 
investigated by Federal Agents. To add insult to injury, my 
passport was confiscated, with no reason given. Although 
no more patriotic, pro-American, pro-Ally and moral book 
could be written, the booksellers handled it as cautiously as 
if it were a German infernal machine. 

Alas! the book was on the Administration's political In- 
dex Expurgatorius, and I was made the victim of Washing- 
ton ''Capitol" punishment. Like Roosevelt, I believed that 



ON THE WARPATH 29 

the first Article of the Constitution guarantees the right of 
the people to criticize truthfully the conduct of their public 
servants and that this right cannot be taken away by any law. 
But the Administration can forgive everything except the 
truth you tell about it. To quote further from Roosevelt: 
''During the past year, the action of the Administration, taken 
largely through the post office department, has been such as to 
render it a matter of some danger for any man and especially 
any newspaper to speak the truth if that truth be unpleasant 
to the governmental authorities at Washington." 

The U. S. Government confiscated my passport without giv- 
ing any reason. The effect of this was to make many of the 
American people think of me as an undesirable citizen, a pro- 
German, a plotter, or some dangerous criminal. The U. S. 
Post Office Department' made me unwittingly a thief, fraud 
and liar, in the eyes of my book purchasers, by holding up 
my books without notification to them or me. It also held un- 
lawfully other books of mine, for which it had no order from 
Washington. Colonel Roosevelt says that the editor of the 
Metropolitan Magazine asked the Postmaster-General what 
steps would be taken to repair the damage done them by the 
P. 0. Department, and that the editor received no reply. I 
have asked the Democratic demagogues and Demi-gods of the 
U. S. Government and U. S. Post Office for the reasons of the 
postal suppression of my book and unjustifiable defamation 
of my patriotic character and name, but it seems that my in- 
quiries, like the appeals of American citizens in Mexico sub- 
ject to rape, murder and robbery, might be directed more ef- 
fectually to the Sphinx. 

I believe in the American Trinity of the Constitution, the 
Declaration of Independence and the Flag, but if the time 
ever comes when the humblest citizen beneath Old Glory *s 
folds is not heard in his cry for justice that flag will become 
a rag despised of God and man. 




30 ON THE WARPATH 

PRESS COMMENT 

|N New Orleans my life was not that of a lonely, lowly 
outcast. I received friendly visits from United 
States officials and newspaper reporters, who fre- 
quently came to view and interview me. They later 
showed wires from Minneapolis papers which seemed to think 
that the author was a devil in his own home town and might 
possibly be worse when away from it. So they were anxious 
to have hundreds of words describing my proposed sailing, 
seizure of passports, the scene, the surprise of the strangers, 
my embarrassment, and anything that would make a big head- 
line story on the front page. Funny! The very paper that 
refused to notice my book a month before was glad now to 
print big headline ads for nothing. Strange! Two lines of 
a church notice on the subject ** Heaven,'* in small type and 
obscure place, will cost you a dollar and a half, but if, in the 
language of the street, the newspapers want to ** raise hell" 
they will give you two columns of lies on the front page for 
nothing. As well look for virtue in a brothel as honor in 
some newspapers. These press panderers, character-assassins, 
political profiteers, jugglers of justice, bigoted boycotters and 
destroyers of ideals, spread columns of slander and will not 
print a paragraph of truth in refutation. I believe in the 
tongue of the Liberty Bell, but not in that of Libel. What 
Dean Swift said of *' Censure" applies to them — 

**Bare innocence is no support 
When you are tried in Scandal's court. 
Stand high in honor, wealth or wit; 
All others, who inferior sit. 
Conceive themselves in conscience bound 
To join, and drag you to the ground. 

Nor can ten hundred thousand lies 
Make you less virtuous, learned, or wise. 
The most effectual way to balk 
Their malice, is — to let them talk." 



ON THE WARPATH 31 

Who are these almighty judges who in their daily columns 
pass sentence on the human race? Syndicate owners who 
own sin enough, provincial editors who haven't traveled far 
outside of their own state or country, and reporters who 
are unable to write, spell and correctly punctuate a column of 
common English. 

Listen to Theophile Gautier, the famous French novelist, 
essayist and wit, who wrote for newspapers most of his life, 
and surely knew what he was talking about when he described 
them: 

''The people sacrifice their welfare to the poor pleasure of 
reading every morning a few broad sheets of bad paper soiled 
with bad ink and bad style. The reading of newspapers pre- 
vents the existence of true scholars and true artists. The news- 
paper kills the book, as the book has killed architecture, and 
as artillery has killed courage and muscular strength. We are 
not aware of what pleasures newspapers deprive us. They 
rob everything of its virginity; owing to them, we can have 
nothing of our own, and cannot possess a book all to our- 
selves ; they rob you of surprise at the theatre and tell you all 
of the catastrophes beforehand ; they take away from you the 
pleasure of tattling, chattering, gossiping and slandering, of 
composing a piece of news or hawking a true one for a week 
through all the drawing-rooms of society. They intone their 
ready-made judgments to us, whether we want them or not, 
and prepossess us against things that we should like; it is 
also owing to them that all day long, instead of artless ideas 
or individual stupidity, we hear half-digested scraps of news- 
paper which resemble omelets raw on one side and burnt on 
the other, and that we are pitilessly surfeited with news two 
or three hours old and already known to infants at the breast ; 
they blunt our taste, and make us like those peppered-brandy 
drinkers and file and rasp swallowers, who have ceased to find 
any flavor in the most generous wines and cannot apprehend 
their flowery and fragrant bouquet. Charles X alone really 
understood this question. By ordering the suppression of the 
newspapers he did a great service to the arts and to civiliza- 
tion. These perpetual barkings deaden inspiration and fill 



32 ON THE WARPATH 

heart and intellect with such distrust that we dare not have 
faith even in a poet or government." 



CENTAURS 



THE human race and horse race are one in New Orleans, 
for the people are centaurs. During the day hotel 
foyers, street corners and curbstones were crowded 
with bettors and worsers, aiding and abetting the 
game which deteriorates the race of horses and degenerates the 
race of men. Men stood everywhere with their hands full of 
long green bills, boys were scattering handbills, and both were 
talking horse till hoarse. Horse was in the air — not the poetic 
flights of Pegasus, but of track-runners; not death's pale horse 
in Europe, nor even the hobby-horse of any political party. 
Street cars and autos were placarded with signs, *'To the 
Races"; newsboys with neuralgic howl were racing up and 
down with extras and race cards. At the race-track entrance 
I read the sign, *' Business Men's Racing Association," and, 
from the crowd, it seemed as though the business were to race. 
Another sign read, ''Food Will Win," and I bet on that, for 
it was a safe bet. 

Fast horses and women were there. It was a free-for-all 
for the ladies, who were admitted free with gentleman escort, 
and so had pin money for ribbons or to wager on some favorite. 

Betting was the main thing in the race. Some women I 
spoke to said they just went to bet, and did bet, and one French 
girl I met invited me to take her out to the races so she could 
bet her money — but you bet I didn't. 

Not only were the races the subject of conversation on the 
street, but for sermons in the churches. 1 heard a minister tell 
his congregation that a young man came begging to him to 
take care of his family, since he had lost $500 on a race. He 
had come here with his young wife from the East to start life, 
but got a wrong start and lost out. 

New Orleans is a cosmopolitan city and has all the races, 
but the most flourishing is the horse race. Here I saw the 



ON THE WARPATH 33 

theory of evolution reversed and how man had brought the 
monkey down to his own level. We entered a building where 
there was a miniature auto race track and cars driven by 
trained monkeys. It was arranged as a real speed contest. 
The manager said the cars jumped the track sometimes and the 
monkeys were killed — but no matter, there were others, and 
the race went on with unconfined joy. The moral is that men 
or monkeys on mere pleasure bent get broke. 

Alas ! to what low levels do horse and monkey descend 
when they come in contact with the human animal, man! How 
enraged one of Gulliver's horse Houyhnhnms would be to 
see how these New Orleans Yahoo jockeys race and degrade 
his noble race. "Were I a horse, I would kick. Job, more than 
Rosa Bonheur, has given the world a picture of the horse. I 
am sure Job would boil and get sore if he went to a modern 
race-track. 



A DETHRONED KING 

ING Carnival was canned here this year because they 
were cannonading kings in Europe. There were 
wrecks enough there without a Rex here. Speaking 
officially as a clergyman, T was not sorry that this 
relic of Latin licentiousness and riot was omitted. In past 
years Waterloo's "revelry by night" was outdone here. Streets 
were a riot of rogues' revelry and ribaldry, a mad pageant of 
music, masks and merriment, a mob of men and maidens. 
Whatever the pageant seemed to be outside, it was plain the 
devil spirit was inside. 

The carnival floats have not represented subjects from 
Biblical or secular history so much as from pagan mythology, 
passions, Five Senses, Arabian Nights, Pursuit of Pleasure, 
Demonology, devils, drink and dancing. 

The carnival this year was not a big ballroom and garden, 
but an army and camp. Instead of papier-mache floats, there 
were khaki-clad soldiers ; Liberty Loan banners, and not silly 
pennants.; booths of Red Cross, and not bars of red rum. The 





34 ON THE WARPATH 

quadrille had given way to squad drill. The men are learning 
to throw the confetti of hand-grenades. Instead of society paint 
and powder, there is the soldier art of camouflage. In lieu of 
red fire, there is the banner of Old Glory. Freak carnival 
costumes have been exchanged for the garb of the Red Cross 
nurse; the mask for the gas-mask; love-songs for the Star- 
Spangled Banner. The Queen is not Venus, but Joan of Arc ; 
the King is not Rex, but Uncle Sam. 



MORAL EEPAIES 

|OTHINGr but a world war could put the lid on New 
Orleans' open garbage can of vice which had long 
been an eyesore and stench to good citizens. The 
faded beauties on the primrose path of dalliance have 
been weeded out, and the crooked street with dark ways made 
straight. This broad way to Baal, avenue to Avernus, Hell's 
highway, and promenade to perdition, was closed for moral 
repairs and sanitary improvements. Degradation slope was 
graded and a curb set up for evil-doers. 

The gambling doors I saw wide open two years ago were 
closed and no chance now given. The soft pedal was put on 
everything but the jazz band that still noisily is permitted 
to assault and debauch the ear and soul of the rising genera- 
tion. 

Far be it from me, intentionally or ignorantly, to injure 
the reputation New Orleans has already attained for wicked- 
ness and frivolity. The fact that these places are for the pres- 
ent officially closed need not deter those who journey here 
for these simple pleasures and from easily finding them. No 
war order can change the leopard spots of the city. The Epi- 
curean motto, *'Let us eat, drink and be merry," prevails 
here according to time-honored custom. 

A theatre we visited offered a bill that would not be al- 
lowed in any other city in the United States. We went to a 
mask ball. The manager lamented the decadence of the good 
old times when drinks were allowed to be sold and dancers 



ON THE WARPATH 35 

got drunk. The ticket-taker told me how his real estate ven- 
tures in private resorts were flourishing, but how difficult it 
was for him if any soldiers were caught there. The dancers, 
jumping to the accompaniment of the jazz, acted no more 
like dancers than the blare, blow and crash of the jazz seemed 
like music. They jerked about like automatons and marion- 
ettes and ''hesitated" like victims of locomotor-ataxia; 
hopped like grasshoppers, and moved with a stop, spring and 
shuffle, a squirm, a swerve, a swirl, a slide and a slip. It was 
enough to make Terpsichore sick. The players made hard 
work and the dancers should have received good wages for 
such hard labor, for it was simply a dance ''haul." Masking 
was allowed in the hall, but not on the streets, I learned, for 
fear of spies and pro-German plots. It would be well if hy- 
pocrisy everywhere day and night were unmasked. 



MASKS 

A MASK is a disguise. The first was used in Eden 
when the serpent appeared as an angel of light. The 
ancient Greeks wore masks at the feast of Bacchus 
and on the stage, and employed them to represent 
different ages and types of character. Later, in the sixteenth 
century, Italy used them for comedy. I have seen savages 
wear masks to scare away their enemies and evil spirits. I 
have also met some civilized females whose natural faces 
needed no mask and were homely enough to frighten off their 
friends and Satan himself. Perhaps this was the reason why 
they were never tempted and fell. 

The mask disguise took entertainment form, was intro- 
duced from Italy to England, and was a favorite pastime 
with the Court from the time of Henry VIII and Queen Eliz- 
abeth. Of course, mummery and disguising would appeal to 
kings and courts who did little more than hoodwink their peo- 
ple. Milton gives us "Comus," "rare old Ben" Jonson wrote 
many masques, serious Bacon in his essays refers to masque 



entertainments as mere "toys" scarcely to be mentioned 



36 ON THE WARPATH 

among serious subjects. Yet I wonder if he did not feel that 
deep down all life was a mask, from youth's early love and 
deceit to death's mask; from the prologue of the cradle to 
the epilogue of the coffin. 

- One sees masks in costumers* windows of dogs, cats, don- 
keys, pigs, goats, devils, sheep, and asses, and feels they are 
but reflections of the faces peering in the windows. 

People wear masks without going to the shop to buy them. 
The burglar wears one when robbing, but not the respectable 
bank president, who may be a thief at heart. Animals do not 
wear masks; we know them at first sight and are guarded 
against them. It were well for society if men and women 
appeared in their real nature and character so that inno- 
cence, youth and virtue were not deceived and sacrificed. 

Life's masks are various. Beauty disguises beastliness 
of character. The fool wears a professor's cap, and the wise 
man wears a cap and bells. Wolfish politicians wear a lamb- 
skin of patriotism. Philandering Fausts wear masks of polite- 
ness over hearts of pollution. The clergy often wears the livery 
of heaven to serve the Devil in. The business thief masks under 
the banner of honesty. War profiteers hide their greed under 
the mask of loyalty. Tragic hearts wear comedy masks. 
Error tricks herself out as truth. Death comes in the dis- 
guises of pleasure, eating and drinking. Unjust law masks 
itself in the guise of equity. Truth, simplicity and nudity are 
so togged out as to be scarcely recognized. The Sunday saint 
is found to be a Monday satyr whose God is a goat. Life is 
death's masquerade, and all must perish. Death unmasks — 
we can't carry our masks to the tomb. The white light of the 
Judgment will reveal all. 

^sop tells how the fox came to the house of the actor 
and found a beautiful mask. Placing his paw on the brow, 
he said, '*What a handsome face we have here. Pity it is 
that it should want brains." A mask is a hollow, painted, 
grotesque mockery. Outer show is a poor substitute for inner 
substance. Profligate Poppea invented the mask to hide the 
beauty of her face to add to its charm to her lover. The 
world is a stage, and the curtain is da'* mask," but it cannot 
veil bad moral character. Children wear sport masks, only to 




ON THE WARPATH 37 

take them off later in life and put on worse. Masks are al- 
ways in style with the world's changing fashion. They are 
social, commercial, official, religious, orthodox, and moral. 
Life is a masked ball. At its close men throw off the disguise 
of king or clown, and we see and are seen to be what we 
really are. 



JAZZ JAMBOBEE 

|NE o'clock Sunday morning we gazed into a notorious 
cabaret where the revelers jazzed, boozed, soaked, 
stuffed and danced while a police officer looked on 
to see that order was observed while drink orders 
were served. 

If music is the language of the angels in heaven, the jazz 
suggests the grunts of the Inferno. It is music gone mad 
— a big noise, a slambang, or, to quote Milton, ''Such music 
(as 'tis said) before was never made.'' 

Saul grew mad and threw a javelin at David when he 
played the harp. If he had heard this band harp on their 
string, bone, wood, brass, and skin instruments he would 
have thrown some sticks of dynamite at the bass drum and 
blown them all up with one bang. It was murderous music, 
and we felt ''fit for treasons, stratagems and spoils." This 
night's music was not like the "Twelfth Night," "Sweet 
sound that breathes upon a bank of violets," but like a hur- 
ricane blowing on an onion patch. The band was hired to in- 
vite and promote eating and drinking, but jazz excess surely 
sickens appetite with its crash, twang, strain and "dying 
fall." The fiddling fiend of a leader who jumped around, 
turned a somersault and held the bow in his teeth, proved him- 
self to be, not a real virtuoso, but a ragtime "vicioso." As 
he rasped the strings we felt like stringing him up. The slid- 
ing trombone skated around, charged the air, stabbed empty 
space and made a noise full of fury signifying nothing. The 
pianist took a head dive through a wave of melody and played 
a St. Vitus dance with sharp lightning, treble and thunder 



38 ON THE WARPATH 

bass. The drummer was the whole thing behind his cheese- 
shaped drum. He pelted the skin with savage blows. He 
was no dub, this rub-a-dub fellow, this drummer traveling 
across the borderland of sound from the jingle of the trian- 
gle, smash of the cymbal, crow of the rooster, cry of the baby, 
and whistle of the train to the final cataclysmic crash. The 
cornetist blew himself red in the face, splitting his lips and 
the ears of his hearers, and exploding air to the very crack of 
Doom. A jazz band is madness set to music. 

In far away lands I have seen savages jump, play and 
shout. About the only difference between them and this 
band was that these jazzers wore dress suits. I am sure if 
they made a tour through the jungles of darkest Africa they 
would make a hit with the wild animals and savages. Their 
sheet music was torn into rag time and they tore a passion to 
tatters. 



GE,AVE THOUGHTS 

AT the risk of pro-German suspicion we visited a Ger- 
man colony, but the inhabitants were all underground 
in the cemetery of St. Roch. Four angels (statues) 
stood at the gate to welcome us. The ground swell 
of the graves suggested' Flaubert's idea of a cemetery where 
the tombs were the waves, and the crosses the masts of ship- 
wrecked vessels. The graves were thick. The inmates of 
death's hostelry were so crowded that they rested uncomfort- 
ably, had turned over and pushed up the soil with their 
shoulders and hips. Signs among the tombstones told one not 
to loaf or loiter. Did this refer to haunting ghosts, or to 
idlers like those in Constantinople who go out to the cemetery 
to lunch and have a pleasant picnic time? It is a bad sign 
when New Orleans citizens, who should pause in their mad 
career to think of eternity and have some Browne study of 
*'Urn Burial" thoughts, are told to move on and not linger. 
This 'MCeep off the Grass" affair is no place for a Gray with 
his elegy or poetic muse. 



ONTHEWARPATH 39 

Among the tombs were little boxes bearing the word 
''Trash." They were for rubbish and waste paper, but might 
just as well have been graves and epitaphs for the dead, for 
at last it is all ''dust to dust" for all of us. Even Alexander 
goes back to dust, and earth loam. "And why of that loam, 
Avhereto he was converted, might they not stop a beer-barrel?" 

I entered the chapel where wind and rain had come in 
before me through broken glass and windows. The walls 
shook as with ague, and the plaster peeled off as skin after 
a fever. One v/ould think the patron saint of the St. Roch 
chapel was a cockroach from the dirt and decay everywhere. 
The irreverent breeze had blown out the sacred candles and 
made the place seem very mortu"airy." Every morning the 
mournful bell tells its story, according to Hungarian custom, 
for the dead in the ravenous graves whose hungry cry of 
"Give, give," is never satisfied. Votive gifts were to the 
right and left of the altar, from devout souls who believed 
their physical ills had been helped at this little miracle-work- 
ing shrine said to be as efficacious as the larger ones in Eu- 
rope. Sinbads, weighted with sickness, come to be freed of 
their burdens. The old shrine itself is so decrepit that unless 
it receives some sustaining grace it will not be able to stand 
even with the votive crutches stacked under its walls. The 
Gothic architecture of this ruined chapel is being destroyed, 
alas, by the Goth and Vandal Time. The chapel seemed like 
a mortuary vault for the only occupant was a life-size statue 
of the crucified Christ placed in a case under the altar like 
a corpse in a coffin. 

Among the most devout worshippers are the young un- 
married girls, who, strange as it may seem, come to the ceme- 
tery to find a living husband. There is a tradition that if 
a girl will come nine consecutive days to this shrine, walking 
barefoot, carrying a lighted candle and making a prayer to 
the patron saint of marriage, St. Joseph, she will get a hus- 
band and a good one. There will always be a crowd of men 
to watch this feminine show. I question whether the sight 
of bare feet after nine day's pilgrimage tramp here, no mat- 
ter how beautiful these bare feet might be, would have the 
same attractive power as if they were encased in silk socks 



40 ON THE WARPATH 

and high-heeled French shoes. I didn't see any of these man- 
hunters. Perhaps the girls are all married or don't want to 
be, or instead of praying for husbands, are praying to be rid 
of them. 



SOME SAINT 



ABOVE the shrine is a statue of St. Roch and by his 
side the faithful dog which fed him as miraculously 
as the ravens did Elijah. Centuries ago he was sick 
with the plague and left deserted in a forest near the 
immortal city of Bingen, where lived the soldier of the legion 
who lay dying in Algiers. 

Years ago I visited La Belle France, stopping at Mont- 
pellier where St. Roch was born in 1295. I used the town 
home-made soap to wash; slept under its blankets; groped 
around with its candles; and rambled through its old botan- 
ical garden, library, cathedral, promenades and famous 
University with which is associated the name of Petrarch the 
poet and Rabelais the satirist. The city is now chiefly known 
for wine and silk. The church fathers here must have drunk 
much of the Montpellier wine when they wrote the history of 
St. Roch, and swapped silk for yarn in the following story 
they spun out. 

St. Roch was born in 1295 in answer to the prayers of his 
aged father and mother. He had a birthmark of a red cross 
on his body which neighboring palmists, clairvoyants and 
fortune-tellers solemnly declared to be a sign that he was 
sent from above as a special friend of God for work below 
to man. His parents died when he was twenty and left him 
a good estate, but he left it to the poor, and disguised as a 
pilgrim roamed to Rome. 

The plague of Black Death was stalking rough shod 
through Italy and St. Roch met him face to face at Aqua- 
pendente in Tuscany. All he had to do was to show his birth- 
mark or make the sign of the cross and the plague vanished. 
At Cesna and Rome he did the same stunt. At Cesna his mere 



ON THE WARPATH 41 

appearance made the Black Death turn white and skip out 
with a ''plague take if At Rome his single prayer was 
stronger than the pestilence. He spoke, and like the crow 
of rooster at dawn that drives ghosts away, his prayer put 
Disease to flight. At Piacenza the plague gave him a body 
blow that laid him out. Instead of securing man's aid in the 
city hospital, he dragged himself to a forest. Parched with 
thirst, he called for water, and spring water sprang out of 
a barren rock. Hungry and raving for food, with no Elijah 
ravens near, he was fed by a nobleman's dog which came 
daily and shared its biscuits with him. The dog seemed 
hungry all the time and grew thin, to the wonder and worri- 
ment of his master. One day the master followed Rover and 
caught him carrying the biscuit to St. Roch, who lay sleep- 
ing peacefully as the babes in the wood. The bark of the 
dog, or bark falling from the trees, awakened him. History 
does not record whether he thanked the Lord, the dog or the 
master for his daily bread, but he immediately preached to 
the nobleman, telling him he was vain, selfish and bad, and 
so got by with it that the rich man hit the trail — to the 
house — and with heaven-given denial and zeal gave up the 
frivolities and frailties of life and like St. Roch became a 
servant of all, an example of humble sacrifice. 

St. Roch was cured. After seven years' absence he went 
to his home town Montpellier, was arrested as a spy and 
thrown in jail by his uncle who did not recognize him be- 
cause of his disguise, poverty and emaciation. He was im- 
prisoned five years. A word of ''who's who" would have 
let him out, but he wasn't happy unless miserable. At last 
the jailer Death was about to release him. He asked for the 
last sacrament of his church, and as the priest entered his 
cell a big burst of light flashed and lit up the prison and so 
dazed the priest that he ran to the governor and told him 
of the miracle. The governor was from Missouri with a 
"show me," believing that it was either a magician's trick 
or that he had switched on a Mazda globe of some spirit 
circuit. 

We are gravely told that just before St. Roch died he 
made a bargain with heaven that whenever any plague- 



42 ON THE WARPATH 

stricken man or metropolis invoked his saintly aid, healing 
would follow. Though he died his influence lived. Miracles 
at once followed. The body was taken to church St. Firmin 
in Montpellier. Now the uncle heard the name St. Roch and 
seeing a similarity to his own, made inquiry. The old grand- 
mother suddenly happened to remember her grandson who 
had gone away on a pilgrimage years ago. Especially clear 
was her remembrance of the red cross birthmark. The poor 
dead body was uncovered, the sacred cross observed and so 
St. Roch's personal identity was established bej^ond all cavil 
or sceptical doubt. All was well and ended well like the last 
act of a melodrama or reel of movie. The old governor 
was sorry for his shabby treatment of his sainted nephew and 
following the example of the faithful, implored the dead 
nephew 's intercession. 

However like a fairy story this tale sounds, it was fact 
enough to the credulous fanatics to invest St. Roch with 
sainthood. In 1328 his uncle built him a memorial church 
where the bones lay buried. Pilgrims came to venerate, 
miracles were performed and a church day feast was fixed on 
August 16th at the end of the sixteenth century. Later the 
city council built a chapel in his honor, and when in 1640 the 
plague broke out in the city, the city fathers vowed him a 
chapel in St. Peter's, promising to visit it once a year. Dur- 
ing the plague of 1414 the trusty aldermen of Constance 
drummed up a procession, carried St. Roch's statue through 
the streets imploring the saint to save them, and he did. 
Then it was that some of the fathers, who should have been 
shot, canonized him. 

From then to now the fame of St. Roch, a chest protector 
and game preserver, has spread like wildfire over the world. 
Temples, statues and altars are built to his memory in Eu- 
rope, and the reader may recall the St. Roch church of Paris 
built in 1580. Many societies bear his name and are under 
his patronage, and the writer couldn't print this book if he 
were to enumerate all the miracles said to have followed his 
life. I trust the reader will pardon my lengthy relation of 
this legend. This shrine to a Mediaeval saint has its Twen- 
tieth Century pilgrims here in New Orleans and puts its dev- 



ONTHEWARPATH 43 

otees in the list of the ignorant, superstitions and grafting 
classes of Italy, Spain, Mexico, Central and South America. 
This is all out of place in the TJ. S. A. St. Roch's remains 
were removed to Venice in 1385 where they remain today un- 
less the Boche has bombed them. 

New Orleans had the plague of yellow fever once upon a 
time. Father Thevis invoked the aid of St. Roch, promising 
that if his flock was spared he would build him a chapel. 
The death angel passed by. Though thousands died from the 
yellow plague from 1866 to 1868 in the vicinity, none of his 
flock was touched. After returning from Europe he built 
the chapel with niches on the wall for his faithful members, 
located his own grave at the foot of the altar, hung up an 
old bell in the belfry, and was ready to ring the changes on 
the life, death and marvellously, miraculous influence of St. 
Roch on plagues of all sorts. Here endeth the true history 
of a false profit. Many you and I be mercifully forgiven for 
the waste of time spent in writing and reading about it. 
True religion suffers more from those who misunderstand 
it than from those who oppose it. Superstition makes per- 
verts, not converts. 

In the cemetery there is a sun-dial which marks death, in 
the midst of life, of many whose ''sun is gone down while it 
was yet day." The town clock in this city of the dead is 
fittingly a sun-dial. During the light of day may it realize 
the motto of the old sun-dial near Venice, ''Horas non numero 
nisi Serenas." — *'I count only the hours that ar« serene." 
What sweeter sentiment for the sleepers beneath ! For them 
time has given way to eternity, and for earth ^s darkness there 
is no night there, 

A COOK'S TOUR 

EW Orleans is noted for its Epicurean haunts. Earth- 
ly gastronomy and not heavenly astronomy is the 
science most studied in its ''courses." Canal street 
is the boundary line between the American and Eu- 
ropean quarter. In the former are some of the finest and 




44 ON THE WARPATH 

largest cafes I have eaten in in the U. S., and in the latter some 
as quaint and toothsome as any found in the old world. You 
should make a Cook's tour to the restaurants and cafes. 
What is a cook here? Let Latin Horace and Petronius sing 
the praises of Roman feasts and the glory of cooks and wealth 
of vine and viands, but I will tell you of a real New Orleans 
atmosphere dinner of today in the French quarter. It was 
not Antoine's, Lausanne's or Kolb's, but an old *'Gem*' of a 
place. 

It had been an eating resort for many years, and the 
building, balcony, stairs and rooms were worm and time- 
eaten. There was a distinctive garlic atmosphere from the 
kitchen. The celebrated French drip coffee had dripped all 
over the ragged tablecloths. Soup looked as if it had been 
seasoned by falling plaster. The oysters might have been 
rolled in crackers on the floor. The woodwork had wine and 
weather stains. The sawdust was an inch deep on the floor 
like a circus cage, and here the wild animals were being fed. 
Flies, smoke and expectoration urged us to climb the rickety 
stairs to a room above. We were hungry for food, not art, 
came to eat and not see, so we closed our eyes and opened 
our mouths. Everything was delicious and inviting except 
the sign on the wall which read that nothing was served for 
less than $1.50 each. An old cat watched us from the balcony 
and evidently belonged to the place. She kept some distance 
from the table and watched us to learn whether we compli- 
mented the food or called it ratty. The antique china and 
silver service had served their day and long since should have 
decorated the windows of a curio shop„ It was old with 
cracks, nicks and dents. What jokes were cracked over 
them? What sweet stories had the ears of the sugar-bowl lis- 
tened to? With what wide astonishment had the mouth of the 
pitcher gasped at off-color stories? What hands had caressed 
the neck of vinegar and oil-bottle? What cutting remarks 
and thrusts the knives and forks suggested! What spooning 
of callow couples the spoons had witnessed! The old table 
was superannuated and shaky on its pins, and the chairs had 
felt so many rounds of pleasure that they were nearly all 
in with broken backs, twisted feet and bow-legs. The old 




CLIFF-DWELLING 



ARIZONA 




DESERT CACTUS, CAMEL OF PLANTS 



ARIZONA 



ON THE WARPATH 45 

lamps had looked down on eyes of beauty whose light had 
been shut out by death, and the walls echoed to steps that 
led down to the grave. 

Yet one wearies of specialties, side-dishes, shrimps, oysters 
and their endless waits. We were often glad to go to a place 
of quick eats where there was everything and ready at once, 
and one could just grab a tray and load it with goodies. The 
average Northerner has less time and inclination than a 
Southerner to sit around and spend two hours and two dollars 
for a meal. 

To the cooks of this Crescent city we may apply the words 
of Ben Jonson's masque of '' Neptune's Triumph"; 

'*A master-cook! why, he's the man of men, 
For a professor! he designs, he draws. 
He paints, he carves, he builds, he fortifies, 
Makes citadels of curious fowl and fish, 
Some he dry-ditches, some moats round with broths, 
Mounts narrow-bones; cuts fifty-angled custards; 
Rears bulwark pies; and, for his outer works, 
He raiseth ramparts of immortal crust, 
. And teacheth all the tactics of one dinner. 
What ranks, what files, to put the dishes in, 
The whole art military! Then he knows 
The influence of the stars upon his meats; 
And all their seasons, tempers, qualities. 
And so to fit his relishes and sauces ! 
He has Nature in a pot, 'bove all the chemists, 
Or bare-breeched brethren of the Rosy-Cross! 
He is an architect, an inginer, 
A soldier, a physician, a philosopher, 
A general mathematician ! ' ' 

Yes, this is a great eating city, but too many of the peo- 
ple become mere Lotus-eaters. 

The streets in the French Quarter had all been dug up like 
trenches to lay pipes for sewer and gas, and it made the car 
passengers and pedestrians long for gas-masks. 

The old St. Louis Cathedral looked inside and out as if 
it had been bombarded by Germans. A sign outside the door 



46 ON THE WARPATH 

read, ** Danger — Keep Out." This was the first time I had 
seen a church so candid in its admonitions. However, I took 
a chance and entered. The only procession was of negroes 
wheeling barrels of dirt from excavations made to strengthen 
the cypress wood supports which are dry-rotted with the 
years. No rock foundation had ever been used. The back 
chapel was open for a funeral and I watched the cortege. 
The people were all in mourning — even their faces — for it 
was a colored funeral. Their grief was as sincere as if their 
skin had been white. 

The French market is always an object of interest with 
its dingy stalls, dogs, dirt, cobwebs, spiders and poverty. It 
made a good study for an artist who stood on an opposite 
street corner with an admiring mob of tattered urchins, old 
men and women critics about him who almost wiped the paint 
off his canvas with their inquisitive noses, as if to see whether 
he had painted the odors of the place. This scene and the 
artist's sketch of an old man selling fruit was as picturesque 
as anything in the Paris Latin Quarter. 

The city's schools were closed on account of lack of fuel, 
yet the cafes ran full tilt — an example of how people make 
sacrifices for what they like best. Here it was pleasure in- 
stead of pedagogy. 

Jack Frost was one of the winter visitors and had dropped 
in and given his fingers a cold snap in the face of the city 
that made its nose blue. On curbs and crossings there were 
little bonfires where newsboys, motormen and workmen 
huddled to keep warm. Pedestrians without overcoats, and 
with hands in their pockets, shrunken and shrivelled, hustled 
along on the sunny side of the street. In doors the people 
hugged gas-stoves and grates, and vdth chattering teeth com- 
plained of the cold. 




ONTHEWARPATH 47 

EVIL SPIRITS 

FTER a Sunday visit to a Jesuit, Roman Catholic and 
Baptist church we felt the need of some real spirit- 
ual comfort and visited the old Absinthe Plouse. It 
was Sunday and closed. A little dog stood by the 
partly opened back door. Instead of barking at us, he 
beckoned us in with his friendly wagging tail. We followed. 
The proprietor was surprised but pleased to accommodate 
visitors and showed us around this refuge rendezvous of the 
picturesque Bordeaux blacksmith, pirate, smuggler and slave 
trader, Jean Lafitte, the bold, bad buccaneer who loved beau- 
ty, booze and blood and had barrels of money to spend for 
it. His history fills volumes. He was a moral misfit, threw 
his enemies and friends into fits, and the most fitting resume 
of his pitiful career are Byron's lines on the Corsair: 

**He left a corsair's name to other times, 
Linked with one virtue and a thousand crimes." 

Standing at the little old marble bar we drank a befitting 
toast to his memory in absinthe. 

Absinthe is a compound of alcohol, wormwood, sugar and 
chlorophyll ingredients which suggest the old pirate's make- 
up. ''Look not upon the absinthe when it is green," yet I 
have tasted it here and in Paris, though never sufficiently to 
get the full benefit of excitation, hallucination, terrifying 
dreams, delirium and idiocy. 

"We left these spirits to call on those of the Haunted House 
near by. It was nailed up, so I whistled up the front door 
keyhole, looked in the windows, but couldn't see or hear 
ghosts. It was afternoon and a little early — ^they were prob- 
ably off haunting some other house. Hark to the blood-curdl- 
ing tale of this haunted mansion! From the time when 
Marquis de Lafayette and Napoleon's brother had been enter- 
tained as guests, it fell to the hell of a chamber of horrors 
such as the weird imagination of Poe loved to describe and 
Cable has pictured in his stories. The house later caught 



48 ON THE WARPATH 

fire and the neighbors broke in to extinguish it. They found 
an upper room filled with tools of torture reminiscent of the 
Inquisition and Niirnburg. Colored slaves were found muti- 
lated, held in sharp-spiked iron bauds and chained to the 
wall. The mad mob wrecked the house and the murderer's 
merry widow, Mme, Lalaurie, skipped to France where she 
expiated her sins in a life of charity which was ended by 
death in a wild boar hunt. 

If one has a good imagination or an ear attuned to ghost 
stories, he may come here at some witching hour of the night 
and hear steps, whispers, groans and the sound of clanking 
chains. Alas, poor ghost ! Even though the ghost is poor 
and ashamed to appear, it has been a rich ad for the house, 
for tourists by thousands have come here and paid good 
money to guides to see and feel the horrible. Unlike haunted 
houses which people try to avoid, this draws the curious. 
But no withered, hollow-eyed, wild-attired, rare or condensed 
spook has yet been seen. Surely if there was one I would 
have seen or heard him, or some kind of a one after the 
absinthe I drank. The only clank was that of a fruit-cart, 
the only shadow my own on the sidewalk, the only groan 
the sigh of my disappointment. Lincoln killed slavery so 
dead that, unlike Banquo's ghost, it will **down^' and never 
have a ghost of a chance in New Orleans or on this continent 
again. 

During our stay in New Orleans the generous citizens 
were sending relief ships to Guatemala, whose capital had 
just been overturned by earthquake. Two years before I had 
sailed from New Orleans for Guatemala and had spent two 
weeks in the old capital that had been leveled to the ground. 
I was sincerely sorry for the poor natives who lost their lives, 
their houses and property. I was sorrier still that the quake 
had not shaken down the despot ruler and dictator, Cabrera. 
Let us believe with Dickens' Nell, *'It is not in this world that 
heaven's justice ends," and that some time and somewhere 
this crafty, cruel, Cabrera, famed and infamous for cruelty, 
coercion, cupidity and carnality, will get his just deserts. 




ONTHEWARPATH 49 

ECHOES FROM ECUADOR 

|y passport to Ecuador was confiscated because of my 
book on Mexico. Did the government think I would 
tell the truth about Ecuador on my return? Was 
there a skeleton in her political closet which Wash- 
ington feared I might discover, drag out and rattle its bones? 
Possibly the fact that I was going to a country that had been 
written up by Baron von Humboldt was sufficient evidence to 
the Administration that I was pro-German. I tremble when 
I think of the close call I had at the Department of Justice 
in New Orleans, for if I had been searched they would have 
found a Faber pencil made in German}^ and a chunk of Ger- 
man sweet chocolate. Undoubtedly the punishment for this 
would have spirited me away or interned me till the close of 
the war. 

If the U. S. government dislikes, my observations on Latin- 
America and frank criticism of the diplomuts she sent there, 
it might easily have gotten rid of me by allowing me to go to 
Ecuador, that bourne whence frequently no traveler returns. 
If you are not done for with yellow fever, bubonic plague, lep- 
rosy, typhoid, dysentery, the multude of dirt diseases which 
Ecuador is heir to, or the asphyxiating natural odor of the na- 
tives, an obliging earthquake is likely to topple a church roof 
on your head, or one of the six punctual volcanoes will fume 
and choke you. Should you live to enter the interior of the 
country, Indians have a pleasant game of shooting you full of 
poison arrows or chopping off your head. In addition there 
are the usual revolutions, not of the earth around the sun, 
but of bullets through the air daily from ten to two, and the 
visitor may be the innocent target. If the traveler is a senti- 
mental journeyer like Sterne, it is said to be as difficult for 
him to break away from the seductive senoritas as it was for 
Ulysses to get away from Calypso and the sirens. Then, too, 
if you have a trifling difference of opinion in religious or 
political matters, you are either put up against an adobe wall 
for target practice, thrown in jail to die of vermin and star- 
vation, or made to receive the most popular expression of dis- 



50 ONTHEWARPATH 

approval — which is to strip you, tie ropes to your ankles, 
drag you for hours through the rough cobbled streets, hack 
you to pieces with machetes and take your head home as a 
souvenir to adorn the centre-table or mantlepiece. This 
happened to an ex-president some years ago. Should you 
be fortunate enough to escape all this, there remains official 
robbery by the customs, or brigand assault on street. Of 
course you may be drowned by the torrential rains or brushed 
off a burro's back on some American precipice. Quien sabe? 

In spite of the above inconveniences of travel in Ecuador, 
I was willing to risk it in order to see the beautiful mountains 
and tropical scenery of the Andes, to study the custom of the 
native Indians and sail again on the Pacific. 



WHY TRAVEL? 



^ 



A SPECIAL agent of the U. S. government asked me 
why I left my home town every year. To oblige 
him and others who are self-centered and satisfied, 
stuck in a rut, amazed and suspicious if a man 
leaves his front yard for an hour or two, I will give a few 
of my reasons. 

This world was made to be seen. Often there is no place 
like away from home. There are other main streets and ave- 
nues, other parks and lakes, other libraries and galleries, 
other social, Christian and patriotic people. One needs rest 
and recreation, change of clothes, food, drink, climate and 
ideas. A man grows tired of himself, of everyone and every- 
thing else. A vacation of three or six months is absolutely 
necessary for him to live with himself or with any one else 
the rest of the year. 

Maupassant grew so tired of seeing the Eiffel tower that 
he packed up and left Paris. If he had lived in Minneapolis 
I wonder how long our Court House tower would have held 
him? 

The stay-at-home has the same streets, stores, dress, faces, 
food, drink, cars, offices, business, knavery, jokes, clubs, fur- 



ON THE WARPATH 51 

niture, formality, books, sermons, thoughts, deeds, pleasures, 

newspapers, extras and idiotorials. This monotony makes one 

desperate. You are really a prisoner in a walled city; your 
home walls are a jail in which you stumble and clank around 
with the self-made chains of habit. One might as well be in 
Stillwater prison. It would be a change of place and em- 
ployment and of some real enjoyment to get away from 
criminals at large on the street. 

I travel to be a citizen of the world, not just of Minne- 
apolis, want to get new views of life and see planes, not 
mere points of truth. To sail on the sea or climb a mountain 
and learn that God's sun does not rise or set just in your 
back yard, is a needed lesson. Some people live like a horse 
in a treadmill. Their city or state circuit is the limit of their 
life. They travel no more than a mussel shell on an ocean 
pier or a vine around a garden trellis. They stay and stand 
in one place so long that I am surprised their feet have not 
taken root and sprouted. 

One wearies of the English language and the jargon of a 
South Sea savage is a relief. The same style of dress and 
architecture is tiresome. For a change let's have palms and 
leaves instead of telephone poles and wires.; trudging oxen 
and not terrifying autos — let's visit lands where men do up 
their hair like women, or where men wear skirts and women 
wear pants. What a delightful change if for one day our 
women wore their hair loose and flowing down their shoulders, 
and men walked about with their shirt tails outside. I would 
rather know the four corners of the globe than the four cor- 
ners of a prison room or office, or the seven corners of a city. 

Travel broadens, deepens, widens and gives one exalted 
ideas of God and sympathetic feelings towards man. You 
can't know the world by simply reading a book in the morn- 
ing and a paper or magazine at night. Travel has had var- 
ious motives — discontent, curiosity, crusades, commerce, con- 
quest, science, pleasure, exploration, adventure. It costs 
money, time, patience and heroism. 

If a man is economical he can travel and get much for 
little. Man was made with legs to walk, eyes to see and ears 



52 ON THE WARPATH 

to hear. There is no fool so foolish, no bigot so bigoted, as 
the man who has never been anywhere, seen anything or any- 
body except in his own town. 

Emerson calls traveling a fool's paradise, yet that is pre- 
ferable to the lunatic stay-at-home and stick-in-the-mud with 
his egotism and exclusiveness. The man who carries a good 
pair of eyes and ears as well as a valise and letter of credit, 
doesn't go on a fool's errand. 

In his *' Sentimental Journey" Sterne gives a list of 
travelers — idle, inquisitive, lying, proud, vain, splenetic, delin- 
quent and felonious ; travelers of necessity ; unfortunate, in- 
nocent, simple and sentimental travelers. In addition, he 
says some travel because of infirmit}^ of body, imbecility of 
mind and inevitable necessity. On sober reflection I refuse 
to classify myself, though the reader may already have 
done it. 

Climate is a good reason for leaving Minneapolis in Jan- 
uary and February, especially if your coal-bin is low. Of 
course, travel movies have their value, but too often there is 
too much difference between the price of admission and what 
you come away with. Alack the day when the cinema crowds 
out travel as it has literature, drama and art. At best, it is 
a poor substitute for them. 

Go and see, hear and think, write and talk from what you 
personally know. Be a voice and not an echo, an original 
and not a copy, a pioneer and not a follower. Use your own 
gray matter as the Creator intended when he gave it to you. 
Be from Missouri, demand ocular proof; be your own kodak, 
negative and graphophone record ; see for yourself and judge 
apart from any dictated report of press agents of the Creel 
stamp. 

Secretary McAdoo seeks to discourage travel by raising 
rates, regarding it as a luxury in war time. Travel is a 
necessity. No man can thrill with true patriotism who does 
not travel and contrast other countries with his own, and 
compare and constructively criticize for its benefit. What 
fair-minded man doubts that needed and helpful information 
would have been given the government if, in the early part 
of the war, Colonel Roosevelt and Major General Wood had 



ONTHEWARPATH 53 

been officially permitted to go to France, remain there and 
cable Washington the true state of affairs and what was 
most imperatively needed to defeat the enemy in the best 
and quickest manner. 

Keep on the move, action is life, rest is death. Everything 
that is anything moves. Earth, air, water and planets travel. 
Get a move on you until Death stops you, and then be ready to 
begin again and never stop. To spend money in travel is to be 
rich in memory and ideas, and is far better than to put it in a 
savings bank for some one to fight over when you are dead. 



OLD AND NEW ORLEANS 



NEW ORLEANS spells hospitality and a good time. 
This suggests my entertaining friend, not Billy Rice of 
minstrel fame, but William Tietjen, the rice man, 
who knows oryza sativa (rice) from its native home 
in Asia to Louisiana; recognizes the twenty species of this 
grass family; is familiar with its growth in water and its 
two centuries residence in South Carolina ; knows it as Paddy 
in the husk, wine in Japan, cakes, soup and pudding in hotels, 
and bridal rice showers in one of which he was not long ago 
caught with the woman who understands how to please her 
husband and his friends. Mr. Tietjen, with his jovial face and 
Santa Clans shape, reminds me of the little image of the God 
of Plenty I saw in Nikko, eTapan, carrying two sacks of rice 
on his shoulders. He entertained us roj^ally at his office, 
home, cafe and theatre. 

The old time Southerners are gone. They did not have 
five-reel thriller movies, horse races, prizefights and carnivals, 
but they did have some simple pleasures with which their 
simple natures were satisfied — pastimes that beguiled the 
worn and weary hours. Public executions and hangings were 
quite the rage then ; pirates were hung on the Square for deco- 
ration; the heads of negroes were stuck on pikes at the city 
gates. At the Calaboza there were whipping-posts and hot 
irons with which the fleur de lis was burned on culprit's 



54 ONTHEWARPATH 

shoulders. The only hangings I saw in New Orleans were of 
idlers on the corners. Then the old Plaza was the centre of 
social and commercial life, military fete and the fate of 
criminals who were shot, nailed alive in their coffins or slow- 
ly sawn in half. The attractions were sometimes varied by 
hanging women on the gallows and breaking men on the 
wheel. 

In those days there were no Sunday jazz bands or vaude- 
ville circuits, but in Congo Square in the open air there were 
dancing carnivals with half-naked girls and real Voudou 
dances at Ponchartrain, of the old tom-tom fiddle and gourd 
drum variet}^, where they danced themselves crazy and fell 
into a frothy fit. 

What modern social balls can compare with the Indian 
balls where saffron sirens with sweet look and voice led the 
dance through love's labyrinth of jealousy! Now there is 
horse racing and private and polite gambling — then there was 
wide open faro and roulette, and later the Louisiana lottery. 

Women did not possess the beauty of face and figure char- 
acteristic of modern New Orleans belles, but their society 
was very select, in fact they were ''selected" from hospitals 
and correction homes. Later came a shipment of "casket 
girls," poor girls sent over from Paris by the king as wives. 
They brought their trousseau in a chest of clothes. This 
seems very primitive to us now, yet today men pick wives 
no better than these, and some they choose do not wear clothes 
enough for a shroud in a coffin. 

The city was once a sink or swamp filled with deported 
galley slaves, trappers, miners, gold-hunters and soldiers 
whose profession was dice, duelling, idleness and gambling. 
Today it is the big, beautiful, commercial centre of the South. 
Once there w^as fever, filth and filibusters, but these things 
are no longer in fashion. New Orleans now bm^s white rice, 
cotton and sugar — in early days she bought black slaves from 
San Domingo and Guinea. 

Charles Lamb liked old things— he would have enjoyed the 
old part of town with its bizarre balconies, mountain-peaked 
roofs, hill-shaped sheds, begrimed, battered stairways, open 
flowery courts, shady portieres, quaint doorways and ram- 



ON THE WARPATH 55 

shackle and rickety rows of houses marshalled on both sides 
of the streets like awkward squads of soldiers. In the quiet 
streets one looks in doorways where the natives are dozing 
away life's afternoon and day. The names of the streets are 
called by saints and sinners after the Madonna, a mother or 
mistress. The visitor often calls them hard names because he 
cannot pronounce them. 

It is significant that my passport was taken up here on ac- 
count of my book. What more could one expect in New 
Orlenas when he recalls that here, in a public square, long 
ago, a writer's books were brought in by negroes and burned 
for containing the following wicked and treasonable philoso- 
phy, '' Liberty is the mother of commerce and population. 
Without liberty there are but few virtues." 

This city was founded in 1718 by Bienville. In 1724 the 
governor published a Black Code one of whose first provi- 
sions drove out the Jews from Louisiana and denied any be- 
lief that was not Roman Catholic. Any negro whose master 
was not a member of this church could be confiscated. Thus 
chains were put on the blacks while spiritual fetters were 
fastened on the mind. However, the city is very free and 
easy after such strict rules in the beginning. The natives are 
listless, lazy lovers of pleasure. In these streets are found 
beautiful and bewitching beauties, coquettish Creole girls 
whose baby years were cuddled and cradled in sentimental 
songs such as, ''I love you as a little pig loves the mud." 

History repeats itself. Germany today is striving to enslave 
the world. The eternal fight still goes on for physical, mental 
and religious freedom. Here in 1789 came Father Antonio 
from murderous Madrid, as commissary of the Holy Inquisi- 
tion, demanding that troops should be placed at his disposal 
whenever he wanted them to arrest the heretics; that is, those 
who dared to think for themselves. One night when the Rev- 
erend Sir had not sent for them, they appeared, grabbed him, 
hustled him to the levee, put him aboard a vessel sailing for 
Spain, as an undesirable citizen, and bade him '^bon voyage." 



56 ON THE WARPATH 

MOSS-COVERED 



LL ABOARD for tlie Sunset Route to the land of the 
sunset in the spirit of Odysseus. 

''My purpose holds 
To sail beyond the sunset and the baths 
Of all the western stars," 




"We rattled through Evangeline's land, a good location for 
the heroine of a Longfellow poem. Evangeline is a sad poem 
until you hear a husky American schoolboy attempting to de- 
claim it, parse its sentences and understand its tender senti- 
ment. Across this Acadian land we bowled by Evangeline 
oaks, fields of sugar-cane, cotton and rice, and by miles of 
swamps full of old cypress trees covered with moss. 

Dickens writes, ''A dainty plant is the ivy green." What 
would he say of the Spanish moss, gray and graceful, airy and 
fairy, like low trailing clouds caught in the treetops? The 
trees look like hooded nuns, bearded pirates, or ]ike bushes 
covered with grass of a subsiding stream. The moss resembles 
the tatters of a robe of fog or mist. It garlands and drapes 
the bare limbs of native and live oak trees. These moss-covered 
forests would make an excellent setting for Dante's "gloomy 
wood." Here one would not be surprised to meet Monsieur 
Melancholy Jacques. What a good place in which to read the 
story of Young Goodman Brown in Hawthorne's ''Mosses 
from an Old Manse." I hardly think Queen Mab would hold 
her revels here. It is more fitting for some witch with her 
hobgoblin band. 

Moss is creepy and crepey. It gathers on barns, buckets 
and brains, looking well everywhere except on the last with 
its moss-covered theories of education, politics and religion. 
Moss drifts like the clouds on the cypress treetops ; it festoons 
ash, elm and sweet gum with gray drapery; climbs from 
the swamp and marsh to the bank and highland; gropes 
in the gloom of cypress groves ; swings in the wind like a 
fairy, and shades you like a big umbrella. 



ON THE WARPATH 57 

Living moss is of a green gray color. One of its tender 
threads blown to another tree will multiply into tangled skeins 
on which grow pink little flowers. Like the wind, it seems to 
come and go of its own sweet will. Big bunches of wasp-net 
colored moss can grow to feathery length of thirty feet, and I 
have heard of live oak trees that carried in the arms of their 
ponderous branches as much as twenty-five tons of green 
moss. The trees appear to grow long mossy whiskers, and 
their limbs are twisted and shrunken as if they had contracted 
malaria and rheumatism from standing in the water. 

Spanish moss has been compared to the waving plumes of 
a hundred hearses, and it produces a most lugubrious land- 
scape. When the tree dies the moss dies and drapes itself in 
black. Science tells us that moss is a sign of life ; that it does 
not feed as a parasite on the tree but on the air, taking up the 
poisons of the dying vegetation, purifying the air of malaria 
and making it salubrious and healthful.. It thus becomes a 
banner of health and salvation to the poor swamp inhabitant. 

Moss is in the proverb of the rolling stone, and in the song 
of the bucket in the well. We have it in our mattresses and 
pillows by night and in our puddings by day. Why is it called 
Spanish moss? Probably after some Castilian discoverer who 
had a long gray beard, or because some stuffing fell out of 
a sky-mattress and landed on top of a castle in Spain. 

Science wanders through a volume to inform us in a volum- 
inous but not luminous manner of the Moss family. It is 
called "Tillandesia Neneoides" and is said to be a veritable 
''arcanum naturae." Arcanum is right. Its real nature is 
hidden. To me, it looks like a fantastic festoon or dismal 
drapery of Nature for the fete of some dancing dwarf. Poe's 
''ghoul-haunted woodland of Weir" must border these Span- 
ish moss forests. 




58 ON THE WARPATH 

LOUISIANA 

E had a royal time in Louisiana, for the state is named 
after Louis XIV. It is naturally proud and Parisian 
in many ways. Mississippi is its reigning mistress 
for 600 miles. She favors the Greek, having a large 
Delta below New Orleans, and believes in the culture of agri- 
culture, for the soil is rich in rice, sugar and cotton. The state 
is thinly timbered. There is plenty of iron ore, sulphur and 
rock salt. The chief industries are easily known from walking 
delegates on the streets who represent the tobacco warehouses 
and distilleries. 

The state is wet with swamps and liquor. The topography 
is mostly on the level, whether the gamblers are or not. Lou- 
isiana basks in the smile of the sun o'erhead and the Democratic 
administration at Washington. The soil is black and rich, 
judged from what one sees on many colored faces. There is 
sulphur sufficient for all sorts of U. S. matches ; clay for pipes, 
pots and progeny; petroleum to burn, rock salt in abundance, 
but not much pepper. The forests contain, pine, cypress, live 
oak, willow, cottonwood, ash, sweet gum, black walnut, hickory, 
locust and wood enough for a fleet of aeroplanes and ships. 

Louisiana is next to Florida, not geographically but ichthy- 
ologically speaking, in shrimp, oysters, trout, catfish, and alliga- 
tors. In agriculture the sun, soil and showers urge produc- 
tion. The manufactures are refining sugar and molasses, cot- 
ton-seed oil and cake, and cleaning and polishing rice. Educa- 
tion is secular and sacred, and the color line separates the 
schools for blacks and whites. In fact, the state runs to color, 
for it has the Eed river, Vermilion county and Baton Rouge. 
There are charitable institutions for deaf, blind and dumb, 
and penal ones whose convicts are employed on public works. 
The early French population has many descendants, and a sixth 
part of the inhabitants are Negroes. The government has but 
one variety — Democratic. The history is a long and interesting 
story of Spanish and French days, the War of 1812, the Or- 
dinance of Secession, Capture of the Union Forces, Recon- 
struction, lottery and yellow fever. To get into Louisiana his- 
tory is like getting lost in a cypress swamp. 



ONTHEWARPATH 59 

I made a Louisiana purchase of food and drink along the 
route, but the one that will interest you most is the ** Louisi- 
ana Purchase'* of a million square miles. That was a good 
sum in addition when we added the Purchase to the original 
thirteen colonies, north to British America, all of the United 
States west of the Mississippi river except Texas and Cali- 
fornia, and what we obtained from Mexico by treaty and pur- 
chase. We bought this in 1803 from France for about $15,000,- 
000 and assumed the French spoliation claims, which, I think, 
were never paid. Louisiana was admitted to the LTnion in 
1812. At New Orleans General Jackson won a big naval vic- 
tory over the British forces in 1815. In the Civil War more 
than 100 battles were fought on her soil. Louis and Clark 
were sent out by President Jefferson in 1804 and 1806 to make 
their famous exploring expedition through the Louisiana 
Purchase, with its sandbars, its haunts of romance and alli- 
gators. 

Like a fly, our train buzzed through the ** Sugar BowP' of 
the state. Sugar has flies, so here white sugar had many blacks 
around it. After crossing the ferry, we rode on a part of the 
rim of this sugar bowl for a hundred miles. We dipped into 
it. Looking up to the skyline, we saw many sugar mills with 
tall, smoking chimneys, and here and there rich Southern 
planters' mansions, white, inviting, shaded by magnolia trees, 
vines and flowers, and built so as to see the bayous. The coun- 
try was flat as a negro's foot. There were small towns with 
one street and store, and rows of black people and white- 
washed houses ; all the villages were taking an afternoon nap. 
Along the road was seen an occasional auto, old wagon, and 
postoffice store where citizens came for groceries and war news. 
Cotton was piled up at the stations, and men stood around 
with hands in their pockets watching the train go by. They 
were too lazy to wave to us. There were little farms, with 
chickens and pigs. Everything appeared more comical than 
commercial. 



60 ON THE WARPATH 

TROUBLES 

T""""^ STANDS for Texas and trouble. We entered the big 
state where they raise mules, murder Mexicans, and 
select drivers for the Democratic donkey. The word 
''Texas" means ''friends," and was the name given to 
the Indians by the Spaniards, but nothing but fighting has hap- 
pened ever since. It is a state of grazing cattle and grazing 
bullets, Indian riots, rebellions and massacres. The rape of 
the Sabines occurs in Roman history — here there was a row be- 
tween the United States and Spain concerning a land named 
Sabine and the Rio Grande river. However, we dropped clubs 
and shook hands. In 1830 Mexico invited Americans to settle, 
and 20,000 came. Texas was a part of Coahuila, Mexico, and 
naturally objected to Mexico's high-handed outrages of mili- 
tary rule, closing of ports, and anti-slavery and anti-coloniza- 
tion laws. Texas was fighting mad, and we sent General 
Austin with the request that Texas be made one of the states 
of the Mexican Union. Mexico's reply was to throAV our 
general into jail, whereupon we sent troops. In 1835 Texas 
uprose, drove out the Mexicans and proclaimed a republic. 

Mexico's president, Santa Ana, cruelly murdered the gar- 
rison of the Alamo at San Antonio and he was followed up and 
defeated by General Houston at San Jacinto. We acknowl- 
edged Texan independence in 1839, and annexed Texas to 
the Union in 1845. A row resulted over the southern bounda- 
ries, we claiming the Rio Grande and Mexico to the Nueces. 
We fought and fixed it in our own favor, and then gave ten 
million dollars to determine the north and west boundaries. 
Texas joined the secession in 1861, but was received again 
into the Union in 1870. Dogfights and scraps are perennial 
along the border, and have been so from the beginning, espe- 
cially during the last ten years. 




PETRIFIED TREE BRIDGE 



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A FRENCH COUNTESS 




ONTHEWARPATH 61' 

LYNCHING— A FINE ART 

HAEITY begins at home. To make the world safe for 
democracy, we must inscribe a circle whose center 
shall be the United States. Recently Americans were 
deeply stirred by the story of a Canadian soldier who 
pictured the crucifixion of three Canadians by German fiends. 
How would the Administration like a brave Negro soldier to 
make a ''four-minute" speech between the acts in our national 
theatres, and tell of some of the Hunnish, hellish treatment of 
his countrymen in the South for which they have no redress 
and for which Washington has no rebuke? This year, at 
Estill Springs, Tenn., a Negro was burned at the stake after 
he had been tortured into a confession of murder "by applica- 
tion of red-hot irons." More recently, another Negro was 
burned in the South after his eyeballs had been seared by red- 
hot irons. At Valdosta, Ga., a colored woman was hanged by 
a mob, with no legal evidence of her guilt. She was hanged 
without one of her sex present, without a clergyman to offer 
a prayer — hanged without any proof of her guilt — hanged in 
defiance of law and justice. 

These incidents are in the class of the East St. Louis infamy, 
still unavenged, where Abel's innocent blood cries red-lipped 
to the white throne of eternal justice. In traveling through 
Texas and the Southern states I saw and heard things that 
made me blush as an American citizen — things blacker than the 
skins of the Negroes en route to fight in Europe that every 
bondman's chain may be broken. Negro soldiers walked to 
railroad stations and were herded in stuffy, separate, dirty wait- 
ing rooms ; they were packed into Jim Crow cars ; in public 
parks they met the sign "Negroes Not Allowed." In a New. 
York George Washington parade the Negroes were first ruled 
out, and finally only 600 were allowed in line, with the under- 
standing that their colored friends should furnish the food for 
them on that day. 

What did we fight for in the South ? What are we fighting 
for abroad? Is it to make the world safe for democracy? 
Then let us have a safe kind of democracy for the world. All 



62 ON THE WARPATH 

these men ask is a square deal, and the Bible and our Consti- 
tution guarantee it. "Why this insult to God and man? Why 
this color line of race segregation and un-American discrim- 
ination? Some of the best and bravest soldiers in our wars 
have been black, and their white heat of patriotism has flashed 
on the battlefield and burned in the trenches of France. **He 
gave a magnificent example of courage and energy" was the 
compliment given by a French general of a division to Private 
Henry Johnson, U. S. A., colored. Of Needham Roberts, col- 
ored, it was said publicly, *'He was a good and brave soldier.''' 
In his official communique. General Pershing affirmed, ''Both 
men fought bravely. ' ' Though they were both severely wound- 
ed, they beat off an attack by twenty Germans in a listening 
post, forcing them to retire. The Croix de Guerre was award- 
ed them for their splendid initiative, valor and determination. 

It is right that we should refer to what the Negro has done 
and that he may be depended upon in the future as one who will 
rise patriotically equal to the emergency. What the Negro 
wants today, and deserves, is not words, but deeds, not jingo 
compliments, but considerations of justice. It is said that 
alien Austrian enemies have received more privileges than 
Negro soldiers in uniform. No price is too great for our gov- 
ernment, in men or money, *'to make the world a decent place 
to live in," where all creeds, colors and conditions may have 
the life and liberty they are entitled to. At the same time, it is 
well to remember that in our own resplendent land, where we 
abolished slavery, we have withheld justice in many ways to 
a patriotic people who have not received what liincoln gave 
them. We have put the word *'mock" in democracy and made 
a mockery of our boasted justice. 

Three Negroes recently were lynched in Tennessee on the 
mere charge that they were stealing hogs. This sounds like 
Prussia, and the so-called Americans who are so Hun-hearted 
as to commit these crimes should be shipped over to Germany, 
for there is no room for them here. Southern governors have 
been grossly delinquent in punishing these murderous mobs. 

Would that the President took as much interest to prevent 
the lynchings and burning of Negroes as his Attorney-General 
Gregory did to indict the murderers of Albert Praeger, the 




ON THE WARPATH 63 

loyal German-American lynched in Illinois. But lie plays pol- 
itics with the South, which he always favors, and by silent 
indifference cruelly condones the un-Christian, un-American 
wrongs against citizens who are worthy Americans, if their 
skin is black. 



A FIENDISH FILM 

URING this trip I saw billboards and posters adver- 
tising **The Birth of a Nation" film, which only adds 
fuel to the fire of race hatred. 

Thomas Dixon, who furnishes the plot of the film 
in his novel, ''The Clansman," is a Southern minister who talks 
love with the accent of hate. He tries to make us believe God 
made the world just for white folks, Christ died for white 
folks only, and Heaven is the white man's eternal home, to 
which no black man need apply. Mr. Dixon believes he was 
born with spurs on his heels, that the black man was born 
with a saddle on his back, and that it is Dixon's ministerial 
mission to ride the colored man to the grave here and hell 
hereafter. 

Mr. Dixon is an ''unregenerate rebel" who is trying to re- 
write history and make us believe that slavery was right and 
freedom wrong; the North an enemy and the South a friend 
to the Negro ; that the black man was better physically, men- 
tally and morally in the cotton fields than now in college or 
professional life ; that the colored man should be disfranchised, 
the fourteenth and fifteenth amendments abrogated, and the 
Negro deported to Africa. 

Fact, not fiction, tells us slavery was a moral and industrial 
sin in the body politic, and God sent the sword to cut it out and 
save our national life. In opposition to Dixon's film story is 
God's battlefield canvas from Bull Run to Vicksburg, a thou- 
sand miles long, a million men in arms, and with the words 
''Liberty and Union" painted in letters of blood. 

Dixon's "Clansman" and film are not only a lie to history, 
but a libel on the colored race as a whole, who were among the 



64 ON THE WARPATH 

bravest before the cannon's mouth at Wagner, and elsewhere, 
and among the most faithful in the South, protecting property 
and safeguarding the happiness and honor of the Southern 
women while their husbands and brothers were off to the war. 

"We are asked to believe that all the colored man lived and 
labored for was to love some white woman and seek to steal, 
seduce or force her to marry him. The Negro is not a moral 
pervert. The Seventh Commandment has more often been vio- 
lated by the white men and boys against black women and 
girls than by Negroes against whites. Anyone v/ho knows 
the meaning of the word '' mulatto," and what relations were 
in war times between white master and black slave, will feel 
there is little chance for a white man ''without sin" to throw 
stones at a sinful black man. My father was a Union soldier ; 
I have talked to many veterans ; lived in the South ; read 
and studied history, and talked with colored women in Min- 
neapolis who have made me believe that when it comes to 
passional crime the white man 's sin is a burning sun compared 
to the black man's tallow candle. 

Mason and Dixon's line was supposed to have been burned 
out, together with all the barriers between North and South, 
but Mr. Thomas Dixon would redraw and rebuild them. His 
angel children, the Ku Klux Klan, are imps that would have 
disgraced Hell in its palmiest days. Like some other secret 
** regulation" societies in the South after the war, they had a 
single virtue linked to a thousand crimes. They were not the 
pious Purity Squad of moral police, such as Dixon would have 
us believe, but a band of hell-hearted assaulters and assassins 
for whom Nero would have been a fit leader. They stood for 
killing, kindling and kidnaping. The white men who were bad 
in Rebellion times were worse in Reconstruction times, and the 
North had to go South and put them out of bloody business. 
The Ku Klux Klan wore white robes over black hearts, blessed 
their damned hate v/ith sacred texts, and began their mur- 
derous marauding with the sign of the cross, like the Inquisi- 
tors who used to lead heretics to the stake. History is ma- 
liciously misinterpreted and perverted, facts distorted, events 
put in wrong light, half-truths told that are worse than whole 
lies, outlawry condoned, and lies, looting, lechery and lynching 



ON THE WARPATH 65 

glorified by a man who prefixes the title ^'Reverend'' to his 
name. If one were to read his ''Clansman," or see its film 
illustration as a matter of pleasure or fiction ,that would be one 
thing ; but to put them forward as sober historic fact and mis- 
inform people who are ignorant of the periods of the Rebellion 
and Reconstruction is a very different and very serious matter. 

''The Birth of a Nation" was not at the close of the Civil 
War in 1864, but in 1787, when the Constitution of the United 
States was adopted; when the colonists, finding their state gov- 
ernment weak and about to fall in thirteen pieces, decided to 
merge their colonial institutions into one national one. Five 
years after the close of the Revolutionary War a convention 
was called to meet in Philadelphia; George Washington was 
made its president, and a new Constitution was made that 
bound all the states together into one country, under the rule 
of a President and Congress. That Constitution embodied the 
basic principles of free government for which Saxon sires and 
sons had long contended. Upon the precious stones of free 
speech, trial by jurj^, habeas corpus, equity before law, right 
of petition and representation, rests the imposing structure of 
our national union. 

Dixon's book and film are un-Christian, unkind, unfair, un- 
just, untrue, and un-American in their insidious attack on ten 
million colored people, who are not given credit for their mar- 
velous industrial, intellectual and religious progress since the 
close of the war. The black man was what the white man made 
him, a slave to labor, passion and superstition. The black man 
today has made infinitely more and better progress than his 
white detractors of the Dixon stamp. Were I a colored man, I 
would feel complimented and cheered at what my race was 
and is in its march toward the sky, in spite of what the white 
man has done to drag it down to perdition. Personally, I have 
much more respect for Booker T. Washington, with his black 
skin, gray matter in his brain, and white heart, than for the 
"Reverend" Thomas Dixon, with his white skin, black heart 
and mud geyser which he calls a brain. The white man was 
the black man's teacher, by precept and example of the "scal- 
lawag" of the South and the vicious white "Carpet-Bagger" 
from the North, who, after the war, led the recently freed 



(^ ON THE WARPATH 

Negroes into lawless acts and corruption. It was the whites, 
and not the blacks, who even then got the big booze and booty 
end of it. During the Reconstruction period there were some 
blacks guilty of lawless conduct and who assaulted and disfran- 
chised the white men and sought to marry or assault some 
white women. It w^as the exception, rather than the rule, and 
what they did they learned from their masters, and did it by 
way of retaliation. Like priest, like people — like white master, 
like black slave. 

Lincoln drew a black-and-white picture that Minister Dixon 
should hang up in his study — ''There will be some blacks who 
can remember that, with silent tongue, and clenched teeth, 
and steady eye, and well poised bayonet, they have helped man- 
kind on to this srreat consummation ; while I fear there will be 
some white ones unable to forget that, with malignant heart 
and deceitful speech, they strove against it." 

It was ''with charity for all and malice toward none" that 
Lincoln fought and gave his life for the freedom of the slave 
and the maintenance of the Union, declaring, "This country, 
with its inhabitants, belongs to the people who inhabit it." 
The night Lee surrendered, Lincoln said to the cheering thou- 
sands that crowded in front of the "White House, "Now let us 
sing 'Dixie,' for henceforth 'Dixie' belongs to the North just 
as the Stars and Stripes belong to the South, for we are one, 
and brothers." 

I have lived in the South, and am prepared to say that the 
rank and file of their brave men and beautiful women known 
no rivalry but that of loving duty. As Nature has wiped out 
the stains of bloody battlefields, so love has made us of one 
brotherhood. The war freed and unified the South, and today 
a common enemy would make a common cause. They are loyal 
to the flag that triumphed. 

In the company of Abraham Lincoln, and of Jesus Christ, 
who came to "set the captive free," "Reverend" Thomas 
Dixon would feel very lonesome. But let us have no fear. 
Heaven is a place of love, and a minister of hate will be sent 
on a mission to another place. In the meantime, for all such 
race-haters, slanderers, falsifiers, scatterers of firebrands, grave- 
diggers of the skeleton past, and men who do not venerate the 



^ 



ONTHEWARPATH 67 

principles for which the Northern soldiers died, may the Gold- 
en Gate of San Francisco swing shut on its hinges, and the 
Goddess of Liberty in New York thrust out her right hand to 
smite. 



TEXAS TOWNS 

|UR next stop was Houston. This city is named after 
General Sam Houston, who defeated the Mexicans, 
won Texas independence, was elected its first presi- 
dent, was governor when Texas became a state of the 

United States, and when he opposed secession was defeated. 

The city is an important cotton and lumber center, exporting 

cotton-seed oil and sugar. There are newly discovered oil 

fields near by. 

Texas is called the ''Lone Star State, '^ deriving its nick- 
name from a flag with an azure star on a white background. 
It is equal in size to half a dozen New Yorks, and contains 
nearly 270,000 square miles. The coast is crescent shaped, has 
islands of white sand, the indentation of the Gulf of Mexico, 
and deep lagoons that reach up into the plantations. In the 
southwest is situated Laguna de Madre, with water so salt 
that it kills the fish that enter it. The salt deposit on its shore 
is sufficient for home use and export. 

The state is a countr}^ all in itself. The density of popula- 
tion is small — whether this refers to the head or not I refer 
the reader to Texas representatives at Washington. The state 
produces cotton, corn and cattle. The Comanches roamed here, 
and were not subjugated until 1874, when placed in reserva- 
tions. They were fierce savages, were great hunters and fight- 
ers, carried their skin lodges with them as they roamed, had 
medical men, and Niatpol, ''my father," was their God. 

San Antonio is the largest and most interesting city. It 
is a health resort for consumptives. There are artesian springs, 
manufactures, a horse, hide and mule market. Like Phila- 
delphia, it boasts a cradle of liberty — its Alamo, where, for 



68 ON THE WARPATH 

eleven days, 180 men resisted Santa Ana's army, with its many 
thousands. Between 1776 and 1836 eight battles were fought 
for independence under Spanish, French, Mexican and Texan 
flags. 

The Rio Grande river is the boundary, below El Paso, of 
Texas and Mexico. It is 1,800 miles long, drains 160,000 square 
miles, and is mostly shallow, though boats can ascend five 
miles. The river Pecos is its chief tributary, which we crossed 
over a famous viaduct 320 feet high and 2,184 feet long. The 
river rises in the San Juan mountains of Colorado, has a length 
of 800 miles, and carries little water — who would carrv much 
for such a distance? Game is plentiful on both sides of the 
river, especially snipe and '^sniping." The bad lands, of 
course, are on the Mexican side. Leaving this serpentine river, 
we reached Marathon, 4,034 feet high. To the south are the 
Horse Head Hills and the spurs on the north are Sierra Muerte, 
an Apache range. I wonder where the saddlebacks are ? The 
climate here is said to *' approach perfection." Does it ever 
reach it? 

At Marathon the Athenians, under Miltiades, defeated the 
Persians. In this Marathon there was no fight, though there 
was the spirit of fight, as told me by some of the U. S. soldiers 
stationed here. They said they had recently gone out to avenge 
the murder of Americans by Mexican raiders. A cavalryman 
swore he liked nothing better than going after the greasy, loot- 
ing, robbing, raping desparado Mexican neighbors. Texans 
I met along the border were hot, not simply from the sun above 
but from anger within. They were anxious to cross over and 
make Mexico safe for Americans. They boasted that Texas 
itself could do it, would be glad to do it, and would have done 
it long ago if the Administration had permitted. The truck- 
growing region is at Alpine, thirty miles distant, but the truck 
at Marathon is the U. S. auto truck to the soldiers on the bor- 
der, and no car is large enough to carry the truculent feelings 
our boys have toward the Greasers. 

Paisano, over 5,000 feet, was the highest point on this route. 
Here we saw the sun set on the summit of this Sunset Route. 

El Paso is the northwest gateway to Mexico on the Rio 
Grande, and is the * ' chief pass ' ' between the United States and 



ON THE WARPATH 69 

Mexico. It has an elevation of over 3,700 feet. There are salt 
deposits and minerals, mining and smelters. The dry climate 
makes it a famous health resort. It is a live stock center, and 
the valley produces fruits and vegetables. As a health resort 
investors and tourists are most welcome. The arms of hospital- 
ity are extended by a hospitable climate to overworked million- 
aires, government profiteers, overtrained sports, mentally tired 
ministers and lawyers, stoop-shouldered writers who need a 
bracing atmosphere, lovelorn wrecks with heart lesions, and all 
others who may have catarrh, phthisis, bronchitis or asthma. 
The Pullmans bring many passengers with pulmonary diseases. 
Years ago I crossed over to Juarez and saw a bull-fight. 
That sport is now somewhat blase and has given way to killing 
Americans, a pastime enjoyed very much by the Greaser, and 
not seriously objected to by our government. If you are reli- 
gious, you may visit the shrine of Guadaloupe; if irreligious, 
attend a bull-fight ; and if historical, go to the ruins of the cap- 
ital where Benito Juarez had his headquarters during the 
French occupation. 

SMUGGLING 

MUGGLING is a high art and profitable profession at 
El Paso. We were not allowed to cross the border 
line, but others did and do. It is common for sweet 
■I senoritas to smuggle sugar. They have a device like an 
oblong life-preserver with bulging ridges or ribs. These ribs 
are filled with sugar and the girls wear it as a corset or old- 
style bustle. How sweet the dear things must look in it! 
Women, it is said, do most of the smuggling, because the men 
inspectors are too modest to examine them. How ungallant ! 

The men follow suit and smuggle sugar in their under- 
drawers. Rubber bands hold them close up to the legs, just 
above the knees, and the sugar is poured into this shapely bag. 
This should make your coffee taste better. One Mexican was 
caught smuggling 75 pounds of steak to the American side. 
He plastered the steak around his waist under his shirt. Onions 
may have been scarce, but steak smothered this way would be 
equally odorous and palatable. 




70 ON THE WARPATH 

MEXICAN ATROCITIES 



WHILE we were here survivors were straggling into 
Arizona and Texas and telling of an attack by Yaquis 
on their Southern Pacific Mexican train south of 
Guaymas. It was just one of many similar cases 
that I had related in my book, ''The Devil in Mexico." This 
deviltry seems as incredible as the fact that the Administration 
cares and does so little about it. Here are a few details to 
show that it is a fact and not fancy, truth and not a Carranza 
subsidized press report. 

All those who escaped did so by feigning death. Carlos 
Estrella, one of the passengers, said that when the train pulled 
out of Guaymas in the morning it consisted of sixteen coaches. 
Two coaches, just behind the tender, carried the military 
escort of about seventy soldiers. Then came the baggage and 
express cars, seven freight cars and the five well filled passen- 
ger coaches. As there had been no train south from Guaymas, 
the coaches were carrying more than their usual quota of pas- 
sengers, but it is impossible to approximate their number, for 
many were traveling on military passes, no count of which had 
been made. About 9:10 o'clock, when opposite kilometer 46, 
the train was brought to a halt by the derailing of several of 
the freight cars, the first few coaches having passed over the 
spreading rails in safety. 

Conductor Parades and many of the passengers alighted 
to ascertain the cause of the stop, and were confronted by 
the Indians who immediately opened a murderous fire. 
Parades ran to the caboose, followed by several Indians who 
bayoneted him as he tried to mount the steps. 

A party of Indians then went through the passenger 
coaches killing and robbing. It was then that Poe was killed. 
Calling to the Indians and asking if they wanted money, he 
reached for his pocket-book, but the Yaquis evidently mis- 
took the move as hostile for they shot him down. 

Mrs. Rene then threw herself across the body. Two other 
gangs of savages passed through the coaches robbing and 
killing. 



ON THE WARPATH 71 

An old man, Ignacio Benedivil of Alamosa, pleaded for 
the life of his two daughters, whereupon an Indian laughing- 
ly shot him dead and carried the two girls away. 

Estrella says that to make his own concealment more se- 
cure, he drew over him the body of a man who had been 
killed. 

The third party of Indians who went through the coaches 
seemed to be filled with rage because nothing valuable was 
left, so they fired into the bodies of the dead and wounded, 
cursing them. This lasted for almost two hours, when the 
Yaquis took the women and girls, as captives, to the num- 
ber of about thirty according to the survivors, and fled to the 
mountains. 

In the meantime the engineer and fireman had taken the 
engine and tender on to Lencho where the news was wired 
back to Empalme where reinforcements, under command of 
General Juan Torres, were hastily gathered. Returning, Gen- 
eral Torres stopped for the garrison at Oroz station and at 
Potam, where a volunteer had joined the command. As the 
reinforcement arrived at the scene of the massacre, the re- 
maining Indians fled, but not until they had massacred every 
living person in the coaches as they thought, and had rifled 
every trunk and package in the express and baggage car. The 
company's safe, however, proved too hard for them to crack. 

A relief train that had responded to the hurried call of the 
engineer, arrived from Guaymas in charge of General Monte, 
who had hurriedly gathered together his medical staff and a 
few soldiers, and rushed to the rescue. Naked bodies of the 
dead and wounded and the few living lay everywhere. Women 
and children were still screaming and pleading for life as they 
died. 

Immediately the medical staff began to dress the wounds 
of the living and the remaining soldiers to clear the track and 
make it possible for the train to proceed South. General 
Torres took with him on the train the wounded and the few 
living, as well as the dead who belonged in the south. Many 
of the dead were buried on the spot. The identified dead and 
wounded who belonged to the North, were carried back to 



72 ON THE WARPATH 

Empalme and Guaymas on the relief train. The bodies of 
Mr. Poe and Alonzo Suarez were buried at Empalme, accord- 
ing to the story of the passengers. Albert Joffroy, the Ameri- 
can boy who survived, was wounded three times. 

Ralph Spovel, the American railroad auditor, was brought 
back to Empalme where he died and was buried. Carlos 
Jarilla, who till recently was employed by A. Carpens of 
Nogales, suffered the same fate and was also buried at 
Empalme. Among the unidentified dead there may have been 
other Americans, for it is known that many are unaccounted 
for. 

The passengers reported that Mrs. Juan Rene, an Ameri- 
can woman and wife of a Mazatlan physician, is recovering 
at Guaymas after her clothing had been stripped off by one 
of the bandits in an effort to obtain her jewels. That Mrs. 
Rene is alive is due to her presence of mind in throwing her- 
self across the body of H. J. Poe, the Los Angeles traveling 
man who was killed. One of the Yaquis tore every garment 
from her body, then threw her back on the floor among the 
dead and wounded. Mrs. Rene feigned death and did not 
move an eyelash during the whole ordeal. 

Such is the survivors' account. This is the fate my son 
and I just escaped 10 months before when our train was held 
up by bandits in Mexico between Esperanza and Vera Cruz. 
These butcheries are of common occurrence^ yet the U. S. 
Administration seems to be more anxious to punish those who 
write and tell the facts than the Mexican fiends who commit 
them. 

Yet today Mexico is the only place in the world I know 
of where our American missionaries are not permitted to 
preach, the one place in the world that needs them more than 
any other. The old Mexican constitution which guaranteed 
this right has been succeeded by the Carranza constitution 
which annuls it, and our state department, preoccupied and 
pressed with the struggle in Europe, allows its rights in Mexico 
to be utterly ignored without a word of active practical pro- 
test. But what can you expect from Venustiano Carranza 
who rewards our friendship to him by sending the following 
birthday telegram to the Kaiser, our worst enemy? ''To 



ON THE WARPATH 73 

your Majesty wlio celebrates his anniversary today with just 

cause for rejoicing : I have the honor to send your majesty my 
most cordial congratulations and am pleased to express to you 
my best wishes for your personal happiness and that of your 
august family." 



f> 




KING COTTON 

HE S. P. means slow progress, though our train may 
have been late on account of the undu' bating" coun- 
tr}'-. The boll weevil came into Texas from Mexico, 
where most troublesome things come from in this 
region, and annually does millions of dollars damage to the 
cotton crop. Cotton is king and the only king the state will 
stand for. Mr. Boll Weevil does not believe in kings and tries 
to kill him. All our botanical and agricultural detectives are 
alert to meet and destroy this assassin. 

It is a question with some people North, East and West 
whether this war is to make the world safe for democracy or 
the South safe and prosperous for the Democratic party. 
Not long ago I was in the South when the people tearfully 
begged me to buy a bale of cotton. Now it has doubled and 
trebled in price until common people, who have never worn 
silks and satins, may pay as much for cotton aprons and 
calico dresses. Congress knocked off 80 cents a bushel from 
the farmer's wheat and fixed the minimum price of his hogs 
so that it didn't pay to feed them. It looked like a case of 
robbing Peter to pay Paul for in the meantime the untaxed 
and increased value of cotton went sky high. The govern- 
ment controls the price of wool, but hasn't pulled the wool 
over the eyes of some people who ask, ''Why exempt cotton 
from the proportionate war tax?" It is estimated now that 
the South pays ten per cent of the Federal taxes and the rest 
of the country ninety. It has been figured that from half to 
three quarters of a billion dollars could be raised by a war 
profit tax on cotton alone, yet the political party's policy is 
apparently, ''How not to do it." To the question why this 



74 ON THE WARPATH 

gross and glaring injustice has been shown the Southern 
farmer, at the expense of the Western farmer and the manu- 
facturers and middlemen, there is the usual answer. Mr. 
McAdoo, a Southerner, is in the saddle. The Southerners 
head all the important committees and the South controls 
legislation. This is rank injustice. There is no equity in the 
Administration's attitude. The offense is foul and smells to 
heaven. Democracy means equal rule and rights of all the 
people and not only of the Democratic party in power. 



WHAT TO TAX? 



CAESAR AUGUSTUS decreed that all the Roman world 
should be taxed, and Joseph and Mary went to 
Bethlehem. In later years Jesus paid the capitation 
tax at Capernaum, telling Peter, ''Go thou to the 
sea, and cast a hook, and take up the fish that first cometh up ; 
and when thou hast opened his mouth, thou shalt find a piece 
of money; that take, and give unto them for me and thee." 

A tax is a levy on propertj^ and persons for the support of 
the government. From the beginning nations have been 
taxed and will be to the end, and death itself is simply a tax 
on life. 

The Jews gave taxes on fruits and flocks ; Greeks, on mines 
and imports ; Rome, on spoils, grain and citizenship ; Europe 
had taxes on land and import duties ; in Asia the office of tax- 
gatherer was sold to the highest bidder, who proceeded at once 
to rob the people. Unjust taxation means hate and revolu- 
tion. Fair taxation means patriotism and prosperity. 

Our colonies' motto was, ''No taxation without represen- 
tation" when England tried to tax stamps and tea. Today in 
a government of, by and for the people we have federal, state 
and city taxes. 

What now should be taxed? Ltixuries and not necessi- 
ties; bachelors and old maids; churches as well as theatres. 
If the idleness, pride and folly of Americans were taxed there 



ONTHEWARPATH 75 

would be no need of war loans, and we would have money to 
burn in powder for war, fuel for the freezing and light for 
darkened homes. 

Next to love of mother is love of country. 

The liberty we enjoy today was born of suffering, cradled 
in sacrifice, educated and defended by pious patriotism. 

No sacrifice is too much for mother — none should be too 
great for our country. We are debtors to both, let us gladly 
pay our debts. 

A good citizen does not object to city taxes for streets 
and lights — if he is a good American citizen he will not resist 
a national taxation that makes for the paths of future peace 
and prosperity and the lights of law and liberty. 

America's ideal of freedom at home and abroad can only 
be maintained by an army and navy. This armed force must 
be paid for. The money must come by Liberty Loan, and the 
just and intelligent taxation of rich and poor whether they 
live in the South, or North, East and West. Uncle Sam ex- 
pects every man to do his duty, and the way he spells it is 
''due"ty. 



NEW MEXICO 

E crossed the Rio Grande from El Paso into New 
Mexico whose early inhabitants were cliff-dwellers, 
Pueblo Indians and Spaniards. Here the mountains 
rise twelve thousand feet and the rivers run down 
south into the Gulf and west into the Pacific. The soil is 
fertile and produces Lidians, cattle, gold, silver, zinc, copper, 
iron and coal. As to education, the people think more of gold 
than grammar and of mines than mind. The mountains are 
high but education is low. In 1900, 33 per cent of the popu- 
lation of ten years of age was illiterate, making the worst 
showing of any of our states. Yet this is no surprise when we 
learn there are so many Spanish customs and Mexican peo- 
ple who have not learned that wisdom is wealth. Pedagogic- 
ally speaking, New Mexico is punk, geologically it is great. 




76 ON THE WARPATH 

Around Deming we saw a fine cattle-raising country and 
at the nearby Camp Cody Uncle Sam, in his national train- 
ing camp, is raising his boys to be soldiers. 

RELICS 

GAUL was divided into three parts and Arizona est 
divisa into plains, mountains and canyons. The 
name *' Arizona" is from the Indian ''Arizonak,'* 
meaning natural features of land and water. From 
its looks it appears to be derived from ''arid" and ''zone," 
in spite of the big Colorado and Gila rivers. The state raises 
mules, cattle, sheep, wheat and hay, and mines gold, copper, 
coal and wolframite from which we procure tungsten. 

We made our bow to Bowie, a place that suggests a heavy 
sheath knife and not a city, though it was the centre of early 
western cowboy and camp life. Colonel James Bowie of 
Texas has the honor of inventing the bowie knife. He is said 
to have made the blade out of the back of a wornout file with 
which he had already killed his man. In this vicinity the 
tooth of a mastodon was discovered and a skull of an ele- 
phant, showing that long before our party reached here some 
Pleistocene tourists had been over the ground and died, 
whether of tooth ache or brain fever is not known. Perhaps 
it may have been the result of the war-food menu on the west- 
ern diners. I feared I might leave one of my teeth broken 
on the rocky bill of fares. The dining company was inclined 
to camouflage. Flags and patriotic mottoes were conspicuous 
to divert attention from the business of eating. The amounts 
were divided and the prices doubled. Magnifying glasses 
were needed to find the food and rock crushers to break it. 
The cattle out of the window looked good, but on my plate 
bad. Menus were miserable. They would have turned the 
stomach of a statue. Out here I expected a game dinner. 
Instead of that some of the hotels offered a poker game. 

Bowie is known for nearby prehistoric ruins and an old his- 
toric fort. From here we journeyed north to Globe on an 
Arizona-Eastern road. The sun rose as usual, but to us it was 



ON THE WARPATH 11 

an unusual sunrise. Its glory leaped from peak to peak, turn- 
ing the plain into a field of gold and making the hills look 
like piles of solid gold. Along the tracks were ''wickiups" 
and their Apache occupants were up and wrapped up in 
blankets from which protruded shocks of black hair. Their 
dull mahogany faces were very tame from what I had ex- 
pected from Dime novel descriptions. They are very* re- 
served on this San Carlos reservation where 5000 Apaches, 
devoid of war paint and arms, stand like wooden Indians 
looking at the train. What were their thoughts? No mat- 
ter. We passed through safely. These •'Injuns" did not 
lasso the engine, rob the express or murder and scalp us. 
My great expectations were disappointed. 

The Apache tents, or wickups, are rounded on top 
resembling half of a gigantic grape fruit, or a toadstool or 
wagon umbrella. From the looks of the tents, wraps and 
robes, all patched, they were well named Apache. 

This tribe had the reputation of being fierce, predatory 
and ranging. They are now held in check by the government 
so that the proverb has lost its point, "The only good Indian 
is a dead Indian." 

It began to sprinkle and I asked the conductor if it often 
rained in the desert. He looked astonished and replied, "This 
is no desert, but the most fertile part of Arizona." I ad- 
mitted there was an excellent crop of rocks, sage brush and 
wickiups. Yet this soil, when irrigated, blossoms and bears 
fruit, I was told. 

The engine had a hard time climbing the grade and wet 
rails because of the grade of coal, or because the big fellows 
had been drafted by Uncle Sam to Eastern service, and the 
little engines with little draft had too much to carry. 



78 ON THE WARPATH 

UNDER GROUND 



HUR train was too slow to resemble Puck and '*put 
a girdle round the Globe in forty minutes/' We 
finally made the Globe town. Naturally we stopped 
off since we were globe-trotters, though all that 

was of value and worth seeing here was a thousand feet under 
foot. 

Globe is a reformed mining camp and near the city are 
large copper mines that turn out 4,000,000 pounds of ore 
monthly. Copper is king and he had a retinue of U. S. sol- 
diers guarding his dominion from I. W. Ws. At the Old 
Dominion smelter I was stopped by a U. S. guard, but allowed 
to proceed when I showed a letter to the superintendent. The 
guard told me that I. W. Ws. had stormed the place last year 
for two days and kept the employes as prisoners so they could 
not get food. Passing some government troops we entered 
the office and received permits to enter the mine. 

Our guide took us to the entrance, gave a signal and up 
came the cage with a man looking like an Imp from the in- 
ferno. We entered, he signalled and down, down, 1800 feet 
we went. Gallery after gallery was passed, it grew warmer 
and felt as though we were headed for Hades. We went 1800 
feet although I know many people who for copper or gold 
have kept on going down till they landed in a literal hell. I 
wanted some copper souvenirs and unintentionally received 
some in the form of wet and yellow mud on my coat. Ulysses, 
Aeneas and Dante started afoot into the lower regions — I had 
the advantage of an elevator in my descent. The sensation 
was depressing. It was a facilis descensus. We exchanged 
the sleet and snow air above for the hot furnace breath be- 
neath. It was like falling down a chimney. The sensation 
of jumping off the edge of the world into Night would be 
the same. 

hike Dives, I was thirsty down here and longed for a few 
drops of the cold rain I had left above. I had been in salt, 
coal and copper mines before, but never so far below. I in- 
formed the elevator man that I wasn't permitted to leave the 
country and that he had better stop before he landed in 



ONTHEWARPATH 79 

China, since I had no passport. Finally we climbed out of 
the cage, walked through long illuminated tunnels and dis- 
covered an underground river, a regular Phlegethon or Styx. 
I have been over the top of the world, but never explored 
its viscera. Globe was busy above yet busier below. Monster 
engines on this low level were pumping out millions of gal- 
lons of water to keep the men and mine from flood. There 
was a spider work of track over which small cars of ore moved 
about like flies. 

Miners with lights on their caps groped about like gnomes 
and dwarfs. These were the true mountain kings, fit inspira- 
tion for some Grieg to paint with sound. What a buried city 
this was with its forests of timber supports and miles of tun- 
nels. I listened to all the mine facts and philosophy of cop- 
per metallurgy, viewed the sections at work and the various 
appliances, but was thinking of getting out alive, that many 
never do, and no grave-digger is ever necessary. One has 
different thoughts under the crust of the earth than those 
under the sky's canopy. 



COPPER 

COPPER has many uses which have existed from earli- 
est times. ** Copper" means policeman, and like the 
officers, it is often very hard to find. In Egypt or 
elsewhere copper means to place chips in faro and bet 
against. A copperhead is the nomenclature of a red-headed, 
brown, triangular marked snake, with no rattles, four feet 
long, that loves rocky and dry places and is sluggish but 
poisonous. The term ''copperhead" was applied by Union- 
ists to Democrats who opposed war measures, believing we 
could not conquer the South. The Knights of the Golden 
Circle came under this head of copperhead and its chief 
apostle was C. L. Vallandigham. 

Copper is obtained by "wet" and "dry" process, and 
thefts of junkmen. It is a bright red metal, ductile, malle- 
able and tenacious. It is the chief constituent of brass, bronze 
and gun metal, a compound for paints, preserving timber, and 



80 ON THE WARPATH 

its sulphate is used in dyeing, printing and for insecticide. 
As a conductor of heat and electricity it beats Dan Cupid, and 
is used for coins, ships, arts, stills, domestic utensils, tubular 
boilers, electrotyping and electrocuting. 

After circumnavigating this lower portion of the Globe, 
we came up and out from the mine, glad to see the sky again 
and breathe the Arizona ozone. On arrival at earth's crust I 
made this reflection — animals bore in the ground but man is 
the biggest bore on earth or in it. Man thinks he is the self- 
elected monarch of the animal, vegetable and mineral world, 
of bird of sky and fish of sea, of the heavens above and the 
earth beneath. 



GLOBE-TROTTING 

\N a city window we saw original specimens of as- 
bestos taken from adjacent mountains. "When 
needed, I have arranged to secure some of it for pages 
of my next book, since paper is scarce and inflam- 
mable. This asbestos belongs to the hornblende family. It 
is of fine fibre, like flax and wool, incombustible, soft to touch 
and in color runs to gray, green, brown, red and black. Cloth 
is made of it. The old Komans wrapped their dead in it 
when placed on the funeral pyre, and the ashes were retained, 
unlike the custom of the Hindus who throw them away. This 
fibre is used for pipes, safes, fireproof paint, and theatre cur 
tains which frequently prevent the audience from *' firing 
unordered menu of antique eggs and vegetables at the actors. 

Globe once had a reputation that circled 'round the globe, 
but those dear mining times are ''ore." Did we tourist pros- 
pectors find hold ups on corners, exchange of shots across the 
streets, lynchings on street corners, dead men cut up in alleys, 
gambling, faro and roulette dens thick as sin, brothels and 
concert dives full day and night, saloons pouring money in 
tills as the drinkers tilted their heads and poured booze down 
their throats, jails jammed, and coppers in the copper town? 
No, gentle reader, these things are not, and at eight p. m., 




if 



ON THE WARPATH 81 

the town is as dead as the most pious New England village. 
Now the saloons sell pop and buttermilk, the scarlet woman 
has received a blue ticket, the evening's most exciting amuse- 
ment is the movies. We peered into lighted rooms filled with 
men playing innocent Y. M. C. A. games. Instead of spots 
on character there were dirt splashes on suits, for the mud 
was soft and plentiful. The Globe citizens were no Wild West 
desperadoes, but people who looked kindly, answered ques- 
tions in a friendly way and politely gave you more than the 
right of way. When my wife and I started across the street 
the one auto there, instead of splashing mud on us or run- 
ning over us, as is the custom in the cultured East, slowed, 
stopped and signalled to cross at leisure. 

In every part of the globe visited I found John Chinaman, 
so I was not surprised to find him here in this part of the 
Globe. As usual he was waiting and willing to wash your 
clothes outside or fill your hunger inside. The meal John 
served was for miners and Majors and its quality, quantity 
and price put to shame all the ''win the war'* food fakes his 
white Christian brother had served us. Another tempting 
and exciting pleasure in this woolly town was the purchase 
of some apples and postcards from some rosy cheeked girls. 
My good time was interrupted by the breaking of my watch 
main spring. Leaving it in the care of a trusty jeweler, I 
returned after this dissipation to the Old Dominion hotel and 
lay down to dream that the cage broke its mine shaft moorings 
and fell like Lucifer never to get up. When I awoke I was 
in a feather bed and not down to bed rock. 



THE APACHE TRAIL 

|EXT morning at eight we hit the Apache Trail. It 
was Thursday, not Sunday, not a sawdust trail, but 
a trail on which we saw dust that trailed "clouds of 
glory" when the sun struck it. Our party rode in 
Wes Hill's Packard auto stage. Hill is a good name for a 
mountain stage and Packard for a big pack load. On the 
first stage of the trip the thing we most noticed was the cold. 




82 ONTHEWARPATH 

The first inspiration was the Inspiration Copper Smelter at 
Miami, a Florida name for a frosty place. For thirteen miles 
we ran by Pinal Creek. David killed the giant Goliath and 
we snap shot the giant cactus Sahauro. Alone or in groups, 
this cactus ranges from 30 to 50 feet high. The trunk is 
fluted and full of sharp spines, one or more of the branches 
being as large as the trunk. It bears a pretty red flower 
which is the state flower of Arizona. It is the camel of plants 
and desert reservoir, having a sponge interior cistern to ab- 
sorb and hold water. 

Our desert ship with Fred at the wheel sailed up 3700 feet. 
For a time it seemed the trail was laid out, not by Indians 
but by snakes, it was so winding. We turned, twisted and 
met ourselves coming and going. In the distance was dis- 
covered an asbestos mine high up on the range, resembling 
a bank of snow. I was hunting for pleasure, but in the near 
forests, where they obtained the big timbers for the dam, there 
is a region for such game as deer, cougar and bear, which 
you may hunt if you are not afraid to be hunted. A snow 
storm threatened us but we outran it. Four peaks we saw 
in the distance are over 7000 feet high and land marks for the 
surrounding country. At the summit we caught a glimpse 
of Roosevelt Lake 27 miles away. We needed no glass to see 
it, for the clear air of Arizona is a good binocular. Across 
this lake, and rising 5000 feet, was the "Dutch Woman" butte. 
Her red face was wrinkled with age and she was far from be- 
ing a "beaut." Next we passed a peak where the Tonto Apaches 
once had signal fires. It was called Smoke Signal Peak. 
The wood and the hands that lighted them are ashes, and 
the only signals now are when the rising and setting sun 
flashes red. The monument of the famous Apache Kid is a 
mountain bearing his name. Here this outlaw red-skin, red- 
handed, slaughtering savage, made his hunt and haunt. 

After the May rains, this region is carpeted with brilliant 
flowers, asters, acacia, cat's claw and Palo Verde. This time 
of the year we saw no such carpet, but did find a *'rug"ged 
landscape. 

There are said to be 28 varieties of cactus — I didn't count 
them, because I leave that to some scientific Knight "prick- 




ON THE WARPATH 83 

ing" o^er the plain. "We were in a fast car but plainly saw 
varieties of cactus commonly called Spanish bayonet, Coach 
Whip and Barrel. My memory of the cactus is limited to some I 
later fell in and was stuck with, and to a sort of ''sticky" 
cactus candy sold at Phoenix that makes a fine desert dessert. 
It is related that tourists, travelers and miners who were lost 
in the desert had lived on cactus alone. Did they get stuck 
on it and so couldn't get away like a Simon Stylites? 



HIGH LIVERS 

|IGH above us on a mountain side, like a limpet on a 
rock washed up by some old flood, stood a castle 
in the air, but substantial as stone. I drew a bead 
on it with my glasses — it was a cliff-dwelling. What 
a pity that a dwelling with such a fine location and view 
should be unoccupied. Who was the first contractor, and was 
he honest? Was it the house of a hermit or the man- 
sion of some antediluvian aristocrat? Did people come 
her for the summer months' vacation or was it a sort of half- 
way resort hotel? Did the Toltec tourists stop here on their 
trip to Mexico, and were the rates at this Cliff House as high 
and steep as the path to it? It taxes one strength to climb up 
— I wonder what the taxes were. 

The dwelling was first discovered in 1540 by Coronado's 
scouts and then as now was vacant, having a '*For Rent" 
sign on it. Not even the Apaches in their legends tell of the 
race which inhabited it. Did the Spanish sightseers, globe- 
trotters, gold-hunters and conquistadores of Coronado sleep 
her over night on their way and dream of castles in Spain, 
those ''Seven Cities of Cibola" with their fabled wealth of 
turquoise and gold ? Did a hermit crab stop here ? I wonder 
why the Jesuit and Franciscan fathers, gloomy in thought and 
garb, did not make this a site for some miracle-shrine. Was 
it built by a misanthrope to get away from the world, as a 
place of defense or an observatory? Were these cave-men 
related to those of far-away date and place who courted with 



84 ON THE WARPATH 

a club? How far did the lover fall when the father kicked 
him off the front steps? Did the grocer, in absence of rear 
delivery, hoist the stuff with rope and pulley as in Holland? 
Perchance this cliff-dwelling was a military prison and place 
of banishment. The man was some goat who could get up 
here. The gray walls were crumbled as if Earthquake had 
made a visit, and were guarded by cactus and sage, and oc- 
cupied by birds, lizards and snakes. 

This cliff-dwelling was easy of access, however, compared 
with some in the surrounding country and Colorado Canyon 
that are 800 feet sheer up and above the base of the cliff. How 
would you like to be the iceman or tax collector there ? They 
are admirable for fresh air sanitariums, but not for people 
with weak hearts, and the burglars in those days had to be 
acrobats. It is thought that the inhabitants of these high 
dwellings were ancestors of the Pueblos. 

The structures are built in ledges of rock and put in, it 
would seem, by legerdemain. They are built of stone and 
lime from two to three stories high and with square doors 
and windows. They were hard to build and the work must 
have been as dizzy and dangerous as sky-scraper building now. 
To reach them one climbed up ladders of rope or wood or by 
niches cut into the face of the rocks. These dwellings were 
often overhung by rocks so as to be invisible to the enemy 
above. The paths were only a foot wide and doubled to de- 
ceive. 

These lodges of masonry were made of black stone and 
adobe mortar — their rites are still a mystery. In the villages 
there were walls, gates, towers, small look-out windows, and 
doors so low that one stoops to conquer entrance. I query 
whether the cliff cities were up in the air at elections, if the 
candidates made platforms, and if the reformers held up high 
ideals. This style of architecture has been shelved and is 
now a thing of the past. Its rocks are of interest to the geo- 
logists, and its strata of society to the archeologists. 

The general cliff-dwelling was on a level. The Cavate 
houses were natural openings or excavated recesses. The 
antiquity of the dwellers is shrouded in much myth. Noth- 
ing definite or final has been settled. There is no authority 



ON THE WARPATH 



85 



for supposing that these people were a primitive race or that 
they go farther back than ancestors of the Pueblo Indians. 
"We met some Apaches on the road, not with tomahawks 
but shovels. They were working for the government. 



ROOSEVELT DAM 



NATURE is not the only thing that can do big things 
out here. Man, not to be outdone, has made a lake 
30 miles long and 4 miles across. It is impounded 
by the waters of the Salt River and Tonto Creek. 
Its surface serves as a pocket-mirror for the star-eyed heaven, 
the puffed out cheeks of the clouds, and the rough red faces 
of the mountains. Beneath this lake lies an ancient cliff- 
dwelling city buried in a watery grave. This artificial lake 
contains such fish as salmon and black bass swimming over 
these castle and cliff cave ruins like gold-fish around the toy 
castles in a glass globe. The fish are the only gamey war- 
riors now on this submerged battlefield. It is estimated that 
if there were a five year drought and not a drop of rain, there 
is enough water in this inland sea to irrigate 230,000 acres. 

The site of the Roosevelt Lake and dam site is beautiful, 
big and strong like the man it is named after. Theodore 
Roosevelt is a national hero down here and any one who says 
a word against him has to lick or be licked. While the T. R. 
dam is here there will be no one to damn T. R. The dimen- 
sions of the dam are 284 feet high with a crest length of 1125 
feet. We autoed on its splendid boulevard top, looked over 
its great stone precipice of man-made masonry, which looked 
small compared with the enclosing cliffs. It is one of the 
world's modern wonders. By it one million acres of soil will 
be redeemed and that should lead to grateful soul redemp- 
tion. Colored, fantastic, craggy cliffs rise on either side of 
the dam for seven hundred feet. Round and above fly the 
swallows with endless chants to slake their thirst, vultures 



86 ON THE WARPATH 

wheel above to swoop on them, and on each side is a splash- 
ing spillway falling into silent foam, a big spill of water, from 
a reservoir bowl, falling from a height 60 feet greater than 
Niagara and making a plunge of over 200 feet. 

Abraham's or Ruth's lodge had no such surroundings as 
the one here. Ruth embraced Naomi when she wanted to 
lodge with her. This lodge is embraced by the two arms of the 
Roosevelt Lake. The view is sublime and you may feed your 
soul on scenery or your stomach with food. There is a collec- 
tion of Indian curios for the curious, such as arrows, baskets, 
feathers, pottery, blankets and beads. We wanted to see the 
living relics of departed Indian worth on the hill side. 



SCOUTING 

|NEAKING out, we scrambled like goats up the hill 
to look for Indians. But their scouts had seen our 
approach, and instead of giving the signal to attack, 
passed the word that drove them into the hiding of 
their wickiup. W^hat is a wickiup? It is an Indian tepee or 
tent with pole frames bent over and so covered as to resemble 
a huge trap or a shock of hay. The ribs are covered with 
rags, long grass and tin. Never before w^as I in so wild an 
encampment of biscuit boxes, lard pails and tin cans. We 
skirted some bushes that were hung with the brightest skirts 
and duds of Indian women and children. The scenery was 
wild, so were our exclamations, but the Apaches were very 
tame. 

Our expedition was to get pictures, so we stealthily crept 
along the rocks, by bushes and cans, but could not take them 
by surprise. Don't try to entice civilized Apaches by chromos, 
glass beads and a stick of gum. This may do for their simple 
brothers and sisters in the Andes — the only thing to make 
these savages come out of their tents and be civil enough to 
stand or sit for a picture, is to give them mazuma, to scatter 
coin as you do corn for chickens. There were some kids by the 
lake and from the strata of dirt on the ledges of their faces, 




ONTHEWARPATH 87 

the tide of this lake's high water mark had never reached 
their feet or foreheads. I suppose a sun bath and their hair 
combed by the wind is sufficient toilet. I bribed some little 
Apache kids, whose hair was in shocks and their clothes in 
a shocking condition, to permit me to stand them against 
the wall and shoot them. An old squaw appeared with two 
dogs at her heels which did not lose the scent any more than 
she did the nickels we tossed her. 

Attention from this witch was withdrawn to a bewitching 
Pocahontas with long braids of black hair flowing down her 
back. She was dressed in a red skirt and shawl and held a 
woozy, papoosy baby in her arms. We tried to bag this game 
but she escaped and hid in her wickiup. We followed to the 
canvas entrance but were stopped by the spiney ribs of the 
cactus supports that upheld the tent and were good protec- 
tors. In the tent sat the contented mother with babe at her 
breast, and a squatting old squaw preparing dinner for the 
bucks who were working for the government on the road at 
$5 a day. 

I motioned to the baby and kodak and offered one dollar 

for a picture. My banker friend Hechtman, of Osseo, Minn., 

who was enroute to Honolulu with his wife, offered another 

but she scornfully smiled. Then we put up three and she shut 

us up by raising her hand, extending five fingers and saying, 

''Five dollars, five dollars." That was enough to go around 

for all the Apaches round there. She should have offered 

me the whole establishment for that price. The tourist had 

humored and spoiled her until she put on more airs than 

Pocahontas or Minnehaha. 

A Liberty Loan poster was tacked on a shack. If these 
Apaches get as much from the travelers as the}'' did from us, 
I think their quota should be set high up in the New York 
and Chicago class. 



88 ON THE WARPATH 

ON THE WARPATH 

SALT RIVER canyon shoots a stream of fresh water 
for seven miles and our auto ran along until it 
stopped at Fish Creek station. We had thrown the 
Old Woman Shoe mountain behind our shoulder and 
left the mountain menagerie with its group of Eagle and Lion 
head rocks. This twenty mile drive gave us an Arizona ap- 
petite, and we felt as empty as a canyon or the tin cans along 
the route. The definition of man as a biped who lives on 
canned goods was doubtless made by some one who Jived in 
Arizona. Our journey here was through a procession of gap- 
ing cans and canyons. We had come by gorges but our meal 
was the biggest gorge of all. There were no fish at Fish 
Creek, only canned stuff. 

In the distance rose Lion Head rock, and in the front yard 
of our pilgrim's rest crouched a real live mountain lion with 
a screen wire fence around her. She had been caught as a 
cub and trained to be as gentle and playful as a kitten. A 
chauffeur entered and pussy hissed at him from her box seat. 
He quickly left the stage of action. Then her owner went 
in. Instead of feeding her chunks of meat, he courted her 
favor by breaking nice fresh eggs and allowing her to suck 
them from the shells in his hands. The boss was thin and 
when I was asked to enter I feared my fat might be too tempt- 
ing and she might be inclined to change her egg diet. I 
politely refused to be introduced to her and remained outside 
the wire. 

Off again, not with black care, but with Comfort, Pleasure 
and Wonder. *'Nil admirari" would not have been Horace's 
motto if he had been one of our party. Canyons to right of 
us, left, in front and behind our auto volleyed and thundered 
with gasoline explosion. Climbing through these mountain 
fastnesses we were compelled to drive slow. At Horseshoe 
bend we slipped across the bridge of Fish Creek and began 
to crawl like a fly up the face of the cliff. The car made a 
short curve and nearly collided with a four-horse truck team 
on the narrow trail. Fred killed the ear instead of killing us, 
put on the emergency brake, allowed it to pass, and then 



ON THE WARPATH 89 

had a hard time to start up. He had to slide back before he 
could start ahead, and all this time we were balancing on the 
brink of a 900 foot chasm. It was not encouraging or com- 
forting to see the remains of auto wrecks that had gone over 
the side here. The danger is not savages but smash ups. 

From now on wrecked autos were the mile posts and as fam- 
iliar as the cactus and canyons. On this literal high way 
Death was the bandit to rob one of life. This was some 
scenery and sensation. One is glad his soul is saved and his 
life insurance premium paid. These chasms were like yawn- 
ing graves and suggested grave thoughts. 

Lookout Point was at the right. We had to look out 
suddenly and nervously and felt easier when we could de- 
liberately and delightfully look out at the mighty and mag- 
nificent picture of cavernous chasms, grotesque gorges and 
colored cliifs. Nature is beautiful in deformity and the 
panorama was as weird as the mountains of the moon through 
a telescope. Standing here at mid-day and gazing at Arrow- 
head mountain, we were targets shot through and through 
by the burning arrows of Phoebus, not Geronimo. 

The Summit view shows Mazatazal range and Four Peaks. 
One finds the Satanic name of Diablo but the Creator is su- 
preme. This is a real No Man's Land — it belongs to God. 
My eyes were red, either from the dust of the ride, or be- 
cause they were drunk with the scenery. Our eyes galloped 
around the mesa over many miles of winding .road, roads fine 
for autos and horses and especially so for a Pegasus with 
poetic inspiration. At school I was averse to scanning verse, 
but not here when it comes to scanning this rugged natural 
poetry of Arizona scenery. This was not the Grand Canyofl, 
only a baby grand canyon where the golden and silver fingers 
of day and night played symphonies and nocturnes in most 
harmonious colors. 

Along this warpath the mountain formations are like bat- 
tlements, turrets and parapets. The colored canyons looked 
like sunset clouds. They were most brilliant sermons in stone, 
and just as dry and barren as the sermons of some high-salar- 
ied ministers. 



90 ONTHEWARPATH 

Along the mountain paths of Europe and South America 
are many man-made shrines for the image of the Madonna. 
Here on the face of a very high cliff is the likeness of a full 
length statue of the Virgin Mary chiselled out by sun, frost 
and shower. As on Sunday in church there come week-day 
and wicked distracting thoughts, so in this stony cathedral, 
whose silence is the audience chamber of God, we found this 
Virgin figure placed between the Canyon Diablo on the left 
and the * ' One-Eyed Giant ' ' on the right. 

In Creation's morning when the fire was hot, Mother Na- 
ture poured out her red and gray rock into many curious 
forms. The Bull Frog looks natural enough to croak and 
what a croak would echo if he did. The Gila monster, climb- 
ing to get over the top of a cliff, is a giant lizard and looks 
like the petrified remains of some prehistoric plesiosaurus 
tossed up and left high and dry when the wave of Oblivion 
engulfed this region. 

Tortilla Flat creek is a station to pause at if hungry or 
thirsty. The first dam was located here. The creek is 
spanned by a very creaky, loose, wobbly bridge which swung 
with the weight of an Indian girl walking towards us. She 
shot an inviting arrowy glance and we all regretted there was 
no time to pause and have her make some flat tortillas. 

There are no blood-thirsty people on the trail but there 
are very many booze-thirsty ones. Arizona is naturally dry 
and needs irrigation — so are the people, not for natural water 
from the dam, but from imported fire-water. Bootleggers get 
it from neighboring states and smuggle it in by autos. Your 
Uncle Sam is on their trail and makes it hot for these moral 
outlaws. 

Swirling by whirlpool rock to right of us, making obser- 
vation of Little Alps to the left, and bouncing down Boulder 
Canyon, we reached Mormon Flat where a party of early 
Mormon emigrant campers were massacred by the Apaches. 
These Indians, first in alphabet, cunning and cruelty, swooped 
down like vultures on the defenseless pilgrims. 

Here the Salt River gets up from its gorgeous bed, goes 
across the flat and for change explores another rock-walled 



ON THE WARPATH 91 

canyon. To left yawns sleepy Black Canyon and then Apache 
Gap meets us. This is the historic place where in 1886 the 
Apaches were made to hit the trail of defeat by Lieutenant 
Lawton, 7th U. S. Cavalry. 

Looping, lassoing, curving and corkscrewing, we chugged 
down to the floor level of the Salt River valley. It was a 
puzzle, labyrinth, maze and tangle of trail and we finally came 
safely through — thanks to Providence, who with temptations 
as mountains, always has a way of escape. Then we sigh re- 
lief, rested ourselves and gave the auto a drink at the oasis 
of the Government "Well. 

Goldfield Mine was a wealth of golden glitter in the sun- 
shine; "Weaver's Needle of sharp rock was knitting up the 
ravelled edges of the clouds; Superstitious Mountain loomed 
with its shadow suggestive of many mountains of superstition 
still on the map of the mind that can only be removed by 
some awful blast or quake of intelligence. There is a legend 
that nine Indians climbed Mt. Superstition and all myster- 
iously disappeared. Like Moses on Nebo, they never came 
down. Their ghosts haunt the place and all but Apaches 
give it the go-by. I have seen an Apache dance in Paris tough 
quarters, and wish I could have seen the old annual sacred 
devil dance in front of this mountain. They peopled it with 
Satanic spirits, cried to them, were answered by them, and, 
filled with revival spirit, went out to desperate marauding 
and murder, ten fold more the children of the devil than be- 
fore. This mountain is the last sentinel we passed on the 
mountain trail before entering the desert. 



THE DESERT 



THE desert is a dry subject poets love to describe from 
a distance. Omar, Byron and a bunch of bards have 
pretended to love it and have written about it, but 
they never stayed in it any longer than necessary. 
Of course, every summer Harold Bell Wright lives in a tent 
out in the Arizona desert and writes novels, yet who dares 



92 ON THE WARPATH 

call him a great writer except to the amount of the check he 
is able to write. People who dwell in deserts may be pictur- 
esque and poetic to write about, but just think what the words 
Bedouin, Indian, Fakir and Brigand suggest. 

The desert may be defined as a place of dust, cactus and 
centipedes ; a wilderness, a solitude, a vast stony sandy stretch 
void of vegetation and moisture ; an uninhabited tract of land ; 
a place where people attempt to run away from the world; 
a resort for fools and wise men, savages and sages. 

The desert is a place of bare rocks, white sand and crevices. 
Instead of snow there is scorching sand ; in lieu of birds there 
are serpents ; you hear the hiss of snake and hot wind. Dur- 
ing the day the traveler sees shapes of ships, spires, walls 
and towers in the mountain crags and listens in vain for a 
word from stone lips petrified with silence. At sunset he 
journeys through the clouds in thought and sails rivers of 
gold. What is this world but a desert, and humanity a cloud 
of dust that passes away ! Time has written Arizona history 
on its rocky leaves — its drifting sands are the hour-glass for 
those who have gone from time to eternity. What wonder- 
ful pictures one sees in the desert where the brushes of the 
air paint from the palette of the golden sun and silver moon. 
The desert is a land of passion and repose, of dreams and end- 
less calm. 

How many men, sick in stomach and soul, are glad to be 
self-sentenced exiles to the desert, anxious to get awaj^ from 
life's dreary turmoil of fears and frowns, meanness and 
malice, folly and falseness. 

To some the desert is an empire of emptiness only in- 
habited by the spirits of Famine and Fire. There is no river, 
brook nor fountain — 'tis an endless horizon of burning sky and 
barren earth. 

To the desert come thugs, thieves and brutes. Others 
come thirsting for gold and adventure only to die of thirst. 
No matter how much you gush about the scenery, you long 
for a gush of water. The saint loves the sighing night winds 
and burning, bright stars. Like Elijah at Horeb, God is in 
the still small voice, saying to his child, ^'Man is distant but 
God is near." 



ON THE WARPATH 93 

Most of earth's surface is sea and sand. The traveler 
learns how many deserted places this world has and each 
has a charm and beauty all its own. One sometimes asks the 
question why was the desert put here, or anywhere, and what 's 
its use? I don't know except to get out of. If Bacon were 
living he could give the final cause reason. Perhaps the desert 
is just a sun-burn tan or fever blister on the body of Mother 
Earth. 

Some flee to the desert with the words on their lips, "Any- 
where, anywhere, out of the world." They are always bet- 
ter off away than at home. They hate home and love travel, 
they prefer solitude to the multitude, and sick of their sur- 
roundings, like souls, they enter other lives. 

The desert is the Elysium of the outlaw, tramp, poet, as- 
cetic, nomad, Indian, hermit, anchorite, invalid, miner, as well 
as of the scorpion, lizard, vulture, snake, jackall, camel and 
lion. 

I have seen deserts, that like steel mirrors, reflected the 
light of sky and earth on fire. Some seemed like winding 
sheets of sand for a dead world. It is a domain of Death 
where dwell Fear, Famine, Thirst and Terror. It is the 
majestic throne of Silence and Immensity — a stage with set- 
ting of mirage where pageants of colored clouds march on 
forever. 

In the desert your shadow is your only companion. Here 
you wish for nothing, aspire to nothing and regret nothing. 
You are the slave of circumstance as the desert is the slave of 
the sun. The souvenirs one carries away from this land of 
Death are whitened bones. Desert silence is broken by the 
tinkle of the camel-bell and screech of the vulture. Far 
from the madding crowd, the desert encroaches on your 
thought until color becomes deified. 

In the desert one may be alone but not lonely. The lover of 
crowds, banquets and balls stays but a short time, unless like 
Cain he is a fugitive. To me, the man is empty-minded who 
says the desert is empty. One may not have all human com- 
forts, yet he may receive divine consolation. There is no 
room or flat except all outdoors ; no decorated ceiling and 
electric lights, just God's sky, sun, moon and stars; no gra- 



94 ON THE WARPATH 

phophone, but the music of wind and sand; no easy chairs 
and beds, but Jacob's pillow with divine dreams; no movies 
and stage, but an amphitheatre of shifting scenes; no oil 
paintings, but sunrise, sunset and cloud; the architecture is 
rocks, the library, geology. The mental horizon is bigger 
just as the physical one is. The desert has its blessings — no 
alarm clock, or bath, or shave, or newspaper, or cook, or 
trolley, or office, or business, or club, or golf, or banquet, or 
concert, or lecture, or theatre, or sermon, or war-movie, or 
problem play, or visits. Man should be thankful for an oc- 
casional Robinson Crusoe existence. Desert change is bene- 
ficial. It is well to leave man's hand-made hell of crowded, 
smelly, grimy cities for God's open, large, clean desert. 

The desert is an oven by day and an ice-box by night. 
The wells one is sure to find are the wells of perspiration. 
As we crossed the desert our auto was a motor-boat and on 
this sandy sea we were covered with dusty spray. We brushed 
along the road and the brush most needed was the clothes 
brush. In the desert one finds cactus, carcasses and rattle- 
snakes, the last being a poor toy for a child. 

Artists love nude models — is this the reason why the naked 
and bare desert furnishes them with so many paintings? I 
have seen the desert sand yellow as butter and on my lips it 
tasted bitter as death. The dust fires your eyes, fills your ears 
and makes your nose bleed. After the sun has traveled across 
the desert all day I have noticed he goes to bed red-eyed from 
the dust. 

Desert music is diversified, whether it comes from the 
Oriental howling dervish, the yell of the tiger, the melody of 
Egypt's Memnon statues, the jingle of the camel-bell, or the 
wind harping on an animal or human skeleton. 

Solitude and desert are synonymous. Landor called soli- 
tude the audience chamber of God. It is the meeting place of 
living and dead. In calm rather than crash, we rightly meas- 
ure the real value of the things we strive for. John went to 
the desert to see God face to face and leave the city buried 
under ritual form and creed. We should open the eyes and 
ears of our heart to the sights and sounds of nature that 
speaks of the Creator to the soul as no teacher of books can. 



ONTHEWARPATH 95 

John went from the slavery of the city to the freedom of the 
desert. Silent day here echoes the airy voices of the dead; 
silvery night bathes the soul in holy quiet, in the desert where 
the living visit and the dead abide. 

One cannot make a solitude and call it peace, or quiet his 
restless soul by fleeing to the desert. Sand, rock and cave were 
no shelter to the ascetic hermit, Rufinus, who fled the surging, 
sinful society of city life for spiritual safety. He could not 
get away from himself or the thought of the fair face and 
form which had fired his dreams and thrilled every nerve of 
passion. So he left the desert and rushed back again to the city. 
In Eber's ''Homo Sum," pious Paulus and saintly Stephanus 
exiled themselves from the charm of the wicked city to the 
desert sand and silence of solitude. But fastings, prayers and 
scourgings could not drive out evil desires. Temptation within 
was stronger than outward ascetic vow. Paulus, betrayed into 
wrong, traces with dying fingers a request for prayer. Ste- 
phanus, suddenly meeting an old enemy, forgets forgiveness, 
clutches him by the throat and goes down over the precipice 
with him, crying, ''He shall be damned ! He shall be damned !" 
Flaubert paints a picture of St. Anthony in the desert and his 
many temptations in dreams to wealth, pleasure and death. 

As we passed Superstition mountain, I seemed to see in 
the lengthening shadows of the setting sun spectre forms of 
dusky Apaches galloping along the horizon on their ponies, 
while the wind echoed their blood-curdling warcry as they 
swooped down on some warlike tribe or peaceful emigrant to 
lay them low. 

I have crossed deserts by dromedaries in Africa, bullock- 
carts in India, but here your packhorse is a Packard. The only 
camel seen is Camel-Back mountain, and it was at this point 
that our well behaved car acted strangely. It breathed hard, 
and moved irregularly and slowly. So near our journey's end, 
this should have been the last place for it to cut up. Neverthe- 
less, it did, Fred grew anxious, and found that its life-blood, 
gasoline, had nearly ebbed away. A camel may do without 
water in the desert, but an auto must have its gasoline. It was 
a close call, but the car managed to last until we crossed the 
sands and reached a relief station in the shape of a farmhouse. 



96 ON THE WARPATH 

We hailed a boy, who went to a field where a man was driving 
a tractor. He returned with a pitcher full of gas, which lasted 
till we reached Mesa, a filling station, where Fred tanked up. 
The thirsty machine gassed, he hit her up to 40 miles an 
hour, to enable some of our passengers to make a train at 
Phoenix. We rushed madly by Mesa, and then Tempe, dark, 
dusty, flat and prosaic — not the one of poetic temperament in 
classic Greece that looked up to Mt. Ossa and Pelion, and 
through whose vale the river Peneus flowed into the sea. We 
flew across the state highway bridge over the Salt river, down 
avenues, outdistancing other autos and speed-cops, and pulled 
up at the Phoenix depot five minutes before the train left. The 
ride was wilder than Tam O'Shanter's. So ended this *' day- 
tour" through the heart of the Apache country, which throbs 
with beauty, mystery, romance and history — a land not only 
rich in minerals but in legendary lore. 

The Highland canal, twenty-five miles from Phoenix, showed 
us what water could do for the desert. The Big water we had 
seen in the morning was here in the evening, making the desert 
a rose garden of beauty. There was life, green freshness and 
productivity, acres of alfalfa, fields of corn, orchards of fruit, 
plums, peaches, pears, dates and figs, and tall, clean, strong, 
white balls of cotton from Egyptian seed. It looked like the 
Nile valley — all it lacked was the pyramids silhouetted in the 
distance. W^e saw cotton gins, the only kind of gin allowed in 
dry Arizona j Arizona, the oldest America, but our newest state. 



PHOENIXIANA 

THAT ancient globe-trotter and truthful tale-teller, 
Herodotus, was the first to write about Phoenix. 
'Twas a bird of a story, and his flight of fancy 
has given it in classic winged words. He 
lays the legend in Heliopolis, the city of the sun 
— but when I was there I found no light on it. Herodo- 
tus calmly informs us that once every five hundred years a 
bird came to Eg>T)t and buried its father in a sanctuary there. 



in an egg made of myrrh. This bird belonged to the order of 



ONTHEWARPATH 97 

eagles, a game bird and a high flier, and was covered with red 
and gold feathers. It grieves me greatly to say that, while I 
have visited Heliopolis twice, I have missed it both times. 

Mythology, as truthful an historian as Herodotus, says there 
was only one Phoenix at a time, and when he was ready to die 
he made a nest out of which a new^ Phoenix grew, the bird com- 
ing to life in Arabia. There is one other account of Phoenix 
so abundantly proved by historical eye-witnesses and editors 
that it is indisputable. It is known that when the Phoenix was 
dying it threw itself into the flames, and from its burned 
feathers and bones a new bird arose, stronger and more beauti- 
ful than the other. 

There are many Phoenixes. The fruit Phoenix, a genus of 
tropical palm under v/hose fruitful shade we have not time 
to linger; Phoenix, the southern constellation which Bayer 
located between Grus and Eridanus, whose brightest star per- 
formers form a curved line. In the theatre of space these stars 
sing as they shine up to the listening Gods in the boxes. 
Then I have sailed by a group of islands called Phoenix, over a 
thousand miles northeast of cannibal Fiji. I must not forget 
repeated visits to Phoenix park, Dublin. Here one sees a 
palatial sward of nearly 2,000 acres. I covered it with a side- 
open jaunting car whose good-natured jarvey pointed out the 
zoological garden, Wellington testimonial and Viceregal lodge 
whose green was blood-stained in 1882 by the foul assassination 
of Lord Frederick Cavendish, chief secretary of Ireland, and 
Thomas H. Burke, the under secretary. 

The reason for this digression on Phoenix is because the city 
of Phoenix, Arizona, which I started to write about, has noth- 
ing more interesting, to me at least, than the aforesaid enumer- 
ated things and places suggested by its name. How could one 
write a classic description of Phoenix without mentioning He- 
rodotus, the Father of History? The other added digressions 
are a side-dish to the city's regular menu. 

Phoenix, Arizona, was first established in 1867, near some 
prehistoric ruins, and moved to its present location in 1870. 
The old city hall looks as it were one of the ruins brought 
with them. The town was settled in 1875, but the dust has 
never been settled. It is an in" dust "rious town. 



98 ONTHEWARPATH 

The climate is mild, and is a tonic that makes you feel poet- 
ically Mil-tonic. Phoenix is noted for its South African and 
Nubian ostriches and American octogenarians. The products 
are mines, live stock, hay, grain, honey, wine, oranges, cattle 
ranges, sheep runs and ostrich farms. A commodious and com- 
fortable insane asylum has been erected here for those who 
come to Phoenix believeing all the railroads, real estate and 
mining sharks have told them. 

One remembers Tempe as the haunt of beauty and the gods 
— but, ye gods ! how he is shocked when he comes here, to find 
that Tempe, Arizona, has a Grovernment Agricultural Experi- 
ment Station devoted to the culture of a variety of Morocco 
dates. 

Here are some bald facts and thoughts about Phoenix — 
the kind to be expected from a bald-headed writer. The State 
Capitol is the big show-place of the city. It stands at the end 
of the palm-shaded Washington street leading to it, like an- 
other Taj Mahal. Travelers who have seen both will note the 
great dissimilarity. No doubt it was located so far from town 
that it might discourage the daily visits of peripatetic politi- 
cians and office-seekers. It stands in a beautiful grass-green 
park with trees, flowers, foliage and walks that make it a verita- 
ble oasis in the desert. Within the domed building are the 
official offices of the governor and staff, a waiting place for 
hungry politicians, and a nice lunch-counter within easy reach. 
Here the ever self-sacrificing patriots may get a hand-me-down 
sandwich, cup of coffee, cut of pie or cheese without going way 
home for it and thus wasting much valuable time and car- 
fare which they are consecrating to their dear country's needs. 

The Water Users Building is just what one expects in a pro- 
hibition town. It is the headquarters of the U. S. Reclamation 
service, irrigation system and Roosevelt dam. The Phoenixians 
have a unique way of sprinkling the streets. All day long men 
stand on the leading corners, line up along the curbs and ex- 
pectorate as gentlemen by laying the dust with tobacco juice. 
This is their respite and Nepenthe. 

Sunday morning I was moved by a sermon given by an old- 
time Methodist exhorter, but the wildest amusement is the 
the movies. The Wild West here is now found on the picture 



ON THE WARPATH 99 

screen, not on the street. In front of one house there was a 
poster of Indians holding up a stage-coach. Standing before 
the poster was a group of Apaches in civilized suits, shoes, felt 
hats, white shirts and ties. They looked at the colored ad 
as if wondering whether it were true, or as if they admired 
their brave ancestors and sadly lamented the quiet civilized 
state to which they themselves had fallen. 

Buildings such as hotels, banks, theatres, schools, churches 
are found, but the main building and the most important is 
the garage. Gasoline is the life-blood of the town. The cow- 
boy, horse and Apache pony have given way to the auto and 
chauffeur in the streets. To enter this brightly lighted city 
from the desert is as great a surprise as the camel-rider in the 
Sahara feels when he comes to an oasis. Phoenix is a modem 
caravansary where autos load up on gas, oil, tires, air, elec- 
tricity and many other necessities. Everywhere you see desert 
dust-covered Bedouin cars snorting smelly gas, breathing hard, 
rushing down the streets. On corner lots one finds scores of 
second-hand and junk autos for sale. They are wrecks from the 
awful wear and tear of the rough trail desert trips. Sanitari- 
ums and hospitals have made Phoenix famous, but the auto 
hospital is the leading institution for tubercular tubes, tired 
tires, broken bodies, worn-out frames, one-lunged cylinders, 
battered batteries, degenerate generators, stripped gears, asth- 
matic horns and motors with loco-motor ataxia. 

Vice-President Marshall, third-term shouter, has a winter 
home near Phoenix, a good corral for the sub-driver of the 
Democratic Donkey that brayed so loud in Wisconsin that it 
scared away its followers and made them rush for Lenroot. 



THE DEATH PENALTY 

AIRIZONA always had Cain descendants, and the fore- 
I warned traveler was forearmed. Today the red stream 
of blood flows over its red rocks. It is said that since 
the abolition of the death penalty for murder homi- 
cide has increased 100 per cent, and this in spite of the fact 



100 ON THE WARPATH 

that prohibition is in effect, save for some lawless bottleggers. 
Crime is increasing at a big ratio, and the many murders since 
prohibition went into effect prove that lax law against murder 
is responsible and that men will run amuck when they know 
they are not to be punished by the death penalty. 

Sentimental governors, political misrepresentatives and 
their constituents who vote to abolish capital punishment are 
particeps criminis to lawless murder. No government is possi- 
ble without law, law without penalty is nil, and the penalty that 
does not fit the crime multiplies crime. Fools who profess to 
be wiser than God, and some knaves pretending to be more 
tender-hearted than the Redeemer, have ignored the Bible mur- 
der penalty, of substance in the Old Testament and of spirit 
in the New Testament, until today in the United States about 
one murderer out of seventy-four receives the death penalty, 
and the average life sentence of the murderer is reduced to 
seven years. 



CIVILIZED SAVAGES 

IN the Phoenix Indian School Uncle Sam has collected, 
from forty different tribes, members of his original 
and aboriginal family. Boys and girls, aged 14 to 20, 
come here for a term of three to five years. It costs 
the Federal Government over $135,000 annually, but it is a 
fine investment, and the students are willing to work half the 
time at books and the other half at practical employment. 
Time is not frittered away with vacations, but spent in avoca- 
tions tending to self-support, honor and efficiency in later years. 
Students must know the three R's, plus a public school course, 
and, since most of them will not occupy government salaried 
positions in town, but are destined to live in rural homes in 
villages, the knowledge of industrial and domestic values is 
imperative. The boys become farmers and mechanics, the girls 
housewives. 

Riding out three miles from the city over a flat country, 
we came to the Indian school, with sky-line mountains in 




ON THE WARPATH 101 

the background. It is said that there is no royal road to learn- 
ing, yet the big double rows of palms made it seem so as they 
extended their open palms of welcome. 

I met a nut-brown Indian maid who introduced me to Dr. 
John B. Brown, the superintendent, who gave me information 
about the institution and a guide to take me about the school 
grounds and buildings. I saw my first Indian fight in a class- 
room, where an Apache was murdering the king's English. 
Some were killing time. The instructor's idea was to teach the 
pupils how to shoot ideas, and not arrows. From the number 
of classes round about, I was sure the Redman would be well 
read. One brave was making a brave attempt to lead a column 
of figures across the blackboard. 

On the way to the Vocational School, we saw several girls 
illustrating a lesson on cleanliness by sweeping steps and 
walks. It is not too sweeping a statement to say that 
what they were doing was as important as studying 
Greek. Their dresses were deep blue and matched the 
sky above them. Their suits were not as scenic as 
blankets, but much more sanitary, and they made a 
good picture for some blue prints as the wind blew their 
hair. In another room girls were sewing, doing millinery 
and needle work and making hats and dresses. In the audi- 
torium they learn to make addresses, sing and play, and give 
their college yell, something far different from a carnage yell. 

Boys in the printshop were setting up type, printing pro- 
grams, folders and pamphlets. They issue a magazine entitled 
^'The Native American." It appeared in attractive type that 
proves there is a new type of Indian today. They showed me 
a cut of printer's ''pi." These Indian boys deserve feathers in 
their caps. The tailor shop was interesting. The boys may 
not have read Carlyle's ''Sartor Resartus," "Tailor Retail- 
ored," though some of their brothers may have at the Carlisle 
Indian School. The suits they made were suitable for school 
work. 

Apache mental capacity is great, yet their food capacity is 
greater. Their study course is primary pre-vocational and 
vocational. Of course, like us, they like the dinner course. 
When the whistle blew at 12, two separate streams of hungry 



1 /\ 



02 ONTHE WARPATH 

humanity poured into the immense dining-room. Students were 
segregated, boys on one side and girls on the other. They stood 
at their tables, sang a prayer of thanks in sweet unison, then 
sat down and fell to keeping time with knives and forks to the 
music of a graphophone. At the end of the dinig hall there 
was a large painted motto, ''No Excellence Without Labor," 
and the pupils illustrated it when they fell to work and gave an 
excellent performance of eating. The meal was plain, no reason 
to complain, and there was plenty of wholesome food. There was 
no vacant seat, or I certainly would have filled it. We went out 
to the kitchen and spoke to the Indian cooks and butchers. 
The chef had a class of boys, and his chef d'oeuvre was a large 
chart of a beef, with its choice cuts named and numbered, a 
sort of a map with lines to make it go as far as possible. 

An item in one of their magazines stated that an Apache 
had found a five-dollar bill on the school campus and turned it 
over to the owner. It would seem that his education is not yet 
complete or equal to that of his white brothers. 

These Indian students were patriotic in buying Liberty 
Bonds to help the Great White Father. They were enlisting and 
investing in the R-ed Cross service. The widow, Azul Geronimo, 
and son of the old crafty and cruel Geronimo who for so long 
was an unholy terror to Uncle Sam, have bought Liberty Bonds 
at the government reservation near Tularosa, N. M. 

A study of the Indian problem shows that some of the old 
primitive savages are left ; that two-thirds have given up old 
customs for modern dress, making a loss to the artist but a 
gain to the tailor; and that one-third attend church. There are 
over 300,000 Indians in the United States, included in 217 tribes 
and bands. Oklahoma is the big Indian state, with more than 
100,000 Indians. Arizona coming next with 42,000. 

The word ''Apache" meant "enemy," according to Zuni. 
They were warlike and powerful and always in war with the 
whites. They surrendered in 1886 and were deported to Flor- 
ida and Alabama, where they underwent military imprison- 
ment. The Apaches are of Athabascan stock, and there is a 
mixture with Spanish blood, due to captives. They were thieves 
and murderers from the middle of the sixteenth century. Be- 
tween 1870 and 1886 there were violent outbreaks under such 



ONTHE WARPATH 103 

braves as Cachise, Victorio, Geronimo, Nana and Nakaidoklini, 
when several hundred whites in Mexico and New Mexico 
were killed and their property stolen. As late as 1900 the 
Apaches made a murderous raid on the Mormon settlers in 
Chihuahua. 

Apache blood was good in Geronimo — it was better in Dr. 
Carlos Montaguina, who was full-blooded and an educated 
doctor at several government Indian agencies, later a doctor in 
Chicago, and a professor in the College of Physicians and Sur- 
geons. His career was scientific, and instead of the tomahawk 
he wielded the scalpel. The doctor believed in education. It 
was high time to teach his tribe English, when the word for 
stove polish in the Indian tongue is ''Deyeknonhsedehrihadas- 
terasterahetakwa. ' ' 

Apache Geronimo was too wily for General Crook, and led 
him a wild warpath chase. Finally General Nelson A. Miles 
was appointed. Day and night he chased the Apaches through 
desert and mountain, till at last he cornered and captured them. 
Geronimo and his chiefs were taken to Port Sill as military 
prisoners. This was the end of the Apache warpath. 



A SAVAGE ATTACK 



IHARLES DICKENS raises the dickens in his ''Noble 
Savage" when he tells what he thinks about the In- 
dian, though what he satirically said of the Redman 
then may be applied to his civilized white brother 
now. This diatribe on the savage tribe is a flattering picture 
of the human race. He declares the Indian is savage, cruel, 
false, thievish, murderous ; addicted to beastly customs ; a wild 
animal with the questionable gift of boasting; a conceited, 
tiresome, bloodthirsty, monotonous humbug, squatting, sitting, 
spitting, and dancing miserable jigs ; no pleasure in anything 
but a war of extermination ; diabolical, with no moral feelings 
of any kind, sort or description; lazy and makes his women 
work. The novelist concludes, ''His virtues are a fable, his 
happiness a delusion, his nobility nonsense ; he passes away 




104 ON THE V7ARPATH 

before an immeasurably higher and better power than ever 
ran wild in any earthly woods, and the world will be all the 
better when his place knows him no more.'' 

The Indian believes that after death his faithful dog will 
keep him company in the Happy Hunting Ground. I am savage 
brute enough to declare that I would much rather spend enter- 
nity with my faithful, little, white, obedient and affectionate 
dog that died two years ago than with some human cynics I 
know who run on our streets unmuzzled, snarling, barking and 
biting everyone they meet. 

In dress, the Indian loves to wear feathers and paint, ex- 
pose his breast, arms and legs. There are others. 

His chief delight is to smoke, sit around and spit. Are 
there no signs of this high art in clubs, corner curbs, grocery 
stores and streetcar platforms? Then, too, he has devil dances 
to harsh music, but not half so devilish as some modern society 
rags to jazz accompaniments. His dances are usually religious, 
which cannot be said of any of ours. 

He believes in a Great Spirit ; worships the sun, symbolizing 
force and power. This is better than those who worship the 
trinity of pelf, power and pleasure. He believes in the medi- 
cine man — so do city folks — there is nothing strange about that. 
There is a place for Totemism in his creed, for he believes in 
the family and individual guardian spirits; so do many other 
little society folks, who always "tote" in the spirits of their 
famous ancestors. 

The word "pow-wow" to the Indian meant to heal with 
noise and dancing. We ridicule the idea, but what of our 
noisy political pow-wows, when, instead of burying the hatchet, 
we get out our knives and tomahawks ? 

In art, he is decorative and symbolic, his decorations show- 
ing geometric designs on textiles, baskets, pottery and em- 
broidery. Mentally and socially considered, his characteristics 
are sullen, tacit, weary and impassive. The old Indian's idea 
of education never included an institution of learning where 
man scientifically learned to kill, torture, deceive and destroy. 
The Redman is a believer in home, and his social and political 
body is based on the family idea. The social unit was the head 
man or chief. These units made a tribe and were governed by 



ONTHEWARPATH 105 

a council where each tribe was represented. The man and 
woman each has property, the mother's inherited by the chil- 
dren, the father's going back to the tribe. 

The Indian's vices were primitive and coarse. He learned 
his refined vices from the white man, such as cheating, drink- 
ing and gambling. Of course, it is a sad affliction that the In- 
dian lives out in the open where he can breathe, run, and see the 
the stars and mountains, instead of cooping himself up in a 
sooty, stuffy city and jailing himself in a flat. But then, he is 
only a savage, thank the Lord! 



ARIZONA'S FOSSIL FORESTS 



ARIZONA is A-No. 1 in scenery. The Petrified Forest 
is in Apache county, where Nature has gone on the 
warpath and leveled her giant trees. I had seen all 
kinds of human fossils and was anxious to view the 
more interesting vegetable ones of a petrified forest. 

We left Phoenix at sunset and saw the sun rise on a desert 
wrapped in a blanket of snow. The Painted Desert was done 
in white, and the cactus was blossoming with snowballs. While 
our train stopped at a wayside station, an Indian entered our 
car with an armful of earthenware pottery. As a souvenir col- 
lector, I was ready to buy one for my wife. As I was about to 
ask for one, he began to unload and distribute them one under 
each seat. To my chagrin, I found they were nothing but cus- 
pidors. Since I was not a consumptive, it was unnecessary to 
purchase one. 

We got off at Adamana, a Lonelyville-looking place, and the 
only sign I saw of a petrified forest was a large painted one on 
a shed roof reading, *' Petrified Forest Six Miles." The train 
pulled out, no one got off except our party, and we stood lone- 
some and forlorn until a tall blonde man with cowboy hat and 
boots approached. He picked up our bags and, like Anna Held, 
said, ''Follow Me." This we gladly did until we came to a long, 
low building resembling a Scotch manse, built by Mr. C. B. 
Campbell with no hump on it. The logs were burning in the 



106 ONTHEWARPATH 

grate and great petrified logs were on the porch, as well as in 
the rooms arrayed with Indian curios and souvenirs. We had 
a savage appetite, and it was appeased by an Apache belle, a 
ringer of a cook who had the wild Indian name "Josephine." 
She stealthily moved in and out, serving us with oatmeal, bacon, 
eggs, pancakes, bread and coffee. Ye gods and ghosts of this 
mysterious region, this Indian descendant of thine was worthy 
of thee ! 

I asked the name of my host proprietor, and he answered 
that when he was a cowpuncher it was ' ' Rawhide Bill. ' ' I later 
learned that he was a professor, artist, astronomer, geologist 
and traveler, and that his name was Nelson, a common name 
of a most uncommon man. He confessed he came to the desert 
to escape the aristocratic society in his own country. He pre- 
ferred to herd cattle here rather than to live with human cattle 
over there ; the stars in the sky to those on the stage, and the 
barren desert to the empty brain. 

The petrified forests were not standing up, but lying down, 
and we couldn't see where they were or how to get there. So 
our scientific expedition started out with an auto, gun, broom, 
shovel, two kodaks, and plenty of enthusiasm. For rugs and 
robes we had Navajo blankets. Their red color was warm, 
though the sharp wind shot arrows through them. We pulled 
out in the snow, by shrubs and bushes wearing white snow 
blankets, then passed across the mesa, level as Minnesota, to- 
ward a table-land. Suddenly the car slid down toward a little 
gulley, and I yelled, "Stop! the bridge is out!"- — for I could 
only see two small parallel boards across it and all was open 
between. The professor said this was the way they built 
bridges here, so the cattle could not cross, though an auto 
might. It was a slippery and shaky trip, yet we got over. He 
said that was easy. Then we came to a big river bed, and this 
time we didn't hit the wood rails right, and slipped through, 
but stopped before we went over the bank. We shoveled snow 
and sand, the wheels stuck and we made a non-skid chain of 
ropes. Finally extraction followed suppressed execration ; 
we got on the wood track, and were soon over — but not over 
our trouble, for there appeared the annoying difficulty of a 
hill looking like a young iceberg. Here we indulged in the 



ONTHEWARPATH 107 

Norway sport of chugging up and sliding back, something that 
would have made a good hit in a comedy film. It was far from 
funny to us, who felt we would be hit hard if thrown out. Up 
at last, and the only spectator who saw us cross this Alps was 
a cowardly coyote, who slunk away as we came over the top. 
Alas ! we had arrived too late ! This desert dog, carrion scav- 
enger, whose ancestors would eat anything the Indians left, had 
committed foul murder. There on the white snow lay a dead, 
pudgy porcupine, his warm blood staining the snow as it oozed 
from his throat where the razor teeth of the coyote had bitten 
through. He had put up a good fight, judged by the number 
of quills scattered around. I hope Mr. Coyote's nose resem- 
bled a pincushion. Rawhide Bill said, ** Alas, poor Porcupine, 
I knew him well, for he lived down in the ravine spanned by a 
bridge formed of a monarch petrified tree, and was always 
around when visitors came to see the sights." Bill's gun was 
loaded, and he would gladly have avenged the murder of his 
quondam quill friend. 

This natural petrified log bridge is one of the most inter- 
esting things here. It spans a chasm 60 feet wide, a precious 
stone bridge of agate and jasper that the Revelator John 
would have admired. Time v/as the contractor who built it, and 
it required centuries. I think our Third Avenue bridge in Min- 
neapolis was built under the same contract. The years and sea- 
sons have passed over this log bridge, and the only repairs 
necessary have been an undercoating of cement to keep the 
portions of cracked trunk from falling down and in. I have 
walked over wet river logs, but this was as slippery, and the 
fall would have been worse, for there was an ice pool beneath. 

In this First Forest are the deposit remains of petrified 
wood, from an agate chip of an inch in size to trunks and 
branches 200 feet long. These forests are over 5,000 feet above 
sea level, and are famous for their color. Scattered about 
through the desert, they look as though the arch of a rainbow 
had fallen down and smashed to bits. 

The weather was bad, we breathed hard, the auto took a 
bad cold and coughed all the way for two and a half miles to 
the next forest. Leaving Eagle's Nest, Snow Lady and Dew- 
ey's Canyon, we saw the table-lands where Nature has spread 



108 ONTHEWARPATH 

a variety of colors for the eye to devour. The Second Forest 
contains about 2,000 acres. Hundreds of broken trees, scat- 
tered in the snow, resembled giant clinkers of coal dropped 
out of the fiery furnace of the sun. The Twin Sisters here are 
very old girls, stony-hearted and very interesting. "We trudged 
our way through the snow to the hilltop where stands a pavil- 
ion, a four-square wooden building with open sides and roof. 
What a place for a picnic ! The tables had a coverlet of snow, 
on which were appetizingly placed chunks of petrified rock 
nearly as hard as some of the biscuits I have eaten at Sunday 
school picnics. After looking at an empty green bottle and 
other refreshments, we strolled out to interview the remains of 
the fossil forest. 

One large, crimson-colored rock looked like a butcher-block 
where Time had been killed. Another slab resembled a slice 
of tough steak. I climbed a huge pulpit rock, where, instead 
of making remarks, my only eloquence was silence. Stump 
speeches should be fluent, but on this stump I was stumped for 
words. The snow was a blessing in 'disguise. Usually the rock 
colors are dusty and gray, but the sun melted the snow on the 
face of the rock, making it flush wdth clean red beauty. This 
was the flrst time I ever saw a wet log glow with hidden fire. 
The colors of the Fall are brilliant, but those of these fallen 
trees are indescribable. With a broom as a brush, I smeared the 
snow over the stones, securing greater color effects than any 
brush wielded hy Turner or Titian. The rock became a petri- 
fied pallette of yellow, blue and green stone. In the heart of 
one stone trunk was the perfect form of a red cross, proving 
that long ago this sister tree was a Red Cross member in good 
standing. Scores of trunks were packed with stones precious 
to the scientist. 




"NING PO," PIRATE SLAVE SHIP 



CATALINA 




LANDING A 480-POUND SEA BASS 

NEWPORT BEACH, CALIFORNIA 




ONTHE WARPATH 109 

HARDWOOD QUESTIONS 

jS a boy, I often had to saw wood, and it was hard 
work. I saw this, the hardest wood I ever saw, and 
I wondered who cut these trees, and how. 

This is the only forest primeval coeval ^ith crea- 
tion. Maybe these trees grew in the Garden of Eden. Were 
Adam and Eve here as caretakers? Did the serpent beguile 
them here? Were monkeys at home in the higher branches? 
Did ancestral apes swing in these treetops? Were they used as 
hitching posts for dinosaurs ? Did any ancient Rosalind carve 
her name upon the bark? These trees are older than history. 
No sign is necessary here of "Woodman, spare that tree," for 
they are tree-mendously hard and would turn any edge. 

The sacred Bo of Ceylon is one of the world's oldest trees. 
I have seen the olives of Gethsemane, cedars of Lebanon, red- 
woods in the Yosemite, but these trees are earth's oldest set- 
tlers. Royalty and wealth collect antiques of jewelry, paint- 
ing, statuary, furniture, and lace, but these petrified trees are 
the true antiquities. 

Mythology speaks of trees that talk — if only these trees 
had tongues to tell of perished centuries and generations spent 
and dead. Who courted under them? Did the extinct dodo 
bird perch in their branches? What ancient Warner made 
them a back-log study? I pity the tramp who had to cut this 
wood to earn his breakfast. 

Babes were lost in the woods and though these trees are 
down, without your guide you would be lost in the desert. 
We were already lost in wonder and speculation. 

In the Third Forest there are hundreds of trees more than 
200 feet long and of rainbow colored agate. Some of these 
logs would make lovely fireplace ornaments. The Blue Forest, 
with its blue tint of trees, was discovered by Professor Muir. 
This region has been a government preserve, or national mon- 
ument, since 1906 and is protected against spoliation or theft. 
You are allowed a few souvenirs for yourself and by special 
permission, may secure larger ones for museums and institu- 
tions. 



no ON THE WARPATH 

These trees are a log-jam whicli has floated down the 
stream of time — the only one they could float on. It is a shade- 
less forest, a poor place for a picnic. The only shade is one of 
color and the past. Birds do not nest or sing in these stone 
trees ; no winds murmur through their boughs. There is no fuel 
in the trunks — they are fossil and petrified like some heads of 
the Fuel Administration. 

What fury felled this forest? These monoliths look like 
columns that some fabulous Samson had pulled down. The 
only will-o'-the-wisp that hovers over these *'putrified" logs 
(as my Pullman porter called them) is the fire of Fancy. "What 
nomadic Nimrod hunted here, and what? What prehistoric 
bugologist or botanist took specimens from the trees? A blast 
of wind once might have knocked over these trees ; only dyna- 
mite can do it now. Time's tooth, which devours all, will get 
an ache or break if it tackles these trunks. Hercules had some 
hard tasks, and it would have been a difficult one to have 
built a log-cabin from these materials. There are hard woods 
like hickory, oak, iron and lignite, but, with the exception of 
some wood in the Washington Administration Cabinet, these 
trees are the hardest I ever saw. A woodpecker would frac- 
ture his beak on them at the first peck. Why not use these 
forests for our new stone warships? 

The Gorgon was a fabled monster of antiquity. Did it 
make this forest its home and, with the hard glance of its goo- 
goo eyes, turn these trees to stone? These stonj^ scenes recall 
the fable of the enchanted palace of Arabia where everything 
was stricken with a marble paralysis. 

The forest has been excavated and its dead brought to light 
by the tireless diggers of sun, whirling sand, wind and rain. 
Lying in the basin bed of a once old sea, these chips, blocks and 
trunks that sparkle like jewels are from the earliest genealog- 
ical tree — it is a knotty question how old they are. Sterne said 
he could love a tree in the desert — ^how would he feel here 
where there are acres of them, quarries of onyx and marble? 
Against this tree bark scientists have barked their shins. Some 
say they always grew here and then settled down half a mile. 
Once they were about 240 feet high, and may have been laid low 
by cyclone, freshet and submergence. Then they were covered 



ON THE WARPATH 111 

by a volcanic sea. Pressure changed the firewood to flint. The 
fall of the trees was orderly, not as if by wind or water, but 
thrown by an earthquake moving south from the crest of the 
continent. Later there was a cross-cut by frosts and shocks, 
then they became fossilized and afterward broken. To be plain, 
''Some time during the stupendous subsidences of the Jurassic 
Period, this prone Mesozoic forest sank to where the vast later 
sediments of the Cretaceon Era could wash down upon it a 
mile deep." Into this tree fibre pressure pumped solutions of 
silica, paste of chalcedony, springs of salt, copper, iron and sul- 
phur. Some pressure, suggesting what is brought to bear on 
newspapers to distort, politics to deceive, business to sv/indle, 
lovers to court on park benches, or church committees to steal 
a pastor from one church and then throw him out to none. 

Science then points us to the Tertiary Age when this forest, 
dead asleep in its rocky bed, was called up like Lazarus, with 
its sand shrouds upon it, which in later eons were removed by 
hands of erosion and corrosion, those twin brothers of de- 
struction. 

So, today, after an age mathematics cannot number, on a 
mile plain so high that geologists stumble, surrounded by cliffs 
150 feet high, with cut ravines and sloping mesas painted with 
sandstone, clay and shale, the forest has come up to look at 
the light and listen to the breeze as it had so long ago that 
only the eternal Creator knows when. Father Time, now bent 
and wearing a long beard, must have been a small, smooth- 
faced kid when these trees lived. Serene thev were, and are, 
and will be when you and I are dust, and the memories of prs- 
ent nations, with their wealth, war, power and learning, are a 
mere myth or a child's fairy tale. 

Leaving this Stonehenge and Stone Age, we chugged back 
to the hotel with pockets full of specimens and a mind full of 
memories. The sun had turned the snow-covered bushes into 
fountains of running jewels colored like the agate and quartz 
we had just left. After a successful attack on the dinner, we 
started on a scouting tour to see the many warpath curios 
collected in the hotel and museum by Mr. Campbell and Nelson. 

There were bows, arrows, knives, blankets, rugs, dolls, belts, 
tomahawks, eagles, beads, wampum, flint, arrow-heads, feathers, 



112 ON THE WARPATH 

moccasins, baskets, pottery, and many other things that ap- 
pealed to the Apache's heart and the tourist pocketbook. We 
mused in this museum, regarding it as an illustrated history 
of the Apache tribes. Here a single doll or arrow summed up 
a tribe's love or hate, all widely written on by savants and 
sages whose dust-covered books lie unread in the libraries. 
Yet, how small and ephemeral all these relics seemed compared 
with the relics of the departed world we had just left. Why, 
even this earth clod of ours is but a child's toy in the museum 
of space filled with millions of worlds. 



THE ''ROLE" OP THE DRUM 

THE most interesting and valuable relic we saw was 
an ancient Indian war drum, made from a sheepskin 
stretched over a hollowed out log, the original bark 
covering the sides. It had been in the possession of 
an illustrious Indian, who, when dying, gave it to a white 
trader who had helped him. The tribe later tried to get it 
back, but in vain; and no man's money has yet tempted it 
away from Adamana. I looked at it, thumped it and listened 
to the echo of its beating heart, a heart with a language all 
its own. 

When a small boy, I remember how Johnny came marching 
home and we all felt gay. The soldiers came in freight cars 
from Washington. I used to run by the side of the railroad 
tracks and give them sugar and cake from the pantry in ex- 
change for hardtack and canteen souvenirs. But it was their 
drums that fired my heart. On several occasions I was per- 
mitted to play them, and when they went away I wanted one 
for myself. The family naturally and wisely objected, for I 
was already too strenuous, and a drum would be unendurable. 
Feeling that life had little enjoyment, I recorded my disap- 
pointment by scratching my name on the piai_o legs. Later I 
found the legs of an old baby chair which I improvised into 
drumsticks. We neighbor boys made a procession, and from 
morning to night it was *' rub-a-dub-dub" on barrels, kettles, 



ONTHEWARPATH 113 

fences, stoops and doors. We received all kinds of expressions 
from the public in the shape of water, ashes, oaths and watch- 
dogs, but took our chances and, like Macduff, laid on, with no 
profane '* enough" until under the head of a public nuisance 
we were all threatened with arrest. If the officer on this beat 
had not been a member of my father's church he would have 
clubbed us into silence or tempered our ardor in the cooler. 

These were my earliest impressions of a drum. Later in 
world-wide travel I have seen and heard all the drums big 
and little, round, cylindrical, high and low, loud and soft, 
queer and weird, played by head, hand and foot, played fast 
and slow in life and death, peace and war, played by savage 
and by civilized man in the desert or orchestra hall. 

Savages, whose natural argument was a blow on the head 
to beat out their enemies* brains, naturally fell into a per- 
cussion style of music and invented the drum, often the sole 
as well as the chief musical instrument. The drum figures 
in this world from religion to ragtime — from the Salvation 
Army to the jazz band. The history of the drum is not hum- 
drum. 

Music is a universal language and the despised, unmusical 
drum has a polyglot tongue. All other musical instruments 
have their speech of sentiment, love and emotion, but the 
voice of the drum knows the eloquent language of liberty 
and can get more volunteers for God, home and native land 
than all the orators. The roll of the drum, like that of the 
sea, fills the soul's shore-line and its every bay and gulf. 
Heine says that the history of the storming of the Bastile 
cannot be correctly understood until we know how the drum- 
ming was done. The French Le Grand taught him on a drum 
all French and modern history. 

The reveille of the drum means that it is time to get up, 
and there is a fable of its resurrection meaning in the old 
legend of soldiers, fallen in battle, who by night rose from 
the grave in the battle field, and with drummer at their head, 
marched back to their native home. 

There is a pathetic story in French history of Napoleon's 
nameless drummer-boy being swept from the ranks, by the 
sudden dash of an avalanche, into an Alpine valley. He was 



114 ONTHEWARPATH 

uninjured and the drum still hung suspended from his neck. 
He waved his hands to the soldiers 200 feet above him and 
began to drum, playing the tattoo, the reveille, the advance 
and the charge. But there was no time to rescue him, the 
soldiers passed on and the last thing they heard in the clear 
cold air was the beat of a funeral march. Then the little 
drummer boy lay on the snow bank to die with the snow 
for his shroud and the falling night for his pall. For years 
the veterans of the Italian campaign hushed their voices at 
the campfire, as they told the story of Napoleon's drummer- 
boy whose slender body lay frozen beside his drum in the 
silent solitudes of the snowy Alps. 

Deborah's timbrel was a sort of drum. The old tom-tom 
I have heard at an Indian snake-charming, doubtless had its 
counterpart in Egypt in 1600 B. C, and I have listened to that 
same noise in modern Cairo. The dull sound that waked my 
dreams in the Alhambra was from a drum the Moors had 
brought from the East after a crusade. 

The ear-drum recognizes the sound of a drum whether 
the instrument is side, snare, bass or kettle. In patriotic art 
we have the spirit of '76. Germany has used the drum as a 
favorite means to raise recruits — we have done it against her 
and by God's grace, will give her a drum-head court martial 
before long. The drum now thrills and throbs with the 
words ** enlist, enlist," though the world is waiting for the 
time Tennyson speaks of, ''When the war-drum throbs no 
longer." 

The drum is the heart-beat of a liberty-loving humanity. 
The Fourth of July drum recalls the spirit of 1917 when 
Uncle Sam started to make the world habitable and we prayed 
that the drum-sticks of the American eagle might beat out 
the brains of Germany's two-headed vulture; recalls the spirit 
of the Spanish War to give Cuba and the Philippines human 
rights; recalls the War of the Rebellion for the union of all 
creeds, colors and conditions; recalls the war of Mexico for a 
square deal for Americans which they are not receiving to- 
day; recalls the war of 1812 for free commerce of our ships 
upon the high seas ; recalls the war of 1776 for liberty by the 
noble colonists whom our present pacifist Secretary of War 




ON THE WARPATH 115 

paid tribute to as tramps and thieves. I believe in the drum. 
Can you beat it? Hurrah, for Uncle Sam, the drum-major 
of the world in the march for freedom of body, mind and 
soul, always and everj^where. 



AUTO STOPS 



|F only the roads to learning in California were as 
royal and smooth as the auto one from Los Angeles 
to San Diego ! Leaving Santa Ana, we passed 
through overturned walnut orchards. Was it the re- 
sult of an earthquake or had a storm blown them over? No. 
They had been torn up to make room for lima and navy beans 
for the army and navy. The orchards and vinej^ards I looked 
for in the valleys along the route, were not there — everything 
was beans, just beans. Why? Because there was more money 
in it. Uncle Sam was willing to pay the price and his slogan 
was ** Beans will win the war." Then, too, prohibition on 
economical as well as ethical grounds, had changed the point 
of view. Future poets of California will revise their verses, 
and instead of singing praises to Bacchus, the god of the 
grape, and Pomona, the presiding goddess of the fruit trees, 
they will fall to celebrating the plebeian bean which the wise 
Greek philosopher Pythagoras urged this followers to abstain 
from. His admonition was later expressed in the Latin ''Nota 
Bene," translated **not a bean." 

We looked in the direction of Modjeska's majestic home. 
It had an excellent stage setting of Saddle Back, Canyon and 
ocean. One looks for tropical climate in this Southern Cali- 
fornia, but in an auto going forty miles an hour and an ocean 
wind as many more, it was not difficult to imagine we were 
members of the Peary party in search of the North Pole. 
Travellers who come to California to see beautiful, and at 
times sublime scenery of the ocean shore and surf-beaten rock, 
the curve of hill and dent of vale from Los Angeles to San 
Diego, may get an occasional glimpse of it through the small 
isin-glass window of the flapping auto-curtain. It was only by 



116 ONTHEWARPATH 

begging and bribing that we could see what we had come so 
far for. The chauffeur explained it was customary to keep 
the auto battened up like a ship in a storm. On other rides 
to beaches the drivers were not so obliging and refused to lift 
the stage curtain hiding the superb views. 

Of course, if you don't like this, you may go by boat, train 
or private auto, but not owning any of these we went by 
stage. The cars are large and strong and the chauffeurs skill- 
ful, all of which is evidenced by the large number of passen- 
gers they pack in one car, piling up the bags and bundles 
around them. There is some pleasure in a front seat even if 
three are crowded into it, one occupying half of yours and the 
driver's lap. When you are in the back seat, however, and 
five adults and three children are sardined around you, one's 
mind is necessarily diverted from the scenery. 

This Camino Eeal auto road was first laid out by the padres 
as a way to their missions. It is far from being a pious path 
now. Autos rush up and down like Satanic Jehus, in 
spite of warning signs to go slow. "We had a close call on a 
steep grade curve and passed many evidences of auto wrecks 
due to auto-intoxication, that subjective state of mind induced 
by the mania of speed, spirits and recklessness. There are 
houses and hotel resorts along the route, high and low like the 
ocean tide, in front of them. 

The Torrey pines, the last of their race in exile on the 
cliffs, sadly waved their five-spine fingers to us as we passed. 
They are literally pining away as they gaze out sorrowfully 
to the sea. 

La JoUa is well known for its ocean caves which are in- 
viting to a picnicker, or to Polyphemus, that old Cyclops that 
devoured some of Ulysses' (not Grant's) companions on their 
return from Troy (not New York.) Don't you remember 
how Poly was thirsty as well as hungry, and drank some 
very strong wine (not California) and when drunk was in 
good shape to have Ulysses punch out his eye with a burning 
pole? Delightful pleasantries, these. Out from the shore- 
there is a large rock that suggests the big stone Cyclops hurled 
at Ulysses who gave him the laugh when sailing from the 




ON THE WARPATH 117 

shore. According to a literal Greek translation of Homer's 
classic, he said, "This is what you get for your dirty work — 
I'm the guy who closed your lamp." 

Along the route we met many interesting people, among 
them the son of Ulysses S. Grant who gave the Cyclops of 
slavery a black eye ; and the queen of a Gypsy camp who 
hailed us with bright smile and dress and was anxious to tell 
our fortunes. 



SAN DIEGO, NOW AND THEN 

Ian DIEGO dates from 1835. It is the oldest munici- 
pality in California. Its mild and equable climate 
makes it a national resort. The land-locked harbor 
of 20 square miles makes it second only to 'Frisco. 
We found the Exposition Park of 14,000 acres had been given 
over to the sailors. The soldiers were at Fort Rosecrans. San 
Diego exports fruit, olive oil and citric acid. Gold and gems 
are found nearby. 

Tia Juana, Mexico, is just across the line, and it was for- 
bidden to step across without a passport. Nevertheless dif- 
ferent auto men said they could get us across and I met some 
people who had just been over. But our government had for- 
bidden it and that was enough for me, since I never was a law- 
breaker. Besides, the year before I had seen all of Mexico 
I cared to. Years ago I found Tia Juana a city of chance, 
drink, fist, cock and bull fights, and other Mexican virtues. 

Next morning we visited a sort of municipal museum of 
some of the good things of the surrounding country. The 
big world's exposition park had been captured by the sailors, 
but the exposition of them drilling was the best exhibit the 
big beautiful park had ever witnessed. Mission Cliff Gar- 
dens are very attractive and the valley below unrolls a splen- 
did panorama. At the ostrich farm the keeper put some of 
the birds into a race to show us they could do something more 
than grow *'fine feathers." 



118 ON THE WARPATH 

There is a beautiful palm park and fountain in the Plaza 
opposite the Grant Hotel. It is a place to bake and loaf and be 
comfortable if one has a bun on. Ploboes filled the outlying 
benches, but kept as far away as possible from the fountain 
in the Plaza centre. Later the city gave warning that unless 
they found work it would give them a free auto ride out of 
town. 

Old Town, San Diego, has many first editions of many in- 
teresting things — the first olive press, the first brick house, 
the first jail and the first cross planted by the brown-robed 
Franciscan, Junipero Serra. In 1769 he established the first 
chain of 21 Mission links, a chain of spiritual slavery among 
the Indians that has since been broken, and is now viewed 
as a relic by the tourist, and ony interesting as such. The 
palm tree here was planted 147 years ago, but the best thing 
ever raised here was the American flag by General Fremont 
in 1846. 

The old mission church bells still ring of the Castilian belle, 
Eamona Gonzoga, the simple sweet girl whom Helen Hunt 
Jackson has made the heroine of her historical and hyster- 
ical novel. We visited Ramona's Marriage Place. If all the 
world loves a lover, that part of it which comes to San Diego 
is anxious to come here. As in Latin America the church has 
built up shrines on the baseless fabric of some holy fairy 
tale to get the money from the poor peon, so here this Place 
has been built around Ramona's marriage until it has become 
a museum and exhibition by the church of halos and prayer 
sticks; paintings of the Holy Trinity, Father Joseph and the 
Christ Child, the Soul of the Virgin, the Virgin of Guada- 
lupe ; bead work, Santa Maria, an old crucifix, the treasures 
of old Father Horton and religious pictures and histories. 
Among this pious deposit is much profane stuff of Indian 
curios — carettas, Spanish ovens, a crystal gazing ball, and an 
arbor rest of green grape vine from Napoleon's tomb at St. 
Helena. In superstitious keeping with all this is the "Wishing 
Well where you drop a coin and drink a drop with the good 
luck wish to come here again. Trees, fruits and flowers were 
an interesting and refreshing diversion. The Old Plaza was 



ON THE WARPATH 119 

an ancient bull-ring and the tourists are bulled here now. 
At Old Town Californian civilization was born, though now 
it has escaped the ecclesiastical danger of its childhood. 



< ( 



THEOSOPHISTRY" 




|N auto whirled us to Point Loma, where is situated 
the Theosophical Homestead. The Government now 
occupies the point,and this is as near the point of 
Theosophy as I ever reached. I was no nearer in 
Benares at Annie Besant's Hindu college v/here the students 
were expected to combine athletic with mental and moral 
culture. According to report the ''moral" phase had been 
exchanged for a post-graduate course in corrupting practices 
that lead the British government to censure her and withdraw 
her boy pupils. 

This doctrine of theosophy, ''wisdom concerning God," 
has had a long journey from India to Point Loma and a tough 
time to reach us poor ignorant mortals. The dictionary de- 
fines it as a god-knowledge, a system of religion that comes 
by ecstasy or direct intuition ; an intercourse with God and 
superior spirits and consequent attainment of superhuman 
knowledge, by physical processes, as by the theurgic opera- 
tions of some ancient Platonists, or by the chemical processes 
of the German fire philosophers. This should be clear to all 
those who are willing to accept every book but the Bible, and 
every Saviour but Mary's blessed Son, on the ground that 
there is so much "mystery." 

Madam Blavatsky brought this ethereal doctrine from 
Thibet to New York desiring to accomplish three things, "To 
unite humanity in a universal brotherhood ; to show the essen- 
tial union of religions; to develop the latent spiritual powers 
of mankind." She professed to be in on the "occult" secrets 
of Eastern devotees and in her "Isis Unveiled" lifts the lid 
off ancient science and theology. Believing it to be a good 
thing that should be passed along, she and Colonel Olcott car- 
ried it over to India for a propaganda. It later found soil 
in Europe. Then she died and her Elijah mantle fell on 
Annie Besant. 



120 ONTHEWARPATH 

So far from having divine wisdom from God, the leaders 
did not know enough to get along together with man and 
woman. Breaches were made in the various branches of the 
society that claimed to be in touch with some unknown respon- 
sible master. Finally Mrs. Tingley laid her hands on the 
American society's branch, the organization withered, and is 
thought by many to be more private than national, earthly 
than heavenly and financial than spiritual. 

The Point Loma lighthouse was put down below from point 
above on account of the fog that obscured it, making it im- 
possible for vessels to enter the harbor. Even so there is 
so much psychometric phenomena fog about this astral light 
theosophy — it is so high up in its soul and secret science, so 
mixed up w^ith Buddhism, Brahmanism, Pythagoreanism, 
Greek mysteries, Isis worship of the Eoman Empire, Gnostic 
and Neoplatonic philosophies, to say nothing of the Cabbala 
of mediaeval Judaism — that Theosophy will have to get off 
its perch and come down from speculative philosophy to brass 
tacks before people with ordinary bodies, minds and souls 
can see it. A bas this Blavatsky bunk, Egotism hiding under 
a cloak of deity! 



HUMAN BIRDS 

HE American war-eagles have made an aviation nest 
at San Diego. I saw some eaglets learning to fly, but 
I wished they were as many as the birds off Guano 
Island, Peru, that covered our boat like a cloud, so 

that our aviators abroad might bomb-drop the Kaiser out of 

business. 

Man has always wanted to fly. He had feet and longed 
for wings. Rather than miss the chance of flying after he is 
dead, he invented the aeroplane. In spite of the failures of 
Icarus and Darius Green, he has experimented right and left 
till he now rises and soars, skims over water and flies overland 
like a big bird of prey looking for some enemy to pounce on 
and kill. This flying is a high art practiced to bring low. 




ONTHEWARPATH 121 

Years ago I was offered a ride in a Zeppelin at Frankfort, 
but was as distrustful as the Greeks of the Trojan horse, and 
I remained on terra firma. At the beginning of the war we 
were handicapped, failing to get a ** flying" start in our aero- 
plane race. The only air plane we had the first few months 
of the war was plain hot air. 

The flying of our eagle-eyed birdmen makes the bare-back 
riding of Bellerophon on Pegasus and Ariosto's Rogero on 
a hippogriff tame in comparison. Hail the day when we can 
flutter from country to country here, from planet to planet 
in the hereafter. 



RICH MAN'S RETREAT 

L CORONADO was named after Mr. F. V. Coronado, 
a gentleman from Spain, who came to Mexico and 
America in the middle of the sixteenth century to 
increase his bank account. 'Tis said he was lured on 
by a big tale of some new gold and silver mine discovery. 
Perhaps. The tale would sound no more fabulous than the 
prospect stories of some modern mines here which are just so 
many holes in the ground to bury your money. Had Mr. C. 
found it all, it would doubtless have been little more than a 
month's board bill at the hotel here bearing his name. If his 
bill was too high, he could go to the aviation school conven- 
iently nearby, get an aeroplane and reach it. 

Hotel Coronado is half an hour from San Diego by ferry 
and trolley. The only bather we saw was old Sol taking his 
daily plunge in the Pacific. The sunset effect was a picture, 
in fact a whole gallery of them, and by the time we reached 
the hotel, with its palms and beach surroundings, it was dusk 
and Hesperus had pulled down the shades of night. 

Though the castle-like hotel, pleasure-lovers' palace, winked 
and blinked its many electric eyes, the season was dull. We 
rambled through this rambling structure, admiring the large 
lobby, the corridors, and paintings and antiques not half as 
painted and antique as some of the human specimens sitting 




122 ON THE WARPATH 

around. We slid over the slippery floor of the bell-shaped 
ball room at imminent danger of breaking our necks, and 
then sat down and watched a fancy dance rehearsal on the 
part of two professionals, an athletic young man and agile 
young lady, who gave all the latest wrinkles, twists and con- 
tortions of the season. The swell society people were writ- 
ing, reading or promenading. However, the real dancers and 
swells were the waves on the beach, and I never tire looking 
at them. 

There are many pleasures for many people. You may ride, 
golf, play polo, swim, ride in a hydroplane, fish for yellow- 
tail, barracuda and tuna in nearby waters, or launch over to 
the Coronado Islands and visit the wild birds, pelicans and 
seals. 

Coronado is a Lotus island. Clear blue sky, gorgeous flower 
gardens, splendid palm and pine trees, colored birds, (not 
black birds) musical breezes, shouting waves, fresh air, a big 
appetite and good night's sleep are all advertised to give 
pleasure to the weary business man and society-fagged woman 
at so much per day. Do you like to bask? This is a great 
place for baskers, under the palms, on the beach or porch, in 
the sunlight on the sand, or in the reflected light of gold, 
wealth and diamonds. 

Rabelais ' Abbey of the Thelemites, built by Gargantua, was 
a free and easy Inn where the strictest rule of the order was, 
**Do what thou wilt." Coronado is built on this plan. Get 
up in the morning when you want to; go to bed when you 
want to; and between these two divisions of the day do just 
what you want to. Human nature enjoys what is not allow^ed, 
and since everything is permitted, time doubtless weighs heavy 
on many hands. But over the great gate of the Thelemites' 
abbey was written that which, if placed over this modern 
hostelry, would soon require another sign, **For Rent.'* The 
old inscription read: ''Here enter not hypocrites, attorneys, 
pinching usurers, pelf-lickers, coin-grippers, deformed sots, 
jealous curs, drunkards, liars, cowards, cheaters, thieves and 
the covetous.'' The inscription included many other classes, 
yet this enumeration is sufficient to exclude the patrons of all 
big hotels today. 



ON THE WARPATH 123 

I left this millionaire's playground and social swim with 

the feeling that it was a modern Aladdin's palace for beauty 

of surroundings, and that one could be entertained for more 

than one thousand and one Arabian nights if he cared to. 

Still, he might prefer solitude in a South Sea isle, in a thatched 

hut with a palm tree for a sun shade, cocoanut for a drink, 

bread fruit for food, and a tapa cloth and grass skirt society 
that often wears more clothes than ball room beauties. There 
gold disturbs no dreams, the hour-glass is the sea sand, the 
music the bird in the tree and the wave on the beach. There 
is **not seen Dissimulation's reign, the prayers of Abel linked 
to deeds of Cain/' 



SOLDIERS' MORALS 

|HE San Diego police told me night-life was perfectly 
dead. Being a clergyman, I walked around think- 
ing I might be able to render some funereal service. 
But the city was a lively corpse. Two squares from 
the Plaza there were big open bars filled with drinking men 
and women, a miniature Munich affair. Further on I saw 
a U. S. sailor with club in hand standing at the door of a 
cabaret. He told me he had orders to keep all the sailors 
away from the tender damsels who were sitting at the tables 
drinking hard drinks, and with siren speech and looks were 
attempting to make moral shipwrecks of the boys. Two blocks 
further on I was invited into a cabaret. I looked in. It was 
a dark brunette affair. Colored men made up the orchestra, 
the manager was a negro, the waitresses were dusky. Some 
of our white army and navy boys were present and between 
the soft drinks served them they arose and waltzed these dark 
dames around. A black girl stood outside and invited us to 
enter. This was a low grade affair. 

Nothing is too good for our soldier boys, but so long as 
fastidious and indifferent families give the cold shoulder to 
them while away from home, and are unwilling to permit them 




124 ON THE WARPATH 

to visit their homes and associate with their boys and girls, 
so long will the government morals commission have a big 
problem on its hands. 

"We have thousands of soldiers to protect our country but 
our soldiers need protection. 

Something good must be done for our boys or they will 
be shot to pieces by the enemy of drunkenness, disease and 
debauchery before they ever reach the front. 

Let civic and church organizations unite to give our sol- 
dier boys the best books, magazines, pictures, music and 
athletics to offset temptations that lay siege to their body, 
mind and soul. 

Uncle Sam is at war. If he is going to be victorious he 
must have strong soldiers. Strong soldiers have passions 
which must be regenerated or regulated. The mere closing 
of cafes where liquor is served will not safeguard the soldier's 
morals. Uncle Sam should do here what I have seen him do 
in Panama and Honolulu — substitute a military and medical- 
ly supervised segregated district for lawless, scattered resorts 
of virulent vice. 

Returning to the hotel we passed a small hotel entrance. 
At the head of this lighted stairway, and over the registry 
desk, appeared a sign with letters six inches tall and large 
enough to be read from the street below. It was as follows: 
''HAVE WE ANY GIRLS HERE? NO.'' It is well to have 
this bit of information before love's labor is lost and climbs 
the stairs in vain. I have been in hotels around and across 
the world, but never before read such a notice. When hotels 
advertise in this manner, one is in little doubt as to the state 
of morals. 

A hot tamale restaurant looked inviting, and entering we 
were greeted with the sign, ''No profanity or vulgar talk al- 
lowed." Imagine our surprise when the demure little waitress 
remarked to the chef, as she handed me my order, "I'll be 

before I let any man alive be my boss and tell me 

where to get off and on." In this early evening tour of an 
hour we were shocked to find this city so naughty and acting 
so like her big sister up the coast. 




A "BONNY" BATHER 

NEWPORT BEACH, CALIFORNIA 



ON THE WARPATH 125 

After leaving San Diego we had not gone far when three 
men rushed out on the road, stopped our auto, ordered the 
passengers to alight, seized our grips and searched them. 
"Hold up !" I cried and told them I was a minister. That only- 
made them more suspicious. These highway men were U. S. 
custom officials in search of opium, which like many other 
bad things was being smuggled over the line from Mexico. I 
asked them what they wanted to do with it. I knew that a 
dope fiend would resort to anything to get it, yet never before 
had I seen any one resort to such high handed means to secure 
it. 



CAPISTRANO 

APISTRANO lies between San Diego and Los Angeles 
and one can't help seeing it whether he wishes to 
or not and whether he goes by auto or train. The 
auto road, Camino de Real, is not lined with palms 
but with majectic bill boards advertising the Palm Cafe. Ar- 
riving at Capistrano you can scarcely see the Mission on ac- 
count of the many cafes and garages. The air is not one of 
godliness but gasoline, grease and Spanish cookery. The in- 
stant I stepped out of the auto I was grabbed by a restau- 
rateur, who seized kodaks, umbrellas and bags and hustled 
them into the dining room. I told him we had just finished 
a good breakfast and had come to see the Mission, not the 
menu, but my words were of no avail. The only way I shook 
him was to promise to return and dine at his place after my 
visit to the chapel. 

Here, as in the other missions, the main mission is the 
admission fee. This is a sad admission, but the paying invest- 
ment continues. As the Mission grew rich from the enforced 
labor of the poor Indian, so now it is a mint of money collected 
from the traveling saint and sinner who must put up or be 
shut out. This keeps the missions in an excellent state of 
preservation — very necessary lest they kill the goose that lays 
the golden egg. 




126 ON THE WARPATH 

Ruins to be picturesque should be ruins — ^here they are 
ruining the only good feature it ever had, its ruins, by dolling 
it up with new stone and cement. It would seem nature cared 
no more for this style of ecclesiastical architecture than that 
of Central and South America which she has overturned and 
buried hy quake. Why not respect her wishes? The quake 
in Capistrano was in 1812, when the world was quaking under 
the foot of Bonaparte. The Mission fell in a mass during the 
celebration of its first mass, December 8th. The upper nave 
was shaken down and some of the knaves under it were shaken 
up and killed. The two bell-ringers perished, yet enough of 
their race remains in Latin countries to make the traveler long 
for other quakes. I saw the four bells of various sizes whose 
inscriptions do not ring with the inscribed praises of the 
world's gracious Redeemer, but of his mother. A sign read, 
**Don*t ring the bell.'* I needed no word vocal or printed to 
keep me from Maryolatry. 



THE DOUBLE CROSS 



WITHIN the entrance stood a statue to Father Serra. 
A cross rises from a pedestal and just beneath its 
cross beam the Father stands with one hand pointing 
up to the cross, while with the other he hugs a young 
Indian boy to his breast in a kind of strangle hold. Presumably 
he is telling him what the cross stands for. What it really 
means is painfully plain to the student of church history in 
Latin America, where under the sign of the cross the church 
gave the poor Indian the double cross by enslaving, robbing, 
torturing and crucifying him. 

At Capistrano the fathers instituted some religious amuse- 
ments for the savage Indians whose feelings they were trying 
to refine. One was the bull fight. The holy fathers carefully 
distinguished between torturing and killing the bull. It was 
pagan to kill him in the bull ring in the patio — that must be 
done outside — yet it was proper and pious to tease, torture 
and twist his tail in the Mission enclosure. The spectators sat 
on the roof of the Mission, laughing, applauding and yelling 



ON THE WARPATH 127 

** bully** for the buUfigliter when he threw the bull, inwardly 
thanking God for sending the padres who gave them such 
heavenly sport. 

The useful industries taught the Indians long ago in the 
patio shops were making soap (did they make them use it?) ; 
candles, to lighten the church or their dark hours; blankets, 
to roll up in and dream of happy bygone days. Then, too, 
they made hats, either for style or to doff when bowing before 
their superiors ; shoes, to save their dirty soles or to sell to the 
Spaniards ; and harness for longer hauls and shorter rests. 

Whether the building of the Mission comes under the head 
of '* useful industries" is a question, but no doubt remains that 
men, women and children, (there were no child labor laws in 
those days) had to walk from the quarries bearing stones on 
their head or in their hands. In the construction of the Mission 
rawhide was used — which was the rawer, the human or animal ? 
Tiles were burned in the kilns which may still be seen, the 
product of killing labor. Iron was used in bars, locks and 
bolts as though for a jail. Too frequently churches are prison 
houses of thought. It may be right to make people penitent, 
but it is wrong to make any church a penitentiary of a place. 
The Indians were called ^'neophytes" by the church, that is, 
converted heathen. The only "fight'* they had after they 
joined the church was in the name it gave them. 

The history of the California Indians dates from Father 
Junipero Serra in 1769 when he founded San Diego, and con- 
tinues to the end of San Francisco Solano in 1823. There were 
23 missions among the Indians that flourished until withered 
by civilization and enlightenment. In 1834 the Mexican gov- 
ernment expelled the friars and took over the establishment to 
themselves. The fathers had over 30,000 Indian subjects and 
abjects, hundreds of thousands of cattle, horses, mules, sheep, 
hogs, goats and granaries of wheat and corn. There were 
buildings of brick and stone for churches, chapels and schools, 
also for work shops where Lo was taught the arts and indus- 
tries to be useful and ornamental, a very unpleasant task for a 
dirty, lazy Indian. There were farms, orchards and vineyards 
which were thoroughly worked and utilized by the good fathers 
who waxed so fat that the Indians kicked. Contact with civili- 



128 ON THE WARPATH 

zation and religion hurt them. Clerical colonies might do in 
South America, but not in North America. Devotion, dirt and 
disease thinned their ranks. The American occupation of 
California finished the matter. The good Indians were dead 
and 70 years of love's labor was lost. In 1908 only 3,000 
mission Indians were left. 

In our journey through the Capistrano Mission we saw 
many evidences of priestcraft and graft. There were faded 
pictures — where the brush most needed to retouch them was 
a dust brush ; wooden-headed statues ; dusty confessionals ; 
musty religious furniture; eobwebbed candlesticks; mildewed 
Madonnas ; plastered saints with peeling faces, and rich invest- 
ments in old vestments. We meandered through corroded 
corridors; saw the broken arches made by Time's foot, the 
dumps of adobe where lizards lounged in the long grass, and 
crumbling courts where Decay sits enthroned. 

Like some of the people who saw it, there was a one-lunged 
cabinet organ here. I played a few chords and found that by 
moving a lever, the key of a set piece of music could be 
transposed high or low. Our guide was reverent as he led our 
procession and talked with unctuous accent. He tiptoed softly 
as a ghost, bowing and scraping all the time as he told ludi- 
crous legends in a sepulchral voice. Finally we entered the 
holy of holies — the sacred souvenir salesroom. We had pre- 
viously been hurried, but now he gave us all the time and 
liberty we wanted. I had enough of this and sailed right 
through to keep my promise with the cafe proprietor. The 
food was Spanish in taste, and the seiioritas who served it 
were tastefully dressed. 

Next to the dinner, the thing that pleased us most was the 
astounding, stupefying discovery made in an adjacent Mexican 
hut. What do you think it was ? A wash tub and a washboard. 
This is the true mission furniture, of more moral worth than 
all the chapel possessed. Its mission is cleanliness outside 
which is next to godliness inside. I shall remember this when 
I forget everything else. This fact was worth all the pious 
fiction with which the guide had flooded our ears for an hour. 
We pulled out from Capistrano in high spirits and high gear 
for Los Angeles, stopping en route at Santa Ana. 



ON THE WARPATH 



129 



THE HAPPY VALLEY 



SANTA ANA is the name of a famous general, a beau- 
tiful valley, a disagreeable dirt wind and a thriving 
town. It is the home of an all around good fellow, 
Dr. Ball, who left his dying patients in the care of 
the undertaker while he whisked us in his touring car to a 
heaven-kissing hill where he showed us all the glories of valley, 
mountain and sea. One of the real devils in California is the 
real estate dealer who makes tempting offers for the tourist 
to fall down before. Dr. Ball is not in this class. Familiar 
with this region's history, mines, values and fruits, he pictured 
it as a veritable Happy Valley of Rasselas with little discon- 
tent other than labor troubles. In the distance we saw the 
airships that were able to fly and make no such failures as Dr. 
Johnson tells us happened to the flying machine of the artist 
on which Rasselas wanted to escape. 



APPLES OF HESPERIDES 




POUND it as difficult to buy an orange in California 
as it was to get a cup of tea in Ceylon or cup of 
coffee in Java. I saw oranges on train folders and 
in orchards from: train windows — oranges everywhere 
but not one to buy or eat. They were as hard to get as the 
golden apples (oranges) of Hesperides which Hercules found 
to be the toughest of his labors. In the city the prices were 
prohibitive and on the beaches there were none. Visiting the 
town of Orange in Orange County, I entered a store and asked 
for some oranges. The clerk eyed me as if I were an escaped 
lunatic or German spy and replied he had no oranges to sell. 
I managed to buy a few tangerines and several things in the 
shape of oranges — apples. Across the street I saw the sign 
"Orange Supply Co.," and with lips drawn up like a navel 
orange, at the thought of its sweetness, I hurried over to sadly 
find it was nothing but a gasoline station. From what you 
read and hear I expected to get as big and juicy oranges as I 



130 ON THE WARPATH 

had in Joppa, Florida, China, Brazil, Italy and Spain. I 
thought the Californian children played ball with them, that 
one could walk along and pick them up or off. Did I not come 
here to see their green-leaved beauty, breathe their blossomed 
fragrance, press their sun-kissed faces to my lips, and eat a 
fruit and drink a seedless nectar that made the ambrosia of 
the Gods taste like stale buttermilk in comparison? Woe is 
me, I didn't even glimpse an orange sunset. 

When the Eighth Annual Orange Carnival was advertised 
to be held at San Bernardino, I went as a last chance. The 
Sunday trolley ride from Los Angeles was a scenic fiesta of 
hill, valley, orchard and mountain. The streets of San Berdo, 
that mountain-guarded town, were gay with fluttering banners 
and thronged with auto tourists. The first golden fruit I saw 
was beyond my reach — in a jeweler's window. It was behind 
bars, protected along with silver and precious stones to keep it 
from the theft of the covetous traveler. Really, oranges here 
were as priceless as black diamond coal in the East. 

The Citrus Circus had a Pike or Amusement Alley with the 
usual gambling, fake girl clairvoyants and red hot attractions. 
There were some side-show navel orange dancers. Two young 
girls beckoned "L" and me to coms in their tent and learn 
our physical and spiritual contents, according to the inviting 
sign over the door, ''Know Thyself." A word to the wise 
was sufficient and we kept out, knowing enough of ourselves, 
for back of them was another sign, with the magic words, "I 
Love You." 

Then we strolled into the big show tent, where 90,000 
visitors had flocked during the week. We saw thousands of 
lemons and grape fruit in designs and displays representing 
hanging gardens, flowing fountains, ships, etc. There was a 
Court of the Allies advertised to be made up of the most 
beautiful girls of Southern California — but they were not in 
evidence and I don't know whether they were lost, strayed or 
stolen. Their absence was compensated for by many other 
wonderful and thrilling features — such as crowds of city and 
country fair folk, stands of ice-cream and lemonade, lunch 
counters, bands of music, a tent full of autos for sale, exhibits 
of produce and machinery, and a lovely display of lemons and 



ON THE WARPATH 131 

grapefruit. We missed tlie ''peaches," California's prettiest 
girls, advertised as the state's finest fruit. But of the thing 
which gave the Carnival its name, there wasn't much. The 
small select number of orange booths was outclassed by 24 
boxes of classy lemons that for size, color and acidity won the 
prize. I had been given many lemons in life before, but none 
so fine as these. Yet I didn't make a sour face, for I'm like 
the optimist who made lemonade of the lemons that were 
handed him. 

In fable the orange is known as the Apple of Hesperides; 
in history we read of William of Orange; in politics and 
religion, Ulster suggests the Orange men; in geography the 
word recalls the Orange River Colony of South Africa, and 
East Orange, N. J., where I used to visit and spend my boy- 
hood Saturdays ; in friendly soda philanthropy we have orange 
ade. In botany we learn the orange was transplanted from 
Asia to Europe ; that the trees grow 350 years old ; that they 
are large and shady, or dwarfed as potplants ; that one tree is 
a gold mine bearing as many as ten or twelve thousand fruit 
a year ; and that the fruit is fragrant and juicy, whether round 
or flattened, seedy or seedless, or tangerine, kumquat, or navel. 

The orange is a little world in itself. Its glassy green 
leaves decorate the graves of the dead and its white fragrant 
blossoms deck the brow of the bride. In the South Seas some 
oranges are ripe when green. Who can forget my lady's kid- 
glove orange ? What middy will not fight for a navel orange ? 
Among the tragic events of the world war, and one of the 
awful sacrifices our English cousins have nobly made, is the 
enforced absence of orange marmalade from their breakfast 
table. The color of the orange is cheerful and optimistic. It 
is pleasant to the eye, lip and nose. Who cares a fig for other 
fruits if he has an orange ! 

In poetry it is the favorite of the bards, and in Lalla Rookh 
Moore sings, 

* 'Beneath some orange trees. 
Whose fruit and blossoms in the breeze 
Were wantoning together free, 
Like age aplay with infancy, ' ' 



132 ON THE WARPATH 

The orange tree is of middle size, lias green leaves and 
brown bark. The fruit is round and yellow divided into eight 
or ten compartments, and is anything but flat with its pulpy, 
sugary juice. Fragrant oil is made from the leaves, rind and 
flowers. Its fine-grained compact wood takes polish and is 
used in the arts. 

Know ye the land of the citrus fruit, Myrtle? The China 
orange is sweet, the Seville bitter, the Maltese is red-pulped, 
the Mandarin has the flavor of a clove, and the Tangerine and 
St. Michaels are distinct. 

The word orange in verbal combination is used to apply 
to a butterfly, thorn, root, ship, apple, tea, peel, pear and oil. 
The orange is always in danger and requires as much care as 
a child. Its beauty is ravaged by a scaly insect called the 
''Mitilapsis Citricola" which has to be sprayed. When the 
fruit is attacked by Jack Frost the gardeners hustle to smoke 
him out. 

I remember the Orangery at San Souci, Potsdam, that Prus- 
sian Versailles of Frederick the Great. I viewed its fountains 
and climbed the staircase with the orange trees on either side ; 
entered the music room and struck a chord on the old spinet 
that had thrilled and throbbed under the master fingers of 
Bach; and visited the royal study Voltaire had frequented, 
that great French wit and poet whom the young Frederick 
had sent for to come and tutor him. That friendship was 
short-lived. Frederick wanted Voltaire to criticize his verses 
and Voltaire replied, ^'The king sends me his soiled linen to 
wash." Voltaire incidentally said that the Prussian language 
made up for the scarcity of their ideas by the length of their 
words and the superfluity of their consonants. Frederick 
called Voltaire a *' blackguard" and ** vagabond," but Voltaire 
flashed back a verbal volt shock, '' Coquettes, kings and poets 
are accustomed to flattery. Frederick combines these three 
characters. It is not possible that Truth can pierce this triple 
wall of self-esteem." 

Jaffa is famous for its oranges. One afternoon I walked 
out to its cemetery and while resting refreshed myself by 
eating a dozen. What better place for a grave than the orange 
grove in the vicinity with its ornament of orange blossoms 



ON THE WARPATH 133 

and the murmuring' requiem of the Mediterranean? If I die 
in California, or some tropic far-off land, instead of having a 
cow, goat or sheep visit my grave to nibble the grass, I believe 
my bones would rest easier in my coffin if I knew an orange 
tree was growing above me. Then the weary, thirsty traveler 
could sit on my grave, lean his back against the foot of my 
tombstone, and while looking at my head stone initials G. L. M., 
refresh himself with oranges and pray that my soul might find 
rest under the boughs of the tree of life in the paradise above. 
Better this than any stone urn or gloomy cypress. Let some 
Anacreon have a tombstone as a trellis for a grape-vine — but 
give me the orange tree. 

LUTHER AND LIBERTY 

lURING our stay in Los Angeles there was a Luther 
celebration in press, pulpit and lecture hall and I 
recalled my visit to his home. 

In the market place at Eisleben, you stand before 
the statue of Martin Luther, one of the world's greatest char- 
acters in history. Here Charles V., Frederick the Great, Peter 
of Russia, Napoleon, Kaiser Wilhelm, and many others have 
stood with respect and reverence — but their influence of mili- 
tary might has been as nothing compared with the moral 
power of Martin Luther, who wielded the sword of the Spirit, 
and lives today in the memory and heart of the world. 

Though dead, Luther speaks in religion, education, litera- 
ture, music and government. His name is a synonym of 
physical, mental and moral liberty — ^the liberty, fraternity and 
equality the world struggles for today. 

No life story is more interesting than his. "We see him 
studying and singing at school in Eisenach ; later reading Law 
at Erfurt ; studying theology in the Augustinian Convent and 
preaching and lecturing to the people and students; at Rome 
climbing to heaven on no Scala Sancta but on the Bible ladder 
of, ''The Just shall live by Faith;'' at Juterbok hurling an- 
athemas on Tetzel selling indulgences and promising freedom 
from purgatorial punishment; at Worms, boldly meeting his 




134 ON THE WARPATH 

political and clerical accusers, saying, **Here I stand; I cannot 
otherwise; God help me;" held safe by his friends in the 
Wartburg castle from his enemies; marrying Katharine Von 
Bora and setting up a home of happy usefulness ; translating 
the Bible into German, and making songs which echoed in mil- 
lions of hearts, and after a life of strength, study, sensibility, 
and spirituality, closing his eyes in death, whispering, ''Into 
Thy hands, Christ, I commit my spirit; for Thou hast re- 
deemed me.*' 

Ignoring pomp, pretense, parade and prelatical power, 
Luther stood for what Protestantism stands today — freedom 
of conscience, an open Bible, and the doctrine of justification 
by faith. 

He believed that Christ was the foundation, corner-stone 
and super-structure of the Church, with no Saint intercessor 
or confessor between Him and the worshipper; that the Bible 
was the revealed Will and Word of God to Man as a perfect 
rule of human conduct, and free for every man to read and 
follow for his soul's salvation and sanctification ; and that 
freedom meant individual life and a personal responsibility 
that went straight to God for orders without any ecclesiastical 
interference from any Church. 

The map of the Christian world today was drawn by Martin 
Luther, and it is bounded North, South, East and West by 
Protestant nations. 

The creed of Protestantism is : Heaven is the Eternal city ; 
Christ is the Supreme Pontiff ; the Bible is final ; the hierarchy 
is a procession of Christian workers ; the cathedral is conse- 
crated lives; the music, ''Thy sins are forgiven thee;" the 
litany, "Save us from Slavery of Mind and Soul;" its gloria, 
"Jesus Only." 

L stands for Luther and Liberty; that Church and State 
exist for the people and not the people for state or Church ; 
that Republican government means self-government: that 
Democracy is a government of and by the people as well as for 
the people ; that Absolutism is opposed to Individualism and 
Vaticanism is as un-American as Imperialism. 

Were Luther living today in America, he would oppose the 
union of Church and State; demand freedom of speech and 



ON THE WARPATH 135 

press; defend the public scliool, and send his children to it; 
insist on the right of everyone to religious liberty against all 
clerical intolerance; protest by voice and pen against the 
supreme sovereignty of any king or minister which, in tem- 
poral or spiritual affairs, set up its commands against the 
Constitution of the United States, and from its throne in Europe 
demanded American allegiance. 

America is against Prussian militarism and opposes Kaiser 
William in the spirit of German Martin Luther, who in his 
day led the march of freedom, liberated the mind and soul 
Germany once possessed and, please God, she and all the world 
and made possible the mental, moral, and material prosperity 
shall have once more and forever. 



MOVIE— MADNESS 

IhAKESPEARE 'S ^'All the world's a stage,*' is 
changed to "All the world's a movie screen and 
scream." In Los Angeles one dodges movie actors 
and operators. Picture houses are as numerous as 
saloons along the squares. At the beaches people imitate 
Theda Bara, very bare, and everj^where you meet boys with 
a Charley Chaplin smile and shufile and girls wearing 
Mary Pickford hats and curls. You flee this picture plague 
to the mountain, yet you no sooner leave this angel city than 
you come to movie studios at every point of the compass, with 
all their papier mache palaces and cities. I fled fifty miles to 
an ocean beach only to find scenic barges, boats and floats, 
and what I hoped to be a lovely cave, rock or shore, with no 
man Friday to mar my solicitude, turned out to be the haunt 
of the ubiquitous movie operator with a bevy of vampire and 
sea nymph performers. 

Many of the studios were closed on account of the war, 
and others because of the practise of spies going around to 
steal plots. Visitors were not welcome. I managed to 
get into Fox's, who has been called the Hearst of the movies. 
It was almost as difficult to gain admittance as for those who 




136 ON THE WARPATH 

wish to be stars. "We made it because the manager learned we 
had been with his company at Kingston, Jamaica. In addition, 
my card as chaplain of the Actor's Alliance served as an open 
Sesame. 

Fox is a magician who can put up everything from the fall 
of the Bastile to the Barbary coast. Abroad I had seen ancient 
ruins, but here within easy kodak shooting distance I viewed 
everything from the streets of Paris in the seventeenth century 
to old Cairo. These canvas cities and streets looked as though 
Kaiser Bill's heavenly hosts had been directing the movie 
operations with big guns, or as if they had been swept up by a 
Kansas cyclone or California earthquake. 

There stood poor old Liberty alone, bruised and battered 
and significantly sitting on a board scaffolding. She was 
thrown out and forgotten, symbolic of much of our boasted 
liberty today which has been junked. The movie builders 
were busy erecting an Oriental city and surroundings for sen- 
suous * 'Salome." Instead of the Bible story and its lesson of 
Herod's sin, John's rebuke, and the wanton wife who in angry 
retaliation used her daughter Herodias to dance off John's 
head, the theme is the sensual infatuation of the profligate 
girl for the pious prophet, based on the version and perversion 
of Oscar Wilde's poetry and Strauss' seductive music. A 
guard followed us as faithfully as though we were in Mexico 
or Moscow. He showed me store-rooms, settings, parapher- 
nalia and machinery enough to produce any time, place or 
girl in history. 

Lastly, we entered a studio where they were making real 
movie pictures. Here were all quarters and classes — gentle- 
men of leisure in luxurious rooms, with ghastly powdered 
visage ; convicts in striped suits ; parlors furnished in the style 
of Louis XIV, where villainy pursues virtue, which threatens 
to fly away. It was the most interesting movie I ever saw. 
Great calcium lights flashed on the scene, the operator turned 
a crank, the manager sat with the manuscript, chewing cigar 
stubs and giving directions. The girl rushed across the room, 
the villain pursued and tried to grab her, both of them saying 
little with their lips but much with the moving expression of 
their eyes, mouths and hands. The heroine sprang onto a 



ON THE WARPATH 137 

window-sill, made a few faces at her pursuer, doubly crossed 
herself, and then made a mad, wild leap into the darkness, 
just six inches below on the other side. Then the manager 
yelled "Cut it!" to the operator, and tried it over and over 
again. It was better than a London Punch and Judy show, 
and was surely worth the admission, which we had obtained 
for nothing. I fear this film will bring a film of tears to the 
eyes of movie maidens all over the land, yet to us it was 
laughable. 

When ''Cleopatra'' landed in Los Angeles there were more 
than 100,000 admirers who paid high prices to see this wily 
sorceress of the Nile. To show the value of advertising here, 
they give the people what they want. An ocean of printer's 
ink flowed over every billboard with a sickening, sensational 
slush and gush. This is the way they do it : * * See the produc- 
tion in which red blood and brute strength make their laws"; 
''A photo-play showing man as God made him"; ''The most 
sensational picture ever produced"; "A story of primitive 
passions and the freedom of natural instincts"; "The most 
thrilling spectacle ever shown on a moving picture screen"; 
"A dream of uncurbed impulses.** 

Rousseau wrote his "Confessions," and I must now write 
mine. After all these years of innocent travel, I followed the 
crowd and fell in line to see some of the stars in this movie 
firmament, and for the first time beheld Mary Pickford, Theda 
Bara, Douglas Fairbanks, etc., in all their flickering glory. 
If kind heaven will forgive this waste of time and money, I 
will never do it again. 

A travel, scientific or educational film has a certain value, 
but it is ridiculous to think one can know the literary value 
of Shakespeare and the classics through a film version. An- 
cient history is so antique that if Cleopatra's sacred bones 
had not already been weighted down with Sahara sand they 
would have risen, got together and come over here to protest 
against this ludicrous and time-out-of-joint portrayal. I have 
been to Egypt often enough to know what the Nile boats, 
palms, pyramids, Sphinx and natives look like. Cleopatra, 
according to ancient writers, is pictured as of Egyptian and 
Macedonian descent, swarthy, plastic, profligate, daring, dev- 



138 ON THE WARPATH 

ilish, alluring, adulterous, familiar, sly and sensuous. In all 
her posing this modern Theda fell far short of this Oriental 
ideal. In perfect keeping with the California beach Egyptian 
scenery, the orchestra played the Lucia Sextette for an over- 
ture, probably because it was a sex film. The pasteboard 
pyramid, jack-in-the-box Sphinx, Balboa Actium battle and 
sea beach chariot race would make a Pharaoh mummy smile. 
But in the audience the gray-haired old ladies and bald-headed 
veterans, who formed the greater part, thought it was won- 
derful. The old Cleopatra siren, ambitious, able, brave, bad, 
is with great difficulty portrayed by angel-food and malted- 
milk fed actresses of today. This screen star was not the kind 
to conquer a Caesar, Antony or Augustus with heart-sighs, 
and, failing in this, to place a poisonous asp on her bosom 
and die. No, modern screen stars are pleasant society girls 
who spend plenty of money for clothes, flirt, knit and perhaps 
teach a Sunday school class, but for the old serpent of the 
Nile they are nil. 

I met the scenario writer of one film that held the mirror 
up to Nature. It was put on by the fighting parson of 'Frisco 
who cleared out the notorious tenderloin district, after which 
the women of the underworld marched in a body to his church 
and demanded that he give them some decent way of making 
a living. It v/as a strong sermon, and if what does good is 
good, it is a good film. There was fact as a basis, a reason for 
its existence. It was not the mere empty amusement kind 
of film, or one in which under-garlanded beauty seduces and 
makes destruction please. 

California is one big, beautiful movie studio. The only 
way to avoid it is to leave the state. As we boarded the ship 
at San Pedro, we were blocked at the gangway by a crowd 
gazing at a distinguished looking Jap with the airs of the em- 
peror and a Russian princess who appeared to be running 
away. I imagined there had been some quick change in his- 
tory, that these royal people were to be our passengers, and 
I hoped to be introduced and so obtain some state or stateroom 
news that would edify and electrify the world. Pshaw! ^ It 
was a movie scene, a sham, a show, only this, and nothing 
more. 



ON THE V/ARPATH 139 

Billboard cinema figures disfigure and often disgust as 
much as board-bill duns. People pack the movies. No artist, 
musician or orator is such a good money-getter as the movie 
man. 

Arthur Brisbane, world-famed writer, pays the movies 
this compliment: 

'* Moving pictures is only a money-making proposition. 
Its success is based upon the stupidity and lack of intellectual 
development of the human race. We are a race of animals 
who have been standing on our hind legs only 500,000 years, 
using speech about 100,000 years, and really using the written 
word generally only about 50 years. The success of the moving 
picture of today can be readily understood when all of that 
is taken into account. The moving picture saves the humans 
the intellectual effort of making their own pictures as they 
must when reading or listening to the spoken drama. A man 
who will not read Shakespeare now sits an hour and a half 
in front of a screen ruining his eyes. In an industry where 
hundreds of millions have been invested, if you cannot list six 
or even sixty great works you haven't gone veiy far.'* 




CLIMATE WORSHIPPERS 



ALIFORNIA climate is excellent for consumptives, 
cinemas and autos. If the people were as good a? 
their climate, one wouldn't have to die to go to 
heaven. Should the local boosters perchance enter 
Paradise, they might object to the atmosphere, complain that 
the scenery was less beautiful, the fruits not so luscious, and 
the golden streets less suitable for touring than their own 
boulevards. People die to see California, and die seeing it. 
Invalids, in the eve of life when Death's shadow is lengthen- 
ing, go to this land of the sunset and say *^ good-night" and, 
in some brighter clime, bid ** good-morning." Never before 
have I seen so many people hopping about with one foot in 
the grave. 



140 ON THE WARPATH 

California is long on climate, movies and cafeterias, but 
short on culture. **C" is the first letter in California and be- 
gins her creed, which is, ''There is but one California, and 
climate is its profit." Sing it, ye poets; print it, ye papers; 
advertise it, ye folders; declare it, ye waters; preach it, ye 
ministers; boost it, ye real estate dealers; flash it, ye sun, 
moon and stars ; howl it, ye winds ; roar it, ye oceans ; and let 
the birds trill it, and the autos honk it, and the bells ring it, 
and the flowers and trees breathe it, and let earth quake it, 
and let everything that hath breath declare it. Californians 
deify their climate. Sunday, instead of reading a Psalm in the 
sanctuary, they auto and sing and say, ''Let everything that 
hath breath praise the climate — praise ye the climate. *' If 
you do not fall down and worship the climate, some of the 
natives would scarcely hesitate to cast you into a literal fiery 
furnace. California's coat of arms should be a thermometer, 
her patriotic national air "Hail California," and her doxology, 
"Praise climate, from which all blessings flow." 

Much of California's hot air comes from boosters. People 
with weak lungs are strong for climate. Climate is the multum 
in parvo, the sine qua non, the in hoc signo vinces, the sum- 
mum bonum, the e pluribus unum, in fine, the beginning, mid- 
dle and end of all things. Here was Eden's Paradise, Utopia, 
Arcadia, Elysium and New Atlantis. 

Thunder storms and tornadoes are unknown — ^but occa- 
sionally earthquakes make deep impressions. Cool trade-winds 
and the modifying influence of warm westerly winds fan the 
native's brow. To a weather statistician and invalid it may 
be interesting to know that the thermometer has only gone 
below 32 degrees a few times in forty years, that the rainfall 
about Los Angeles for the past twenty-five years has averaged 
14.36 inches, the lowest 4.83, the highest 29.9, and that for 
an average of 309 days the sun is but partly obscured, while 
the ocean has a temperature of 61 degrees in January. 

All that Californians say about their climate may be true, 
but a good press agent from Alaska could do as much to boost 
his climate. Here everything grows big and easily — the 
redwood trees of the Yosemite, and the beets and lettuce the 
year round. Like these are the tall stories of the acclimated 



ON THE WARPATH 141 

falsifier who makes Munchausen a comparative seeker after 
truth. And, strange, they tell it over so often they come 
to believe it, and look you in the eye without a blink, swear- 
ing on their mother's Bible that all they say is Gospel truth. 
Is it strange that the good old farmer from Iowa and Kansas 
swallows this line of talk, hook, sinker and all? However, the 
world globe-trotter is from Missouri, and California will have 
to show him mountains equal to the Andes or Himalayas and 
tropical fruits, flowers and foliage finer than those of Ceylon 
and Java, the South Seas, Hawaii, or the East and West Indies. 

California has flowers the year round, but the rain this 
year was late and most of the flowers I saw were growing on 
the curbs and cement sidewalks at Los Angeles. Violets, car- 
nations, roses and freesias were few as angel visits, because 
you can't grow anything useful or beautiful in California 
without water from the heavens above or from the irrigation 
ditches beneath. 

Cold figures give California a warm climate. Southern 
California is a great sanitarium ; but how many great men has 
she produced? Cloudless suns and trade-winds are enervat- 
ing and lack the intellectual stimulus of a colder clime with 
its bracing atmosphere. Climate means zones, and according 
to the old geography there were thirty, fifteen each way from 
the equator to the poles. California has a monopoly of them, 
and under the baton of the year they all rehearse and play. 
Free love is not a stranger here according to the proverb — 
Cold climate, cold lovers; warm climate, warm lovers. "We 
may occasionally overlook the naughty winter that lingers 
in the lap of Spring, but the season is a big harem. All months 
talk about the same language and wear the same fine flower- 
decked garb. Summer doesn't come, like the tourist, for a 
three-months camp, but lives here the year round. Winter and 
autumn are lost. Here it is bud and fruit, flower and blossom, 
red and yellow, green and brown, with Thompson's Seasons 
multiplied by three. The air stimulates like wine, but the 
pulse is physical more than mental and moral, spurring to 
passion and urging more to eating and drinking than study- 
ing. Boys and girls are lovers, fathers and mothers at an 
early age. 



142 ON THE WARPATH 

In spite of all that is said of the climate, I think I 
should be willing to spend only a part of eternity here. 
The surt is icewater, compared with the South Seas, and at 
night, instead of being lapped in Lydian airs, you need a good 
wool blanket. The climate rains, pours, frosts, freezes, fogs, 
snows, blows, and does all the climatic stunts the weather man 
performs over the world. It is often just cold enough to be 
disagreeable and not balmy enough to be delightful. 

The pongee and white duck suits I had started with to 
Ecuador remained in the bottom of my trunk, and my scarf, 
overcoat, raincoat and steamer rug were my celestial wardrobe 
in the City of the Angels. In saying this I speak in no spirit 
of criticism or witticism, but of cold fact, doubtless owing to 
the fact that I live in the state of frigidity, Minnesota, a sort 
of icebox the greater part of the year, and so am qualified 
to note every disagreeable variation of temperature. Really 
and truly, I enjoyed every hour of California climate — and 
was glad it was no worse. Yet my spirits were never so de- 
pressed as those of the Bacchus bunch, whose feelings were 
low, as indicated by the liquor **bar"ometer, which had gone 
way down at the storm of disapproval and prohibition tidal 
wave sweeping over the state. John Barleycorn was going out 
of business, shutting up shop and urging his friends to come 
in and see him with a friendly final call. 



IN AN EARTHQUAKE 

MONG the shocks I received at some California 
beaches was a short, sharp earthquake, one which 
seemed disposed to topple my seaside hotel into the 
breakers. Fortunately, it was quite harmless. The 
damage was limited to the breaking of dishes, fewer than a 
good strong servant girl smashes the first day in her new 
place. 

An earthquake is the motion of the earth's solid crust by 
active forces beneath. It is usually found near active vol- 
canoes, though quake-shaken vibrations have been felt in 
nearly every part of the globe. 




ON THE WARPATH 143 

I had visited the cities of Lisbon, Callao, Caracas, Valpa- 
raiso and Kingston, where quake, fire and tidal wave had sent 
hundreds of thousands to their death. Recentlj'' in Central 
America I saw what destruction had been wrought at Anti- 
gua and Cartago, and learned how the superstitious natives 
had cried, prayed, made pilgrimages, given offerings and even 
baptized the volcanoes, but all in vain. Some of the ''shaky" 
experiences I had heard and read of I practically experienced 
in an earthquake at Colon, Panama. It lasted one minute and 
twenty seconds, and it felt as if the earth had been picked up 

by a giant hand and shaken like a naughty child. My bed 
was rocked and let down with a thump. Terra firma became 
terra mota, a terrible sensation, unlike anything experienced 
on sea or land before, and I was in a position to appreciate 
the meaning of Addison's lines, ''The war of the elements, 
the crush of matter and the wreck of worlds." 

Philippi was the Macedonian city which King Philip had 
repaired and beautified; Augustus made a Roman colony; 
where the great battle was fought B. C. 42, when Brutus and 
Cassius were overthrown by Octavius and Anthony and 
Rome's republic was ended; where Paul was led in vision 
from Troas to preach the gospel ; where Lydia was converted, 
and a model Christian church sprang up. 

Paul and Silas were scourged and cast into prison because 
they had cast out the devil of divination from a young girl 
who had "brought her masters much gain by soothsaying." 
Touch a man's pocketbook, put a crimp in his bank account 
and interfere with his dirty money-making schemes, and you 
may expect to be persecuted, punched and put in prison if he 
can land you there. 

Jails in the Far East were filthy, crowded and inhuman. 
Law, not love, ruled, and the object was to break the prison- 
er's spirit and his back. Today we seek to remedy, and not 
revenge; to help, not hurt, and so influence character that the 
criminal may go and "sin no more." Yet it is a question 
whether we do not often coddle the criminal, excuse his sin, 
blame others, make him feel he is wronged, apologize for him, 



144 ON THE WARPATK 

try and shorten his manslaughter sentence and give more of 
a good time with music, flowers, games and movies than he is 
entitled to, in the light of his crime. 

The jailer was responsible for his prisoners, and as he saw 
them freed by the earthquake he was about to commit suicide, 
when Paul said, ''Do thyself no harm." Terrified and repent- 
ant, he replied, ''Sirs, what must I do to be saved?" 

He called the Apostles "Sirs," not tramps, anarchists, 
firebrands or trouble-makers. 

He asked what he should "do," not imagine, think or 
dream. 

He said "I," not my wife, mother-in-law or neighbor. 

He asked to be "saved," instead of begging for comfort, 
quiet, clothes, food or money. 

The question was born of his trouble, the earthquake, the 
flight of the prisoners, and his fear of punishment. Thus men 
wait for age, sickness, poverty and calamity and ask for what 
should have been settled in the peace and prosperity of earlier 
days. Life's leading question is not food, drink, money, posi- 
tion, pleasure, the tariff, the war in Europe, or who will be 
President, but "Am I saved?" In fifty years what will it 
matter whether we walked or rode in an auto or street car; 
wore a hand-me-down or a tailor-made suit ; ate a fifteen-cent 
lunch or a dollar dinner? 

Men are lost to health, mind, money, position, friends, 
reputation, character and their souls. 

To be saved is to be free from the power and penalty of sin, 
and to receive the gift of eternal life and happiness. 

We are "bought with a price." Things are valued, whether 
a home, picture or statue, according to their cost. The price of 
our forgiveness was Christ's humble birth. His awful tempta- 
tion. His mock trial and His infamuos crucifixion. 

Saving faith includes the assent of the intellect and the 
consent of the will. It is historic, and accepts the birth, life 
and death of Christ; theologic, believing the divinity of His 
mission and teaching; poetic, feeling the Christ influence in 
literature, art and music; and evangelic, believing that Christ 
"died the just for the unjust" to make atonment for human 
transgression. 



ON THE WARPATH 145 

Greater than shake of mountain, splash of sea or ruin of 
buildings will be the hour of our death, when earth, home and 
friends are passing. Now is the accepted time to ask the 
question, "What must I do to be saved?" There are many 
roads to hell, but the saddest is that which runs by the Bible, 
past the cross and through the warning of daily life. 



CATALINA 

CATALINA was discovered by the Spanish navigator, 
Cabrillo, in 1542, who found many native Indians on 
the island. Today the wild things are goats, which 
smell much as the Indians did. Later, Viscaino came 
in 1602. In the early days, the island was the haunt of free- 
booters, adventurers and pirates, who sailed out and robbed 
the rich galleons engaged in the Philippine trade. These 
pirates have present descendants who are on the lookout 
for the money of the idle rich. The high spots of the island 
are Mounts Orizaba and Black Jack that rise 2,000 feet. 

The city of Avalon, Catalina, is unlike the island valley 
of Avalon in Tennyson's **Morte d 'Arthur," that paradise 
where the good Celtic heroes went. The journey there formed 
one of the sources of Dante's poem. If Dante could visit 
Catalina 's Avalon in season, he might be able to add another 
canto to his Inferno. I have never visited the Avalon of ro- 
mance and tradition, but have seen the one at Catalina, with 
its prose reality and billboards advertising gum, food, drink, 
kodaks, billiards, ice-cream and dry goods. A sign I distinctly 
remember was one that pointed a moral, **Our Soda Is as Cold 
as Charity." This sign is understood and unquestioned by 
the tight-wad travelers who come here. Classic Avalon had 
magic apples — what I found here were prickly pears which 
Mephisto's magic had created to torment. 

Avalon is situated on the landward side of the island, 
thus protected from the winds and also absolutely shut off 
from sunset and surf. It makes up for loss of ocean wind by 
Boreal breaths that keep travelers huddled around a log fire 



146 ON THE WARPATH 

or steam radiator. Our visit found it truthfully advertised 
as a ''winter" resort. The city is made up of cafes, restau- 
rants, apartments, markets, delicatessens, bath-houses, hotels 
and tiers of cottages on the mountain-side that bring tears to 
the eyes of the beauty-lover. 

Catalina lies beautiful in the 27-mile distance, and is a 
charming little sail from San Pedro — if the weather is good. 
On near approach one finds the island is bare of foliage, for 
goats and globe-trotters have worn it off by scampering over 
its hills. 

Tourists come here to fish and flirt, to bathe and bum. 
You may live in a hotel, or camp in tents, sit in the open-air 
Greek theatre, listen to music, go to the movies, tramp or 
auto to the Summit, the Ranch and Isthmus. Of course, we 
sailed out in the glass-bottom boats to see the submarine gar- 
dens of shell, plant and fish. They are very pretty, but like a 
cabbage to a rose compared with Nassau or Fiji. The Seal 
Rocks suggest 'Frisco. These seals and the pelican on the 
wharf were the most interesting inhabitants we met. The seals 
bask, flap, flop, wink, make a baby cry and vie in style with 
the rich in the beauty of their sealskins. 

Uncle Sam has a ''submarine'' garden at Long Beach, 
where we saw one of its specimens floating in the water and 
diving like a fish. Catalina has its submarine gardens that 
grow in the green-blue water and raise a crop of kelp and 
abalone shells. Here dart fish, green, gold and red, in a natural 
aquarium. They flash through waving forests and foliage. 
For the benefit of the tourist, who thinks the abalone shell 
naturally smooth and found in the shape of souvenir spoons, 
cuff-links and stickpins ,the boat managers employ a diver to 
stealthily drop over the side of the boat rough abalone shells 
with the meat cut out. The diver then swims down and brings 
them up for 25 cents each. He is a good swimmer, but expert 
fish, the efficient swimmers, give him a glass-eye glance, flip 
their tails and swish off in disgust. The abalone clings to the 
rocks as close as a miser to his pocketbook. The Japs go out 
at low tide and pry them off. 



ON THE WARPATH 



147 




KELP 

HE California kelp beds are where the fish and crabs 
rest at night. As you look through the glassy 
window of the waves the kelp makes you feel 
envious of the fish, and you wish you were a 
mermaid. Kelp is the festoon decoration for Neptune's 
court, the grass skirt or head-dress crown of the mermaids 
when they go to deep sea balls or fish balls. 

One of the water sprites in Scottish legend is the * 'Kelpie.'' 
It is said that when one approaches his drowning fate the 
Kelpie rises from the wave and pronounces his death sentence. 
This kelp impresses itself in the sand most beauti- 
fully. For mural decoration design there is nothing prettier. 
As it rises and falls with the tide, it is the picture of the 
Three Graces. Clouds of gnats rise like incense from its bowl- 
shaped roots when they lie on the shore. At times it resembles 
a ball and chain some sea monster has slipped off from his 
hands and feet. 

Chemically, kelp has use as well as beauty, being valuable 
for sodium carbonate, potash and iodine contents. It is also 
used as a fertilizer. Seaweed now takes the place of oats for 
horses in France. "We watched the kelp government ** cutters" 
between San Pedro and San Diego sailing the kelp beds with 
their mowing machine knives, lawn mowers of the sea, to 
cut, collect and carry the weed to the government plants. 
This kelp, when transformed into potash, is necessary to put 
Perlmutter Wilhelm out of business. 

Many curious curios are made from kelp — ^bells, bags, 
baskets, trays, bowls, smoking sets, dishes, vases, little men and 
women, canoes, pots, pitchers, and gondolas. The kelp leaves 
are the color and substance of glue. 

A FRENCH COUNTESS 

T Catalina we met a genuine French countess and her 
sister, who had done Red Cross work in France. The 
portrait of the elder was in the Luxembourg Gallery 
in France, and she had acted for some movies on the 
coast. Hollywood was her temporary home, where **L" 




148 ON THE WARPATH 

and I called and were regaled with tea, fresh cakes and a 
veritable Madame de Stael (not stale) vivacious conversation 
on travel, music, art, literature, patriotism, and religion. Al- 
though she was French, I fully understood her good English 
accent and gesture, as I did the meaning of her young sister, 
who went to the piano and sang *'I Love You. 



ISLAND VIEWS 



77 



THE guide points out the beauty spots as you sail 
around the island. One prominent point that attract- 
ed the nose as well as the eye was Garbage Point. 
A chapter should be added to the guidebook folder 
to describe how the tin cans flash in the sun, and to expatiate 
on the fragrance of the decaying vegetables that are scat- 
tered in picturesque profusion down the hillside to the wa- 
ter's edge. 

The views from the 2,000-foot peaks of this island, along 
the winding mountain roads, are superb. This auto ride made 
me feel like writing a postscript to De Quincey's *' Glory of 
Motion.'' The only wild and woolly thing we saw was a sheep 
standing in the middle of the road disputing our right to the 
mountain pass. Since it was no Leonidas, we got by. We 
passed close enough to an eagle aery to see an eagle and his 
eagle eye. He was as immovable as if mounted on the rock 
by a taxidermist. "We saw and heard a herd of 100 wild 
goats. The chauffeur took a shot at them. He missed, and I 
was glad, for he aimed at a poor, frightened little kid that 
could scarcely keep up with its ** ma-ma." These goats browse 
on the brows of the hills. 

A French shepherd lives at the Ranch. He cares fo]M:he 
sheep and the goats, and more tenderly and intelligently than 
some parents for their children. He showed us a red fox he 
had shot, and said he would get enough money for the pelt 
to buy his wife an afternoon fox-trot dancing dress. He told 
us how the crows and eagles picked out the little lambs' eyes 
while asleep, unless the mother sheep watched. He related 
that some sheep mothers were as refractory as some society 



ON THE WARPATH ' 149 

ones. He placed the mothers in a pen and let the lambs nurse 
through the fence, thus forcing them to take care of their 
young. After this treatment they were better than the usual 
lamb mothers. Forcible detainment in the nursery might be 
tried by some Child's Betterment Society on many inhuman 
human mothers who run away, neglect their children and 
leave them to the tender care of a foreign maid and a big 
milk bottle. 

This keeper had a dog that understood French and sheep. 
He would make a good dog of war to slip our boys over there. 
His doggerel was ''paries vous," and if you didn't he couldn't. 



PINE POINTS OF CACTUS 



CFOR Catalina and cactus. Along the route we no- 
ticed some prickly pears and determined to taste 
them. This fruit belongs to the vegetable porcupine 
family. I had never studied this sort of botany, and 
in my eagerness to taste this mountain fruit I handled it in- 
discreetly. Trying to get the prickles out of my hand, I slip- 
ped on the rocky hillside, falling flat into the cactus bush. 
Now I know how Gulliver felt when the Lilliputians stuck 
him full of arrows. I was a human pincushion. A paper of 
needles is as dull as a handful of nails in comparison. Do 
you get the point? Possession is nine points of the law, but, 
though I had all on my side, I felt lawless, for ninety-nine 
points pierced my gloves, shoes and anatomy. For days I 
spent my vacation in extracting the needle briars. I was 
worse than nettled — it put me in a prickly heat of anger. 
There was one good compensation — my wife got a sticker in 
her tongue, and for weeks she was able to talk only half as 
much as usual. 

Cactus is used for fruit and confection. One who gathers 
it should be clad in a suit of armor, wear gauntlets and take 
hold of it with discretion and sand-paper. Never again! To 
me, it is a forbidden fruit. I wonder whether Adam would 
have fallen for a prickly pear instead of an apple. 




150 ON THE WARPATH 

ABOARD A PIRATE SHIP 

N 1912 I was in China and sailed up tlie Pearl river 
from Hongkong to Canton on a steamer that had 
been fired on by Chinese pirates the night before. 
We stopped off at the old opium-making town of 
Macao, where 500 Chinese passengers, huddled in the hold of 
our ship, were thoroughly searched for smuggled goods before 
they were allowed to disembark. The day we spent in Canton 
500 rebel revolutionists were killed. We visited the execution 
grounds, saw the chief executioner, and, to get a photo, I 
bared my neck to his knife, which in thirty years had be- 
headed about 300,000 victims. 

These Chinese memories came to mind when I crossed the 
Catalina Isthmus and looked down at the old, historic junk, 
Ning Po, pirate ship, slaver and opium-smuggler. Although 
she was stuck in the mud, she carried me back to China, and 
I saw again the Yellow man and Sea, pirate caves, mountains, 
towns and sampans. 

Like an old sea-dog, I enjoyed the bark, and, after wading 
through a Yellow Sea of mud, climbed the ladder and crawled 
over the side of the vessel as nimbly as any pirate. It was a 
wood ship made in 1753 of camphor and ironwood that didn't 
rust. The only rust was on the old chains and cannon on her 
deck. The odor of camphor had been smothered by the scent 
of blood that had washed her deck. Though built crudely and 
long ago, its deck boards were held together, not by oakum, 
but bv a sort of cement that now is one of the lost arts. This 
Old Ironsides may not be proof against a submarine torpedo, 
but is against the toredo, that bore of a little worm that augurs 
ill for modern wooden ships. A sign on the deck said it was 
*' extremely dangerous'' to walk around the decks, on account 
of the broken timbers, open hatches and debris. Ning Po 
means *' Peaceful Wave," yet I thought of its blood-red record, 
how it had been literally launched on a wave of crime, and 
how her big, rough camphor ribs had shaken with diabolical 
glee at the torture of slaves and outlaws. 

Our party (for I was afraid to be alone) went down into 
an officer's room and brought up some old square bamboo 



ON THE WARPATH 151 

stools. The table board was a board of the deck, and on it we 
piled enough food for a crew. Here we sat and ate our fill. 
Our meal was not composed of chop suey, rice, fish, chicken, 
tea, birds' nests, nuts and ginger, but of coffee, pickles, eggs, 
sandwiches, cakes, cookies, cheese, crackers, etc. Zest was 
given to our appetites because we sat stuffing by the side of the 
**Kee Long," or Starvation Cage, where poor victims had been 
imprisoned like a chicken in a coop with its head fastened 
outside. They were denied food and drink until enforced fast 
led to slow death. 

The stern of this junk was very gay with colored fantastic 
figures resembling a Chinese puzzle. The most striking orna- 
ment was a huge yellow-painted dragon with twisted tail. 
What a fitting mascot for a pirate ship, never deserting the 
ship as it sank and rose, and looking like a sea-serpent on the 
surface of the wave. The artist who painted it must have been 
inspired with some of the smuggled opium the ship carried. 
There were some ropes dangling over the stern, and at a dis- 
tance it looked as though some sailors had caught the dragon, 
but were unable to land him on deck. The immense coils of 
rattan and bamboo ropes on the deck seemed like other sea- 
serpents coiled and ready to strike. 

The Ning Po was a real sea dragon in shape according to 
her builder's plans. The open bow was the mouth, the big, 
bulging eyes outlined the head, the sails and masts were the 
fins, the fantastically carved high stern was the big tail, 
while the wake of the sea appeared to be a slimy trail. 

Down, down we groped into a dark, damp, dungeon hold 
where prisoners had been thrown, branded and kept hungry 
like wild beasts in a cage. Here, cabined and confined, with 
clank of chain and oath, these Chinese devils were held. T 
flashed my lantern over bunks and holes dark as the deeds 
that had been committed. Not a sound or sight of life, not 
even a rat in this old human trap. Parts of the ship were as 
dry as a remainder biscuit after a sea voyage, others were 
damp. From deck to keel we discovered some nine water 
compartments said to be the first models in ship-building. 

A derelict craft for derelicts! What water and blood- 
soaked mats, what opium-dreams, what a hell-craft manned 



152 ON THE WARPATH 

by fiends! From this living death dungeon men were glad 
to be brought up on deck and pay the extreme penalty, to wear 
the **Kang" board collars around their necks, to be hung up 
in the "Kee Long" starvation cage, to have confessions torn 
out of them by thumb-screws, to be whipped with iron flails, 
to have their limbs crushed with bone-breakers, to be made a 
target for spears, or be beheaded with ugly big knives. If 
ghosts return to favored haunts, I am certain they give this 
ship a wide berth. 

I picked up a small Chinese sandal lying in a cob-webbed 
corner of the boat. Whose was it and why there, on what 
errand of smuggled mercy or murder had it come? I kept it 
as a cheerful souvenir. 

What a pleasure yacht this was with its dance of death 
and music of torment. The Ning Po was sister ship to that 
other floating hell, the ''Success." There was a joss-house 
at the stern hatch entrance to the lower deck dungeon. It 
was built like a dog-house. I suppose the pious executioner 
prayed here for a skilful strong arm to hack off the heads of 
the prisoners. The crudest savages always have the most 
striking creed. Not all the Gods of the Chinese heaven could 
condone the crimes committed on this boat by these smug 
smugglers who offered prayers for success in new deviltry. 

The poor Ning Po is now idle as a painted ship upon a 
painted ocean. When she was launched in 1753 she was 
called **Kin Tai Fong.'^ She was very fleet and used as a 
Chinese merchant ship. She was so fast as to elude all other 
ships and easily became a smuggler, slaver and pirate ship, 
attacking whatever she found afloat and even warring against 
unprotected coast villages. She was the best armed craft of 
her time and landed on everything big and small, afloat or 
on shore. Rebellious outbreaks were frequent, and being 
speedy, she became a warship and interferred with the opium 
trade of the British East Indies that up to 1834 had a monop- 
oly of the opium trade. Pious England wanted all, pirate 
Ning Po wanted some, so Lord Napier came over to arbitrate 
the matter and at once demanded the seizure of the pirate 
Ning Po. The Lord died in 1835 and six years later the Ning 
Po launched into a new sea of crime, making the green and 



ON THE WARPATH 153 

yellow one red. Then the Chinese government went after this 
wanton pirate mistress of the sea, captured her and made her 
a prison-ship for smugglers and pirates at the mouth of the 
Tetsieh river. But there were so many aboard, the cost of 
living so high, that the Hooverizing captain cut down the food 
by cutting off the heads of the 158 pirate and smuggler pris- 
oners. What a bloody business — what gruesome deck sports — 
what a shuffle-board game as Death took these pigtail celebri- 
ties and shuffled off their mortal coil! 

During the Taiping rebellion in 1861 the rebels seized old 
Ning Po, and because of her size and speed, converted her into 
a transport. Still it was a losing game. Colonel *' Chinese" 
Gordon, in command of the imperial forces against the Tai- 
ping rebels, disliked the heathen name ''Kin Tai Fong," 
changing it to Ning Po after the city of that name. 

The name of the ship was changed, but not her nature. 
From 1864 to 1910 the N. P. was N. G. and by turns a smuggler 
and pirate. Her decks were cleared for military service in 
the rebellion against the Manchus, when she brought her old 
guns and shot up the Republicans. Her flag at the mainmast 
was called, "Pah Kwa," which I suppose is equal to ''Skull 
and crossbones." It was designed by Fuh-Hi some few years 
before (3222 B. C). As the Ancient Mariner was punished 
for his crime against the albatross, so this ship was punished 
for her sins against men. 

June 6, 1912, she sailed from Shanghai and six days later 
was wrecked in a typhoon, losing two of her white crew. 
Forced to put back to Shanghai for repairs, she set out again 
September 16th with a crew of Chinese. Nine days later she 
was wrecked in another typhoon during which time the crew 
mutinied and left her a mere floating hulk without rudder or 
sails. Then her mate and three Chinese rowed three hundred 
and twenty miles to Shimidzu and hailed a cruiser to tow the 
old girl into port. Her deserting mutinous crew was put in 
irons and sent back to Qhina. Then came the grand finale. A 
white crew was signed and once more she headed out, Decem- 
ber 22nd, 1912, reaching San Pedro February, 19th, 1913, 
after sailing 7,000 miles in 58 days. The Americans bought 
her, made her a show boat and an object lesson. 



154 ON THE WARPATH 

Poor Ning Po, still in the mud, thy old hulk reflected in 
the rising tide and with no thrill of life along thy keel ! What 
dost thou think of thy tempest-tossed career, thy ups and 
downs, thy stirring scenes and visits to f ar-aw^ay climes ? Dost 
thou long for further venture quest, or hast thou confessed 
and forsaken thy sins of warship and art now in they peaceful 
haven of worship? Chinese pirate-junk! thou Junker-spirited 
craft, can all the waters of thy oft-sailed Pacific cleanse thee 
from thy blood-stained past? Yet as a Chinese sea monster 
thou art outclassed and out-cursed forever by the infernal 
German submarine that sent the Lusitania to her Atlantic 
grave. 



PISH TALES 

HE ban should be placed on the Banning Steamship 
Co. which owns Catalina. Not satisfied with disfig- 
uring the beauty of the bay and surrounding hills 
with ugly hostelries, the company dynamited Sugar 
Loaf, one of the characteristic formations the island is known 
by in photo and art at home and abroad. They tore it down 
to build a hotel in its place, but Nature resented it and refused 
to give them a strong foundation for the projected hotel site. 
So now the beauty of the point is lost, as well as the site, the 
money and the work. Yet one of the horns remains. It re- 
sembles a rhino's. The Banning 's attacked one horn of the 
dilemma, and I am confident they will let this one alone. 

The long pier that appears to be just a boat dock, is a fish 
pier whose fishermen are the peers of any Isaac Waltons. The 
wharf is loaded with fishermen, who are not fishing for any- 
thing except the tourist. They guarantee you poles, bait, 
launch, grounds, and everything but fish, for $10.00 a day. 

We went out with ''Yellowtail John" in his Dragon 
Launch, starting in the morning at seven and returning at 
twelve. He is called Yellowtail, not from the color of his 
shirt, but because he has the record for catching the most 
yellowtail. Asked what a yellowtail was, he replied, **Any 




ON THE WARPATH 155 

carangoid fish of the genus seriola/* He further informed us 
that the Seriola Dorsalis and Sebastichthys flavidus were 
native to the Californian coast and valuable for food. 

Early in the cold and rough sea morning the Dragon took 
us out five miles. 'Tis said a dolphin took Arion and his lyre 
on his back to the shore — the Dragon took us back to the 
shore with the liar who said he was sure we would get some 
fish. The only fish we had were those we took for bait. "We 
had the best of everything, a modern expensive launch, forty- 
dollar fishpole and eighteen-dollar reel and line. Our yellow- 
tail fisherman chugged by kelp beds and threw over enticing 
fish-bait, but it was a little too early for the big fellows to get 
up from their ocean bed for breakfast. They had evidently 
attended a fish function the night before. 

The boat rolled, we trolled, grew cold and felt sold. About 
lunch time when the sun came out and made me sleepy, I got 
a bite. Zing — went the reel, singing, **yellowtail, barracuda, 
bonita, tarpon, Jew, swordfish." The line went out about 
300 feet. I braced my two feet to pull him in and Yellowtail 
John hurried over to me, after stopping the boat. He said, *'0, 
you got a bigga one." Then he placed a leather belt and. 
socket around my waist. I thought he was about to put a 
flag pole in it on which to run up a signal of distress for fear 
we might be carried out to sea by this monster of the deep. 
Instead, he put my fish pole in the socket and then showed me 
how to play fast and loose with the fish, reeling in as I lowered 
the pole. "When I had him within 100 feet and John was 
reaching for the gaff to land him, my line went plumb down 
300 feet. From the strength of the pull my guide said it was 
a 50-pound fish at least. My, how I wanted him! I grew hot, 
*'L" dropped his pole, leaning over the side of the boat with 
his kodak to snap the fish as I landed him. Then, sad to relate, 
the fish made off with my bait, line and hook, and John con- 
soled me by saying that a shark had gobbled up my 50-pound 
catch. This all happened very quickly and recalled Shakes- 
peare's lines: 



'Master, I marvel how the fishes live in the sea. 

Why, as men do a-land ; the great ones eat up the little ones. 



156 ON THE WARPATH 

Thus ends my yellow fish tale. Returning, we saw another 
fisherman who had the same bad luck of losing fish. He felt 
bad. I am sorry to say I felt a little better, for in this lonely 
world of ours misery loves company. This was my Jonah day, 
though it was the Dragon and no "whale" that took me 
ashore. 

These Catalina waters sport a leaping tuna that weighs 
from 80 to 250 pounds and can make record jumps. There 
is the sword fish, a good fighter who weighs from 100 to 350 
pounds. The albicore, a small tuna, is from 15 to 60 pounds 
and like him in weight is the yellowtail. Then there is the 
white sea bass from 30 to 70 pounds, and the black sea bass 
who tips the scales from 100 to 450 pounds. Take your choice 
of barracuda, bonita, rock bass, sheepshead, whitefish and 
others and you may tackle them all with light tackle. While 
here at Avalon I saw these varieties of fish — dried and stuffed 
for ornament by taxidermists, or pictured on postal cards. 

There are many big fish in this Pacific fish pond. At New- 
port Beach one morning I watched two boat crews harpooning 
a whale. It was great sport and all the beach people were 
there to see it. I lacked just one thing to make it complete, 
a case of Massolt's famous "Whale Brand Ginger Ale.'' But 
that whale, like my big fish, got away and perhaps the two 
are giving us the laugh and comparing hooks and nooks. At 
one time I saw 17 Jap fish boats draw in 30 tons of smelt. 
These were the Jap-baiters I liked — I detest the other Cali- 
fornia kind. Many a time the Newport Beach boys went out 
and brought in nets of fish that netted them big money. 

There is some Jew-baiting here but of a peaceful nature — 
baiting hooks for Jew-fish. I saw one tip the scales at 250 
pounds, and the day before I left California I helped haul a 
480 pounder through the breakers. When he was first towed 
into the breakers he made a break for liberty, but once drawn 
up on shore he was killed and carved. His stomach was 
filled with young sharks, stingarees, mackerel and many other 
kinds of fish. He was a whole fish market in himself. He is 
called "Jew-fish," perhaps, from his prominent nose, the 
golden color of his scales and the jewelry he wears. 



ON THE WARPATH 157 

Here is a true fish story. Listen! This is the fishing 
ground of the world. I was skeptical after my failure at 
Catalina, but became converted later when I caught fish with- 
out going out to sea. I caught them all cleaned, boiled, spiced 
in oil and put up in cans. These fish came in schools down 
by a school house on the beach. I am not surprised because 
it was a beautiful building, the teachers are very attractive, 
the course efficient, and the scholars well-behaved and recep- 
tive. All I had to do was to walk out on the beach and catch 
these fish, in oblong cans such as I had often paid 15 to 30 
cents for. I gathered such a pile of them that I went back 
for a fisherman's net bag, packed up several dozen and could 
have had more. This is a flight of fact not fancy. If you belong 
to the family of doubting Thomases you may talk to any fish- 
erman between San Pedro and Laguna who will grind his bare 
brown heel upon the sand and say, '*Sure.'^ 

I brought my catch to the wharf and by chance met the 
official fish inspector. He explained the catch by saying that 
when the fish were not satisfactory in size and weight to the 
factory canners, they were *' canned," that is, taken out into 
a boat, dumped into the sea, and so eventually washed ashore. 
Fishermen along these beaches can foretell the run of canned 
fish. This isn't ptomaine stuff, for they eat them and sell 
their fresh catch. The cannery waste of fish is a shining 
example of much food conservation along the coast. In order 
to conserve food I went down to the big pier which has more 
legs than a centipede. It sounds paradoxical, but its weak 
legs and supports have well developed *^ mussels" of which 
they make excellent soup. 



HUMAN SHARKS 

HE traveler finds many sharks in sea and on land. 
The man-eating fish destroys the body but the land- 
shark destroys the soul. 

The name ''shark" refers to sharp teeth which 
can cut and kill. There are over 150 species of sharks, the 
fierce man-eaters being the white shark 25 feet long and the 




158 ON THE WARPATH 

blue shark from 15 to 20 feet. One of the best known is the 
''basking shark" that grows to the length of 35 and 40 feet, 
though he is less voracious and vicious than some of the other 
members of his family. 

While the home of the shark is generally in warm seas 
he occasionally visits our Atlantic sea-board for a vacation 
and amuses himself in the surf by eating up the bathers. 
However, the biter is sometimes bitten and when caught and 
killed is put to good use. His rough skin is used for sand- 
paper, his fins for gelatin, liver for oil, teeth for ornaments and 
spine for canes. 

In the South Seas I found he had been worshiped as a 
god, books of legends have been written about him, and tem- 
ples were built in his honor where sacred keepers protected 
him as a patron deity. The natives' belief in transmigration 
led them to feed the dead bodies of the worshipers to their 
favorite shark gods. 

Like the sea gulls, the ** white wings'* of the air, he is the 
scavenger of the deep and follows the ship for the refuse food 
cast overboard. We dread his murderous sharkship, but the 
natives of the South Seas have no fear and will jump from 
their canoes and do him battle. In Rarotonga they have shark 
hunts and visit some deep sea cavern where the shark is taking 
his noon nap, tickle him on his sides, put a rope around his 
tail and pull him up. 

Of the human ''shark" nothing nice or serviceable can be 
said. He is defined as a swindler and a trickster and the 
mention of his name generally suggests the usurer who loans 
money at a high rate of interest. 

As the water sharks are variously called "hammerheads," 
"dog-fish," "sand," "mackerel" and "thresher," so the hu- 
man shark is known by different names. In the legend the 
shark god can take any shape he chooses, even human form. 
So sin takes attractive form and seems most a saint when most 
a devil. If a man is what he does, the following are some of 
the sharks that prey on society always and everywhere : 

BAD BOOKS that laugh at old age, mock at sin, scorn 
the Bible and its Saviour, scoff at marriage and encourage 
infidelity, anarchy, impurity and dishonesty. 



ON THE WARPATH 159 

BOOZE that men drink without reason and abuse and so 
are led by degenerating steps from mild pleasure to murderous 
passion. Mixed drinks taken in summer to cool and in winter 
to warm are also taken for insomnia, appetite, life's wedding 
or death's funeral. 

GAMBLING — Men who can't afford the time or money, try 
to get something for nothing, or much for little, and are often 
urged to the desperation of stealing and suicide. 

GIRLS — The most dangerous girl at the seaside resort is 
not a mere maid, but a merry mermaid and sharky siren who 
makes destruction please with an impurity that touches man's 
body, mind and soul. 

POLITICS — Politicians with party and no principle, with 
penitentiary convictions and no convictions of patriotism, 
shout for peace or war, God or Devil, as it suits them, and lie 
in wait for the ignorant voter. 

PLEASURES — Joy-rides, beach familiarities, ballroom un- 
draperies, sex-thrill dancing are dangers as deadly as those of 
the sharky deep. 

COMMERCE — Business is the shark that takes a man for 
a sucker or client, sells him city lots under water, loans him 
money at compound interest, mortgages the little farm or 
home, and in a hundred different ways tries to catch his victim 
and pull him under. 

CHURCH — No monster of the deep is so horrible and mur- 
derous as anything under the guise of religion and salvation 
that damns the human family's body to slavery, mind to 
ignorance and soul to superstition. 

Avoid the shark on land and sea — don't court danger and 
death — don't wade into the deep and dangerous waters for 
pleasure, when you may stay nearer the shore with satisfac- 
tion and safety. 



160 ON THE WARPATH 

AN ACCOMPLISHED ARCHANGEL 







AN GABRIEL MISSION is dedicated to the archangel 
Gabriel. According to Scripture, Gabriel was the 
chief angel sent to the prophet Daniel to explain his 
vision; to Zacharias, to announce the birth of John 
the Baptist ; and six months later, to announce to the A^irgin 
Mary the birth of the world's Saviour. Gabriel is heaven's 
official announcer, but I am sure he would be the denouncer 
and renouncer of much that is done here under his name. The 
Targums make him the destroyer of Sennacherib's army — it 
would be well for him to come here and destroy a few of the 
Mission money-traffickers. The Mohammedans make Gabriel 
the dictator and revealer of the Koran. There are some things 
more marvellous at San Gabriel than any Arabians dreamed 
of by day or night. 

The word Gabriel means *'Man of God." He was a good 
linguist and is veraciously said to have taught Joseph the 
seventy languages of the world — the Babel at the Mission 
would keep him busy. He is said to have been sent on special 
missions to the servants of God and against their enemies — 
it wouldn't take him long to decide what to do here. Next to 
Satan, Gabriel was the chief angel in Milton's Paradise Lost 
and is also put in charge of one of the gates in Paradise. In 
the Pseudo-graphic books he is glorified as one of the four 
great angels who stand at the four sides of God's throne 
acting as the guardians of the four parts of the globe. As 
musician, he is celestial trumpeter. Many players put their 
hearers to sleep or kill them, but Gabriel can raise the dead. 
In California Gabriel's mission is to raise money, and its 
silver tone bells always play the one tune, *^Dig Up." 

St. Michael is a little higher than Gabriel in the heavenly 
hierarchy. Byron, in his ** Vision of Judgment," says that 
Michael changed colors: 

**When Michael saw his host, he first grew pale 
As angels can; next, like Italian twilight, 
He turn'd all colours — as a peacock's tail, 

Or sunset swimming through a Gothic skylight 



ONTHEWARPATH 161 

In some old abbey, or a trout not stale, 

Or distant lightning on the horizon by night, 
Or a fresh rainbow, or a grand review 
Or thirty regiments in red, green and blue." 

Gabriel would blush all these colors if he knew all that 
was going on at his Mission here. 



SAN GABRIEL'S GOLD 

THERE are special rates and routes to the San Gabriel 
Mission and all roads are filled by autos and cars 
leading to this Rome. The Mission was founded in 
1771, had many converts and is one of the most 
prosperous missions because situated in the San Gabriel valley. 
Paying an admission we entered the old monastery building. 
The first thing I saw was a picture of Mary Magdalene over 
the doorway, with a notice under it, ''Mary Magdalene for 
sale $200." We knew Mary's character was not as white as 
the other classic Mary's lamb, and further that it was on the 
market, but didn't know the price was $200. Gold is still the 
"price of many a crime untold" and one need never be sur- 
prised at what he finds in a monastery. This building has 
been converted into a museum. 

Within we saw silver and ivory statues, and votive offer- 
ings, of gold, silver and other metals, and rich vestments. All 
seemed out of harmony with the simple creed of the Franciscan 
Order that founded this place, for you remember it was the 
spirit of the great St. Francis Assissi who preached that dis- 
ciples of Christ should not possess gold, silver, script, coats, 
shoes and staff, but confine their time and energy to exhorting 
sinners to repentance. 

The visitor sees framed on the wall the handwriting of 
San Junipero Serra, president and founder of the California 
missions. Some read between the lines another ''handwriting 
on the wall" — this does not refer to the scribbled scrawls of 
traveling fools. 



o 



162 ON THE WARPATH 

Th^re is no lack of pictures in this Mission. This ascetic 

shrine has many very spiritual paintings, calculated to lead 

from earth to heaven, such as *' Salome," ''Bathsheba Leaving 

the Bath, ' ' and the * ' Massacre of the Innocents. ' ' Of this last 

picture the official church guide book innocently says it is 

*' noted for its freshness and expression in harmony with the 

delicacy of its execution." 

Several of the canvasses are attributed to Murillo and his 
School. He must have been in the kindergarten when he 
daubed these. I have been to Murillo 's home, studio and gal- 
lery, and have seen his collections in Seville, but these dub 
daubs were never conceived in the brain or executed by the 
hand of him who gave the world ^'The Immaculate Concep- 
tion" and scores of pictures representing religious characters 
and scenes, as well as humanity in its wild Gypsy and poverty- 
stricken condition. 

I saw the ''first confessional box." I must confess I wish 
it were the last. There was an old arm chair in which these 
fathers had an easy time. We climbed the dingy, dusty stair- 
way to the attic and discovered a large assortment of wine 
bottles — a strange place for bottles, and strangest of all that 
they were empty. Crossing the flat roof we came to the bells 
said to be "mellow" as wine. The one I touched with m^ 
umbrella gave a hard metallic sound. The poet says the 
''tocsin of the soul" is the dinner bell, but the din in this beli 
was a "toxin" poison to my soul. 

In the old days the Father's care of their children was seen 
in a number of ways, and one of them was the nunnery, or 
Monjerio. An officer called a Majordomo took the little eleven 
year old girls and the wives of absent husbands, and locked 
them at night in a separate building, turning over the keys 
to the padres who returned them next morning to an official, 
who unlocked the door and let them out. Such care was equal 
to that of a sultan for his harem. This is a skeptical age today 
and this old practise has fallen into disuse. 

The Fathers see that the Mission is well kept up and in 
repair, but through an artist's eye it would look better if it 
were left to the caretaker, Father Time. 



ON THE WARPATH 163 

Tasso moaned his ** Lament'* over Jerusalem and C. W. 
Stoddard sings his grief over San Gabriel, sighing that all 
the beauty, glory and power of San Gabriel are gone — 

**Gone to the wielders of power, 
The misers and minters of money ; 
Gone for the greed that is their creed. ' * 

He takes on as though the church were bankrupt on ac- 
count of its enemies. The simple fact is, that it is one of the 
richest gold mines in California. His lines describe its clerics 
to perfection. 

In 1822 the Mission owned all the land in sight. It was a 
big real estate and cattle ranch affair with the Indians working 
for the price of food, clothing and shelter — a safe investment. 
In 1817 the Indian population was the highest, reaching over 
1,700, and in 1829 the church owned 15,000 sheep and 25,000 
cattle. It was high time this ** corner" in California was 
broken up and confiscated in 1832 by the Mexican government. 
California is a fruitful country and this planted colony thrived 
well. 



THE MISSION PLAY 

THE Mission Play's the thing to catch the coin of the 
people. In its mercenary aspect it resembles the 
Passion Play of Oberammergau. It is built along the 
order of the old Miracle Play, and it is a miracle how 
it has run from 1912 for a thousand performances which con- 
tained so little dramatic unity and so small a demand on the 
mind of the audience and actors. As an amateur performance 
in a religious college, for a one night stand, it does very well. 
From first to last curtain fall it is an account of a procession 
of church fathers, with holy rivalry boast of what great things 
they did for the Indians and how broken-heartedly sad it is 
that a cross is no longer planted on every mountain top. 



164 ON THE WARPATH 

The orchestra's playing was hard work and gave little 
inspiration, which may account for the poor work of the 
actors. The monotony of this religious propaganda was 
broken with the high spots of an Indian and Spanish dance. 
The intermissions between acts are long enough to afford the 
audience no time to get a drink or sandwich, only to follow a 
padre's advice to inspect and buy the religious curios and 
booklets, and walk around to see the replicas of the 21 
Missions. 

After an obscure pantomimic prelude, when the Indians 
came out and looked as if they were frightened at the audience 
and then ran off the stage, there are three acts: First, the 
founding of the missions; second, the missions in their glory; 
third, the missions in ruins. To this might be added an epi- 
logue of the missions' financial prosperity. The play is a sad, 
sad story. The old men look thoughtful, the old ladies weep 
and both prepare themselves to sacrifice their cash for curios 
and contributions to the poor, rich church. 



TRINITY GRAPE VINE 

THE Trinity grape vine, a stone's throw from the 
Mission, is said to be the largest in the world. It is 
over 9 feet in circumference, covering 10,000 square 
feet with roots extending more than 200 feet in every 
direction. It is called Trinity because of the three branches 
growing from one root. This would have made a fine lay out 
for Noah, and as to Bacchus, though the fruit is small, there is 
an abundance of it. We picked the grapes surreptitiously. 
They were sweet, but not enough of them to get drunk on. 
This biggest vine bears the smallest grapes. The leaves are 
twelve inches across, and should you get a headache from too 
much wine you could wrap your forehead up in a leaf 
warranted to cure head ache and fever. This vine is in the 
patio of Ramona 's house, but Ramona was out. I left my card 
hoping to call again. 



ON THE WARPATH 165 

THE ANGELUS OR LIBERTY BELL? 



THE San Gabriel bells suggest the Angelus, rung in 
honor of the archangel Gabriel's announcement to 
the Virgin that she was to be the mother of the 
world's Redeemer. The word Angelus recalls the 
recent attempt of Congress to nationalize a Roman Catholic 
prayer. 

The Angelus is the name of a popular picture painted by 
the celebrated French artist, Jean Francois Millet, who, weary 
of being called ''one who paints nothing but nude women," 
spent his later years in portraying the peasant life from which 
he sprang. In 1859 he gave the world his ** Angelus," the 
picture of a poor peasant man and woman, meanly dressed, 
standing 'mid the brown clods, with a wheelbarrow, a big 
fork, and potatoes in a basket nearby. Their heads are bowed 
and their hands mutely clasped in prayer as they listen to the 
sound of the Angelus bell from the little church in the. 
distance. 

The Angelus bell takes its name from angelus domini, 
which, according to Luke, preceded the angel's salutation to 
the Virgin Mary. In 1326 Pope John XXII ordered that in 
Roman Catholic countries a bell should be rung thrice daily 
at the sound of which the faithful were to repeat three *'aves." 
Now this Ave Maria, or Angelica Salutatio, is a Roman Catho- 
lic prayer addressed to the Virgin. To this there was added 
in the fifteenth century, ''Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for 
us sinners, now and in the hour of our death." 

What St. Peter key was it that enabled some one high in 
political office to get into the Senate, that sultry Saturday 
afternoon, when only a few senators were present, and wake 
their sleepy ears with the sound of the Angelus request that 
President Wilson should command all United States citizens 
to offer a daily Angelus prayer? Who were the cowardly 
senators who endorsed this request of a Jesuitical minion of 
the Roman Catholic church — corrupt in doctrine, worship and 
practice — to force this Angelus on this Puritan, Protestant, 
patriotic nation? Who was this clerical Kaiserite who would 
have 100,000,000 inhabitants bow to the Angelus bell? The 



166 ON THE WARPATH 

whole bigoted business was unfair and un-American. No mere 
man or woman born, in or out of the president's chair, has a 
right to put the imprimatur on a sectarian prayer for universal 
observance. The move was damnably sectarian, and when we 
remove the absolute separation of church and state, America 
will remove the only thing that makes and maintains her 
national peace, prosperity and position. 

True American citizens will always resent everything that 
savours of political or ecclesiastical autocracy. To sanction 
such a sectional prayer would be to advertise to the world 
that the national church of U. S. was Roman Catholic, which 
God knows it is not and never will be, so long as our govern- 
ment remembers that, ''Congress shall make no law respecting 
religion nor prohibiting the free exercise thereof." Thank 
God America has no such incestuous union of church and state 
as exists in Europe. We protest this subtle move for the 
Angelus because church and state are separate — because it is 
a sectarian prayer only found in Roman Catholic prayer-books 
— because it is a prayer to the Virgin Mary and not to God 
— because it has no reference to our Allied war and does not 
pray for our victory, the enemy's defeat and the peace of the 
whole world. 

This big fight is to make the world safe for democracy, 
that is, to utterly destroy the one-man power in Europe, be 
that power political or clerical. Vaticanism and Imperialism 
are un-American in spirit and substance ; one enslaves the soul, 
and the other the body; one has its head in Rome, the other 
in Berlin. The Kaiser is the head of a militaristic Prussianism 
guilty of hell-hearted atrocity. The Pope is the head of a 
church which inculcated and practised the Inquisition, hell's 
masterpiece for all time. I would as soon be the subject of 
the Kaiser as an abject of the Pope. 

The Philadelphia Liberty bell, and not the Roman Angelus 
bell, is the only bell Uncle Sam can recognize and ring. Let 
other bells ring on Saturday, Sunday, any or every day of 
the week, so long as they are not a moral nuisance to the 
neighborhood in which people want to sleep and rest. Let 
the bell sound from church, chapel, Buddhist or Confucian 
temple so long as it does not teach in spirit or substance dis- 



ONTHEWARPATH 167 

loyalty to the laws of our land. Let each race and religion 
have a bell and be its own bell-ringer when and where it 
pleases, but let no one church with a political pull tell our 
senators to favor a law sanctioning the ringing of any denomi- 
national prayer-bell at the sound of which free-born citizens 
shall pause, bend, bow and pray. Just because the President 
has a Jesuit for a private secretary is no reason why the nation 
should follow in his steps to St. Peter's. 

America's ideal is the Liberty Bell with its Bible motto, 
*' Proclaim liberty throughout the world and to all the inhabi- 
tants thereof." May this bell never be exchanged for the 
Angelus, with its ''Ave Maria", rung by Papal hands that have 
burned the Bible, killed those who read it and who stood for 
the freedom it taught, thrust it out from our public schools, 
and today seek to strangle our American liberty-loving ideals, 
aims and institutions. When we finish the war in Europe 
there will be one here, the biggest and best of all, if political 
Romanism tries to put a cross instead of a flag over our public 
schools, and substitutes a prayer-book for the Declaration of 
Independence, the catechism for the Constitution, an "Ave 
Maria" for **My Country 'Tis of Thee," and an Angelus 
prayer for a Liberty Bell's patriotic ring. 



BOYCOTTS AND BIGOTS 

MONG other un-American things this church practises 
is the boycott, which should go back to Ireland 
whence it came. The subtlest serpent, next to the 
one in Eden, comes from the Tiber and seeks to 

poison and strangle, with silence and suppression, those who 

resist her attack. 

Not long ago in Minnesota it was necessary for some of 
my patriotic American friends to arm themselves and guard 
the hall, where I was making a **good citizenship" speech, 
against a cowardly clerical attack. In Minneapolis my books 
were removed from certain stores on the threat of a religious 
boycott. The different theatres, where I have held my People's 




168 ON THE WARPATH 

Church services for all creeds, classes and conditions, were 
threatened and boycotted by members of this same, un-Ameri- 
can, un-scriptural church. 

Recently in the local press I read of a man on trial who 
was accused of threatening to shoot an ex- judge named John 
McGee. Yet it was this same John McGee, an intolerant mem- 
ber of the most intolerant church in the world, who told me 
that he was sorry that he didn't have a gun to shoot me when 
I was making a patriotic address, in the spirit of Washington 
and Lincoln, on the same platform with General Nelson A. 
Miles. This ex-judge uses his church's autocratic methods in 
the Minnesota Safety Commission which over a year ago I 
declared to be ''unsafe, unfair, untruthful, unnecessary, un- 
authorized, unconstitutional, and unpatriotic," A commission 
ought to be put out of commission that draws a mystic circle 
about itself and in the spirit of Cardinal Richelieu says, ''If 
you dare to step across this dead line we will hurl the curse 
of our high political office upon your defenseless head.'* 

We are told that England has an accredited minister to 
the Vatican; that the Vatican has established a "Chinese 
Alliance;" that after an eight year's break the Vatican has 
resumed diplomatic relations with Portugal; and that these 
are good examples for Japan and the United States to follow. 
No true American will stand for this. Let the Pacific Golden 
Gate and the Atlantic harbor gate be shut to any such dele- 
gate — let the official representative of this mother of barbari- 
ties and mistress of darkness be relegated to the gates of 
Hades where the beacon fires of liberty are never kindled. 

Why was the late lamented John Purroy Mitchel defeated 

for re-election for mayor of New York? Because he stood for 

the public school and justice for all creeds against a corrupt, 

clerical clique which sought to overthrow the school and rob 
the public tax-payer for its private purse and priestly propa- 
ganda. 




ONTHEWARPATH 169 



FREEMASONS AND K. O.'S 



lECRETARY BAKER, whom the Administration's 
press agent Mr. Creel would have us believe was the 
equal or superior of War Secretary Stanton, first used 
U his hands for the K. C.'s and his foot for the Free- 
masons. His order was that no secret fraternity, except the 
K. C.'s, could erect lodge rooms in the national army canton- 
ments. But he was finally made to see the error of his ways, 
and members of the society of which George Washington was 
an honored member, demanded an equal privilege and got it. 
Why not? Our Capitol's corner stone was laid with Masonic 
celebration. Our very government is known to be the result 
of the Revolution which was planned and opened by New 
England Masons. It is a matter of record that every mem- 
ber of the Committee of Safety, including Doctor Warren and 
Paul Revere, who took part in hiding munitions at Concord 
and later fought in the first battles of the Revolution, were 
Masons. When Daniel Webster dedicated the Bunker Hill 
monument, he declared that the grand lodge room of a Massa- 
chusetts Grand Lodge of Masons, was the headquarters of the 
Revolution. Masonic belief today is what it was then and 
always will be — an unending opposition to any foreign com- 
mand or control, whether it comes from an earthly emperor 
or a spiritual ecclesiastic. 

Masons believe in light, law, love and liberty. Their devo- 
tion is to God and native land with no prelatical or political 
power to intervene. The K. C.'s own their primal allegiance, 
not to this government, but to the Pope, a foreign ruler who 
lives the other side of the Atlantic. When we remember that 
this Papal potentate is closely related with the arch enemy 
of democracy, as his predecessors have been, and that the 
Roman Catholic church itself is an ecclesiastical autocracv, 
our Administration official recognition of the Knights of 
Columbus and denial to the Freemasons of the U. S., was a 
superlative example of Inquisitorial injustice, prelatical prefer- 
ence, and bigoted bunk. 



170 ON THE WARPATH 

"While I was in Los Angeles politicians, influenced by the 
clergy, would not permit the Salvation Army to solicit money 
with which to carry on their splendid war work, and yet both 
special opportunity and aid were given to the K. C. 's. 

Many of the people of this faith boast that this war has 
been a godsend to their church and them, socially, politically, 
financially and every way. They have told me that all they 
had to do to get a fat job in Washington or war was to state 
their religious belief. It wasn't so much whether they had 
the ability to make seed as to say they came from Ireland 
and were members of the Roman Catholic church. Any cor- 
poration or church that seeks to make financial or religious 
capital and gain out of this war, makes a mistake that will 
be resented and punished when our boys come home from 
*'over there." America is not ready yet to substitute K. C. 
for U. S. This is a bad time for any church to advertise its 
religious wares. The Y. M. C. A. was in the field and doing 
all that was necessary for the Allied forces. The K. C. with 
jealous religious rivalry tried to duplicate their work and 
took public money that could have been more wisely and 
better expended. 

According to press account, we are led to imagine that 
all the brave soldier and sailor boys are K. C. 's, that there 
are few virtuous or valiant chaplains who are not priests, 
that no agency is helping the needy abroad half so much 
as the Knights of Columbus; that the Allies are fighting to 
avenge the destruction of some Roman Catholic cathedrals; 
that crosses and shrines should be mileposts over there and 
over here; that the Angelus prayer to the Virgin should 
be rung here daily in the U. S. A. ; that at the close of the 
war all denominational lines will be erased, but one, a R. C. 
one, which for 400 years the world has been trying to blot 
out with sacrificial blood. All this is on a par with the recent 
French papal proposal to place on the Tri-Color of La Belle 
France the symbol of the "Sacred Heart of Jesus.'* 

Honor to whom honor is due, and we are glad to commend 
our Roman Catholic friends for the good they have done and 
may do, but let us give the Jews and the Protestants and 
every other religious cult credit for their patriotism and sac- 



ON THE WARPATH 171 

rifice as well. Who on earth cares what religion it is so 
long as its members send the Kaiser to hell with his war 
plans 1 

It is America for Americans and Americans for America. 
Cut out the hyphen — there is no place for a *' German- Ameri- 
can, an ** Irish-American," or a ** Swedish -American." We are 
tired of seeing the words ''Catholic Liberty Loan," ** Catholic 
soldiers." It looks as bad as to say "Masonic soldiers," ** Bap- 
tist Liberty Loan." 



IS ROME PRO-GERMAN? 



THE prophet and priest in Jeremiah's day said, * 'Peace, 
peace; when there is no peace," and Jeremiah hotly 

denounced them. Have these ancients, who "healed 
the daughter of my people slightly," no modern 
descendants? What of the "Pope's peace" that weakened the 
arm and strength of the Italian army and made possible the 
Caporetto failure, overthrow and stampede? Heathen Homer 
thought a River flowed around the world — so some modern 
pagans believe the Tiber flows around the globe, that even 
the Allies should have no peace thoughts that do not sail the 
Holy "See." 

The war has many sides. It has been cussed and discussed 
from the military, the enconomical, the moral and the political 
point of view to an exclusion of the religious side which, from 
its very beginning, has been the most important side. Many 
people are honestly asking the question today, "Is the Papacy 
for the enemy and against the Allies?" Here are some facts 
— give your own answer. One of Bernstorff 's aides was a priest 
here, but is now a bishop in Ireland — Ireland that at times 
seems to be almost as active an ally of Germany as Austria. 
The hierarchy in Ireland engaged in active revolt against 
conscription enforced by the British government. From the 
church altar the priests commanded their followers to sign the 
Maynooth pledge, equivalent to the Vatican pledge, and conse- 
crated it by the elevation of the sacred Host. In Quebec, the 



172 ON THE WARPATH 

Archbishop threatened a revolution if the Canadian Parlia- 
ment passed the Conscription bill, and he did his best to carry 
out his threat. Only a few French Canadians voluntarily 
enlisted and many deserted before being transported to the 
other side. The Roman Catholic clergy in Australia, led by 
Archbishop Mannix, solemnly defied conscription so that the 
victory of the anti-conscriptionists was laid at the door of the 
priests against whom hateful feeling was aroused. In Italy, 
the priesthood worked through the families of the soldiers and 
thus contributed their influence towards the great German 
victory last fall. In Spain, the Roman Catholics and Monarch- 
ists are largely Germanophiles. It is well known that in Cuba 
the Diario de la Marina has maintained the German cause 
from the very beginning of the war. 

People looking at this war, which combines all the infamies 
of all previous wars, seriously ask, *'Is God dead, if not, why 
does He permit this awful hell on earth ?'^ He is his own 
interpreter and in his day and way will make it plain. In the 
meantime, reverent hopeful humanity will believe that this 
great sacrifice has not been in vain if military Prussianism 
and political Romanism are forever wiped off the map of the 
world. 



LINCOLN'S BIRTHDAY 

IeBRUARY Twelfth I celebrated Lincoln's birthday 
by throwing down the morning paper, filled with 
the petty bickerings and sectional squabbles of our 
little men at Washington, and picked up Lincoln's 
God-inspired Gettysburg speech. 

I journeyed in memory to Newark, N. J., to April 14, 1865, 
when Lincoln was assassinated. Father knelt in prayer and 
mother draped the parlor doors and windows with the black 
material she had purchased for a dress. 

The day after the funeral at Washington, the car with its 
precious burden came through our city. It was draped with 
flags and covered with flowers. I was too small to see over 
the heads of the crowd and so climbed on a flat coal car. 




ON THE WARPATH 173 

Years later, I visited Ford's theatre, where Lincoln was 
shot, and entered the house across the street, where he breathed 
his last. 

Living in Illinois, I went to Springfield, where he lived 
when elected president, and drove out to Oak Ridge cemetery, 
where he lies buried, waiting the reveille of the resurrection. 

Residing in Kentucky, I made a trip to Hardin county, 
where he was born in 1809. With some friends who revered 
his martyred memory, I crossed the Ohio river into Spencer 
county, Indiana, where he moved with his parents in 1816. 

Once I made a pilgrimage to Gettysburg, where it was 
decided, ''The government could not be half slave, half free.'' 
Nature's harvest had hid the horrors of war and instead of 
shot was song of birds ; and smoke had given way to fragrance 
of flowers. 

A little later, sitting down to rest by the National Capitol, 
with its dome and statue of liberty, I recalled his first inaugu- 
ral address: ''The mystic hand of memory touched by the 
angels of our better nature swell the chorus of the Union. ' ' 

February twelfth — North, South, East and West, we lov- 
ingly recall him who gave us the Union. 

"The kindly, earnest, brave, foreseeing man. 
Sagacious, patient, dreading praise, not blame. 
New birth of our new soil, the first American." 

Every February 12th makes it more manifest that Lin 
coin, not Caesar, was "the foremost man of all the world. 
Washington represented the old aristocracy of gentlemen ; 
Lincoln the new democracy of the people. Lincoln's humility, 
poverty, love and energy were the preparation for his public 
career. Given the arc, we can draw the circle. He knew the 
Bible from Genesis to Revelation, and believed in prayer. 
Like Franklin, he disliked creed and never joined the church ; 
but his religion showed a conduct which God and men ap- 
proved. He loved justice, sympathized with the suffering, 
and united a radicalism and conservatism which held him fast 
to the duty of the hour. 



yy 



174 ON THE WARPATH 

Lincoln's consecration to the cause of the right, as he 
understood it, was the secret of his character and career. 

God raised Lincoln up as He did Joshua; inspired him as 

He did Beethoven ; and immortalized him with those righteous 

whom He holds in *' everlasting remembrance.'* 

Lincoln stands a lasting model to humble youth, tried 
manhood, quibbling lawyers who establish points of law and 
defeat justice, and perfidious politicians who trim their sails 
to the breath of popular applause and private gain. 

In the Pantheon of this world's heroes, Lincoln, the good 
and great, and great because good, holds one of the highest 
places ever known to man. 



A LOWE MOUNTAIN 



LOVE to climb mountains — in a street car, and enjoy 
their beauty and sublimity — through a telescope. 

Mount Lowe is a low mountain, like all others in 
California. It was named after Professor Lowe, who, 
weary of the earthly angels of Los Angeles, came up here to 
communicate with Venus and the other heavenly constella- 
tions. Leaving the P. E. ''perfectly elegant" station, we 
trolleyed through the jobbing district of the celestial city, 
brushed by the skirts of Lincoln Park, of Wild Animal Farm 
and arrived at Pasadena, that paradise of American pluto- 
crats. The scenery may suggest paradise, but the derivation 
of the word ''plutocratic" suggests Pluto, god of hell, and 
some of the infernal ways certain of these millionaires made 
their wealth. I was a near millionaire myself as I rode "near" 
palaces of these great Americans whose minds had been de- 
voted to the world's ideals of beer, chewing gum and safety 
razors. Towards the East stretched San Gabriel Valley, Na- 
ture's fruit-basket of oranges, and Mecca of tourists, orange 
and lemon packers. We passed Altadena, at times carpeted 
with poppies, but Dame Nature had been doing her spring 
housecleaning and hadn't put the flower carpet down again. 




ON THE WARPATH 175 

Our rail track led over the shoulders of mountains, like a 
pair of suspenders, and held us in suspense. We were inclined 
to go still higher and took the incline car. The grade was 62 
per cent and we ascended 1,300 feet to Echo Mt., that echoed 
to our ejaculations of ''Ohs" and *'Ahs." Many decline this 
incline, fearing accidents, dents and broken bones. I had 
cogged the Alps, Victoria Peak at Hong Kong, Corcovado at 
Rio, Pike's Peak, Colorado, and was pleased to add this cog 
to my list. At Echo Mt. there is an Observatory. The only 
observation I made was of thanks that we had safely climbed 
so high. If anything should break loose at night, there is a 
large searchlight to enable the motorneer to see what tree, 
valley or hill his car will hit, and to aid the wrecking party's 
careful search for the remains of any passengers. 

Like Pilgrim, we climbed this Delectable Mountain, pass- 
ing the Cape of Good Hope, Horseshoe-Curve, Circular Bridge, 
Summit Point, Granite Gate and arrived at the Alpine Tavern. 
Here you find pool, billiards, player-pianos, talking machines, 
books, papers, groceries, kodak-shops, telephones, grapho- 
phones, in short, all the disturbing things you came to forget. 
It is called the Alpine Tavern and that's all the Alps there is 
about it. It has a pine in front of it with this sign tacked on 
it, ** 5,000 feet high." Undoubtedly this is the most tremen- 
dous tree, the highest of the high ever grown. I suppose birds 
of paradise roost in its boughs. It is over the top of Jack's 
bean stalk. As I remember, it suggests Hood's lines: 

* ' The fir trees dark and high ; 
I used to think their slender tops 
Were close against the sky." 

"We stood under it, but couldn't see the top. Possibly this 5,000 
feet was the altitude of the spot where we were standing. 

Squirrels are numerous along these tavern paths, no doubt 
on account of the visiting ''nuts." The Tavern boasts many 
modem advantages not shared by other mountain resorts, yet 
lacks the essential advantage a mountain-view house should 
possess — an outlook or view of the surrounding country. All 
one can see from the front porch is a thicket of trees, a croquet 
ground and street car tracks. 



176 ON THE WARPATH 

It is literally true when the tavern advertises many ''unap- 
proachable'' views, for my eyes were unable to approach any 
kind of a view, and that is surely a reproach. 

To see something, we hit the trail. Proposal Arbor was 
the first stop, with its tree blossoming with calling cards. The 
proposal I made was that we go on farther, which met with 
the party's hearty approval. Along this well-oiled mountain 
path our eyes were ravished by the sight of rubbish holders 
and beautiful green benches. Here the care-free tourist is al- 
lowed to cast his eye upon the scenery and roll it from earth to 
heaven, but he must not cast any cigaret butts about, for fear 
of forest fires, or any stray orange or banana peels to litter 
up the landscape. This is an excellent convention resort for 
precise schoolma'ams, grandmas and New England house- 
keepers. 

By the time I reached Inspiration Point I decided to call it 
Respiration and Perspiration Point. Here we had an unob- 
structed and magnificent panorama of haze that blotted out 
all views of valley and sea. There were many pine cone^ about, 
but an ice-cream cone would have been more acceptable. Walk- 
ing west to Easter Rock, we paused at a rock base surmounted 
by a cross, where Easter services are annually held. 

Here, as along the entire path from the Tavern, there was 
a strange iron growth, a crop planted by man and resembling 
telescopes. They were ''finders." We were asked to pause, 
close an eye, squint through an iron tube and gaze at some 
rock pile or bunch of bushes bearing some fantastical name. 
Perhaps I overestimate, yet I counted 33,431 of these telescopes 
in a ten-minute walk from the Tavern. 

One thing that made my indignation rise higher than any 
mountain round about was a metal U. S. flag hoisted on a pole, 
and used as a target for bullet practice. The finders revealed 
two mountains, one named Disappointment and the other Mt. 
Wilson. They were not widely separated, and if a Republican 
had been looking through a political telescope he might have 
thought they were one and the same. But this Mt. Wilson 
was named after a California professor, and not a New Jersey 
politician, I was told. 



ONTHEWARPATH 177 

If you are inclined to hunt, you can find deer and wild 
barley. If you wish to remain here more than a day, you may 
arrange with the guides to trail over a network of paths 
through miniature mountains, all of which will require about 
the same time as to do the Amazonian wilderness or parts of 
Darkest Africa. 

While the sun was tobogganing down the western sky into 
the Pacific, we slid down the Sierras, feeling that 2,000 square 
miles of scenery in sight was well worth the $2 fare. 



GEORGE WASHINGTON 

ANY country of any size I have ever visited had a 
statue of our George Washington, and on February 
22nd said or did something to his memory. But at a 
beach where I happened to be on this day the munic- 
ipal flagpole failed to blossom out with red, white and blue, 
and there was no patriotic outburst from brass band or orator 
lips. Yet the heavens into which his great soul had entered 
did not forget him, and while it rained tears that we had, it 
floated a sunset of red sun, white cloud and blue sky; wove a 
streaming rainbow ribbon, and unfurled a firmament of stars 
at night. The mountains stood as a monument of independence, 
the waves of the Pacific gave a grand oration on freedom, and 
it wasn't a dry one. For a fitting George Washington birthday 
dinner Lawrence and I Forded the wet streets by car to the 
French named town of ''Anaheim" whose bars were wet as the 
streets. He ordered a big dinner for two that was enough for 
four. The waiter informed us that Anaheim was not ''prohibi- 
tion" and we could have the best drink of beer that California 
furnished. Asked whether he had other drinks, he made a 
German gesture and said, "All kinds." I thanked him and or- 
dered a large stein of sweet milk and drank to the health of 
the man foremost in the hearts of all liberty-lovers. 

It seems as if God were weary of monarchies and sought 
to establish a republic — so he sent us Washington to lead our 
fathers out of the Egj^pt of British prerogative to the Canaan 
of American liberty. 



178 ON THE WARPATH 

On February 22nd it is our duty and delight to recall the 
name and revere the memory of one of the greatest men in 
ancient or modern history. George Washington is immortal 
in history because he made a country of the colonies, secured 
the power of peace, and bound country and freedom with a 
constitutional government fashioned to make liberty and union 
one and inseparable. 

He was ''greatest of good men and the best of great men.'* 
His private life gleams like a star ; his public career shines like 
a sun. He had the heart of a boy, the will of a man, the spirit 
of a hero, the wisdom of a philosopher, and the inspiration 
of a prophet. As Mt. Washington, kissed by the sun and clad 
by the snow, rises above the plains, so the private and public 
character of George Washington towers aloft in our American 
history. He was, is, and will be to every true American : 

''First in war; first in peace; and first in the hearts of his 
countrymen. ' ' 



WASHED ASHORE 

AT Newport Beach we were the guests of L. S. Wilkin- 
son, agent for the Southern Pacific Railroad. The 
beach is now dry, but a few years ago it was wet, and 
many bottles could be found there. Prohibitionists 
thought money was thrown away on those bottles, but hark to 
this story of money found in a bottle, though not as thrilling 
as Poe's tale of a "MS. Found in a Bottle": 

One day I went to the shore and photographed three boys 
and a bottle. It was corked, had been washed up by the waves, 
and there was a piece of paper in it. Breaking it, the boys 
found a letter and a check for $12.50. The letter stated that 
if they would return the check to its owner at Los Angeles, 
who had thrown it overboard on a bet at Catalina, they would 
receive a reward of $5. The Apostle Peter was no more pleased 
at the piece of silver tax money he found in the fish's mouth 
than these kids were at what this bottle contained. 



ON THE WARPATH 179 

Newport Beach is one of the unspoiled beaches of the Cali- 
fornia coast. For restful recreation and the limitless enjoy- 
ment of sea and sky, beach and bay, mesa and mountain, fish- 
ing and friendly citizens, it is a peninsular Paradise, where 
everybody should be happy, and where the only ** croaker 
is a Spot-Fin fish. 



ART, WHERE ART THOU? 



>» 



CALIFORNIA has been called a painter's paradise. We 
found it a sort of loafing limbo for artists of the Kip- 
ling class lying down and resting ''for an eon or two." 
At Laguna I saw an artist's name on a door-plate, 
but that was all. There were subjects of sky, sea, rocks, caves 
and trees, but they stood untransferred to paper or canvas. 
It was as hard to find artists as fruits or flowers — perhaps it 
was not the season. 

Unable to find any art galleries in Los Angeles, I called up 
the press and information bureau, and was directed to the 
museum at Exposition Park. The paintings were few and far 
between, and between them many odd curios. Again I in- 
quired, and after an hour's search found a place where paints 
and brushes were for sale. The paint most advertised was 
cosmetics. The dearest paintings we noticed were those walk- 
ing on the streets. Finally we met an art collector, who had a 
few local cubist and splashy daubs. It was pitiful — nearly a 
whole city full of buildings, but of art galleries there were 
none. 

Yet the Angelenos are expert painters of scenery and thea- 
tre signs, of auto bodies, and of their own faces with liquor 
and cosmetics. But why is art necessary at all? They have 
climate, and that divides the honor with charity in covering a 
multitude of sins. Nature has placed all California artists in 
the shade by placing on her easel the matchless pieces of sea, 
field and mountain. 

Practical art is found in the * drawings" of gold ore from' 
the soil and money from the pockets of the speculators. The 
water color is irrigation that turns the brown earth green. 



180 ON THE WARPATH 

The oil color is petroleum, from which modern mining masters 
are making millions, compared with the price of the oils the 
old masters bring. 

Murder is one of the city's fine arts, promoted by autos, 
which assume the pedestrian has no rights and deliberately 
knock him right and left and leave him bruised and bleeding. 
The trouble is not so much wine as auto-intoxication. There 
is an auto to every thirteen inhabitants, which may account 
for so many unlucky accidents. The auto roads in the state are 
the finest in the world. They can't be called "rotten," even 
though they are made from decomposed granite. 



MUSIC AND BOOKS 







OS ANGELES filled its warm nights with music and 
drowned its care in the flowing bowl. There are splen- 
did organ recitals in the churches and picture palaces, 
bands at the parks and beaches, jazz and cabaret 
stuff in the cafes, symphonies by the Minneapolis Symphony 
Orchestra — but for all hours of the days, nights and weeks, 
that which pleases the greatest number is the liquid music of 
Meier beer. 

My friend, Joe Sheehan, appeared in Verdi's Trovatore. 
After this brilliant performance, "L" and I walked over to 
Harlowe's Cafe, where bare-legged chorus girls and ''hooche- 
cooche" Egyptian dancers were swaying to the cannikin clink 
of the drink devotees at the tables. This motion before the 
house was long and loudly applauded. This Meier beer of the 
bar was 0. K. always and everywhere, but when someone tried 
to play Von Weber's '* Invitation a la Valse" at Pasadena it 
was hissed as having a German air and flavor about it. I have 
visited Germany many times; sailed its rivers; climbed its 
mountains; threaded its forests; pilgrimaged to its historic 
cities ; studied its philosophy and church history ; have become 
familiar with its language ; read Goethe, Schiller, Lessing and 
Heine ; played the music of Bach and Beethoven ; looked at its 
art treasures — but, when I think of the blind, militaristic, 
would-be Samson who is trying to pull down this temple in a 



ON THE WARPATH 181 

general ruin of the world's freedom and civilization, I repeat 
what I said in my pulpit three days after war began in Europe : 
**May God damn to an eternal hell the man responsible for 
this Christless, causeless war." 

Our Oberhoffer's Orchestra was thrice welcome at beach 
or concert hall to play whatever it pleased. At Long Beach 
we heard their harmony drown out the rythmic, melodic rhap- 
sody of the sea. It comes here annually to serenade the Cal- 
ifornia ear. This jolly bunch of boys from the best ** flower" 
of our home garden gives Minneapolis her best ad. The organ- 
ization is not simply loved at home, but is revered abroad. 

I found the Public Library, though many people were igno- 
rant that such an institution existed. It was hidden away in 
the top of a business corner building. There were books many 
and good, and it has branch stations over the town, yet this 
does not excuse a city of more than half a million people from 
locating a library in a garret over a store. Wake up, Los An- 
geles! You can, and should, remedy this careless oversight. 
Have a library building equal in size, location and looks to 
your million-dollar movie houses, fine theatres and hotels. A 
city is known by its libraries and art galleries — gasoline and 
films are poor substitutes. You are out to please the Eastern 
tourist, who has these things at home, wants them, and will not 
come often or stay long anywhere without them. Right there 
you fail and fall down in a matter mental as well as monied. 



ELYSIUM 

x\LIFORNIA is a great park, a fine place to park autos. 
We found Central Park, Los Angeles, Sunday morn- 
ing, full of bums, devoted to the Devil's Bible, the 
Sunday newspaper. 
My friend, Jay Kennicott, drove us through parks and by 
golfing links, not green, but brown as sausages. This is a para- 
dise, for the country has built booths, cut wood, made fire- 
places and erected log tables for picknickers to play Old Nick 
in an all-year-round holiday. 




182 ONTHEWARPATH 

Elysium Park was like the classic one in one respect. When 
Aeneas went through the Elysian fields all the objects were 
clothed in a purple light — here it was the haze from innumera- 
ble autos, whose exhausts wrapped everything in smoky pall 
and smell. The park is a good place to spend hours with the 
Houris, and to keep it from being a Paradise Lost one is pro- 
hibited from spending the night there. Elysium has a classic 
name and many come to make it the stage for acting the ques- 
tionable myths of the nymphs and satyrs. Holiday guests are 
star-scattered on the grass acting out the Rubaiyat, that 
Prosit poem. 

We saw the Los Angeles aqueduct. It is not built on Ro- 
man lines, and, though no Caesars have walked around it, it 
is the largest in the world, bringing water 250 miles from snow- 
covered Mt. Whitney. It has a daily capacity of 258,000,000 
gallons and cost $25,000,000. Irrigation spells California. 



ET CETERA 

CALIFORNIA is an ideal nursery for flowers and chil- 
dren. 

The age most respected here is acreage. 
There are preserves of game and fish, as well as of 
fruit. 

The California native lives on canned goods, tourists and 
gasoline. 

Love plays the game in tennis courts and law courts, and 
both are full. 

The water bill is longer than the liquor bill. 
The If in Calif, is a big one. The state is great — if you have 
invalid lungs or a healthy pocketbook; if you like movies, 
autos, climate, ocean, mountains, fruits, flowers, sports, gold 
and tennis. 

Everyone finds the names *' missions,'* ** saint" and **ange- 
lus," yet when you look at the people you wonder what's in 
a name. I even saw an Angelus Fish Hatchery. 

California is a wealthy state. Don't be disappointed if you 



can't find gold. There are turquoise skies, sapphire seas, ame- 



ON THE WARPATH 183 

thyst vistas, silver cataracts, golden sunrises, ruby sunsets, dia- 
mond spray, and pearly shells. 

California is a fine place to live and die in. 

It is a vast pleasure-ground with scenic railways and autos 
running around. 

California is the modern El Dorado where sun, sand, hills, 
poppies, fruit and metals win golden opinions from all travel- 
ers. The yellow streak is in everything, including a few of its 
people. 



A CHINESE NEW YEAH 

LOS ANGELES has a Chinese Quarter, and it's worth 
half their Chink life to have a whole week's celebra- 
tion. I had seen the heathen white man in the city 
and on the beach, so I went here for a change. A walk 
across a plaza took us into another country. It was their New 
Year, and there were crackers under your feet and rockets over 
your head, recalling the good old Fourth of July time before 
the insane sane Fourth was heard of. I had seen crackers made 
in Macao and shot off in Canton, but this was different. We 
shoot the crackers for patriotism, the Chinese for piety, to scare 
away the devil. Los Angeles was wide-open, with gambling, 
booze, graft, auto accidents, and murder trials of white slavers 
and sinners, so naturally the city fathers felt it was a great 
crime for John to shoot off firecrackers in his own quarter. 
The Public Safety Commission, that private dangerous clique, 
tried to bar it with their usual meddling, narrow-minded inter- 
ference, under the guise of patriotism and pro bono publico. 
The attempt was unsuccessful. If John believes firecrackers 
can drive the devil away, it is not so dangerous as the belief 
of many of the half-baked religious societies on the coast, which 
have full freedom to shout and shoot their fiery doctrines at the 
public. If the Council wanted to hear a real danger, they 
should have been with us one Sunday morning when the *' Rev- 
erend Father," just before his sermon, read an official state- 
ment on Roman Catholic education, in which he vilely, falsely 
and traitorously attacked the Public School System of the 



184 ON THE WARPATH 

United States as a godless, sinful institution. He declared it 
was unfair for the government to compel them to pay taxes 
for the public schools while they were maintaining their own 
parochial ones. This was rank treason to American ideals, yet 
only one of the frequent attacks on an institution admitted, 
by all pious, and patriotic people, to be the basis and bul- 
wark of all our American institutions. This hostile attitude 
more than offset this church's boast of K. C. army and navy 
loyalty in our present Allied war — which war is to give the 
world a democracy which can never be safe so long as it has 
affiliation with German Imperialism or Italian Vaticanism. 

If firecrackers can scare the devil away, a continuous 
Fourth of July would hardly make Los Angeles a safe and 
good place to live in. John was in his element of best clothes, 
and was eating and drinking. Every store had a Joss idol 
and incense altar to keep the fruit, rice, nuts, sweetmeats and 
delicacies tempting to God, at any rate to us who sampled 
them. There was a guard at the entrance of every door, for 
China Town was one great gambling den. Though our en- 
trance was forbidden, we saw the f antan game. 

We were invited to one club. It was bright with lights, the 
altar was profusely decorated, the men were gambling and the 
Chink orchestra jazz was superb. Undaunted, they twanged 
and scraped and squeaked and screeched and massacred all 
melody and harmony. But my long years of study of music 
brought me to the position where I could appreciate it. The 
Goddess of Discord presided. The scales were rheumatic and 
chromatic, yet scaled to hitherto unattainable heights. My 
soul was borne on this turbid sea of cacophony to the ceiling 
with a fearful rush, then grew dizzy and with a sickening 
crash fell to the floor. By their spoon and spade-shaped instru- 
ments, the musicians built a chromatic Babel Tower. I am 
positive Hogarth's *'Mad Musician" never heard its equal. To 
this was added a singing running accompaniment \vhich was 
atrocious. They broke so many musical laws they should have 
been sent to Sing-Sing. What can one expect from such awful- 
looking instruments, freak fiddles, gongs and cymbals that 
exploded indescribable noises and stirred up a war of sound! 



ON THE WARPATH 185 

The Chinese Masonic Temple held open house, and without 
giving any knock or sign, a smiling celestial gave me entrance 
when he saw my charm — ing exterior. He gave us eats, drinks 
and smokes and pointed out the symbolic work back of the 
Joss altar. He was ''crafty" and discoursed on hidden things 
in a "well-qualified" way to please non-members of the craft. 
China's history runs way back, and while I may not tell Ma- 
sonic secrets, it is no secret that the ideas of life, law, love 
and light are points in the creed and conduct of brother John 
who can be trusted, though he is not allowed to be a member 
of Brother Jonathan's family. 

We could learn how to properly celebrate the Fourth from 
John, and when it comes to the riotous debauch of our New 
Year's Eve and Night, the so-called heathen is a Christian saint 
in comparison. John smiled, the house of the thousand lanterns 
and Roman candles blazed out, air-raid rockets flashed like 
meteors, packs of bomb-crackers shattered the air to bits, and 
mine explosions on the walks sent our yellow friends scurrying 
like rats through the doorways. We celebrated with a light 
lunch of noodles in a small corner house, served by a cute 
Chinese girl who waited on us as politely as though we were at 
the Alexandria Hotel. Smiting our stomachs as a sign that wo 
were satisfied, we went out and met an officer who found noth- 
ing to do in this China Town until he came across two white 
girls whom he told to continue their *' street walk" to the 
police station. Just the opposite of the melodrama where the 
yellow Chink is leading the white slave into an opium den. 

CALIFORNIA'S YELLOW STREAK 

lOREIGN missions have done a great and gracious 
work abroad, yet it is a serious question whether 
sometimes there and here, the yellow man would not 
have had a whiter life and soul hereafter if the white 
man had let him alone, and not given him Bible virtues with 
one hand and a Pandora box of vices with the other. 

China's history includes science, art and philosophy; the 
greatest and earliest inventions of chart, compass, printing and 
powder are hers. Her religion is ancestral and her literature 




186 ON THE WARPATH 

reaches far back to Confucius. The Chinese among us are not 
as foreign to our ideals of religion, politics and patriotism as 
thousands of foreigners from Southern Europe. John is in an 
exclusive set because excluded. His heathen attitude toward 
us has often been more Christian than ours toward him. 

California boasts of her ** yellow" golden fruits, but what 
would she have today if the yellow man had not made it pos- 
sible? John and his co-Oriental Jap brother have worked 
domestically, cooked, dug, made gardens, ditches and rail- 
roads. He has worked hard and lived simply, cultivated his 
pigtail and garden patch, worshipped his little gods, burned 
and scattered papers to the dragon devil — in fact he was very- 
much like his white master who has his form of idol worship 
in gold, whiskey, a skirt or a pack of cards. 

Then the lazy laborer Satan entered this California Eden, 
was envious, got into dirty politics, taxed John 'stools and trade, 
legislated against sending his poor bones to final rest in China, 
and bad went to worse, until 1882 when the Exclusion Act was 
passed, reaching its criminal climax in the law of 1902 which ia 
still enforced. California is reaping a harvest of retribution 
from these seeds of hate. Today the harvest is great and the 
laborers few. I talked with many who were in despair on 
.account of labor shortage. The industrial conditions are so 
changed by the war that John is as much in demand as gang- 
plank or steam-engine. The cry rises now in speech and edi- 
torials that California might as well stop planting unless there 
are thousands more of laborers to cultivate and reap the har- 
vest. This scarcity applies to some manufacturing industries 
as well. Most Californians work for self, the Indians prefer 
the easy life of the Reservation, the Mexicans are unreliable 
and Europeans of low ideals and ability come over high-handed 
with big ideas of political and religious graft and are neither 
desirable nor dependable on the farms. Californians gave 
willing John the foot, and extended her hand in politics to 
ignorant Europeans, so delivering the state over to the devil of 
social vice and political corruption in her cities. The China- 
man is needed more than any one else in the kitchen, garden, 
shoe shop and laundry. When California gives him a square 
deal and kicks out some of her modern sand-lot orators, anar- 



ON THE WARPATH 187 

chistic writers and I. W. W. 's, who talk of heathenism, amalga- 
mation, polities, popularity and what will please other foreign- 
ers, she will be able to meet her great possibilities. 

The Chinese Y. M. C. A. mission is well placed. I went in 
and spoke to the leader. I respectfully submit that white 
Christians teach the Chinese, and that the Chinese go down 
on Main and Broadway and open a mission to teach the whites 
the Gospel of fatherhood and brotherhood, that Abel's God 
still lives to punish the Cain who persecutes and kills. 



GEEASER TOWN 



THE Mexican Quarter appeared to be made up prin- 
cipally of Italians. The journey from China to 
Mexico here is very brief and may be made in a 
minute. What separates them is not the wide Pacific, 
but a Plaza. Every Latin-American town has a plaza and a 
church, so here we have "Our Lady Queen of the Angels." 
The church was empty and dark, but the altar light cast its 
gleam towards the low ceiling and on the old, thick, narrow 
walls whose foundations were laid when Mexico was estab^ 
lishing her Independence. The adjectives empty, dark, low, 
narrow and thick sadly suggest some of the heads of this 
church. 

We passed through these Mexican streets by greasy Greaser 
restaurants, one of which bore the cheerful name *'La Esper- 
anza" (Hope) on the window, although a sign over the door- 
way should have read, ''Leave hope behind." In a book store 
window was seen the Mexican mark of anti-American, social- 
istic, anti-capital literature ; song books, lives of Carranza and 
Villa, the History of the Inquisition and a selection of Spanish 
smutty novels and poems. In the curio and toy shops there 
were cup and jug pottery, clay toys of men, women and chil- 
dren, showing Mexican life in mountain, city and country. 
We admired most, in form of living clay, some girls on the 
sidewalk with their black eyes and hair, and black robosos 
wrapped round their bodies, the ends gracefully thrown over 
their shoulders. The barber shops were many and popular, 



188 ONTHEWARPATH 

for the high priestesses were Jap ladies who leaned over the 
chair, lathered, rubbed and shaved the black-bearded Mexican. 

In the grocery stores there were piles of small tomatoes, red 
and purple peppers, cones of brown sugar and pieces of jerked 
beef. These markets are not open on the streets as in Mexico, 
yet much that was offered for sale seemed to have been on the 
street. Drinking places were abundant where you could get 
ice-cream soda and something darker and stronger. The ma- 
jority of the places were crowded with typical Mexican toughs 
who were gossiping, smoking eigarets and loafing just as they 
do outdoors when it is not raining. There were stores with all 
sorts and shapes of sweets called, ''Dulceria Mexicana." I 
noticed a street of small houses or hovels. In one of the door- 
ways I saw men trying to drive out dirt, poverty, misery and 
squalor with a mandolin, guitar and an instrument that looked 
like a Nile sheepskin water cask, or Mexican pulque skin. 
This last a man was blowing up and it answered in colicky, 
complaining tones. Fallen across a table in a dingy, dirty den 
was a poor fellow with crutches on the floor, fit subject for a 
Cruikshank London slum sketch. 

On church, fiesta and various Mexican holidays the natives 
come out in their glad rags with tri-color badges and picture^ 
of Hidalgo and Juarez. They dance, make speeches, smoke, 
drink tequila and trip the Tango tapatio to their heart's 
content. 

Walking ourselves into a good appetite we entered a Span- 
ish Restaurant. On the wall there was a painted picture of a 
matador sticking the bull, and at a table I detected a man 
working just as hard to get his knife through a tough piece of 
meat. The only dancing in this cafe was on the wall in a mural 
decoration. We had an orchestra made up of a fat pianist, 
lean fiddler, and blind flute and clarinet player who played a 
new instrument every time they brought him a cup of coffee. 
This inspired him to let out so many chirps and yells that I 
was thoroughly convinced there was more than caffeine in 

the cup. 

Ornamenting the wall just over the head of a busy chef 
were many implements of death and destruction such as knives, 
swords and guns. Under them was posted this sign, *^No war 



ON THE WARPATH 189 

talk allowed here.'* With such a formidable array of cutlery 
and shootery the sign seemed unnecessary. I kept still, yet 
inwardly wondered as I saw the diabolic dishes the chef was 
concocting, which was the more death-dealing. Our dinner 
was a proverbially good Spanish meal of tamales, frijoles 
enchiladas, chili sauce, cheese, wine, onions and chicken. We 
had everything served but the one thing in the Spanish saw, 
* ' There is no meal without a hair. ' ' The room was filled with 
well-behaved people and the only spicy things were the very 
highly seasoned foods from which we escaped with only a 
slight cauterization of our tongues and throats. 



WASTE 

AS Addison would say, "The food waste is simply 
fierce." On the train I overheard two army officers 
tell how civilians were told to save food in order 
that it might win the war, and declared the waste in 
camp was enormous and wicked. At a certain town on wheat- 
less day, a poor mother gave her children for lunch all that 
she had in the house, a few slices of wheat bread. Because it 
was wheatless day, the ignorant, "patriotic" zealot of a 
teacher, took it away from the children, scolded them, then 
threw the bread away, leaving them hungry. In a prominent 
Calif ornian city people were urged to observe "meatless" day 
and eat cheap cuts during the week. They did this until the 
jailer, not the prisoners, complained that he could get nothing 
but the finest cuts and juiciest steaks for the criminals because 
the good people of the town and the dogs had devoured all 
the bad meat. At an L. A. cafeteria, bearing the classic name 
that means bull-headed, I went for lunch. Being on a brown 
bread diet, I asked for two slices of brown bread. The young 
Miss tossed her heifer head and refused me saying, "The gov- 
ernment only allows one slice." It was useless to argue with 
her, yet if I had cared for it I might have piled on my tray 
half a dozen cuts of pie, pastry, cake, apple-dumplings and 
a short-cake, all made of wheat, without her complaint and 
still have been regarded as perfectly loyal. This was wasteful 



190 ON THE WARPATH 

and ridiculous excess. In Oregon there was waste of apples in 
the canning factories and we passed through a county where 
piles of apples were dumped on the ground to keep up the 
market price, and children pelted our Pullman with them. Yet 
all the while we were apple-hungry and could only buy them 
at fancy prices when we stopped at stations. 

The Twentieth Century is ripe and rotten with wicked 
prodigality. We spend more for tobacco than bread and ten 
times as much for drinking and dancing as teaching and 
philanthropy. 

If we study nature we find God manages all for the best; 
that He is profuse to none but bountiful to all. If churches 
and communities would follow the true and divine method of 
economy in nature, the heart would be purer, the home more 
happy and the world more honest. 

The omnipotent God gives us of His strength and wealth 
and we at once prepare to waste our three-fold energy like 
an unharnessed Niagara. In youth we have health and hope 
and we discount the future with reckless ruin. We waste 
ourselves in worry and wantonness and the ammunition of our 
strength is expended before misfortune attacks us. We fritter 
away time and energy in foolishness for empty honor, money 
and pleasure, as if we had a thousand years to live. Like 
little children we blow bubbles, chase butterflies and grasp 
at rainbows. 

We are spendthrifts and spend our thrift. There is mate- 
rial waste in forest, mine, shop and farm, army and navy, and 
the servant throws out of the kitchen back door what we have 
brought in at the front. Let us send food to the Allies, not to 
the alleys. There is mental waste in school, college, art and 
music in foolish fads and superficial attainments. There is 
moral waste in jails, hospitals, asylums, Young Men's and Wo- 
men's Associations, and rival denominations, whose churches 
hate each other more than they love the sinner, have six 
churches where they can only support one minister and congre- 
gation. 

Wliatever does not give pleasure and profit in proportion 
to the cost, whether in food, drink, books, magazines, cigars, 
dress or amusement, is a waste. Idleness wastes time and 



ON THE WARPATH 191 

money on dress before the looking glass ; ignorance wastes raw 

material and finished product; intemperance wastes money, 

health, mind and soul; iniquity wastes conscience, purity, 
peace and prosperity ; war wastes the world and ruins as if an 
earthquake had overturned and buried it. If we waste in June 
we shall want in January. 

The world is a big wastebasket of old ideas and discarded 
theories. In it we have thrown the king-business from Henry 
VIII to the German emperor. The time is coming when the 
infidelity of Hume and Voltaire and the unpoetic sensualismi 
of Byron and Goethe will be thrown to the discard and 
scrapped on the back-lot ash-heap. 

Vice is always waste. Call up the vicious from their graves 
and as they sit in their bones on their tombstones with skeleton 
gestures and grinning chatter, they mutter, *'Our lives have 
been wasted!" 

The prodigal leaves home, gets into bad company, loses 
his money, health, self-respect, good name and former friends. 
Man's capital in this life is his body, his mind, soul, time and 
opportunity. If he works and does not waste them he will 
receive a dividend for himself, for the good of others and the 
glory of his Creator. 

The Son of Mary and of God not only gives a divine model 
of usefulness, but the help to realize it in our character. Jesus 
is the dynamo to give us power. In the Angelo fresco in the 
Sistine Chapel you see the man of clay reaching up to the sky 
and receiving a divine spark that comes from the Creator. 

Get in contact with Him who in creation, providence and 
redemption wasted nothing — whose biography is included in 
the five words, *'He went about doing good," and who en- 
abled Paul to say, *'I can do all things through Christ who 
strengthens me. 



yy 




192 ONTHEWARPATH 

HAUNCH OF VENISON 

I DROPPED in on my friend Bert Kenaston at Santa 
Monica in liis palace on the Palisades. Around were 
mountains to burn, in fact, a few days later they 
were blazing with forest fires. Bert's home was 
happy. Of course he has autos, horses, dogs, mines, orange- 
groves, hotels and real estate, but what makes for real suc- 
cessful housekeeping was his charming wife, and rollicking 
boys who were the special care of an old black Mammy. He 
had just been out hunting and had brought back the bacon — 
I mean venison. Although it was out of season, salt and 
pepper gave it a fine flavor. The fact that it was forbidden 
gave it an added relish. Goldsmith wrote a poem, *'A Haunch 
of Venison." While I could not do this venison justice in 
verse I was not averse to making comment on it and away 
with it. Over this venison I pronounced my benison. Our 
party was no stag or stagnation affair, for the ladies, the 
dears, were present and honorable Judge King, a royal fellow, 
was one of our number, thus stopping the mouth of the law. 
The judge was particeps criminis and promised to get us out 
of jail or go in with us, and he surely Avould, for he is the 
honorable gentleman who fined himself for fast driving. 

Santa Monica is the place for hunters of game, gold and 
pleasure. Bert belongs to this club. He's a Shriner and the 
motto over his door is, *'Es Salamu Elekum," ("I Like 'Em"). 
He asked me to preach in his church. I don't know where 
it is, but if he doesn't belong to it he can have one belonging 
to himself. This reminds me. I knew old Colonel Shaw in 
Iowa. He was a blunt unbeliever and made a sharp reply to 
someone who saw him standing on the church steps one Sun- 
day morning. *' Colonel, do you belong to this church?" was 

the question. '*No," he replied, 'Hhe d thing belongs 

to me." 




ON THE WARPATH 193 

BEACH DEBAUCHERY 

CALIFORNIA'S coast is a big bathing beach. The 
state is not only famous for its walnuts, but for its 

beach nuts one sees everyday, especially Sunday. 

One Sabbath as we were autoing a Californian ex- 
claimed, *'Do you blame these folks for not attending church, 
sitting in a stuffy room and listening to a dry-as-dust doctor 
of divinity? What did John Calvin know about California, 
autos or beaches?" I observed discreet silence, for I knew 
nothing of Calvin's theology that harmonized with the sur- 
roundings, and to tell the truth I was having a good time 
myself trying, as they say, to look from nature's ocean to 
human nature's pleasure-seekers on the sand and in the surf. 

Southern California has many noted beaches from Santa 
Monica to Coronado. I followed the crowd from Santa 
Monica to Venice and in this short board walk the sublimity 
of the scenery, mountain and sea did not reflect itself in the 
look, dress or conduct of the crowd. The human tide was 
running along a breakwater of buildings of all sorts and 
shapes. Instead of nice and beautiful shade trees and palms, 
as at Nice and European resorts, I found the palmistry. Fakir 
dames dressed like Odalisques, beckoned us within to tell us 
anything we wanted to know, if we had the price, and to help 
them make a fortune by telling our fortune. The visitor was 
offered a chance on every sort of game ever seen on a circus 
lot, midway or street fair. Soldiers, sailors and civilians, with 
fair city sirens who blew them and made them whistle for 
their money, took every chance. Bars and buffets were full 
to overflowing and all the foam some of the visitors saw or 
came near was on the beer, not on the beach or breaker. 

Caterpillar trams crawled along the sidewalks which 
swarmed with gum-chewers, pop-corn-munchers, ginger-ale- 
guzzlers, peanut-masticators, hawkers of red-hot dogs, spitters 
of tobacco, ice-cream cone venders, stylish freaks and freakish 
styles, nice and nasty men, good and bad girls, and roller- 
skaters. We grew dizzy at Ferris wheels, aeroplanes, roller- 
coasters, the plunge bath of the great unwashed, pavilions of 
dirt, drink, dancing and dissipation. Over all there hung a 



194 ONTHEWARPATH 

Cologne variety of smells. Couples were swinging in pier 

dance halls to ragtime orchestras. In the Ship Cafe stomachs 

and souls were making shipwreck. A bar at the end of the 

pier let down bars for women to stand up and drink beer. 
The streets were trashy and untidy. There were high dives 
in the water and low dives on the street where the innocent 
were doped, debauched and robbed. This Venice was a sea- 
Sodom. Noise was raised to the nth power. Instead of the 
sweet sea breeze, there was the strong aroma of popcorn and 
perspiration. The only *' fresh air" was that of the folks 
hiking up and down, a mob of glad, sad, bad board-walkers 
who had apparently forgotten the first Psalm's advice, 
'* Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the 
ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners." 

Leaving this wriggling, wantoning, wandering jam on the 
walk we strolled to the sand. It was covered with half- 
dressed women, boys and girls sprawled out like goats and 
satyrs, hugging the shore and each other. It was the play- 
ground of the sexes. On the board-walk we had seen the 
worshippers of Bacchus, here it was Venus. Sunday was any- 
thing but religious at this sea shore. The cross had given way 
to Cupid's bow and arrow. The Bible was the book of nature 
done in calf. Brown lads lay with their heads in the laps of 
half-naked brunettes, forgetting that to do so and not mean 
harm was "hypocrisy to the devil" who tempted their virtue. 
They made no attempt to hide under beach umbrellas. One 
might question their propriety but neither their nerve nor 
shape. Their speech was low, but if actions speak louder than 
words, their conduct was often vulgar if not vicious. This 
place is advertised as the "safest beach," but without falling 
into the deep water I fear the Devil's undertow is carrying 
many out beyond their moral depth. "Love one another" is 
the favorite text and the "laying on of hands" is not omitted. 
All the flesh pots were not in Egj^pt. Cleopatra had a good 
time on the Nile and Clara had the same here. I saw many 
couples and decided that more marriages were made on the 
beach than in heaven. Position in society was everything. 
Here there was everything in position. Heads in laps, arms 
around waists, boys in girls' laps, girls in boys', legs linked, 



ON THE WARPATH 195 

or arms and legs tied up in lover's bow knots. All were 
taking '*sea"estas. In this Cupid school I saw girls with 
pearly teeth but with no pearls of wisdom; many who could 
paint their face, but not paint a Madonna; girls who could 
play with the boys but not the piano ; the only apparent study 
was that of anatomy. 

At Santa Monica it was Good-night for the Sunset Inn 
with no Good-morning. Before the liquor tide went out and 
the Inn became dry, the place was owned by the Busch estate. 
The Inn was conducted with a cafe attachment where the 
attachment was more for liquor than solids. No matter who 
owned or leased it, it was alleged the devil ran it as a house 
on the road, that is, a road house. Public moral sentiment 
got the city commissioners busy, the door was shut with a 
slam and kept tight. Today instead of being a curse it is a 
blessing, for it has been taken over by the Red Cross and 
made its headquarters. It has turned over a new leaf to the 
Chapter. Instead of red wine, it is red cross ; instead of spin- 
ning webs of sin, it is knitting shirts for soldiers; instead of 
giddy girls with gay dresses, the Inn is filled with thoughtful 
women whose husbands, boys and sweethearts are in the war. 

In Venice the children gambolled on the sand and the 
men gambled on the green. The law had made a raid recently 
and arrested several of the concession proprietors, but while 
arrested in their sporting career, they failed to come to a 
full stop, and the District Attorney served notice on the city 
officials that unless the games were stopped he would institute 
action against them for being derelict in duty. 

People on the beach were all sprawled out in their *' surge" 
suits. The sight of these surf bathers was surfeiting. We 
saw nymphs in the combers which put their hair in waves. 
People here may hate the Japs — yet it is the Japanese Current 
that makes these waters temperate and gives Californians 
their pleasure. 

The breakers on this Venice beach are divided into three 
classes: Ocean-breakers, law-breakers and heart-breakers. 
California is a fruit state and we looked everywhere to see 
the *' peaches" on the beaches that had been talked of and 
advertised in folders and pictures. All we saw were dried 



196 ON THE WARPATH 

peaches and there were more Iowa valetudinarians and beard- 
ed bi-peds than anybody else. Timon of Athens was a misan- 
thrope who went to the seashore to get away from mankind. 
Had he come to this beach, the day we were here, he would 
have prayed for a tidal wave to wipe it off the map. 

Scripture says of the beautiful lilies, **They toil not, 
neither do they spin.'* Of these painted, half-dressed, loung- 
ing, walking, posturing beach-combers with their dry feet, we 
say, ' ' They toil not, neither do they swim. ' ' I came away from 
the beach that Sunday with a composite picture of pop-eyed, 
pot-bellied promenaders in the sand, vulgar Venuses, wobbly 
wenches, living links, heavy-hipped hags, sinuous shrunken 
men, tattered tights, tousled haired nymphs and vain cock 
of the walks admiring their own shape and gazing on their 
feet and fingernails. 

I wish I could forget the bather's singularity and angular- 
ity, the plethoric paunch, the blinking, bawling, calling, 
sprawling, mawling, drawling, squalling figures that defaced 
the beauty of the sky, the sea and the sand. 0, the water 
cataracts running and dripping fram shaking sides, heavy hips 
and swinging busts! If Ulysses and his crew sailed by this 
Venice shore with its sweating sirens and howling hurdy- 
gurdies they would stop their ears — but not for fear of being 
enticed to shore. 

At Long Beach I approached one fair-faced and finely 
figured girl, lifted my hat, begged her pardon and asked if 
my son could take her picture, not for publicity, but just to 
show my wife. She blushed, hesitated, struck a September 
Morn attitude and lost her chance to refuse for the kodak 
clicked and we had her. Her coy, innocent demeanor proved 
she was a visitor and not a native who generally feels put out 
unless her picture is put on the first page of the Los Angeles 
Sunday paper. 

At Seal Beach the bathers sunned themselves like seals 
and set the seal of vulgarity on much of their dress and action. 

The poet sings of the *' smile" of the sea — I do not wonder 
at laughing waves when they see some of the freak styles. 
What are the wild waves saying? Some things I think we 
better omit. To watch this beach of bathers is like having a 



ON THE WARPATH 197 

front seat at the Winter Garden Follies. The visitor may study 
the contour of beach and bathers. Here he meets the living 
skeleton of angles and the bag of bones, as well as her heavy 
set sister with all her curves, crests, elevations and depressions. 
How unlike the pictures in the Sunday supplements, and how 
like the caricatures in the Comic supplement. When first they 
appear all nice and dry they are passable, but look at them if 
you dare, and can, when they take a dip or flop and coming 
out with their homely lines all emphasized. No Greek statues, 
no things of beauty and joy forever, but shattered disen- 
chanting dreams, or nightmares rather. 

Strange discoveries are made on the beach — sea shells, 
peanut shells, dippy dippers, sunlight, waves, tin cans, can- 
cans, tin-horn sports, human lobsters and jelly-fish, shell 
games, gulls and gullibles, papers, boxes, bags, beer bottles, 
lunch boxes, mermaids, mere men, kids with pails and shovels, 
playmates, families, spoony couples, kelp, dead fish, fishermen, 
lines, nets, boats, cottages, hotels, resorts, board-walks, prom- 
enades, bare legs, arms, feet, busts, driftwood and piers. I 
must not forget the semi-nude patriotic girls knitting socks for 
the soldiers. It was a fad, but charity begins at home and they 
should have worn them themselves. One could find lost souls 
enough on the beaches without exploring the shores of Phlege- 
thon, Cocytus and Avernus. 

Farewell to this flotsam and jetsam, foam and scum, these 
sand-flies. If you want to have a * ' good time ' ', go to the beach 
where the volume of nature and human nature is '*wide open." 
The text books you should bring and study on the sea shore 
are — Shelley, Sand, Burns, Crabbe, and Bacon. 

SUMMER FOOLS 



THE bug in palmistry is humbug. This tree flourishes 
like the green bay tree. The West coast is a magnet 
to draw all the fraud fortune tellers, mediums, char- 
latan clairvoyants, fake philosophers and astrologers. 
They come from other states whence they have been driven. 
They profess to tell everything from an angleworm to an 
angel — your ** planetary" hours and all the past, present and 



198 ON THE WARPATH 

future. These astrologers modestly say that astrology is the 
foundation of every science, the index of all things found on 
the material planet and that it is God's law. 

According to Swift's derisive derivation and definition, 
the astrologer is a new-fangled way of spelling **A straw 
lodger", since the ancient fortune tellers were so beggarly 
that they lay upon the straw. These mediums are mediums 
for making money — these psychics should be kicked out. The 
''stars" these astrologers should see are on the lapel of a 
policeman's coat or from the crack of his club. Their ''planet" 
talk is to plan nets for the unwary. Don't forget, foolish man, 
"The fault is not in our stars, but in ourselves." 

"All Fools' Day" is not April first but every day in the 
year. The whole human family has a drop of folly in its mix- 
ture. This world is a big mad-house and there are many fools 
in spring, summer, autumn and winter. 

Summer is the time when heaven listens to the earth, the 
clod climbs to soul in grass and flowers, the bird sits like a 
blossom among the leaves, the river ripples, lakes mirror 
clouds o'erhead while falls, fields and forests shout and sing 
their hymn of joy. 

Long ago Job spoke to the earth and it taught him les- 
sons of power and peace. Christ left the crowded city for the 
solitude where the birds sang, waves rippled and the grain 
rustled. In summer we feel with Cowper, ' ' God made the coun- 
try and man made the town," and we hurry to ocean, forest, 
mountain and lake to read God's illuminated Gospel which 
tells of Him who made a beautiful world for His children's 
pleasure. 

In summer the devil gets in his best work and the crop of 
fools is unusually large. 

It was in the "good old summer time" that Eglon, king 
of Moab, a very fat man, was sitting in his summer parlor when 
Ehud called, gave him a present, and pretending to retire 
suddenly came back and stabbed him to death. Any other 
season of the year would have found the king protected by his 
guard in the palace, but now it was summer, he had dismissed 
his attendants, was sitting in the open parlor and paid the 
penalty of his lazy indifference with his life. 



ON THE WARPATH 199 

Summer is the time when the sours doors are thrown open, 
the guards of Scripture command and friendly counsel are dis- 
missed, and Satan comes in and slays us in the hour of sleepy 
security. 

The ordinary fool is an extraordinary fool in the summer 
time. The house is left open to invite thieves ; men and women 
are half-dressed and slovenly in appearance who could never 
thus have wooed and won each other in marriage ; people are 
finicky, fussy and turn up their nose at the food and kick not 
only the dog and cat but at the cook; men drink more than 
ever and make a sink of their stomach; women substitute 
papers and magazines for the Bible ; families go miles to lakes 
or woods and find it impossible to walk two squares to church ; 
young people are less careful of the company they keep and 
the amusements they attend; church members go away for 
their vacation leaving the rules and regulations of ten months 
in the year to be thrown to the winds, while they drift without 
rudder or compass, 'mid the rocks and shoals of sinful pleas- 
ures and characters. 

The Bible tells of those who have played the fool and died 
a fool's death like Abner; of fools whose ways are right in 
their own eyes ; of meddling fools and blind fools ; of fools who 
make a mock at sin and despise their father's and mother's 
instruction, and it declares ''the companion of fools shall be 
destroyed.'* There are all classes of fools outside of the Bible 
lids and if the Good Book enumerated them all the present 
price of paper would make it prohibitive, and if their names 
were listed it would take a high-power auto-truck to carry 
them around. Among these fools would be found travelling 
fools, philosophic fools, religious fools, political fools, educa- 
tional fools, epicurean fools, public fools, and all-around fools 
who live to eat, dress, drink, gamble, debauch, lie, steal, be 
idle, avaricious, uncharitable, stingy, sceptical and censorious 
on their way to the grave where hungry worms wait to ban- 
quet on their fat bodies — fools all unheeding the great white 
throne where their souls are to receive retribution for the 
evil and fool things done on earth. 

Summer is the time when the fool says, *'I am glad to go 
up into the house of the Lord — except in August ; to pray for 



200 ON THE WARPATH 

the peace of Jerusalem — except in August; to remember the 
Sabbath and to keep it holy— except in August; to love my 
neighbor as myself -—except in August ; not to covet my neigh- 
bor 's wife — except in August; not to bear false witness — ex- 
cept in August; not to commit adultery — except in August.*' 
It is our religious duty to make the most of our summer 
vacation. It should be more than a vacuum for it is possible 
for one to merely vegetate and return with stronger body, but 
weaker in mind and heart. The virtues of a vacation are found 
in the study of God in His World Book, and the building up of 
a strong body and character. 

The wise man's rule for life's happiness here, and heaven- 
ly joy hereafter, is, ''Fear God and keep his commandments." 
The biggest fool the year round was the rich man who wanted 
to tear down his barns and build greater instead of making a 
granary of his hungry neighbors' stomach. Christ called him 
a *'fool", for that night the rich fool died and the heaped-up 
wealth for which he had starved and sold his soul was scat- 
tered to the four winds of the heaven. ''So is he that layeth 
up treasure for himself and is not rich towards God. 



?> 



BUSY BEAVERS 

GOOD-BYE, Los Angeles, angels, adieu! This city was 
founded by colonists brought here by the command of 
the government officer to raise produce for the sol- 
diers at the Presidio recruited in Mexican states. 
What a difference ! People now flock here without command, 
glad to come and sorry to go. 

We left the bracing and embracing air and trolleyed to 
San Pedro, L. A.'s port, that is humping like Vulcan to build 
war-ships for Uncle Sam. It took Noah a hundred years to 
make the Ark. Uncle Sam can build one in as many days. We 
stayed long enough to look at the hulls on the stays and our 
"hull" attention was riveted by the riveting, caulking and 
talking. In imagination we saw these ships launched with an 
argosy of liberty more valuable than the Golden Fleece of Col- 



ON THE WARPATH 201 

chis, with heroes on board nobler than the Argonauts, and with 
songs of freedom sweeter than the lyre of Orpheus. **Bon 
voyage," ye boats launched against a Teuton Troy. 

Homer describes ship-builders in the Odyssey, calling them 
"artists". These workers were lightning artists and need an- 
other Homer to describe them. 

Our boat to Portland, on word from Uncle Sam, changed 
its mind and went to Australia, so we took the ''Beaver", a 
good name for a busy boat, plying between San Pedro and 
Portland. I have seen beavers in the Yellowstone Park that 
weighed 50 pounds — this was an ocean one, a whale 380 feet 
long, and 4,500 tons heavy. She gnawed the waves, swam by 
the navy fort and breakwater, nosing her way along the coast 
to 'Frisco. As a beaver is a very social animal, so Captain 
Rankin and the officers were very friendly. ''Working like a 
beaver" is a proverb that applies to the way our crew worked 
in port day and night. Beavers have strong, large sharp teeth 
that can gnaw through a nine-foot circumference tree — ^we 
beavers ate our way through everything on the table. 

The Beaver paddled into Golden Gate at noon next day 
and we saw a number of Holland ships our government had 
just detained and taken over. I gave a two-lip good-bye to a 
small Dutch craft, stocky as a burgher, just heading out for 
Batavia, Java, that Sans Souci of the South Seas, that lazy, 
luxuriant Dutch paradise I visited five years ago. 



PAINTED WOMEN 

IPLING said the only draw-back to Trisco was that 
it was hard to leave. Since our stay was limited, we 
wanted to see all that we easily could. 

The first thing a sailor does when he hits a port 
is to land in some dive where he meets a nymph friend. So 
*'L" and I, as soon as we left the boat, visited a palatial re- 
sort where we saw some painted courtesans. Autos were lined 
up in front and many of 'Frisco's leading citizens were with- 
in. I made the acquaintance of Anita Ramirez lying languidly 
on a yellow couch and Celestina, naked except for an elegant 




202 ON THE WARPATH 

bath robe thrown around her. My son was captivated with the 
graces of Papita La Gitana, lovely Lolita and Candida. Two 
** women on the balcony" smiled sweetly on us. The two most 
attractive girls who drew our attention, like Titian Venuses, 
were both nude, one diva was reclining on a divan with a fan 
over her face and a parrot at her feet, and the other wearing a 
Spanish veil over her head and holding a tempting red carna- 
tion in her hand. 

Of course the reader understands these *' painted" women 
were on canvas, and the house was the Panama Exposition Art 
Gallery. This seraglio of beauty was the creation of the 
famous Spanish artist Ignacio Zuloago. 

The Aladdin palaces of the Exposition had melted away 
like a dream. I wandered alone where millions had trod. 
Buildings had vanished, monuments were all in dust, save one 
crumbling column. With the exception of the Art Museum 
and surrounding pools, trees, vines and flowers, this fairyland 
had faded like the dramatist *s *' gorgeous palaces and cloud- 
capped towers." 

Inspired by the startling senorita pictures, we went that 
night to see Gertrude Hoffman and her ballet of semi-bare 
beauties. They were dimly seen through a curtain of cigar and 
cigaret smoke which I scarcely expected in the Orpheum circuit 
— but everything goes in 'Frisco. It was well, however, for the 
modest, moral looker-on, because the bareness of the gyrating 
Gertrude was draped with smoke. 



'FRISCO 

IN 'Frisco stands for finance, folly, feasts, fashion. 
Styles are so many and striking that oglers have 
trouble with their optic nerves. Everything was full 
of life except the harbor which was empty compared 
with the forests of masts and funnels from far-off lands and 
isles we had so often seen here. The war, that accounts for 
everything, was responsible. The semblance of life was in the 
motion of the water and the ferries that came and went. We 




ON THE WARPATH 203 

ran over to Oakland where the stood for oyster shops on 

every corner and we stood for the oysters. 

Keturning, we sailed by the training island with its sailor 

boys. I happened to remark that war was hell in what it was 

and did. A demure old lady who sat near us replied, yes, and 

pointing to the sailors on the island, said, ''There are some of 

the devils. ' ' I ventured to ask her what she meant and imme- 
diately she volunteered the information that she was a friend 
of the Kaiser and hoped he would win the war. This treason- 
able blast nearly knocked me into the bay. Was this in jest or 
earnest? She further said she was Scotch-Irish, not German, 
yet sympathized with the emperor. I told her such talk was 
un-American, that it was traitorous to feel that way, and to 
openly say this to a stranger in public was to run the risk of 
being interned, or worse. Perhaps she is today, or has changed 
her mind. Maybe she was in some secret service to call out dis- 
cussion that might lead to arrest. Otherwise she seemed kind- 
hearted, told me her dead husband had left her plenty of 
money he had won in a lottery, that she had adopted two Por- 
tuguese children of a dead mother, and worse than dead father, 
was keeping them under her wing, feeding, clothing, and send- 
ing them to school as well as giving them religious instruction. 
When we landed she melted away into the crowd and I won- * 
dered at the strange combination of hate and love in her 
heart. 

That night I sent word over to the Government island to 
have my navy nephew, Roland Wilkinson, come over to 'Frisco 
for a visit. We gave him a good time at theatre and cafe, sail- 
ing into a lot of good things without any shipwreck. 

'Frisco's old and new haunts, cafes, dives, Chinese joints, 
old Barbary Coast didn't appeal to me this time. We went 
by, not in. But we were pleased to visit the city's splendid 
new Library, Capitol, and Municipal Building with its large 
organ that sends notes of peace, joy and patriotism into thou- 
sands of hearts. The completion of the buildings for this 
civic square will equal anything in the country. 

The city prides itself on its club life, and, like all cities, 
has clubs good and bad. 



204 ON THE WARPATH 

CLUB LIFE 



CLUB life is the outgrowth of man's social nature. 
The history of club life is the history of nations 
having clubs. 

There have always been clubs, social, political, 
literary, religious, philosophical, artistic, athletic, commercial 
— places of meeting for the* exchange of ideas of fools, philos- 
ophers and fanatics. 

Cain used the first club with deadly effect and millions 
have been killed by clubs ever since. The War Club is the 
leading club today. 

A club is defined as a "stick of wood," and is significant 

of many wooden-headed clubmen; a club is also a *' playing 
card, ' ' and fitly represents some club gamblers who play from 
early morn to dewy eve. 

Addison, Goldsmith, Hazlitt, Hunt, Johnson, Stevenson and 
many others have written instructively and entertainingly 
about clubs and club life, but the majority of club members I 
have met never seem to have heard of these authors or to 
have read their works. Instead, they are lovers of the com- 
monplace. They are void of thought, sentiment and imagina- 
tion. They loaf around with a cigar in their mouth, news- 
paper in their hands and with no original ideas in their head. 
If they talk, it is not to state an idea, but to talk for the sake 
of talking. They feed their body and starve their mind and 
soul. They lounge, gossip, play chess or cards, chat, eat and 
drink. Rich club life deoxygenizes the air of mentality and 
spirituality ; wastes time and money ; antagonizes home ; loafs 
in luxury, and has an elegance that stifles serious thought, 
study and culture. 

Some clubs are as good as can be while others are as bad 
as possible ; some are safe and others unsafe. The test of 
club life is its influence on home, business and religious life. 
A club is good if it makes one truer to his wife, employer and 
Bible. A club is bad if it does not stand the three-fold test 
in respect to body, mind and soul. In all the clubs I have 
visited around the world I never yet found one which posted 



ON THE WARPATH 205 

among' its Rules and Regulations a copy of the Ten Command- 
ments. 

Piety and patriotism, happiness and safety of the nation 
are oftener found in married homes than in bachelor clubs. 
God has no double standard for running a club, whether it 
be the rich club up town, or the poor club down town. The 
word ''drunk" applies to the society man full of champagne 
as much as to the down-and-out bum soused with beer in 
a filthy joint. 

Clubs, like trees, are known by their fruit. Club life is 
often the Devil's best hammer to knock the heart out of 
home, business, society and the church. 

When men are away from home every night in the week, 
are genial and generous at the club, but come home cross 
and tired just for something to eat or a place to sleep, and 
make home a kind of dry-dock for repairs, they wrong 
themselves and their families. 

Son and daughter naturally follow the club example of 
father and mother, and soon the home nest is empty. Chil- 
dren are neglected, they fall victims to temptation, and for 
their murdered lives God will put the Cain mark on the guilty 
souls or club-crazy parents. 



IN IRONS 

lUR boat was loaded at 'Frisco when we started for 
Portland, so were some of the passengers carrying 
wet goods inside and outside in their suit-cases, for 
Portland is dry, and quite a paying business is done 
in smuggling booze where ''rolls the Oregon." 

That evening a gang of young 'Frisco sports attempted 
to turn the salon cabin into a bar room ballad hall. There 
had been some general instrumental and vocal music which 
was followed by a booze-soaked singer whose notes were 
very liquid. He couldn't stand up to sing and so sat on 
the nape of his neck, sprawled out his legs and bawled 
out some rather coarse ballads to please his boon companions, 
but it was annoying and embarrassing to many of the lady 




206 ONTHEWARPATH 

and gentleman passengers. No one could stop him, the 
cabin steward avoided him, and finally I suggested that 
he had finished his part of the program and a rest was in 
order. His reply was a rougher and louder encore. 

When the mate heard of it he made a ** curse "ory inspec- 
tion, hauled him out, dragged him to the bridge and placed 
him in irons for the fresh air to sober and sweeten him. 
Then the captain gave him some fatherly advice and he was 
sent to bed in hopes that he would get up a good little boy 
the next morning. You see this was an American boat. Such 
conduct would not only pass, but be applauded on Mexican 
and South American boats, but not up here. 

Captain Rankin of the *' Beaver" ranks number one every 
way. He was kind, capable, genial on deck and at the table. 
He invited us to feel at home in his finely furnished cabin 
where there were more than nautical books to read. A vic- 
trola gave us classic and popular records and I noticed some 
curios on his desk for good cheer. Among them was the 
skull of a murdered man of Peru, which the captain had 
picked up and made into an electric lamp. His description 
of the big 'Frisco quake, while his boat was in the harbor, and 
what he later experienced in town, was as thrilling as any 
book in his library. The captain was a true salt and thor- 
oughly saturated with Masefield's and Kipling's sea poems. 



ON THE OCEAN 

EN route to Portland the reflections of the ocean were 
brilliant and beautiful, no matter how dull and plain 
the following reflections were that I made on it. 

To w^rite on the ocean is difficult — especially if it 
is rough. It is a big, deep, wide subject, and only dry and 
shallow when some people talk and write about it. It over- 
whelms and drowns you with its volume, variety, voice and 
vastness. It occupies three pages in the Encyclopaedia and 
142,000,000 square miles of the earth's surface. The earth is 
mostly water — 72 per cent. The ocean is the salt of the earth. 
The ocean basin is immense. Here Apollo ducks his head 



ON THE WARPATH 207 

after his hot hike across the heavens. When it is dark, chaste 
Diana takes a dip, and the stars rise from it with bright and 
shining faces. Over the ocean floor slimy, oozy, woozy monsters 
crawl. Its circulation is good with tides and current events. 
On the map the currents swish here and there like the tails 
of Neptune's horses. Luna controls the tides, but no lunatic 
of high or low brow can write an accurate tide book. Volumes 
of prose and poetry on the ocean are full of figures allegorical 
and metaphorical, but I found more ** figures" in an ocean tide 
book than in any other volume I ever read. 

I have sailed the Seven] Seas of the world, and like 
** Chris" have cris-crossed up and down the ocean like lines 
of latitude and longitude, yet when it comes to my scientific 
knowledge of the sea, its *' distribution of density" is only 
surpassed by the water on my brain. 

A mist of mystery and myth of old hung over the ocean. 
According to the ancients, who knew little about it, it was 
peopled with monsters and islands. Homer thought it was a 
river that ran around the world. I am sure the little boy 
of long ago never went to sleep over his geography lesson, 
for the map was as interesting and terrifying as a nurse's 
ghost story. The ocean was the haunt of horror, and was 
spelled and pronounced **0 Shun." On one chart of the Mid- 
dle Ages a giant stands on the Canary island holding a big 
club and refusing to allow the ships to sail west. Another 
ancient map showed pictures of water-unicorns and sea-mon- 
sters, sporting through space and robbing the navigators. The 
Arabians pictured a big hand of Satan lifted up above the 
horizon ready to seize the mariner if he went any further. 
In the far North a gigantic mollusk was thought to be sus- 
pended in the air to smother and choke the captain and his 
crew. 

I have read many traveller's tales yet always envied the 
Argonauts and Sinbad the Sailor who always got their money's 
worth and had a trip full of spills and thrills. Those were the 
good old sea dogs and days! How delightful it would be to 
book on one of their cruises! Today we have a tame time 
— nothing but a submarine for a sea-monster, an aeroplane 
for a giant roc or harpy, and only a mine instead of a Scylla 



208 ON THE V/ARPATH 

and Charybdis. The sea was once the home of the Gods — 
now of devils. The Greeks and Romans saw divinities in the 
ocean, now we see the workings of Satan. Instead of the 
superstitious hand of Satan, we have the mailed fist of the 
Kaiser barring progress on the sea — an act of piracy. 

Keats gives a wonderful description of Neptune's palace 
— I never saw it. The ancient classics are full of mermaids 
and nymphs — I never found one even with a spy-glass. Had 
I drunk a glass of Helicon spring water I might have been 
able to see them. Today, instead of Triton's wreathed horn, 
one only hears the fog and fish-horn. The only siren is the 
steamship whistle. Where have these se'a beauties gone? 
Have they grown old and died, or are they afraid and ashamed 
of us and hidden away in some shady sea cavern. Perhaps 
the wild waves are telling us if we could only understand. 

In the Psalmist's day the waves lifted up their voice — 
they do now in speech and song if we could hear them. Why 
shouldn't there be music to the roar of the deep sea, and a 
tune — is it not presided over by Nep'Hune" and his trident 
pitch fork? 

If you want to know how small and weak you are, visit 
the sea. Should you grow poetic and eloquent the ocean 
will encore you, but only say ''Sh-s-sh, Sh-s-sh!" 

The ocean is a good actor and plays many parts. As a 
gourmand, its appetite swallows everything, like death, be it 
a ship or a shore. It acts as a wet-nurse to the islands. It is a 
miser to hoard and never gives up its gold — just throws up 
scum on the shore. In spite of a continual washing the shore 
is very dirty. It keeps its secrets closer than the Sphinx. It 
is the grave-digger of cities and empires. It is an incessant 
talker, speaking volumes — I am willing to stop when it be- 
gins. It is the tutor of poets, painters and scientists, and a 
patron of commerce. When ships first ploughed the sea, com- 
merce grew. The ocean is epical as a poem and epochal in 
time. 

The ocean is the eternal enemy of earth. It is a race track 
for the winds. Its big face mirrors all moods of sunset and 
storm. The ocean is free, the only chain it wears is a light 
one of sun and moonlight. The domain of Oceanus is walled 



ON THE WARPATH 209 

in by continents and extends from floating ice-palaces in tlie 
North to tropic pleasure-island gardens in the the South. The 
ocean is a great traveler and visits every shore. It is a watery 
world in itself where myriad forms of fish live. Of old, people 
shrank in terror at the sea, but the only time it shrank was 
when Phaeton drove the horses of the sun too near the earth. 
The ocean is cursed by mariners and sea-sick travellers; is 
importuned by sailors' wives whose husbands are being 
drowned ; is praised by writers in rippling rhymes and spark- 
ling prose ; is unmoved by what man says and moves in its 
own way. 

I love the ocean — to be on it, in it, by it, over it. I love 
to see it, smell it, feel it, hear it — but not to taste it. I have 
seen Mt. Everest, the highest point of the globe, and would 
like to see the lowest depth of the sea off the island of Guam 
— 31,614 feet. How would you like to be the deep sea diver 
there and go down six miles? 

The ocean is exhaustless and it is useless to attempt to 
write an exhaustive treatise on it. Think of its history from 
the Ark to the submarine ! Instead of being a fairy-tale it 
has become a ferry-transit. King Ocean is majestic, has all 
the world at his feet and levies tribute from all the seas and 
rivers. 

The ocean is what you are, whether you look at it with 
eyes of the artists, poet or fishmonger. Ocean swells attract 
people to build hotels by it, and dance, and promenade by 
it in stunning bathing suits. Travelers come to the ocean and 
change their habitations though not their habits. The water 
colors of the sea are Red, White, Yellow and Black. The 
merry widow comes to the beach, like the ocean, to cast her 
weeds. 

Strange that such a big pond as the Pacific Ocean was 
never stumbled on or sailed over by the ancients. It wears 
the coral necklaces of the islands as ornaments. It is a 
monster with hurricanes in its mane and ships in its maw. 
It is a cradle of the deep to rock in, or an old Nurse to 
jolt you up and down. I wonder what dead men dream in 
the ocean bed? The ocean is a big dose of ipecac. Giant gales 
leap over it, laugh and take days to quiet the sides of their 



210 ON THE WARPATH 

mirth. The ocean has a phosphorescence of jet, pearl and 
sapphire. How pleasant to walk in the snow of the surf 
and pat the neck of the waves. On land, the morning sun 
climbs and looks through pine, or over hill and chimney — 
on the sea it comes down to bathe. 

Horace said the first sailor was brave and ventured out 
with a heart bound with oak and triple brass. Man is a 
migratory animal. The first wish of man in one place is to go 
to another. In the beginning sailors ventured only from island 
to island and point to point — later across the seas. It was 
hard to watch and plan on the weather for they had no 
chart, map, compass, lighthouse, or wireless. 

To write on the ocean is like taking a tin cup and filling 
it on the beach. There is so much water, the waves tumble, 
splash and foam so much, that you get very little. The sea 
is to the earth what the blood is to the body, the pulsing 
vital fluid. Dry up the ocean and this green world would be 
an ash-heap. 

The Bible reference to the ocean is chiefly concerning its 
power and danger. All that some see now is destruction and 
cruelty. To others the ocean is a joy forever, a thing of 
beauty, of gleaming water, shelly shore and sweet and sublime 
voice. -^^ 

Moralists and ministers, who preach and teach of Bible 
analogies in nature, love to repeat the words of John, the 
seer of Patmos. Tradition speaks of this old flsherman saint 
as a sort of Prometheus prisoner in that little isle of the 
Aegean and as going up to the point of rock, alone and 
homesick for his absent friends. The rustle of the bird's 
wing over his head, the sighing of the sea breeze, the splash 
of the waves, the white-lipped foam on the rocks, all said, 
*'And there was no more sea" — of separation, change and 
storm in the blessed Paradise his soul was soon to anchor in. 

For hours and days I have watched the sea from shore, 
and for weeks and months on shipboard. You don't know 
the ocean unless you have lived with it. A land-lubber once 
told me it seemed a waste of time and money just to sail, 
since there was nothing but water to see, and the idea of 
wasting a month to reach Australia was ridiculous. But the 



ON THE WARPATH 211 

ocean is the only thing in nature that never stales, that is 
always fresh and new, that has a different sound, shape and 
shade every hour. Smooth as a lake, it mirrors cloud, sun 
and star ; mad with storm, it is a hell of howling, hissing water 
hurling its mountain waves against the ship and rocky shore, 
bringing wreck and death. Gentle, it plays with children on 
the shore, kissing their little bare feet and the pebbles and 
shells they play with. 

Descend into the land quarry and you will find rippling 
tide marks of long ago and forms of petrified skeleton fish. 
Climb the mountain summits and you see corals and shells 
once washed up. The ocean is never idle. It undermines 
the cliff or throws up a shore. Geology tells us that what 
are now sea beds will be future continents, and that the 
dry continents were once ocean beds. Clouds sail from the 
ocean and bear argosies of moisture for the creek, river and 
lake to give drink to man, to beautify earth, to grow har- 
vests and to give autumn frost, and winter snow and ice. 

The ocean — what a sepulchre ! Countless millions of dead 
lie in coral sand and rocky tomb decked with seaweed, pearl 
and shell — the waves moaning their requiem, the salt water 
shedding tears over their unknelled, uncoffined remains. 

I never bathe in the sea without wishing that I might be 
metamorphosed into it to understand how its floor was laid; 
how its seaweed and coral grew; how its tides, waves and 
billows were made, how many the haunts of its fishes and 
how glorious the caves of its pearl. 

How small and self-satisfied we are. How little we can 
know and hold. Visitors come to the ocean for a day or 
two, return to their inland village to years of toil, and for- 
get all about it. 

But I love it. As the moon controls the tide, so the ocean, 
green and blue, with its ebb and flow, quiet and storm, influ- 
ences me after I have left it. The cup of my soul brims over 
with ecstacy of the sea's sublimity, and I say with the 
Psalmist, "My cup runneth over." 

Diving around in the ocean of sea literature from Homer 
to Swinburne I found this gem from Heine — treasure it in 
your memory: 



212 ONTHEWARPATH 

"Far into the depths o£ the night I stood by the ocean 
and wept. I am not ashamed of those tears. Achilles, too, 
wept by the ocean strand until his silver-footed mother rose 
from the waves to comfort him. I, too, heard a voice from 
among the waters, but less consoling; on the contrary, it was 
startling, imperious, and yet profoundly wise. For the ocean 
knows everything: at night the stars confide to it the most 
hidden secrets of the firmament; in its depths, among the 
fabulous long-drowned empires, lie also the ancient long-for- 
gotten lores of the earth; at every coast it listens with a 
thousand billowy eavesdropping ears; and the rivers that 
flow into it bring to it tidings gathered in the most distant 
inland countries, even the babble of the brooks and mountain- 
springs, which they have overheard. But when the ocean 
has revealed to you its secrets and has whispered into your 
heart the mighty world-emancipating word, then farewell 
repose! Farewell peaceful dreams." 



ASTORIA'S STORY 

HE trip up the coast was calm as far as the Colum- 
bia river's mouth, which was frothing and blowing 
with a 60-mile gale. 

Sunday came, wet and windy, yet we were up ear- 
ly and sang ''Hail, Columbia" as we entered the big river. 
There were green-wooded islands, wild, tree-covered hills and 
headlands that could be seen now and then as the wind snatch- 
ed the cloud curtains aside. Lumber mills and fish canneries 
were many. The little towns on the rocks among the pines 
resembled the settlements I had seen in Alaska and Norway. 

Astoria, 70 miles northwest of Portland, was founded by 
John Jacob Astor in 1811, and in its early history was noted 
for its fur trade. Today it is a shipping port for flour and 
grain, and known for its many salmon canneries, seining and 
large lumber industries. We saw many ships on the stays. The 
Union Jack floated over Astoria in 1813, and in 1818 it was 
restored to America by the Treaty of Ghent. 




ON THE WARPATH 213 

We docked at the wharf in time for church, while the 
cargo was being unloaded, but through Portland passengers 
were not allowed to disembark, and those who did were com- 
pelled to show passports and give the reason why. The official 
guard at the gang was an ex-editor, now in a political position, 
who used his former blue pencil as a club to keep out what he 
didn't want. He was unnecessarily and unfairly arbitrary. 
One might come from Portland here by rail, but we could not 
step off the boat unless we wished to act as stevedores and 
unload the cargo in the rain. Neither the work nor the wages 
were attractive enough to allure, so we were mere lookers-on 
at this wet Venice — this muddy, melancholy, miserable place 
where the inhabitants must be web-footed to get around. 

Why were American citizens thus barred? Because they 
came from 'Frisco with a bomb, or from Los Angeles with a 
bag of whisky, or to foment strikes among the shipbuilders, 
or to attempt to blow up a troop train? The red tape extending 
from Washington was long enough and strong enough to keep 
passengers out who had been permitted freedom of the city 
at San Pedro and 'Frisco and were to disembark at Portland. 
The fact is, no such order was necessary. No one was very 
anxious to get off at Astoria and climb up its perpendicular 
streets, wade through its ankle-deep mud, and allow the rain 
from the eaves of the wooden buildings to give him a shower- 
bath. What I saw of the town inclines me to the belief that 
Astoria is a good place for exile and banishment, or for the 
location of an insane asylum. Maj^be the reason we were not 
allowed ashore was because the inhabitants are so depressed 
by the weather that half of them are mad and inclined to pick 
a fight with anyone inclined to come ashore. 

In his charming volume, "Astoria," Washington Irving 
tells of the trials and troubles of the long-ago trappers, In- 
dians and traders around here. Had he been on the ''Beaver," 
he might have found material for additional chapters, and 
would doubtless have written them in a different mood. Our 
passengers' reception and rejection was not in the generous 
spirit of the distinguished J. J. Astor after whom the town 
was named, or of the genial American genius who has immor- 
talized it in his ''Astoria," so replete with fact and anecdote 
and told in most engaging style. 



214 ON THE WARPATH 

PORTLAND AND WATER 

THE rain came down as we went up the river, and it 
was appropriate that we should see some water-fowl. 
Sometimes elk are seen, though rarely, for Elks dis- 
like water and keep far from it. At night our boat 
passed many shipyards where shifts of men were busy build- 
ing ships in the big glare of electric lights. It was Sunday, 
and the evening worship was warships. 

The bridge went up and we docked at Portland. The wet, 
fog and flickering lights and shadows were of the London vari- 
ety. Portland is a city noted for its cement. This solid has 
made it famous as some liquids have advertised other cities. 
Portland has a port, but, with rain and rivers Willamette and 
Columbia, I could scarcely see the land. The city is a great 
grain, lumber, flour and shipping port. In the background the 
Cascade mountains are always in view — this night every sky- 
scraper was a Cascade cliff and drenched us. 

I know that the sun shines here — it is no rumor or legend — 
for I have seen it. From the heights of the city, which slope 
up from the rivers, I have been thrilled with entrancing view 
of harbors, rivers, lakes, islands, beautiful and fertile valleys, 
and the sunlit and moonlit, snow-capped peaks of Mts. Hood, 
Adams, Ranier, St. Helens and Jefferson. To these mountains 
Goldsmith's line about ''eternal sunshine" settling on his head 
does not apply, for far too oft the traveler finds naught but 
cloud and fog. 



SALT LAKE SAINTS 

JGDEN is a thriving Mormon city, but I wasn't a Mor- 
mon, and my stay was short. I felt no need to go to 
the city's School for the Deaf, enter the General Hos- 
pital, and Sacred Heart Academy, no time to read the 
Carnegie Library, or find the iron, gold and silver said to be 
in the adjacent mountains. I wasn't a merchant, and so was 
not especially interested in her manufacture of beet sugar, 
canned goods, guns, collapsible boxes and beer. But I was 




ONTHEWARPATH 215 

apple-hungry. For miles we had seen big apples on the trees 
and on the ground, yet I couldn't get a bite. As soon as the 
train stopped I went to a fruit store and filled my arms 
and pockets. The town topic I heard here was that restric- 
tions were to be made at the movies; not on the films, but on 
the love-making audiences in the dark picture houses. 

An hour's run brought us to the city of the Latter Day 
Saints, having passed by America's Dead Sea, which is very 
lively during the season. Years ago I went in bathing at this 
Salt Air beach with Charles Spurgeon's son. Here one floats 
like a cork or a corpse on this 22 per cent salt body of water. 
It is well called the Dead Sea, for it suggested the one I 
splashed in at Palestine, the supposed sepulchre of Sodom and 
Gomorrah. 

Our pious pilgrimage had included the *'City of Angels" 
and concluded with a visit to the ''City of the Latter Day 
Saints." There is always room for improvement, and I trust 
the latter days are better than the former ones. 

My interest in Salt Lake dates from the time my Uncle 
*'Hi" used to regale my youthful mind with the account of 
his service as postmaster under Brigham Young — how he 
drove the coach on the El Paso mail line, was shot at by the 
Indians, tied to the stake and yet managed to escape and un- 
fold a tale whose slightest words used to freeze my boyish 
soul. On his visit to us in St. Louis he brought many souve- 
nirs, among them Indian arrows which he had pulled out of 
the dead body of one of his stage-drivers. 

There are many sight-seeing trips in town, and the best 
sight to me is the great temple of the Wasatch mountain 
masonry built by the great Creator. To the Mormon the great- 
est temple is the one built by Brigham Young. Since I had 
visited most of the great heathen temples of the world, I 
naturally journeyed to this one. Crossing the street to the 
''Sacred Square" of the Temple grounds, I met Brigham 
Young — ^his statue. His hand was extended to me in welcome, 
as I first thought, but in reality it was held out toward a big 
bank, as if he needed some money to take care of his many 
wives. Passing this polygamous pioneer, though not pioneer 
polygamist, for there were savages before him that believed 



216 ON THE WARPATH 

in being much married, I entered the Temple grounds. An 
elder, bearded like the pard, was our guide. He first directed 
us to the Seagull Monument. Just as the geese saved Rome, 
so seagulls saved the early Mormon settlers by eating the 
crickets that were eating the crops. The gulls perched on the 
monument weighed 500 pounds. What a cricket capacity they 
had! 

I took a squint at the big, turtle-shaped tabernacle that 
still squats here. Under its roof shell 8,000 people may sit 
and distinctly hear the voice of the speaker and the music of 
the choir and organ. I remember attending a former service 
and recall the crowds, the big organ, the sermon and the sac- 
rament administered to everyone, little children included. One 
thing in the service was especially impressive. I found a hat 
number slipped from the band and stuck on the bald head of 
a devout devotee, disputing the right to be there with several 
straggling gray hairs. 

This is just a side tent, compared with the show-place, the 
white granite Temple. It is about 200 feet long, 100 wide 
and 100 high. There is a tower on each corner 220 feet high. It 
was begun in 1853, finished in 1893, and cost nearly $6,000,000. 
Here the Mormons are ''sealed," and it is sealed shut to all 
other religionists, as well as to bad Mormonists. On the out- 
side of the Temple are symbols of the sun, moon and stars, like 
the configuration on an astrologer's robe. The statues of the 
Smiths, Joseph and Hirum, are almost as world-widely known 
and in the mouths of as many millions as the Smith Brothers, 
makers of cough-drops. 

Our guide was very careful to give us all the dimensions 
of the Temple structure, but they were simply material. I 
insist on knowing, of this and every church building, 
how high it is spiritually, how deep it is mentally, how broad 
it is philanthropically, and whether it is long on creed and 
short on conduct. 

Marriage is the main and embracing tenet of the Mormon 
religion. If married within the Temple, there is a knot that 
binds the couple in this life and the life to come. Perchance 
this is the reason so many Mormon marriages are outside the 
Temple and terminate with the grave. Doubtless, in many 



ON THE WARPATH 217 

instances, a man who is a faithful husband here desires to be 
rewarded hereafter by being free. Brigham Young's motto 
was "Bring 'em young," and, next to Solomon and the Sul- 
tan, he had a fine assortment of lady friends and a family big 
enough of small kids to run a kindergarten. There is no doubt 
that he was a great man. He made the desert blossom as the 
rose, and died leaving seventeen widows, forty-four children 
and several millions of property. Years ago, I visited the 
"Amelia Palace" which he built for the actress, the nineteenth 
wife he fell in love with. This palace was a monument, in and 
out, of what money can do to bribe, buy, blaspheme and blast. 
It has recently been converted into Red Cross headquarters. 
Near by is Brigham 's grove, where he sleeps with his numerous 
wives. 

Z.C.M.I." are the cabalistic letters that stare at you — 
Zion's Co-operative Mercantile Institution." The Mormons 
have a monopoly on everything you buy and sell, and they 
can no more be dislodged than the mountains and lakes from 
the landscape. I.N.R.I. was the Roman inscription over the 
wooden cross at Calvary. Here the blessed Son of God is 
crucified on a golden cross with the overhead inscription, 
Z.C.M.I. 



< I 




STEEET SCENES 

|ORT DOUGLAS, out from town, is most beautifully sit- 
uated, and there we saw our soldier boys in good 
trim. The most striking thing is the German intern- 
ment camp. "L" photographed a sign on a tree read- 
ing "War Prison — Keep Out." No such advice was needed, 
for there was the barbed-wire enclosure with hundreds 
of German prisoners behind it, many of whom were brought 
over from war-interned Pacific ships. Several prisoners had 
escaped. Yet I don't see why, for there's good situation, sani- 
tation, ease, comfort and food. This is a fine German club, 
where the membership is compulsory. The barracks seem to 
be quite as good as those given our soldier boys. Some of 



218 ONTHEWARPATH 

the prisoners were washing and cooking. I sincerely trust 
German ''kultur" includes an equally good care of our boys 
in Germany. 

Salt Lake City has broad streets, beautiful parks and clear 
cold water to drink. The walks are wide, probably made so 
originally that the kind husband and father, coming downtown 
to shop with his wives and kids, might not be crowded off into 
the gutter.- The streets are very wide, wide enough for New 
York or Chicago with their great traffic, but they were so 
empty that I wonder the vehicles do not get lost. 

City streets are always closed on account of repairs for 
gas and water, but I never saw one closed for children to 
repair for play during school recess. There was a sign reading 
*' Street Closed During School Intermissions." Here the school 
children were romping and playing to their hearts' content, 
with no fear of being run over, and their game of hide-and- 
seek was less dangerous than that of other city children play- 
ing hide-and-seek behind passing autos and wagons. This plan 
should be recommended to cities that shut up their boys, put 
them in gutters, or expose them to jitney juggernauts. After 
recess the streets are open as usual. The Mormon church be- 
lieves in raising children and preserving them for future gen- 
erations. 

The wards of our cities are political. Here they are reli- 
gious, for the church in Salt Lake vies with the other on the 
Tiber in attempting supreme rule. There are forty-five eccle- 
siastical wards or districts in the city, each one of which is 
presided over by a bishop and two counsellors. These Mormon 
*' fathers" are thoroughly known to every member of their 
wards, and they keep tab on all the members do, say and give, 
so that they may either recommend or deny their fitness to 
enter the holy Mormon Temple. 

D stands for dancing, one of the leading doctrines of the 
Mormon church. The largest dancing floor of the world is in 
the Salt Air pavilion. We visited the Odeon dancing hall, con- 
ducted by a church elder, who took us into his confidence when 
he learned **L." and I had been in the South Seas, as trav- 
elers, where he had been a propagating, propaganding mission- 
ary. We watched the dance of the novitiates and of the grad- 




ON THE WARPATH 219 

uates above. The main ads in the papers, on cars, on theatre 
curtains and programs were for the dance. Is it possible, if 
there are four steps to church membership, the two-step is 
half way? Among heathen and savage tribes dancing is a 
religious rite. Is it here? 

FREE-LOVE RELIGION 

IrIGHAM young is reported to have said, in a ser- 
mon, that the sisters Martha, Mary and Mary Mag- 
dalene were Christ's plural wives, and that it was on 
the occasion of his own marriage at Cana at Galilee 
that He turned the water into wine. 

Mormonism has been a premium on polygamous passion. 
The more physical wives a man lived with here the greater 
his spiritual honor was to be in heaven hereafter. This was an 
insult to world-wide womanhood. It meant universal white 
slavery, a brotherly brothel, a sisterly seraglio, and preached 
the loyalty of lust and the carnival of corruption. 

*' Congress shall make no law respecting religion. *' In this 
land one may serve the invisible God or a statue of Buddha, so 
long as he is moral and patriotic. Let the Mormons say Sun- 
day that Joseph Smith was God and that Brigham Young was 
the Savior, if they care to — they have a choice of any religion 
or no religion, but neither they nor anyone else, under the 
guise of religion, may insult decency and morality the rest of 
the week. 

The president of the church has recently urged all Mormon 
widowers to marry again. Why not? This is in strict accord 
with its embracing and all-embracing creed, which includes 
not alone everybody, male and female, but every belief. The 
Mormon is very adaptable, he is a cosmopolite, and his creed 
is composite. He believes with the Baptists in immersion; 
with the Campbellites in apostolic ordinances ; with the Metho- 
dists in obeying his bishop ; with the Spiritualists in hearing 
voices from the dead; with a Theosophist in affirming pre- 
existence ; with the Faith-Healer in the laying on of hands ; 
with the Universalist, that all will be saved ; with the Second 
Adventist, that the Messiah will appear again. 



220 ONTHEWARPATH 

The word " Mormonism " suggests a libertine, bandit and 
murderer. The city is charming and the citizens polite and 
hospitable. They welcome you and seek to make you forget 
their history of murder, outrage and tragedy. Mormonism 
and Utah were once one ; now Mormonism is several, including 
Wyoming, Utah, Nevada, Arizona, Idaho and New Mexico. 
Its flesh-pots make a big political feast, and its vast solid wealth 
spreads its doctrines with greater and widening influence. 
Mormonism is a cross between lust and lucre ; its heaven a sort 
of spiritual incubator. 

Their decimal doctrine, their ten per cent, or tithing of one- 
tenth from each for the good of all, is a great graft. ''Give 
one-tenth" is the church's demand, and ''give" the members 
do, whether they are rich or poor. From cradle to coffin, the 
Mormons are ground between the millstones of the Co-opera- 
tive stores and societies. 

Years ago Editor Godwin of Salt Lake told me that per- 
jury and Mormonism were synonymous, and that the oath 
taken at the religious endowment house made all other vows 
to the government at Washington nil. 

I have met Mormons in every quarter of the globe. They 
are sent out to proselyte and tell the poor and ignorant that 
they may come to the United States with their expenses paid, 
and settle in the New World paradise free with milk and 
honey, where head and heartache are unknown. 

The Salt Lake city suggests a bodily and financially per- 
secuted race of Gentiles, government rebellion, and degraded 
and dishonored mothers, wives and sisters. 

For years this fair valley of Utah was an Aceldema of 
blood, poured out by the Gentile-destroying Danites and the 
hacking Hickman butchers. 

THE MORMON BIBLE 

I HE Mormon Bible is said to have required at least 
two men to write it, the Mormon prophet and his 
son, Moroni. It is supposed to be a resume of Amer^ 
ican history from the time the tongues went crazy 
at the towers of Babel until 420 A. D. It seems this period of 




ON THE WARPATH 221 

history is not included in the complete historical works of our 
American writers, Bancroft, Ridpath and others. Bancroft 
certainly put a ban on this date, and Ridpath rid his course 
of this disconnected, disconcerted bunk. I have a copy of 
this holy book which I brought from Utah years ago, and I 
have placed it in the poor fiction section of my library, because 
there is no literary or spiritual value in it. 

We are gravely informed that this Book of Mormon is a 
translation of a volume that was found buried in a stone box 
on Cumorah Hill, near Manchester, N. Y., and was printed for 
the public in 1830. More precious than ancient papyrus or 
vellum manuscript was this gold-plated one that has enabled 
the Mormon church to pile its tithe collections full of gold and 
running over. In this stone strong-box of Cumorah this gold 
mummy manuscript was exhumed. It consisted of gold plates, 
8x7 inches in size, all fastened together by three golden rings. 
The message was recorded on the plates in a sort of reformed 
Egyptian. Arabic in any form is the most difficult of any 
language, so its meaning was interpreted by the use of two 
crystals, called Urim and Thummim, that were set like spec- 
tacles in a silver bowl. 

For size, this book is as large as the Old Testament, and 
by some profane Gentiles is regarded as a travesty on it, while 
its contents are thought to be in substance an unprinted ro- 
mance entitled^ ' The Found Manuscript," by a Mr. Solomon 
Spaulding. It fell into the hands of Sidney Rigdon and was 
copied and communicated to Joe Smith. "We '* non-elect," 
uninitiated sinners are told in a simple speech that this repro- 
duction was the result of a subconscious hypnotic state under 
the influence of the quartz crystals. So, there you have it, and 
I hope you understand it better than I do. Barnum was right 
when he echoed Puck's sentiment of **fools" loving to be 
humbugged. 

The Mormon Bible is a hodge-podge potpourri from Old 
and New Testaments and many other book quotations — a Bible 
burlesque and a dose of unliterary laudanum. I spare my 
readers any quotations. Mark Twain said that if Joseph 
Smith composed this book the act was a miracle ; at any rate, 
it was a miracle that he kept awake while he did it. There are 



222 ON THE WARPATH 

fifteen books in this Bible that in cold type reflect its stupidity 
and ungrammatical inaccuracy. I am quite sure the book has 
been little read by Mormons, Judged by their actions, for its 
writings at least do not sanction their many acts of profligacy 
and rebellion. Some Mormons use our King James Bible, but 
regard it as so scrappy and incomplete that they add their own 
Mormon Bible as containing much valuable truth not found 
in the Jewish or Christian Scriptures. 



OLD BKIGHAM YOUNG 



BRIGHAM YOUNG achieved the honor of being the sec 
ond president of the Mormon church and the founder 
of Utah. In 1801 he was born in Whittingham, Vt., 
the Green Mountain state, and he was far from being 
green. In earlier years he was a carpenter and painter, and 
as he pounded nails and daubed with his brush he was all 
unconsciously preparing himself to make a religious platform 
and whiten it up so that it would resemble a sanctuary, though 
it might be a real whited sepulchre. Moved by a restless 
spirit, he changed his latitude and longitude, and went to 
Meridian, N. Y., where in 1832 he was perverted and con- 
verted to Mormonism. Though always Young, he became an 
elder, and, with the idea of being identified sooner or later 
with a big family, he joined himself to Joseph Smith, at Kirt- 
land, Ohio, and was sent on a missionary tour to Canada. 

The one and two night stands were prosperous. Good or 
not, he made good officially, and became one of the twelve 
apostles in 1835. Whether he was like the original James, 
John or Judas, practical, spiritual or mostly financial, has 
been the subject of much ink and breath. When it happened 
that Thomas Marsh got into the swamp of apostasy, and his 
friend, Joe Smith, was barred by being thrown into jail by 
government authorities in Missouri, who were not pleased with 
his religious exhibit. Young ordered the Marsh brig to be 
manned, the Mormons to get aboard, and sailed for Illinois, 
where they landed and founded the town of Nauvoo, situated 
in a fertile, fruit-growing district — ' 'fertility" being the 



ON THE WARPATH 223 

watchword of the faith. Here in 1840 he was chosen president 
of the apostles. 

For six years Brigham and his followers built up their 
colony, but their brand of morals was a little too raw for the 
surrounding natives, who told them to walk out or they would 
kick them out. So the Mormons went, leaving their Temple, 
which became an interesting pile of ruins, to the visitor. 

Parleying with Parley Pratt, he starred in the publication 
known as the ''Millennial Star" that shot out its silver ray 
sentiment into thousands of sentimental souls. Brigham Young 
intended to hitch his wagon or ox-cart to a star, and when 
Smith was called from earth to get what was coming to him 
yonder he planned to become the head of the Mormon church, 
and won the position by giving his spiritual opponent, Sidney 
Rigdon, an upper-cut that knocked him down and counted him 
out. 

Westward the star of empire had been leading, and when 
Young was told by his Nauvoo neighbors to ''go west" he 
went, standing not on the order of his going, and headed his 
emigrant train to the valley of the great Salt Lake. 

In July, 1847, he founded Salt Lake City, and two years 
later organized the state of Deseret. Young was his name 
and nature. He pushed ahead, and by formal choice was elect- 
ed first president of the church. Working the old game of 
church and state, politics and religion, he was appointed the 
governor of Utah, and the Mormons of Utah have been in 
state and national government ever since, from Young to 
Smoot. The name Deseret was discarded, but not the nature 
of the colony Brigham Young planted there. 

Things prospered, but became monotonous. Brigham 
Young, like Alexander, sighed for new worlds to conquer, 
worlds of feminine heart to love and rule. So, one morning in 
1852, after a lonely night's restless sleep, he called his faithful 
followers around him and told them he had some sad news 
from heaven to tell them, namely, that he had received a 
wireless from above, a plain revelation on "celestial mar- 
riage," or polygamy, or "plural wives" — such a revelation 
as had been given to his friend. Smith, in 1843. Said Smith 
was not present to defend himself. As dead, he could not 



224 ON THE WARPATH 

be summoned from a higher to a lower court, but Mrs. Smith, 
the widow, and her sons testified that it was a dirty lie ; that 
the husband and father was devout and decent and had all 
he could do and wanted to do to care for the one wife and 
children by her. At once there was an uproar and a division. 
The church split wide open as Guatemala after the earthquake, 
and one of Smith's sons headed a number of seceders. 

According to true history the course of Mormon love 
never did run very smooth. About this time Brigham doubled 
up one fist in a threatening attitude against the U. S., placed 
his fingers disrespectfully to his nose, and growing bad and 
bold in 1856 formed a mob which jimmied and jammed its way 
into the U. S. District court room and told his honor the judge 
to adjourn and sit elsewhere. 

Brigham Young, like a good heathen, was a law to him- 
self, made a Sinai of his Wasatch mountains and legislated 
his own shalls and shall nots. He and his grew Caesar-great 
on the fat beef they fed on, became impudent, arrogant and 
high-handed, until President Buchanan appointed Alfred Cum- 
mings governor of Utah, and in 1857 dispatched a force of 
2500 troops under Gen. J. S. Johnston to bring Brigham 
Young to terms of submission and order. Naturally Brigham 
and his followers were up in arms and wanted to fight, but he 
knew he was wrong, that he didn't even have the might of a 
force to make right what was wrong, so he gave in and gave 
up, laid down his arms and received the government 's pardon. 

Brigham believed in educating his children. Because they 
were so many and noisy in his homes, he founded many 
schools and the University of Deseret. As there were many 
mouths to be fed, he became active in promoting agriculture. 
Anxious to have rapid transit to visit darling wife number 
one, or seven of his seventeen varieties, or to get away from 
the jealous hate of the other sixteen, he was active in the 
construction of the Utah Central and other railways. 

In the building of the famous Mormon Temple he was the 
prime mover to collect the money and the material. Many 
are the widely different opinions heaven-high and hell-deep 
of Brigham Young, yet without doubt all must crown him 
with the laurel of this compliment and tribute, that he squared 



ON THE WARPATH 225 

his creed and his conduct, his faith and his works, that he 
was a good divine who followed his own instruction, that 
what he preached Sunday he practised Monday, that he 
preached polygamy and practised it. We have a known record 
of his seventeen widows and forty-two children — a conserva- 
tive estimate — only God knows how many more there were on 
the side of each. Poor man! No, he died rich August 29th, 
1877, at the ripe age of 76, leaving between two and three mil- 
lions of cold cash to warm the hearts of his family and fol- 
lowers. If by any chance he is in heaven today he must 
feel lonesome there, for we are told they neither marry there 
nor are given in marriage. 



MOUNTAIN MEADOW MASSACRE 

|F the reader's taste for quiet reading in literature 
has been blunted or staled by the daily press re- 
ports of German Hun atrocities, I can play the part of 
the Hamlet ghost and tell a tale of Mormon mur- 
der that will harrow his soul and freeze his young blood. 

In the year 1857 a party of 170 emigrants, well-to-do and 
anxious to better their condition, started from Arkansas and 
Missouri for California far across the mountains. There was 
no Pullman for them, but a train of ox-wagons or prairie 
schooners. The way was long, hot and dusty, a savage climate 
by day, savage wolves by night, and fatigue and hunger all 
the time for the men as well as the women and children. The 
supplies soon ran low and when the emigrants reached Utah 
they attempted to get food just like other emigrant trav- 
ellers, but they were denied. Why? Because of no money, 
because they were not needy? No, because Brigham Young 
told his Mormon followers that he would sentence them to 
death if they gave food, clothing, medicine or any help to 
these needy emigrants. And why this cruel order? Because 
Brigham Young was angry, since a furious husband in 
Arkansas had killed Elder Pratt of the Mormon Church who 
had stolen his wife, taken her to Utah and Mormonized her. 
Faint and yet pursuing they came to the famous, infamous 




226 ONTHEWARPATH 

place, Mountain Meadow. It was here the red-handed Indians 

savagely attacked them, but they barricaded themselves, 

fought and were safe. Then like the Assyrian wolf that 

came down on the fold, the Mormon militia attacked them, 

but love for wife and child nerved the emigrant to repel 

them. Self-made prisoners, they needed water from the spring 

just outside their stockade. One day they dressed two of 

their little girls in white and sent them for water believing 

they would be safe. But these dear little things had gone 

but a few steps when there was a flash, a roar from the 
Mormon militia and the white dresses and the pale faces 
were all splashed with blood and they sank never to rise. 
Then the emigrants made the sign of distress, sent a petition 
to the Mormons signed by the Odd Fellows and the Masons 
to brother Mormon members of their particular lodge. One 
venerable Methodist raised his prayerful voice and hands in 
blessing over the heads of three emigrant men who bravely 
volunteered to go and present the petition for relief, but they 
too were shot down just like dogs. Pitying God, was there 
no help! Age-long hours passed, heads and hearts were 
aching and breaking, when one day some Mormon wagons 
approached the stockade, bearing a white flag of truce and 
declaring that if the emigrants would only surrender and lay 
down their arms, they might walk out unharmed and be at 
perfect liberty. 

First came the men, then the women and the children. 
They gladly marched out of the barricade, when at a signal 
the old and the young, the men and the women, the parents 
and the children were murdered by the Mormon militia with 
guns and knives. All were butchered but a few children 
thought to be too young to tell the awful story. The emigrant 
women who were too old or too weak to walk, were dragged 
out to where their dead were, were stripped naked of their 
clothing, shot dead and piled up in heaps. Then the mur- 
derous Mormons took the emigrant's jewelry, clothing, stock 
and wagons to the amount of over $300,000, and went home 
to read their Mormon Bible and praise their gods Brigham 
Young and Joe Smith for their great victory. 



ON THE WAHPATH 227 

This is history. After 15 years, when John D. Lee the 
Mormon Bishop was on trial in court, he testified that in this 
massacre of the emigrants he was only acting on orders from 
headquarters, and that Brigham Young had given orders 
how the property of the murdered was to be distributed. It 
is said that years later when Brigham Young visited the 
scene of the murder and learned that the U. S. Government 
officers had gathered up the bones of the murdered emigrants, 
buried them and placed a head board over the big grave 
with the inscription, **Vengance is mine; I will repay saith 
the Lord," he gave orders to have it torn down. What devil 
more damned in evils! To see this spot and recall its blood 
makes one think in the words of David's imprecatory Psalms, 
or repeat Milton's sonnet, ** Avenge, Lord, thy slaughtered 
saints. 



If 




BONES 

T Salt Lake City we called on some of the first 
settlers and citizens of Utah. They resided in the 
Deseret Museum in the Cliff-Dweller section. These 
mummies were brown and black. From their 
cramped position with their heads on their knees, their long 
arms wrapped around their fleshless shins, one would have 
thought they had slept and died in a high cliff bed that was 
no larger or more comfortable than an upper in a Pullman. 
Scattered among the cliff-dwelling fabrics, weapons, baskets, 
pottery, ornaments and implements that had been buried with 
the bodies, were rows of sweetly smiling skulls and heaps 
of yellow bones. 

My earliest recollection of bones is when I went to the 
butcher shop; when I played the game of ** shinny", a kind 
of hockey, and was struck on the shins; when I took a pair 
of rib-roast bones, scraped and polished them like clapper 
bones and rattled them like the end man in the minstrel 
show; when I studied anatomy at school, learned what my 
bones were made of and found they were principally used 
as a kind of frame or rack on which to hang my flesh. 



228 ON THE WARPATH 

Later, on the street, I learned other meanings of the word 
*'bone." To *'bone" a man meant to hold a man up and beg 
for something; to ''pick a bone" was to engage in a fight of 
words; to ''make no bones" of a thing was to go the limit 
with no scrupple. "Bones" might mean silver dollars, and 
when a boy or girl was said to be a "bag of bones" it was 
another way of saying they were mostly skin and skeleton. 

In literature I read Byron's lines to a "Skull" which he 
used as a wine-cup, "Redeemed from worms and wasting 
clay"; Baudelaire's, "Dance of Death", where the tall skele- 
ton smiled with its thirty-two white teeth and called the 
living dancers "musk-scented skeletons"; Keat's verse of the 
ship made of dead men's bones, a phantom gibbet for a mast, 
shrouds for sails, groans for breezes, and the cordage, "up- 
rootings from skull of bald Medusa." Sir Thomas Browne 
philosophized on bones in his "Urn Burial", and Blair, in 
"The Grave", paints the glowing horrors of the tomb, "The 
appointed place of rendezvous where all travellers meet." 

In travel I have often said what Hamlet did when he 
picked up the skull of his friend, "Alas! poor Yorick." In 
the catacomb chapel of Malta I have seen the skulls and bones 
of 2000 crusaders; wandered through the catacombs of Rome 
with its remains of Christian dead; gazed at the bones of 
the "eleven thousand virgins" in the church of St. Ursula at 
Cologne; lunched in the "Cafe of Death" at Paris where 
I had a coffin for a table and a skull for a cup; stared at 
Pizzarro's bones at Lima, Peru; tramped on the mosaic pave- 
ment of Chilean bones at Callao ; stumbled over bones of 
priests who had been hung in a church crypt in Guatemala; 
and stood with reverence at Stratford at Shakespeare's grave 
which bears the inscription. 



<( 



Blest be the man that spares these stones, 
And curst be he that moves my bones." 

Some people spend most of their time and money when 
alive for the burial and care of the bones when dead. Souls 
dead in sin worship the bones of some reputed saint, and 
enthusiastic lovers of poets and patriots make Meccas of ceme- 



ON THE WARPATH 229 

teries and cast wreaths of flowers on the graves of the heroes 
beneath, whose bones have returned to their original dust. 

The Bible has much to say of "bones" in the Old and 
New Testament, and never with more imagery or emphasis 
than when Ezekiel prophesied. He lived nearly 600 years be- 
fore Christ, when Nebuchadnezzar ruled in Babylon, Pharoah 
Hophra swayed Egypt, the ''Seven Wise Men" flourished in 
Greece, Tarquinius Priscus haughtily stalked through Rome, 
Solon made laws at Athens, Sappho wrote her poems of pas- 
sion, Aesop his fables and Pythagoras his philosophy. 

Ezekiel was the Dante of the Bible. His vision of ** bones" 
in the valley was as impressive and symbolic as his parables 
of the wheel within wheels, the cherubim, watchman, moun- 
tains, temple, cedar and eagle, and death of his wife. 

Judah had forsaken Jehovah and Jehovah forsook Judah 
and gave her over to her enemies. The Jews were captive and 
in exile and paying the penalty of their willful wrong doing. 
Nothing could save them but a ''new heart" and life — the 
only salvation of individual or national life today. 

The valley of dead, dry bones Ezekiel saw in vision sym- 
bolized the dead Hebrew nation. Israel was sordid and selfish. 
With her loss of religion, its ideals and call to duty, all high 
incentive and endeavor in life, liberty and loyalty, had van- 
ished. "And He said unto me, 'Son of man, can these bones 
liver And I answered, '0, Lord God, thou knowest.' " 

This world is a bone yard and illustrates the prophet's 
vision of the long ago. Bones are here, there and everywhere, 
not only of the dead and unburied on European battle-fields, 
but in America. Here we find ossified hearts in business, 
boneheads in education, skeletons in home closets, corpses 
gibbering and gesticulating in the pulpits, "stiffs" stretched 
out in the pews, numskulls on the way to political office, 
and "dead ones" already in who haven't sense enough to 
get out and get buried. 

Ezekiel, in his vision, was called to prophesy to the dead 
bones that they would live ; that flesh, sinews and skin would 
cover them, that breath would come from the "four winds" 
and God would put his spirit in them; and that they would 
live and return from exile and find place in their own land. 



230 ONTHEWARPATH 

Don't be a dead one. Physically, our bodies are made up 
from substances of earth, air and water. Mentally, the wis- 
dom of the ages has come into our minds. Spiritually, the 
power of a mother's Bible and father's God has come into 
our souls. It is for us to look to Ezekiel's God who created 
us and can bring us to newness of life as individuals and 
a nation. 



NO MAN'S LAND 



WOMEN in Utah have the men's right to vote. I was 
not surprised at the station to see a devoted female 
in blue overalls, mopping the floors and her brow 
and cleaning and polishing the cuspidors until they 
outshone the angel Moroni balancing himself on the Temple 
top and blowing his inspiring blast. 

We left Salt Lake in the afternoon, saw the saline sea 
shining like molten silver in the sun, and the clouds of smoke 
from the chimneys of the Bingham Copper Camp Smelter, the 
greatest in the world, the smoke swirling and moving as if it 
contained the Genii of power and wealth. 

Now we plunge through native rock, buffalo grass, sage 
bush, mints of mineral, pictures of color, sculpture galleries 
of stone and deserts irrigated into oases. We careen through 
a chaos of Titanic rocks that look like those Milton's angel 
Michael threw at Satan. Echo Canyon echoed the toot-toot 
of our train. In fable. Echo haunts quiet vales and flowery 
nooks — she is out of place in this wild canyon with its Spirit 
of thunder tone. The wind blew a blast through Bugle 
Canyon that set the echoes flying. Rocks loomed right and 
left of us, threatening to fall and we hoped Atlas would 
not shrug his shoulders and so tilt the earth as to topple 
these boulders on our train. Castle Rock stood defiant, not 
yet succumbed to the legion attack of the centuries. Then we 
passed Cathedral Rock which the great Architect had founded 
and fashioned as a shrine where the enthusiastic, nature- 
loving traveler might worship. Pulpit Rock rose 100 feet 
high, a fitting place for another sermon on the Mount by 



ON THE WARPATH 231 

that Prince of Preachers who for substance, style, sweetness, 
sublimity and spirituality, spake never as man. We were in 
'Frisco the day the first stone ship was launched — ^here we 
saw a stone ship 600 feet high launched in the air and resting 
like an adamantine Ark on this Utah Ararat. The Romans 
catapaulted stones against their enemies — ^here loomed the 500 
foot precipice whence the Mormons had planned to roll the 
rocks over and down on the heads of the U. S. troops, but 
were foiled because the soldiers halted this side of the stage 
road. 

The scenery was gorgeous, at times our train was swal- 
lowed in some tunnel and then disgorged. Here was a giant 
studio where some Titan Angelo or Rodin had sculptured 
and strewn around many colossal figures and torsos. One's 
imagination and fancy, acting as critics, found much to 
admire. Here Shelley could write another **Alastor", spirit 
of solitude. It must be among these mountains that the Olym- 
pian gods were banished, for it is a place fit only for immor- 
tals. Human beings seem frightfully out of place, and I would 
not have been surprised to read a sign on one of the rocks, 
** Notice to Mortals — No Trespassing Here." 

Night came and blotted out with inky darkness all this 
grandeur, tired nature invited to sleep, sleep at a time and 
place when we should have had a hundred open eyes. Peter 
slept on the Mount of Transfiguration when more than any 
other time in his life he should have been wide awake. Night 
and day the same, I have seen travelers with closed eyes, and 
open mouths yawning like the caverns the train was passing 
through, or with their face buried in a paper or book reading 
some bad or brainless stufP, shutting out all the sublime 
scenery they were passing through. This scenery is all too 
big and grand to be seen but once or twice. I envy the 
engineer and trainmen who pass through here year after year. 
It is a melancholy reflection on humanity that sublime moun- 
tain scenery will put the traveler to sleep hours earlier than 
if he were in a city or on a plain. Whether it be the Alps, 
Andes, Himalayas or Rockies, people are oppressed, go to bed 
early and get up late. I know this for I am an illustration 
of the fact. 



232 ONTHEWARPATH 

BILL NYE'S TERRITORY 

AT the Cheyenne station lunch counter a Gertrude of 
Wyoming, not the poet Campbell's, served us with 
some hot Campbell's soup. This and some car grease 
from the tracks made an impression in and on us so 
that our stomach was hot and our speech fiery. Cheyenne 
is 6000 feet high and has the reputation of some high old 
times. It is the center of the cattle country and bears the 
name of the ** Magic City.'' I knew it was a wild west town 
because as we pulled out we saw the tents of a wild west 
show and its gilded chariots. Cheyenne is the terminus for 
the railroads and the hang-out for ticket and cow punchers. 
Bill Nye put Cheyenne on the map and gave it a place in 
*'The Sun" with his bright newspaper remarks. However, 
the inhabitants here looked sad — was it because of his un- 
appreciated humor, or the come-back of what he wrote for the 
Laramie Wyoming Boomerang? Is it possible that Bill received 
his dry humor from this parched, dusty plain? His humor 
was farcical and he doubtless received much of his breeziness 
from this lively town. His grins were broad as the plains 
round about and one is compelled to laugh when he does no 
more than recall the titles of his ''The Forty Liars," ''Bailed 
Hay," "Comic History of the U. S." and "Bill Nye's Thinks." 



MY "WILD WEST" ALPHABET 

Apache Trail, Autos, Aeroplanes 

Beaches, Bathers, Boulevards 

Climate, Canyons, Cactus, Cafeterias, Catalina, Chinks 

Deserts, Dancing, Drink, Dress 

Enterprise, Expense 

Fruits, Flowers, Forests, Farming, Fishing 

Gold, Gambling, Gardens, Gladness 

Horse Races, Hunting, Hospitality 

Indian Schools, Industry, I. W. W.'s, Invalids 

Japs, Jingos, Journalism 

Kinemas, Knitting, Knaves 



ON THE WARPATH 233 

Love, Liberty, Luxuries, Land-sharks, Lumber, Lakes 

Mountains, Missions, Murderous Mexicans, Mining 

New Orleans, Naval Stations 

Ocean, Orange Carnival, Oregon, Oil 

Prehistoric Cliff -Dwellings, Petrified Forests 

Quacks, Quakes 

Roosevelt Dam, Resorts, Ranches, Rivers, Religions 

Ship-building, Strikes, Sailors, Soldiers 

Tourists, Texas Border Troubles 

Utah Mormons 

Valleys, Vanity, Vice, Virtue 

Whale-fishing, Woman-suffrage 

'Xploiters, 'Xaggeration 

Yellowstone, Yosemite, Yachting, Yuma 

Zeal, Zephyrs 



HOT AIR 

[N Nebraska we found schools planted along the road 
like corn, the state devoting itself to culture and agri- 
culture. Are the cattle on these rolling plains rolling 
stock? There are bad lands and sand hills, but good 
sugar beets are raised. For one day a dirt-blizzard blew giving 
samples of the soil. I imagined Nebraska's favorite and elo- 
quent son, Bryan, was making dry speeches for the state. 

As we ploughed through fertile Iowa I recalled the time 
when, as a young man, I served three years in the penitentiary 
town of Anamosa, as pastor of the Baptist church, and learned 
to preach by practising on the people. Next came Illinois, 
famous for its prairies, professors, patriots, politics, pigs, and 
profiteers, and we stepped out into the windy, wealthy, wicked 
and only Chicago. There was time to visit the Sunday Taber- 
nacle, where ^' Billy'* picked up his religious baseball bat and 
made a smashing hit that scored a home-run for good and 
God ; and the big Municipal Pier, that graft monument where 
the yellow Michigan waves dashed over the breakwater 
as if to wash out traces of crookedness. Our globe-trotting 
girl friends, Theiss and Poisal, invited us to rest and refresh- 





234 ONTHEWARPATH 

ment in Peacock Alley, where food, fashion and femininity were 
garnished and garbed in latest style. Then it was Good-night 
Chicago and Good-morning Minneapolis. 



INDICTED 

ARRIVED in ample time to be indicted for sending 
an "obscene" book, "The Devil in Mexico," through 
the mails. 

The Federal Grand Jury met April 2, 1918, and was 
dismissed on the following Monday, April 8th, late in the af- 
ternoon. From a conversation I later had with one of the 
jurymen, I learned that no bill had been brought in Saturday 
night (April 6th) and that the matter was considered closed. 
However, on Monday, the day the jury was dismissed, U. S. 
District Attorney Alfred Jacques reopened the case, libellously 
attacked my book by saying it was "obscene," and an indict- 
ment was brought against me. The following day I was ar- 
raigned. In connection with this it may be well to know that 
John Lind had just arrived from Washington the last of the 
week (April 5th or 6th), and was closeted with U. S. District 
Attorney Alfred Jacques, in his (Lind's) office the day before 
my arraignment. Was this coincidence or collusion? 



A JAUNDICED JURY 






YOU might as well take the verdict of a blind man on a 
picture and of a deaf man on a symphony, as the 
judgment of any man or body of men, who pass sen- 
tence on my "Devil in Mexico," who have never trav- 
eled abroad; are not students of art or literature; and are 
prejudiced against me because of my Protestant faith and Re- 
publican politics. 

The immortal Elbert Hubbard, who went down on the 
Lusitania, was my associate pastor in the People's Church. 
He gave this conservative estimate and definition of a jury — 



ON THE WARPATH 235 

1. The stupidity of one brain multiplied by twelve. 

2. A collection of sedentary owls. 

3. The humble apology of Civilization to savagery, e. g., 

''What ever exists may be touched, but a jury is an 
exception to this universal law — it must be reached.'* 

The word "jury" is related to the Latin word ''jurare" 
which means to swear, and many people who have had any- 
thing to do with a jury feel like swearing. From the verdicts 
of some juries in court, one is led to believe it is derived from 
the word ''injurious." 

What is a jury? Let Mark Twain answer in words which 
apply to many juries whether Petit, Grand or Federal: "Al- 
fred the Great, when he invented trial by jury, and knew that 
he had admirably framed it to secure justice in his age of the 
world, was not aware that in the nineteenth century the condi- 
tion of things would be so entirely changed that unless he rose 
from the grave and altered the jury plan to meet the emer- 
gency, it would prove the most ingenious and infallible agency 
for defeating justice that human wisdom could contrive. For 
how could he imagine that we simpletons would go on using 
his jury plan after circumstances had stripped it of its use- 
fulness, any more than he could imagine that we would use 
his candle-clock after we had invented chronometers? In his 
day news could not travel fast, and hence he could easily 
find a jury of honest, intelligent men who had not heard of 
the case they were called to try — but in our day of telegraphs 
and newspapers his plan compels us to swear in juries com- 
posed of fools and rascals, because the system rigidly excludes 
honest men and men of brains. The jury system puts a ban on 
intelligence and honesty and a premium upon ignorance, stu- 
pidity and perjury. Why could not the jury law be so altered 
as to give men of brains and honesty an equal chance with fools 
and miscreants?" 

The word "verdict" means to speak the truth, but many 
lying juries have brought in jingo judgments and false find- 
ings. Later centuries have appealed for a verdict and the 
judgment has been reversed. Aristides is no longer ostracized, 
but welcomed as "just"; Socrates was poisoned for "impiety," 
but his philosophy still lives ; Christ from the beginning of his 



236 ON THE WARPATH 

trial, was not regarded as innocent but guilty and was cruci- 
fied, yet heaven's court has reversed an earthly court's de- 
cision and made Him the centre of the world's thought and 
hope. 



PUTRID POLITICS 



DEMOCRATIC politics objected to my Mexico book, 
blinded justice and tipped the scales in the Adminis- 
tration's favor with false accusation. "Honest John" 
Lind, whose patron saint must be "honest lago", did 
not like to have his political mask torn off. A truthful his- 
torian cannot tell the story of Christianity without referring 
to Judas ; or of the War of the Revolution without mentioning 
Benedict Arnold; or of the Rebellion and not allude to Jeffer- 
son Davis. How could I honestly write my "Devil in Mexico" 
and not refer to John Lind? 

The Devil did a big day's work when he made some poli- 
ticians with their Protean shape and chameleon color. Politics 
is largely a question of ins and outs, a puppet show with hands 
behind pulling the wires. How often we find incompetent, il- 
literate and iniquitous men put in office to represent parties of 
which it may be said each one is worse than the other. 

Politicians come and go, are elected or defeated, but God 
remains. Men move their pawns, castles and knights on his- 
ory's chess board and push them off, but the King of Kings 
rules. Providence "rules man's wrath and restrains its re- 
mainder." Back of Babylon, Assyria, Egypt, Greece and 
Rome — back of Alexander, Caesar and Napoleon — back of 
Marathon, Waterloo, Bunker Hill, and Gettysburg, Marne and 
Verdun are the divine deliberations and decrees of Jehovah. 

The most pernicious proverb in politics is, "The voice of 
the people is the voice of God." Its truth was denied by 
heathen Cicero, who said, "It is most absurb to suppose that 
all the things are just which are found in the enactments and 
institutions of a state." 

When Israel demanded a king to rule over them, it not only 
displeased the prophet Samuel, but the Lord. Saul became 



ON THE WARPATH 237 

king and with his rule brought head, back and heart ache. It 
had been well for Irsael if the minority and not the majority 
had ruled. No number of wrong-headed and vile-hearted men 
ever made anything or anybody right. 

It is an accepted maxim that the will of the majority must 
be accepted and maintained, but the sentiment is often dan- 
gerous and destructive. If the majority is right, very good — 
if it is wrong, very bad. The great majority of men in this 
world are against God in their aims and lives and that means 
that the majority are against purity, truth, righteousness and 
godliness. The best and most religious work has been done by 
minorities and martyrs who believed that one with God was 
a majority. According to the enthusiasm of the hour it is 
easy to get a majority for anybody or anything. The Roman 
emperor secured a majority, in the Roman Senate, that Christ 
and not Jupiter should be the god of the Romans, but the 
vote was a hollow mockery. The religion of the pure, peaceful 
and lowly Nazarene never became the religion of the Roman 
Empire. 

What we need today in business, law, politics and theology 
is that every man should have a conviction and the courage 
to back it, and as God helps him, to stand for it, work for it, 
vote for it, fight for it, even if he stands alone. It is easy to 
go with the majority down stream, it is hard to row against it 
alone. 



"OBSCENE" CLASSICS 

THE Federal Grand Jury that indicted me for sending 
through the mail a ''filthy, obscene, lascivious, inde- 
cent and lewd" book, "The Devil in Mexico," should 
now get busy and indict the National Geographic 
Magazine, Travel Magazine and publishers of art gallery cata- 
logues for their pictures ; newspapers, fiction and fashion peri- 
odicals for their stories and advertisements; and publishers 
of Sexology books for their contents. These censors should 
turn their attention now to the works of the following *' inde- 
cent" writers which are not only sent through the mails, but 




238 ON THE WARPATH 

are found in all **good" public and private libraries and are 
the mental and moral food devoured in school and college : 

Aristotle, Aeschylus, Aristophanes, Anacreon, Apuleius, Arios- 
to, Addison, Arabian Nights. 

Bible, Balzac, Buffon, Baudelaire, Bancroft, Bion, Boccaccio, 
Butler, Burton, Bacon, Bunyan, Boileau, Beaumont, Bul- 
wer, Burns, Byron. 

Cervantes, Catullus, Caesar, Cicero, Chaucer, Calderon, 
Churchill, Chesterfield, Congreve. 

Dante, Dekker, Dryden, Defoe, Donne, Diderot, Daudet, Du- 
mas, Darwin, Dickens. 

Euripides, Epicurus, Evelyn. 

Fielding, Fletcher, Ford, Farquhar, Flaubert. 

Goethe, Gibbon, Gay, Greene, Goldsmith, Gautier. 

Homer, Herodotus, Horace, Herrick, Heyvs^ood, Hugo, Heine, 
Hardy. 

Ibsen. 

Juvenal, Jonson. 

Keats, Kock, Kyd, Kipling. 

Lucian, Livy, Lucretius, La Fontaine, La Bruyere, La Roche- 
foucauld, Le Sage, Landor, Lamb, Luther. 

Milton, Martial, Montaigne, Montesquieu, Machiavelli, Moliere, 
Marlowe, Middleton, Moore, Massinger, Musset, More, 
Maupassant, Merimee. 

Nash, Nye. 

Ovid, Otway. 

Plato, Plutarch, Petronius, Propertius, Persius, Plautus, Pe- 
trarch, Peele, Pope, Pepys, Prior, Prescott. 

Quarles. 

Rabelais, Rochester, Rousseau, Richter, Rossetti. 

Shakespeare, Socrates, Simonides, Sophocles, Sappho, Seneca, 
Suetonius, Sallust, Scarron, Skelton, Savage, Sue, Sand, 
Sedley, Shadwell, Shirley, Smollett, Sheridan, Steele, 
Sterne, Swedenborg, Saxe, Schopenhauer, Shelley, Swift, 
Swinburne, Shaw. 

Tacitus, Theocritus, Tibullus, Terence, Thucydides, Tourneur, 
Taine, Taylor, Tolstoi, Thackeray, Twain. 

Urquhart, Udall. 



ON THE WARPATH 239 



Virgil, Villon, Voltaire, Vanbrugh, Verlaine. 

Webster, Wycherley, Wilde, Whitman. 

Xenophon. 

Young. 

Zola. 



BIGOTED CENSORS 



^ 



LONG before you and I were born there were persecut- 
ing senseless censors. Whenever they found a book 
that criticized government or religion or they dis- 
agreed with the author, they threw his books into 
the fire and sometimes the author met the same warm recep- 
tion. 

Tacitus tells us that the history of Crementius Cordus was 
condemned by the Roman Senate, to flatter Tiberius, because 
it designated Caius Cassius as the last of the Romans. Euse- 
bius informs us how Diocletian caused copies of the Scriptures 
to be burned. The early Christian church showed the intoler- 
ance of the heathen in preventing or destroying books alleged 
to be injurious to the faith. In the time of the Reformation, 
when the people demanded books, the civil authorities exerted 
the severest censorship until later the demand for freedom 
brought the liberty of the press. 

The repression of free discussion was held to be such a 
necessary part of government that even Sir Thomas More in 
his Utopia makes it punishable with death for a private indi- 
vidual to criticize the ruling power. Milton protested against 
an ordinance of the Star Chamber and in 1643 declared, ''Give 
me liberty to know, to utter, and to argue freely according to 
conscience above all other liberties.'* The same censor spirit 
that burned Pascal's ''Provinciales" prevented the represen- 
tation of Moliere's *'Tartuffe" in public. 

The books of Protagoras were burned and he was banished 
by the judges of the Areopagus for a discourse begun by de- 
claring that he did not know ''whether there were gods, or 
whether not." The early church demanded the right to hold 
the keys of the press as well as Paradise so that it might burn 



240 ON THE WARPATH 

or prohibit any books it disliked. In Milton's day there were 
literary obstetricians to kill a new book at birth or abortion it 
before it saw the light. 

Queen Elizabeth essayed some literary dictatorship. In- 
stead of a blue pencil she used the sword. Disliking one author 
and his publisher, she had their right hands cut off. Falling 
out with another, she had him hanged. 

The invention of printing was hailed as the evangel of 
liberty, but those who hated both immediately placed a guard 
to watch the author and the children of his brain. 

Rome threatened the readers of Wickliffe, Huss and Luther 
with death. Books were banned and authors burnt. In- 
dividual disapproval of a book found official prohibition in the 
Council of Trent. Then followed the inquisitors of men and 
books, the Index and Expurgatory Index of what people should 
or should not read. In Spain and Portugal it was necessary 
for a book to pass through six or seven courts before it could 
be published. Nani's '^History of Venice" was permitted to 
see print because it said nothing against princes who were 
supposed then to be immaculate. Henry VIII was a warm 
baby, but it would seem the atmosphere was very chilly at 
times for many books were burned. In Edward's day Roman 
Catholic works were burned, and Mary is said to have had 
pyramids of Protestant volumes to fire. In the time of Eliza- 
beth political pamphlets made good fuel for the flames. 

Giles Fletcher was a Russian ambassador who was for- 
tunate enough to bring his head back on his shoulders from 
the land of the Czar. He wrote a book entitled, *'The Rus- 
sian Commonwealth," describing the outrage and tyranny of 
the country, but Queen Elizabeth prohibited the publishing of 
the work. 

Milton called Knox *'the reformer of a kingdom", yet few 
know what hard knocks Knox got from the perfunctory li- 
censers of his day. 

The profane censor knife was applied by the Republicans to 
Milton's ''History of England," cutting out a bold picture 
which he had introduced of the Long Parliament and Assembly 
of Divines. The monarchical censors expunged those passages 
in which Milton had portrayed the pride, the cunning and su- 



ON THE WARPATH 241 

perstition of the Saxon monks, because they thought they 
applied to Charles II and the bishops. "Paradise Lost" bare- 
ly escaped these literary emasculators for the simile of Satan, 
compared to the rising sun, was supposed to contain treason- 
able illusion. 

The censor has always been most learned. In Austria a 
work on Trigonometry was not allowed to be printed because 
the critic supposed it referred to the Trinity. Another book 
entitled, ''The Destruction of Insects," was barred because the 
censor insisted the writer had secret allusions and designs on 
the Jesuits. 

Some writers, like Montesquieu, in order to avoid the cen- 
sor, wrote with studied ambiguity and obscurity, and to evade 
local critics, had their works printed in foreign countries. 

The difference between man and animal is speech. The dif- 
ference between democracy and monarchy is the liberty of 
speech. When the liberty to say and print what you think, 
which according to law human and divine you have a right to 
think, by partisan individual censors and political postoffice 
authorities is denied, we may adapt and apply the words of 
Hume and say, ''The liberty of America is gone forever when 
such attempts shall succeed." 

Of the making of books there is no end, and there is no end 
to the number of their destruction by those who hate the 
writer or the contents. The Persians hated the religion of the 
Egyptians and Phoenicians and destroyed their books. The 
Romans burned the books of the Jews, Christians and the phil- 
osophers; the Jews burned the books of the Christians and 
Pagans, and the Christians burned the books of the Pagans 
and Jews. Orthodox Christians showed their loyalty to God 
by burning most of Origen's books. The Christians destroyed 
the great library of Alexandria, and, to this day in bigoted 
cities of Central and South America, the Bible is bonfired. In 
the Middle Ages the monks frequently mutilated and inter- 
polated many of the works of the ancients. They erased some 
of the best Greek and Latin works from the vellum manuscript, 
in order to write their own fool personal histories of some of 
their saints. 



242 ON THE WARPATH 

To drive out Lutheranism from Bohemia, the Jesuits con- 
demned and destroyed all kinds of books, even of antiquity 
and of their own history which the church disliked. 

Two-faced, blockhead censors are always fools with or with- 
out a book, and do not know that error, not truth, needs lawyers 
and censors. They are not refiners and cannot separate gold 
from dross. These critics never know that no book can be bad 
if the conscience that wrote it is pure. 

They belong to the family of Ignorance which has no race 
suicide. Genealogically considered, what an engaging lot the 
members are ! Ignorance begets Suspicion and Suspicion, Cre- 
dulity; Credulity, Falsehood and Falsehood, Murmur; Mur- 
mur begets Malice, and Malice, Impudence ; Impudence, Slan- 
der, and Slander, Execration; Execration begets Bitterness; 
Bitterness, Fury and Fury begets Mischief. 

I am orthodox in my theology, but the more I think about 
these concrete-domed, stony-hearted censors, the more I be- 
lieve they are descended from the rocks Deucalion and Pyrrha 
threw over their shoulders. 



GAG-LAW 



THE First Amendment to the Constitution of the United 
States directs that, ''Congress shall make no law 
abridging the freedom of speech or of the press." 
It might be well for some men in government office 
to read this guarantee of a writer's personal freedom. 

Truth is to be told at all times no matter whom or what 
it concerns. To be silent is to be cowardly, traitorous and 
unpatriotic. What's right will stand — what's wrong will fall 
as it should, and it is for you and for me to prop up or push 
down. Milton echoed for all time, in his defense of the free- 
dom of the press, ''Let truth and error grapple. Who ever 
knew truth to be beaten in a fair fight?" 

We have no kings — ^yet, in this Republic of America — ^there 
can be no lese-majesty when one honestly and constructively 
criticizes an Administration which in whole or part he has 
helped elect, and supports with prayer and money, that it may 
preserve this nation a Lincoln's ideal of government of, by 



ON THE WARPATH 243 

and for the people. It is the spirit of Washington and Lincoln 

to say, *'My country, right or wrong, and if wrong to make it 

right." Since when was this nation turned into a Methodist 

camp meeting when we, infatuated with its leaders, must shout, 

**Amen, Glory to God" to everything they say or do, simply 
because they say or do it, whether it is sensible, right, patriotic 
or not? From the pine on the North to the palmetto on the 
South, the rising sun in the East to its setting in the West, 
this nation is bigger than any man or party of men who 
seek to govern it. When they innocently or intentionally are 
inefficient, and seek to censure or suppress honest patriotic 
criticism because it is unpalatable, a citizen is warranted by 
laws of God and man in having his say without being per- 
secuted, slandered and thrown in jail for it. The government 
does right to punish its known enemies — it does wrong not to 
protect its unjustly suspected friends. 

Nebuchadnezzar was an old king and fool, who not only 
wanted people to submit to his rule, say '*y6s" to all he said, 
but to fall down and worship a golden image that he set up 
in the plain of Dura. If they failed to bow the knee that very 
hour, they were to be cast into the midst of a fiery furnace. 
There were a lot of people who fell for it. Who were they? 
Only God knows. There were three men who defied him, 
claiming the right to serve God according to their own con- 
science, and to tell his royal Nibs they would not serve his 
gods nor worship the golden image which he had set up. 
These heroes have come down the centuries by name, Shad- 
rach, Meshach and Abednego. They were thrown in the fiery 
furnace but Jehovah rescued them. The king business is 
done. The days of Nebuchadnezzar are over. Gold is too 
valuable to be put in the form of an image, and any image 
is too fool a thing for a man to bend the knee before. Every 
four years in America some political idol is enthroned to the 
music of the party cornet, flute, harp, sackbut, psaltery and 
dulcimer, and we are expected to fall down and worship. We 
don't have to — we had rather be right than be president, 
even if we are cast in the fiery furnace of his wrath. 

The ostrich lives in a fool's Paradise when it buries its 
head in the sand. America is a paradise, but its citizens are 



244 ON THE WARPATH 

no fools. We will not obey any man or party which tells ns 
not to see anything it dislikes the looks of; not to hear any- 
thing that disturbs its quiet ; not to believe or talk about any- 
thing that does not flatter the powers that be. 

Partisan Senator Overman broke an ominous silence by 
striding forward in his pontifical political dress to remark, 
''Now is the time for all men to be true and to be silent about 
these matters that we admit to be true.'' Is this man over 
and plus or under and minus ? Let him not lay this flattering 
philosophy of Middle Age gagging to his soul. Women will 
talk, and men will talk, and both have a right to talk about 
the men they elect to office and whose board bills they pay. 
Speech, not silence, has been golden since we entered the war. 
The wisdom which criticized the mistakes of our policy has 
been justified by her children, as seen in the formation of a 
superior war council, larger army, more ships and a move in 
the aeroplane program. Silence is the watchword of the 
tyrant, it is the atmosphere of the grave. What red-blooded 
patriot will keep his mouth shut to save the face of a govern- 
ment which tries to protect its misrepresentatives at Washing- 
ton and so stab our soldier boys in the back in France? Mili- 
taristic Prussian Kaiserism must be killed. We must help 
win the war. Mistakes will be made but they must be seen, 
criticized and eradicated, the men who made them must be 
blacklisted, not whitewashed, the incompetent little fellows in 
big positions must be whirled out of their swivel chair jobs, 
whether A the Administration and B the government Baker 
and C the Creel press administrator like the heathen, do 
**rage," and ''imagine a vain thing." 

If you have anything to say, say it, if not, keep still. The 
apostles had convictions (some of them jail ones) and preached 
and practised them. Interfering with the corrupt lives of the 
people, they were commanded not to preach, but they 
answered, "We ought to obey God rather than man/' and 
the God they obeyed took care of them. 

Dickens' Artful Dodger is neutral in society, religion and 
politics. If he has a conviction he would rather sacrifice it 
than be singular. In time of persecution his motto is, "Good 
Lord, Good Devil." When asked to give a reason for his 



ONTHEWARPATH 245 

belief, he shuts his lips for fear he may say something that 
would cost him a dollar, a friend or a newspaper puff. 

Better have a wrong conviction than none at all. It is 
worse to be dumb than to stutter. Be yourself, choose to be 
somebody and stand for something worth while. Don't be 
buried until you die. Be hot or cold. Boil over or freeze up. 
Avoid that indifferent *' lukewarm" condition which the Bible 
declares God will spew out of his mouth. 

The President told Congress to quit playing politics and 
solemnly declared that politics was adjourned. It is a good 
divine that follows his own instruction, and for presidents 
and ministers to practise what they preach. What about the 
active Democratic opposition to Republican Lenroot in Wis- 
consin, and of Vice-President Marshall who at Indianapolis 
urged the third term nomination of Mr. Wilson? What about 
the attempted suppression of the political utterances of 
Theodore Roosevelt through the mail? What patriotic 
American isn't righteously mad when he sees that the brave 
and brilliant Major General Leonard Wood, respected at 
home and needed in France, is separated from the Division 
of soldiers he has trained and sent back to Camp Funston. 
It is all right to make a shelf out of wood and place some 
heavy responsibilities on it, but it was all wrong to put Wood 
on the shelf, this master of military matters, because of per- 
sonal pique. Ghost of Mars! What a time to show political 
grudge, military jealousy and spite ! 

The unpardonable sin which Scripture solemnly declares 

shall never be forgiven in this world or the world to come, 

has been variously defined. One theory is that of attributing 

the works of Christ to the Devil, another, that of rejecting the 

influence of the Holy Spirit until man is left unaided to go 
his way of destruction. I suggest a third theory — that the 
unpardonable sin in this Administration is to tell the truth 
about it. 



246 ON THE V/ARPATH 



TRUTH, WHERE IS SHE? 



WHERE can truth be found? Democritus says in a well. 
Cynics place her in the moon or at the rainbow's 
end. Some fable that like Astraea, the goddess of 
justice, she left heaven to live with man on earth, 
dwelt with him in the Golden Age, but when his heart became 
stone, his brow brazen, and his tongue an iron bell-clapper to 
ring out lies, she became weary of his iniquities and returned 
to the skies. 

Don't look for truth in diplomatic circles, in profiteering 
politics, in a subsidized press, in dishonest law courts, in 
hypocritical churches, in ulcerous high society, among venal, 
vicious kings or in richly endowed colleges and universities^ 
You will be more apt to find her in dungeons, jails, on scaf- 
folds and gibbets, at the stake and whipping post, in the gar- 
ret, in exile, in rags, filth and poverty, in gutters, in starvation 
and under the lash. You will probably see her wearing 
gyves, not bracelets; not hurrahed by the crowd but hooted 
and hissed; and followed, not by flattering devotees, but 
hunted by bloodhounds of tyranny. 

Herodotus said the ancient Persians instructed their sons 
in three things — to ride well, master the bow and speak the 
truth. Was this last accomplishment the cause of Persia's 
fall, so that today she is negligible among the nations? 

The Turks had a custom of heating an iron and branding 
a convicted liar on the forehead. It is well for cultured 
Christian nations today that this practise is obsolete, for most 
of mankind would be wearing wigs and caps to hide the 
marks. 

Voltaire wrote an essay on ** Printed Lies" and Swift on 
''The Art of Political Lying.'* These seem to be the two 
favorite text books for the editors and politicians at Wash- 
ington. 

Pilate asked the question ''What is truth?" and didn't 
wait for an answer. Many people today do not even ask it, 
because they do not want it. The world follows falsehood 
and the few disicples of truth are called fools and madmen. 
Take tjae illusions and lies away from some heads and lives 
and they would be very empty. 



ON THE WARPATH 247 

The Bible bids us, "Buy the truth and sell it not." Bacon 
says the inquiry of truth is the wooing of it ; the knowledge of 
truth the presence of it; and the belief of truth the enjoying of 
it. If you want friends, popularity, fame, wealth, position, 
don't tell the truth. 

We have heard of the Ananias Club, but never read of the 
Tell the Truth Club. Is it because there are not enough peo- 
ple to form one, or because all the eligible are dead? Heathen 
Rome had a temple of truth and Augustus Caesar, after a long 
search, found a man who was said never to have told a lie and 
he was therefore considered worthy to be the chief sacrificer at 
truth's altar. 

Truth is the most valuable and the rarest thing in all the 
world. It is the hardest thing to recognize, stand for and 
tell. David said, *'A11 men are liars." Quoth Hamlet, ** 'Tis 
as easy as lying." Men lie by day and night and see things 
through colored spectacles or badly focalized glasses. As a 
man thinketh in his heart, so is he, and his creed and con- 
duct are synonymous. We live and move and have our being 
in our creeds. If in the parlor of our belief a strange fact 
seeks admittance, we slam the door in its face and bid it be 
gone. Ignorant and wilful bigotry bars out the truth. 

'*Lord, how this world is given to lying." We have liars 
religious, mercantile, social and political. Sensual, selfish, prej- 
udiced, bigoted man cannot perceive the truth, or but very 
little of it, and when he does his life doesn't live it and his lips 
can't tell it. The light of truth is so blinding that he can only 
gaze at it through the smoked glass of error. 

Leigh Hunt writes entertainingly of, * * The Rare Vice Called 
Lying." He calls it the most common and conventional vice, 
affirming that in the monarch it is kingcraft, in the statesman 
expediency, in the churchman mental reservation, in the law- 
yer the interest of his client, and in the merchant the secrets 
of trade. 

I looked in a leading Encyclopaedia for Truth and couldn't 
find it, though like Lessing I was an honest searcher. Pytha- 
goras said that if God became visible he would choose light for 
his body and truth for his soul. There is a proverb that truth 
is God's daughter and a saying that truth seldom goes without 



248 ONTHEWARPATH 

a scratched face. If Truth is in a well she will never be brought 
up by a bigot at the windlass who lowers the bucket of his 
willful selfishness. 

A liar has been defined as one v/ho is a coward to man and 
brave against God. Happily, there is more truth in humble 
than in high life. The border line between truth and error is 
often very indistinct. What man deems true today is often 
discovered falsehood tomorrow. 

Today it is criminal to tell the truth by speech or written 
word. If you dare serve God and not cringe to man, the crowd 
stands aghast and agape and thinks you crazy or a traitor. 
To tell the truth of foreign diplomacy, or home duplicity, by 
talk in street, sermon in pulpit, or by pen on paper, is im- 
pious, unpopular and dangerous, and there are many clerical 
and political spies who seek evidence to suppress, fine, im- 
prison, execute or shoot you. 

Fontenelle declared, ''If I held all the truth of the universe 
in my hand, I would be very careful not to open it. ' ' The old 
gent was too conservative. He should not imprison thoughts 
but bid them go forth in the spirit of Him who was truth in- 
carnate and who said, ''Ye shall know the truth, and the truth 
shall make you free." 

Truth is mighty and will prevail. Though crushed to earth 
like an opera hat, she will rise again. In the classic words of 
Kichter, "Truth, like Venus de Medicis, will pass down in 
thirty fragments to posterity ; but posterity will collect and re- 
compose them into a goddess. Then also thy temple, eternal 
truth, that now stands half below the earth, made hollow by 
the sepulchres of its witnesses, will raise itself in the total 
majority of proportions, and will stand in monumental granite ; 
and every pillar on which it rests will be fixed in the grave of 
a martyr." 

Doubting Castle has many prisoners. Often what man 
thinks is real truth, is merely its shadow. We much resemble 
those prisoners whom Plato describes in his Republic. They 
were chained so they could not turn their heads and sat in a 
roofless prison into which some light came from overhead. 
However, this light was from a fire which rose up behind them 
and from which they were only separated by a little wall. Out- 
side this wall men were walking, carrying all sorts of wood 




ON THE WARPATH 249 

and stone statues and were talking with each other. The poor 
prisoners could not see these men, who did not rise above the 
wall, and even of the statues which did, they saw nothing but 
the shadows passing along the side of the wall opposite to 
them. They thought the shadows were real objects and be- 
lieved that the echo of their own prison was the conversation 
of the shadows on the wall. 



INFERNAL PERSECUTION 



IeRSECUTION is the path of humanity. The Master 
of truth told his disciples that he sent them out as 
lambs among wolves. Judging from the past, saintly 
slaughter will continue as long as time lasts. The owl 

hates the light and men love darkness because their deeds are 

evil. 

Pythagoras and Socrates suffered persecution. He who in- 
carnated truth by His teaching and example, was crucified. In 
Reformation times the Inquisition boiled, roasted, and cut up 
those who sought religious freedom. In science, Galileo, Har- 
vey and Jenner were hooted and hissed as dangerous lunatics. 
The man who called steam powerful was called crazy, and an- 
other who advocated railroads was placed in a straight-jacket. 
It is said Cromwell was allowed to die of ague because the doc- 
tors were unwilling to give him Peruvian bark, which then was 
held to be a product of the Devil's garden. In vaccination 
Jenner was accused of making children ox-faced and it was 
said innoculation would induce the patient to grow horns and 
bellow like a bull. Fools laughed at our own Ben Franklin 
and his kite and lightning rod. The same pooh-hooh was often 
carried to desperate persecuting lengths against those who 
advocated the cable, the telephone, the wireless, the airship and 
the hundred things that make life easy and successful today. 
The elder Disraeli shows that telescopes and microscopes were 
at first denounced as ''atheistic inventions which perverted 
our organ of sight and made everything appear in a false 
light." 



250 ON THE WARPATH 

In **01d Mortality," Scott tells how angry Mause grew at 
her son, Cuddie, because he used a windmill machine to sep- 
arate the corn from the chaff, thus seeking, she said, to thwart 
the will of Providence, using human means instead of using 
prayer and relying on divine Providence, to send the winnow- 
ing breeze from heaven. When I crossed the Isthmus of Panama 
I heard of the priest Acosta who in 1588 solemnly affirmed, 
when the route across the Isthmus had been discovered, that 
it was a resistance to the finite barriers of a divine Providence, 
and that if man transgressed and crossed the Isthmus he would 
call down curses and plagues from heaven. I recall the days 
of slavery when the Northern abolitionists, who sought to 
abolish it, were solemnly told by the Southern planter that 
they sinned against the Bible and its God who had cursed Ham 
and his posterity to a state of servitude forever. 

There never has been a time, there is no time, there never 
will be a time when there will not be some damned error for 
some sober brow to bless with a text. To improve self and in- 
form others is to receive the reward of slander if not slaughter. 
A great man is always hounded and hated, receives curses and 
not coin. 

Here are a few cases of persecution in the world's crime 
calendar. In 1621 the Parliament of Paris threatened all 
with death who taught anything contrary to the doctrine of 
Aristotle and the ancient writers. In the sixteenth century, 
heretics, who denied the doctrine of purgatory, refused to be- 
lieve in relics, and objected to being taxed by the church, were 
hung to the end of a long beam and raised and lowered into 
a big fire beneath them, suffering the unspeakable torture of 
a lingering death. These roasted martyrs could be said to be 
received into heaven with the literal reward of *'Well done." 

The citizens of Toulouse gloried in their shame and for 
years had an annual celebration of the St. Bartholomew mas- 
sacre of 4,000 of their citizens, lest this praiseworthy event in 
their history should be forgotten. 

I glory that I am an American and am proud that as a 
Lansing I am descended from Holland-Dutch stock. Read a 
few rewards some of my ancestors received for thinking for 
themselves. 



ON THE WARPATH 251 

Men were arrested on suspicion of being heretics, their 
court of justice was a rack and their only advocate was forti- 
tude. In dimly lighted dungeons they were tortured at mid- 
night. The unfortunate, whether virgin, matron or man, was 
stripped stark naked and stretched on rough wooden benches 
by weights, pulleys and screws, until sinews snapped and bones 
cracked. After these pleasant formalities, if the victim re- 
mained obstinate and refused to recant his religious belief, he 
was strangled or burned at the stake. If there was anything 
left of his body after death it was mutilated by the holy fath- 
ers. Even the grave of the victim was desecrated and rifled by 
these ecclesiastical jackals. 

The inquisitor Titelmann, that blessed bigot, strangled and 
burned a schoolmaster at the stake because he "was addicted 
to reading the Bible.'* In one day, this fanatic fiend broke 
into a house, seized a man and his wife and four children, to- 
gether with two newly married couples and two other persons, 
convicted them all of praying at their own doors and reading 
the Bible, and had them taken out at once and burned. 

One man, for the heinous sin of copying some hymns, was 
burned alive. Another, because he was an Anabaptist, was 
hacked to death by a rusty sword in the presence of his wife, 
who fell dead before him from horror. A man, his wife and 
two sons were burned alive at the stake because they would 
not attend mass. 

Here is an interesting item taken from the municipal ex- 
pense record of Tournay: 

**To Mr. Jacques Barra, executioner, for having tortured 
twice Jean de Lannoy, ten sous. 

*'To the same, for having executed, by fire, said Lannoy, 
sixty sous. For having thrown his cinders into the river, 
eight sous.'' 

In this same town, a velvet manufacturer went one Christ- 
mas morning to the cathedral and stood near the altar. At the 
moment the priest held aloft the consecrated host, he snatched 
the wafer from his hands, broke it and shouted, *' Misguided 
men, do you take this thing to be Jesus Christ, your Lord and 
Saviour?" Then he threw the fragments on the ground and 



252 ONTHEWARPATH 

trampled them under foot. He was arrested, tortured three 
times to see if he had any accomplices, and none being found, 
he was dragged on a hurdle to the market-place, his mouth 
being closed with an iron gag. Then his right hand and foot 
were burned and twisted off between two red-hot irons. They 
tore his tongue out by the roots, and because he still tried to 
call on God, they again applied the iron gag. Then these fol- 
lowers of the meek and lowly Jesus fastened his arms and legs 
behind his back, and in the spirit of Him who said, ''Father, 
forgive them, they know not what they do," they hooked the 
middle of the victim's body to an iron chain, making it swing 
over a slow fire until he was completely roasted. 

Persecution follows truth as closely as a shadow follows 
your heels. We know how clerical power aided by secular in- 
fluence believed that oil would burn as well as bless, and so im- 
prisoned and burned its enemies. It is kindergarten knowl- 
edge that after six years Alva boasted he had strangled, 
drowned, beheaded or burned more than 18,000 of his fellow 
creatures, to say nothing of the tens of thousands who had 
fallen in siege and battle during his reign. 

The present friendly feeling between the North and South 
of Ireland is of long and cherished standing. The student of 
history learns how the green of this beautiful Emerald Isle was 
stained and soaked with brothers' blood. Ireland once perse- 
cuted the Protestants by burying theioa alive, hanging up moth- 
ers on gibbets with daughters tied 'round their necks to see 
them expire ; ripping up women with child and taking the half- 
formed infants from the womb and throwing them to the 
swine or dogs to be devoured; putting daggers into the hands 
of manacled prisoners, forcing them into the breasts of fath- 
ers, mothers, wives and children, thereby hoping to make them 
guilty of parricide and damn their souls while they destroyed 
their bodies. 

If a good tree brings forth good fruit, from what garden 
of nethermost hell came these holy hangmen, saintly stranglers, 
blessed burners, Trinitarian torturers, and Christly cutthroats ! 

And now abideth faith, hope and charity, or love, and what 
love is this which outhates and outpersecutes the Furies of 
Aeschylus — a love that hanged, beheaded, crucified, broke on 
the wheel, cut in two, skinned alive, carded and curricombed 



ON THE WARPATH 253 

the flesh from bones, compelled one brother to drink his broth- 
er's blood, and forced captains to tear the flesh of their com- 
mander with their teeth and eat it! 

The men who have tried to help the human race have gen- 
erally been rewarded with a kick instead of a croAvn. 

The philosopher, Descartes, was accused of atheism and 
persecuted. By way of high compliment it was proposed by 
some that he be burned on a high hill that all the countryside 
might see the bonfire. 

Petrarch and his brother poets were plagued by the priest- 
hood who imagined they could write no poetry without being 
in communication with the devil. 

Albert the Great was a curious kind of genius who invented 
something that uttered vocal sounds like a French talking-doll. 
But the great church father, Thomas Aquinas, thought the 
devil was in it and with a blow from his staff destroyed the 
labor of thirty years. 

Cornelius Agrippa was given a ticket-of-leave for making 
a few philosophical experiments that a primary school-boy 
can perform today. When he advanced the opinion that St. 
Anne was blessed with three husbands, he was compelled to 
fly from place to place, regarded by everyone as a fiend. 

When the persecuted Grandier was led to the stake, it was 
said that a big horse-fly skated around on his bald head. One 
of the officiating monks noticed it, and remembering that in 
Hebrew the god of flies was called *^ Beelzebub", declared 
that he saw the devil come to take possession of the martyr. 

Rousseau, the herald of the French Revolution, whose life 
motto of * liberty, equality and fraternity" is the battle-cry of 
the Allied forces today, was hated by kings and priests. The 
Parliament of Paris in 1762 condemned his book, *']Emile," 
and ordered his arrest. He was denounced by the Archbishop 
of Paris, threatened by the Jesuits, and fled to Switzerland. 
His books were burned, his house was attacked and he was 
stoned in the streets. But as Carlyle says, ''He could be cooped 
into garrets, laughed at as a maniac, left to starve like a wild 
beast in his cage ; but he could not be hindered from setting 
the world on fire." 

Because one Virgilius dared say there were such things as 
the antipodes, his clerical superior declared him a heretic. 



254 ONTHEWARPATH 

Stenographers should be interested to know that the Ab- 
bot Trithemius, who wrote on the subject of stenography, 
was suspected of making a sign code with the foul fiend, and 
his works were ordered to be publicly burned. 

Socrates' life was drowned in a cup of hemlock because he 
was rash and original enough in his time to try and be intel- 
ligent and virtuous. 

Aristotle, the great philosopher, was accused of impiety by 
the Pharisaic Democratic party of Athens, and fled to Chalcis, 
where he calculated he could solve the problem of his life by 
taking poison, which he did. 

Anaxagoras was in the ''Who's Who" class of Greek teach- 
ers and philosophers. He was the schoolmaster of such bad 
boys as Pericles, Thucydides, Euripides and Socrates. Because 
he believed in a god of truth and advanced theories which 
were thought to be slighting and slurring on the orthodox gods 
of Greece, he was imprisoned and banished. 

Heraclitus, the ** weeping philosopher," whom Democritus 
gave the laugh, believed that fire was the cause of all exist- 
ence. He was held up to burning ridicule by his countrymen 
who finally made it so hot for him that after he had practically 
told them to go to Gehenna, he went into exile. 

History repeats itself but nowadays you seldom find peo- 
ple repeating this history of Galileo. For declaring that the 
"world do move" he was summoned to Rome to deny it, which 
he did, though he is said to have risen from this declaration 
v»rith the whispered protest, "It does move, however." When 
he looked at the donkeys who were trying him, heard their 
bray and felt sore at the kicks they had given him, he ex- 
claimed, "Are these my judges !" Poor and old, he was thrust 
in jail where he was visited by Milton. The father confessor 
of his widow, knowing her great piety, took advantage of it, 
asked for Galileo's manuscript, looked it over and then de- 
stroyed everything which in his judgment the world should 
not know. 




ONTHEWARPATH 255 

IN JAIL 

LAS, that tlie light of a man's mind shonld lead him 
to dark dungeons, and that his sentences of wisdom 
should lead him to wicked jail sentences! Should 
"The Devil in Mexico" inspire my political and pap- 
istical persecutors to put me in jail, I could console myself 
with the thought that there were ''others." 

De Foe of ''Robinson Crusoe" fame was thrown into New- 
gate prison for a political pamphlet he wrote. 

Smollett, the great humorist and novelist, was fined and 
imprisoned for criticizing Admiral Knowles. 

Leigh Hunt was locked up because he spoke contemptu- 
ously and disrespectfully of King George. 

The scholarly Selden was jailed for attacking the divine 
right of tithes and the king's prerogative. This gave him time 
to write his, "History of Eadmer." 

Voltaire was thrown into the Bastile, but they could put 
no stone on his intellect for here he planned and wrote most 
of his "Henriade." 

Diderot, French encyclopediste, was plotted against and 
persecuted by the low-browed cleric and political bigots of his 
day. Because he was broad-minded, he was shoved into a nar- 
row prison-cell at Vincennes. His books were condemned, mu- 
tilated, burned and suppressed, but his dark age could not put 
out the light of his genius, which helped kindle the liberty 
watch-fires of the French Revolution. 

Bunyan was regarded as such an all around bum that they 
shut him up in Bedford jail. His muse was "confined" here 
and brought forth "Pilgrim's Progress," which continues its 
journey around the world. 

Jail didn't imprison the thought of the bold, brilliant 
Cervantes, w^ho during his captivity gave the world, "Don 
Quixote," to ridicule the false bravery that strutted about in 
the guise of chivalry. 

Sir Walter Raleigh was some globe-trotter. I visited his 
prison-cell in the London Tower, where for eleven years his 
body was pent up, but his soul marched on in his famous 
"History of the World.'* 



256 ONTHEWARPATH 

The great Boethius protested against excesses of the Gothic 
officers, and because he defended Albinus, who was accused of 
seeking to free Rome, in spite of all his learning and knowl- 
edge, he became unpopular with Theodorie, was accused of 
treason, without trial was sentenced to death and imprisoned 
in the tower of Pavia, where he wrote his great work, the 
** Consolations of Philosophy." 

These are but a few illustrations which show that while 
stone walls might imprison the body, iron bars could not cage 
the minds and souls of the occupants. 

New and Old "World have many famous prisons which I 
have visited — Sing-Sing in New York; Bilibid in Manila; the 
penitentiary at Lima, Peru; Socrates* cell in Athens; Paul's 
at Rome; political prisons in Venice; the damp dungeon of 
Bonnivard at Chillon; Raleigh's cell in London tower; the 
Fortress of Petropaulovski in Petrograd — but none of them 
equal in sad interest the gloomy prison of Macherus beyond 
the Jordan, where Herod imprisoned John, the man of whom 
Jesus said, ** Among them that are born of women there hath 
not risen a greater than John the Baptist." 

This is a big world, but the biggest thing in it is man, and 
the best and biggest thing in man is his mind that thinks, his 
soul that loves and his will that decides. 

This great globe is related and correlated. Gravitation 
and chemical affinity bind earth, air and water in wonderful 
harmony, but how man finds himself in life, adapts himself to 
surroundings, learns his mission and fits himself as a cog in 
life's machinery, is as much more wonderful to me in com- 
parison than the earth is to a baseball. 

Leaving the crowded city, heartsick of its formal Pharisees, 
skeptical Sadducees, sin, shame and scandal, John goes to the 
desert wilderness, called the *' Appalling Desolation," goes out 
as Moses, Elijah and Christ had gone, to study nature face to 
face and learn the lessons of law, order, humility, peace, econ- 
omy and beneficence. He graduates and his hearers in the 
country are the poor and disheartened, the business citizen 
and the soldier, who are drawn to him because he has learned 
in solitude the secret of a happy life. 

John relied on no peculiarity for his following. It was the 
message and not the man. Tradition paints him as tall, hollow- 



ON THE WARPATH- 257 

cheeked, with long unshaven beard and a pale brow that was 
shaded by locks of long matted hair. Instead of trying to 
lead the fashion, or bragging about his food of locusts and 
wild honey, or that he drank nothing stronger than spring 
water and they must do the same or be damned, he laid the ax 
at the root of the tree and preached, ''Bring forth fruits meet 
for repentance." He wanted them to live real by being re- 
formed ; to make good by being good ; to square their conduct 
with their creed ; to put up a good article of character on Mon- 
day or shut up their shop on Sunday. This preacher of right- 
eousness and right doing was not only holy but humble. He 
was willing to decrease that Christ might increase ; to be as 
the night before the dawn ; to be nothing if his Messiah might 
be everything. 

Herod heard of him and patronizingly sent for him for en- 
tertainment and instruction. John was a ''good fellow" and 
company and Herod made it pleasant for him. John soon 
found that Herod was a bad companion, a high roller and even 
then was living in open adultery with his royal brother's wife. 

Policy and expediency said, "Now be careful; it's no affair 
of yours ; say little or nothing ; if j^ou meddle you will lose out ; 
keep blind and silent and all will be well. ' ' 

John was not ungrateful of Herod's favors, but his con- 
science was more than coronet. He could not shirk or sympa- 
thize or make nice distinctions. To him sin was a monstrous 
curse, and though his duty was delicate and difficult, his heart 
was devoted to God. Sincerely, bravely and plainly John 
looked Herod in the face and said, "It is not lawful for thee 
to have her." Good-bye John, I see your finish; you have 
made and taken your bond of fate, but Herod couldn't bull- 
doze, bribe or muzzle you. 

John was thrown in jail. He had no bank account to sub- 
sidize lawyers, or fix judge and jury ; no pretty girls to send 
him fiowers ; no maudlin editors to excuse his lese majeste re- 
marks ; no reporters to write up a story of his privations ; no 
photographers to get his picture and put it before the dear 
public. But John was content. He made his prison a pulpit 
to preach to the lordly adulterous Herod, "It is not lawful for 
thee to have her." 



258 ON THE WARPATH 

Hell had no fury like that scorned woman, Herodias, and 
when her daughter gave the sensual, seductive dance which 
thrilled the lustful nerve of the half-drunk Herod, who prom- 
ised her any and everything in return, the mother asked for the 
head of John the Baptist on a platter. 

Putting pleasure above principle, and like many another 
preferring an adulterous girl to Almighty God, Herod sent the 
executioner with his gleaming sword to John's prison, and 
there, alone, with no multitude to applaud but with the ap- 
proval of his conscience, he bowed his head to the fatal stroke. 
As it rolled to the floor the blood-spattered lips muttered the 
words, "It is not lawful for thee to have her." The sentence 
of righteous rebuke Herod must have recognized until the 
day of his own death in the blaze of the sun, the light of the 
star, the flash of the lightning, the roll of the thunder, the 
voice of the wind, the song of the bird and the moan of the 
sea. 

But John had not failed. He founded no sect but laid the 
foundation, cemented with his blood, for a bridge over which 
Christianity has ever since marched. His fearlessness gave 
courage to Luther and was the inspiration of Washington and 
Lincoln, as it will ever be with every true servant of God. 

Like all great souls John had fears and doubts which he 
solved by sending word to Christ, **Art Thou He that should 
come, or do we look for another?" The Master gave him 
friendly and full answer, **The blind see, the deaf hear, the 
dead are raised, to the poor the Gospel is preached." Like 
his Messiah Master his preaching was paid for in tears and 
blood. By that Master he is crowned forever. Herod got 
John's head but Christ crowned John's soul. 

*'They never fail who die 
In a great cause ; the block may soak their gore. 
Their heads may sodden in the sun ; their limbs 
Be strung to city gates and castle walls — 
But still their spirits walk abroad. Though years 
Elapse and others share as dark a doom, 
They but augment the deep and sweeping thoughts 
Which overpower all others, and conduct 
The world at last to freedom." 



Xhe De\/il in A^exico 

By Rev. "Golightly" Morrill 

Everybody from Alaska to Panama has read about it; President 
Wilson's personal envoy to Mexico, John Lind, tried to suppress it; 
the U. S. government barred it from the mails, caused the arrest 
and indictment of the author, and prohibited him from leaving the 
country. 

Thrilling — Timely — Truthful 

350 Unexpurgated Pages — Atrocity Photos — $1.00 Express Prepaid 

FOREWORD 

Mexico is one-sixteenth of an inch necwer hell than any country 
I ever visited in my rouyid-the-ivorld travels, "M" in Mexico means 
murder and misrule. Her flag — green, ivhite and red — stands for 
jealousy, cowardice arid butchery. The national bird should be a 
buzzard, the coat of aimis a skull and cross bones and her national 
hymn "Cara,7uba, Damn the Gringo." 

Go to the Devil, gentle reader, if you ivant to know Mexico, for 
he has made it his favorite resort. There is sulphur and smoke m 
volcanoes; heat in climate and food; torment in cactus plant and 
insect life; fire in the eyes of the senoritas; hell-hate in the hearts 
of the rulers and despair in the souls of the peons. From the be- 
ginning the Devil has been Mexico's mental, moral and military hero 
and today he is the real patron saint of the people. Viva Diablo! 

Some of the Photos 

Hanged Bandit Picked to Pieces by Vultures — Insurrectos Ar- 
rested — Bandit Strung to Telegraph Pole — A Yucatan Execution — 
Dynamited Passenger Train — Bulltight — Beggars — Mexican Carnival 
— Bandit-Burned Town — Aztec Gods — Soldier-Guarded Train — Ruins 
of Uxmal — Suspects Shot by Firing Squad. 

A Few of the Chapters 

Palm Beach Nuts, Havana's Satanic Sabbath, Whiskey in Church, 
"Feast of Blisters," Wild Women, Died Game, Attacked by Ticks, 
Firecracker Fiends, Native Dances, Carnival Curse, Throwing the 
Bull, A "Peon" of Joy, Night Life, In a "Norther" Hurricane, Disease 
and Depravity, Tampico Tramps, "Plaza de Prostitution," Kaiser- 
istas in Mexico, Hats, Hanged, "Mucho Disgusto," A Farcical Elec- 
tion, Carranza the Criminal, Pickpockets and Thieves' Market, Sere- 
nading a Poet, Fly and Dirt Eaters, Hermits and Harlots, Sun and 
Moon Pyramids, A Subterranean Town, Hotel Hells, Choked to 
Death, Beggars, Cortez — the Devil Crusader, A Brush with Bandits, 
The Revolution Habit, Mexican Beatitudes, Manicures, Hellish 
Atrocities. 

Address G. L. Morrill, Pastor People's Church, 
3356 10th Ave. So., Minneapolis, Minn., U. S. A. 



PRESS COMMENTS ON "THE DEVIL IN MEXICO" 

CHICAGO SATURDAY BLADE— A thrilling and timely volume. The 
Blade having published several articles contributed by the author, readers 
will no doubt recall the wretched and forbidding state of affairs he found 
there. The book is well illustrated with half-tone pictures. 

NEW YORK PUBLIC LIBRARY, E. H. Anderson, Director— A work 
of this character will be of much interest and value in our collection. It 
will be used not only for current reference, but will be permanently pre- 
served in our collection for the use of future readers. 

LIGHT, LOUISVILLE, KY.— "The Devil in Mexico" is worse, if any- 
thing, than Alorriil's lively trip among Central America's "rotten repub- 
lics,'' but interesting and full of wit, humor, pathos — oh, my yes. Best 
reading ever for a railroad journey, for five or ten minutes, or for a day 
on this live topic. There is lots of research, statistics, information and 
speculation. Morrill saw harsh things through dark glasses polished up 
with a sense of humor. 

STATE HISTORICAL SOCIETY OF WISCONSIN, Chief, Order 
Division — On behalf of the Society I wish to thank you for "The Devil in 
Mexico," which you recently sent our Library in response to our request, 
and which we are glad to have to add to our Mexico descriptive material. 

Dr. H. A. MONDAY, MEXICO CITY, MEXICO— You have depicted 
conditions at first hand in a manner that is going to cause a lot of com- 
ment, and I don't mind telling you that vou are hated as but few men are 
here today because you have told the truth. 

WM. SULZER, EX-GOV. OF N. Y.— I have spent a good deal of time 
in Mexico. Next to seeing a country yourself, the best thing is to see it 
through the ey^s of some celebrated globe-trotter like Rev. G. L. Morrill. 
Brother Morrill has the rare ability to describe what he sees in a fascinat- 
ing way ; in splendid terse language ; so that the book is as instructive as 
it is interesting and entertaining. 

M. J. CLANCY, BLUEFIELDS, NICARAGUA— Your Mexico book 
is certainly hot stuff, but not overdone. It will take many years of educa- 
tion to impress on the average American this fact — "There is not a Latin- 
American south of the Rio Grande to Tierra del Fuego who does not 
inwardly hate the gringo." 

BERT HUBBARD, EDITOR ROYCROFT MAGAZINE, N. Y.— Like 
your other books of travel this is intensely interesting. You rap things 
right and left for their own good. Everybody who has any interest at all 
in Mexican affairs ought to have a copy of this book. 

C. M. REMINGTON, OMAHA. NEB.— I was a resident of Mexico 
from September, 1910. to the summer of 1916. My first eight months were 
spent as a soldier in the army of Madero. Later. I worked in different 
places from Tampico to the Isthmus of Tehauntepec. I was among the 
refugees during the fiasco of 1914. I have been intimately acquainted with 
several of the leading Maderistas, Huertistas, Villistas, Felixistas, Carran- 
zistas. Palaezistas and Zapatistas. I have traveled on all the different 
movable things they have down there, from a burro to a "tren de tercera 
clase." I have been robbed of clothes and every movable, and stood all the 
humiliations Americans are subjected to in Mexico. I have spent several 
dollars for books which were supposed to give a person the inside history 
of Mexico, but not till I saw your book was there one that came within 
gunshot of the situation. It is the real and actual thing. 




CLERGY CARICATURED IN CARNIVAL, 
CAMPECHE, MEXICO 




HOBART TOWN 



TASMANIA 



"ROHEN REPUBLICS" 

A TROPICAL TRAMP IN 

CENTRAL AMERICA 
By Rev. ''Golightly'' Morrill 

LITERARY LAVA 

A Witty, Racy, Epigrammatic Book, Right Up-to-Date, 

On British Honduras, Guatemala, Salvador, 

Spanish Honduras, Nicaragua, Costa 

Rica, Panama, Colombia, Cuba, 

Jamaica and Nassau. 

FOREWORD 



302 

Punchy 

PACES 



53 

Uncen- 
sored 

PHOTOS 



HAMLET found something "rotten 
in the state of Denmark," but it 
was sweet compared with what I 
discovered in Central America — 
the land of dirt, disease, destitution, 
darkness, dilapidation, despots, delay, 
debt, deviltry and degeneracy, where a 
conservative estimate makes 90 per 
cent of the women immoral, 95 per 
cent of the men thieves and 100 per 
cent of the population liars. 

A FEW OF THE CHAPTERS 

Naughty New Orleans, Hell in Mexico, Hookworms and Cock- 
roaches, Gum-Chewers, A Carib Village, Petrified People, At- 
lantis, In the Jungle, Hotel Dives, Gambling and Girls, Coffee 
Plantation, Sunday Cockfights. Skulls and Cross-Bones, Movies 
and Marimba, A Pig-Driver President, Pillory and Peon, Alli- 
gator Hunt, Loose INIorals, Bombast and Bombs, Custom House 
Grafters, Our New Naval Base. A Crew of Crooks, Liars, Steal- 
ing — A Fine Art, Patriotic Piffle, Manana, Hammocks, Vol- 
canoes, Few Clothes, Filibusters. Intervention, Profanity, An 
Arch Fiend, Our Flag and Baseball. Nicaragua Canal Route, 
Quarantined, Prostitution in Par.ama, In an Earthquake, Down 
in a Submarine, An Incestuous Union, Bananas, A Night in 
Cartagena, Poor Schools, A Saintly Stiff, Where Bolivar Died, 
Bastards, A Garbage Market, A "Colombia" Record, A Tropical 
Court, Passion and Fashion, Fan Flirts, Santiago Memories, The 
Lottery Game, Our Lady Nicotine, "Pan" America. Diplomuts, 
Spanish Devils, Sodom Surpassed. 

$1.00 POSTPAID 

Address G. L. Morrill, Pastor People's Church 

3356 10th Ave., So., Minneapolis, Minn., U. S. A. 



PRESS COMMENTS ON G. L. MORRILL'S BOOK— 
"ROTTEN REPUBLICS— A TROPICAL TRAMP 
IN CENTRAL AMERICA" 



"Twenty years of my life were spent in Latin America, where I 
went as a physician. I know the people and speak their language. I 
hold the chair of Foreign Trade at the New York University, where 
we have a very large student body, and have recommended your work 
to my pupils in order to give them a true view of the Latin repub- 
lics." — W. E. AUGHINBAUGH, Foreign and Export Editor of Leslie's 
Weekly and Author of "Selling Latin America." 

"The next best thing to traveling around the world is to hear 
G. L. Morrill tell about it in his pithy, punchy, rapid-fire way." — E. M. 
NEWMAN, noted globe-trotter and lecturer, 

"A man like Golightly Morrill can not possibly keep out of trouble. 
He just feeds on it. He snoops around and pokes his nose in where 
angels and folk like you and me fear to tread. Someone hits him on 
his inquisitive nose. Then he sits hiinself down and writes an inter- 
esting account of it all, flavors it with a lot of sporty illustrations of 
ladies with and without kimonos, rag rugs, screens, barrels, etc. You 
and I buy it and chuckle over it. There's a dozen photographs in 
'Rotten Republics' that would compromise Golightly in any state in 
the Union, including Utah." — FELIX SHAY, Editor of the Roycroft 
Magazine, N. Y. 

"You have a wonderfully interesting way of telling things. How- 
ever, after having written this book, I just wonder if you will feel 
safe in making another trip through Central America. I notice you 
sort of talk in mighty plain English." — BERT HUBBARD, son of El- 
bert Hubbard. 

"Knowing, as I do, the countries which you describe, your original, 
terse style is doubly interesting." — CHARLES E. EBERHARDT, U. S. 
Consul General to Latin America. 

"I have lived in Nicaragua for twenty years. It would be a for- 
tunate thing if the gullible investors in the tropics were able to get 
and read your book on Central America before investing." — M. J. 
CLANCY, Bluefields, Nicaragua. 

■■ 'Rotten Republics' is one of the best books T ever read. It is 
interesting, instructive and entertaining. If you have ever taken a 
trip through Central America, you should read this book. If you have 
not, you should read it. It is epigrammatic and right up to date, and 
by a Globe-Trotter who sees things and has the rare faculty of telling 
you about them so that you can sea them for yourself." — ^WILLIAM 
SULZER, ex-Governor of New York. 

"r'olightly, vour books are great. They've got a sure enough 
'punch' in them." — BOB FITZSIMMONS, World-Famous Pugilist. 

'•'Rotten Republics' is a book that pleases and startles, but all the 
while teaches the great moral lessons intended. Doctor Morrill's vivid 
pictures are given in crisp chapters that entertain and bring us to 
the conclusion that spiritual regeneration is the immediate need of 
Latin America."— CLIFTON D. GRAY, in the Chicago Standard. 

"G. L. Morrill is a sort of ministerial Irvin Cobb. His book is real 
life shown up on the printed page as clearly as though Jack London 
himself were behind the pen. Good and bad are impartially shown. 
To the student of social conditions it is a valuable modern reference 
book. To the casual reader it is the best and wittiest thing he can 
take on a vacation or a railroad journey. He tells the truth without 
fear or favor. Some of the stories will never appear in the newspapers 
United States ought to be pretty well posted by a Morrill before it ties 
up with Fan-American Congresses." — LIGHT, Louisville, Ky. 



"South Sea 
Silhouettes" 



60 

RARE 

PHOTOS 



BY 
REV."GOLIGHTLY" MORRILL 




A SKY-PILOT'S TRAVEL "LOG" 



ON 



HAWAII, SAMOA, FIJI, TONGA, TAHITI, 
RAROTONGA, NEW ZEALAND, AUSTRALIA 

AND TASMANIA 



Golightly was introduced to a hurricane in the Tongan Islands 
and saw a whole town demolished before his eyes; traveled in Ger- 
man Samoa at the time of the English occupation by New Zealand 
troops; went through waterspouts, tidal wave and drought un- 
touched; interviewed Fijian ex-cannibals and an Australian abo- 
riginal princess; photographed volcanoes and geysers, South Sea 
island dances and carnivals, and the war ruins of Papeete, Tahiti, 
made by the "Emden." His descriptions of the native life, manners 
and morals, and the effect of our so-called civilization on them, 
are racy and original. • 

SOME OF THE 60 UNUSUAL PHOTOS 

Kilauea Volcano, Hula-hula Dancers, Fijian Black Beauties, 
Ex-cannibal Chief, Meke-meke Dance, A llava Party, Pounding 
Tapa, Tongan Belles, In the Hurricane, The Tin Can Mail, R. L. 
>tevenson's Grave, Samoan Siva Dancers, Lime-liaired Native, Rub- 
bing Noses, Haka Dancers, N. Z. Geyser, Women Voting, Blue 
IMountains, Aborigine with Boomerang, Native Wedding, Shelled 
by Warships, Maid in Tahiti. 



PARTIAL CONTENTS 



Sydney After Dark 
A Black Angel 
Tasmaniacs 
A Deck-A-Log 
A Pajama Party 
Pearl Divers 
Strange Marriages 



Cannibals 
A Dead-Beat King 
Mid-Pacific Carnival 
Women's Morals 
Wrecked 

Swimming Ashore 
Horrible Deaths 
R. L. Stevenson's Grave I^epers 
Loving Hands Dope 

Tattooing Smugglers 

Easter Gambling Civilized Savages 

Prizefights Hell's Masterpiece 

Heavy Gold Papers — $1 00 Postpaid. 
<!V<ldre.sJ>i G. Ij. Morrill, l»astor I'eople'.s riiureh, :^:i^M 10th 

Minneapolis, Minn., I . S. A. 



Ave. So., 



SOME PRESS COMMENT ON "SOUTH SEA SILHOUETTES" 

"The healthy man does not live who will fail to open it to 
read. Because — sh-sh! — the front cover is a cut-out and peering 
through the aperture is a winsome maiden of Tahiti, clad in two 
yards of Sears-Roebuck muslin and a string of beads. Inside you 
find the swellest lot of hula-hula models that ever put Lucille, 
Hortense or Marie to shame. Of course they all "point a moral and 
adorn a tale." But such outlines! The wonder to me is Golightly 
ever came back. His book reads like the letters your traveled 
friends should send you — but forget. He danced native dances, he 
drank native drinks, he rubbed noses, called "Aloha," and he met 
a black girl three times at midnight on a dark island road. Three 
times! Though the girl never moved from the spot at all, and 
he came back to us unscathed, God bless him! Too. he attended 
prizefights, the races, called on Governors-general, participated in 
a wedding, and visited Stevenson's tomb and Samoa home." — 
FELIX SHAY in the FRA MAGAZINE. 



"South Sea Silhouettes tells the story in a classic and graphic 
way of Rev. "Golightly" Morrill's trip to the South Sea islands, and 
tells it in such a way that you see the scenery, and talk to the 
people, and you become, as it were, unconsciously the traveler. 
The book is certain to have a large circulation. Everyone should 
read it. It is history, geography and literature combined. It is 
one of the most unique, one of the most interesting, and one of 
the most instructive books I have ever read — a masterpiece in its 
way."— WILLIAM SULZER, EX-GOVERNOR of N. Y. 



"Your descriptions of the various places you went to, the 
people you met, their customs, etc., are truly wonderful. So often 
Eub.iects of this nature are made so trite that one cannot actually 
wade through them. Your book is positively the one exception 
I have found on the subject of travel." — BERT HUBBARD, SON of 
ELBERT HUBBARD. 



"I want to tell you how much I have enjoyed your two books, 
"To Hell and Back," and the one on the South Seas. They are so 
full of life and written so entertainingly that one feels he is go- 
ing along with you."— REV. WALTER E. BENTLEY, National Sec- 
retary of Actors' Church Alliance. 



"Your books should be suppressed by the Federation of La- 
bor. As an antidote for work they are unequalled. My wife and 
daughters have let me eat cold lunches ever since your books fell 
into their hands — another count against you." — J. C. STIERS, 
County Supt. of Schools, Harrison County, Cadiz, Ohio. 



iiiiii 

"Your books are like some of the styles one sees on Michigan 
Avenue. They certainly are not troubled with 'low visibility.' " — 
CLIFTON D. GRAY, Editor of CHICAGO STANDARD. 



lllillliiliill 

"South Sea Silhouettes was so interesting that I sat up all 
night to read it." — DWIGHT ELMENDORF, World-traveler and 
Lecturer. 



"Your books should be on every train and news-stand. They 
are 'punchv,' full of keen wit and make mighty fine and easy 
reading." — BERT LEVY, Artist and Writer. 



"To Hell and Back" 

My Trip to South America 

By REV. GOLIGHTLY MORRILL 

One of the Funniest and Most Fearless Books of 
Travel Ever Written 

A PANORAMA OF PERDITION from 
PANAMA TO PATAGONIA 

Unusual Photos — Drawings — 200 Pages 

QUOTED BY PRESS AND MAGAZINES 

SOME OF THE THINGS DESCRIBED: 

The desert cities, high railways and Inca ruins of PERU; the devil dances, 
degradation of Andean Indians and ruins of world's oldest city of BOLIVIA; 
CHILE'S volcanoes, borax lakes, carnage and cruelty; the Straits of Magellan and 
Falkland Islands; the races, gambling and profligacy of Buenos Aires and Monte- 
vidio, the Sodom and Gomorrah of South America; the rubber atrocities and white 
slave markets of BRAZIL; VENEZUELA'S bull fights, revolutions and Pitch Lake; 
the head-hunters, bigotry and backwardness of ECUADOR and COLOMBIA. 

THE FOREWORD 

"Truth wears no fig-leaf. I intend to tell the naked truth about South Amer- 
ica. The diplomat dare not, the guest cannot, the business boomer will not, the 
subsidized press and steamship companies do not, but the preacher who pays his 
own bills can afford to tell nothing else." 

A FEW OF THE CHAPTERS: 

An English Eden, Pizarro's Town, A Real Devil, Lima Beans, Bully Sport, 
Curious Cuzco, Religious Rackets, on Lake Titicaca, Pious Orgies, a Door of Hell, A 
Prehistoric Man, A Live Martyr, Flirting in Santiago, Chile Con Carnage, The End 
of the World, Wrecks and Whales, Kissers, Buenos Aires Betting, Scene and Obscene, 
Tango Times, Hell's Queen, On the Amazon, Ballet Beauties, Art Nude and Lewd 
Church Advertising, Dives, White Slaves, Egret Fiends, "Caram,ba," The Lady and 
the Bull, Hell Colombia! Smugglers, Ship on Fire, Held Up. 

COVER WITH DESIGN IN RED AND BLACK 

A Bargain — $1.00 Postpaid 

Address G. L. MORRILL 

3356 Tenth Avenue South, MinneapoHs, Minnesota 



THE NEW YORK WORLD, one of the 

world's greatest newspapers, devoted a whole 
page to a review and write-up of G. L. 
Morrill's book, "TO HELL AND BACK — 
MY TRIP TO SOUTH AMERICA." It 
said in part: 



Rev. Golightl^ Morrill is an author oj repute, whose 
previous Worlds include "Golightl^ 'Round the Globe" and 
"Upper Cuts." His latest volume^ "To Hell and Back,^* 
bound appropriately) in black ond flaming red, is a VIVA- 
CIOUS disapproval of South America. It is dedicated point- 
blank, to the Devil. There is nothing cut and dried, and nothing 
mealy)- mouthed about it. Theodore Roosevelt and Elihu Root 
are among the notables who have recently^ looked over and 
variousl'^ reported upon our sister continent. South America. 
But evidently these distinguished tourists missed their opportunities. 
The Rev. Golightl^ Morrill has now been over the ground. 
Like another Dante he returns to tell the tale — etc., etc." 



This article was illustrated with colored cartoons by 
Gordon Ross, picturing Mr. Morrill's adventures and 
experiences in Peru, Chile, Falkland Islands, etc. The 
review ended by quoting one hundred lines from differ- 
ent chapters of the book to show their spice, wit and 
wisdom. 



Golightly 'Round the Globe 

By REV. GOLIGHTLY MORRILL 

SPICY BREEZES 

From 

Hawaii, Japan, China, Philippines, Java, Burma, 
India, Ceylon, Egypt, Italy, Svs^itzerland, Germany 



200 Pages — Photos — Cartoons 



A Good Book for Bad People 



PRESS COMMENT 

"Easy and Good-Hiimored." — American Review of Reviews. 
"A Kind of Uncensored Movie." — Chicago Standard. 
"I Am Reading It With Chuckles of Delight."— ^Z&er^ Hubhard. 
"A Compound of Snuff and Cayenne Pepper." 

— Benjamin Fay Mills. 



SOME OF THE CHAPTERS: 

A Prize Fight, Noah's Ark, Rag Dances, Ship-Bored, Sleepy 
Religion, Geisha Girls, The Yoshiioara, Altogether Baths, 
Making Opium, In Jail, Beastly Benares, My Native Bath, 
Caryial Caves, Captain Cupid, Naughty Naples, Cainera Curse, 
Noisome Cologne, The Tipping Habit. 

CLOTH-BOUND, BLUE AND GOLD, $1.00 POSTPAID. 
G. L. Morrill, 3356 10th Ave. S., Minneapolis, Minn. 



MORRILL 



TRAVELOGUES and LECTURES 

WITH OR WITHOUT SLIDES AND MOVING PICTURES 

" The next best thing to traveling around the world is to hear G. L. Morrill tell 
about it in his pithy, punchy, rapid-fire way. " 

— E. M. NEWMAN. Noted Globe-Trotter and Lecturer 



— Some Subjects 

Abraham Lincoln 

America's Uncrowned Queen 

Art and Christianity 

Alaska 

Argentina 

Australia 

Alhambra and Spanish Bull Fight 

Along the Mediterranean 

Banff— Laggan — Field — Glacier 

Brother Jonathan 

Belgium and Waterloo 

British Honduras 

Brazil 

Burma 

Bolivia 

Battle of the Books 

Buried Cities 

Churches of Asia Minor 

Constantinople 

Cranks 

Colorado, Pike's Peak or Bust 

Camping in the Yellowstone 

Cuba and Her Future 

China 

Costa Rica 

Colombia 

Chile 

Ceylon 

Cruising with Columbus 

Dances Far and Near 

Does Death End All ? 



to Choose From— 

Diplomuts 

Decoration Day 

Down the Rhine 

Egypt 

Elbert Hubbard and the Roycroft 

Flying Dutchman 

Fakes and Fakirs 

Ferrer, the Masonic Martyr 

Fiji and Cannibalism 

Falkland Islands 

Florida 

George Washington 

Greece 

Girl Graduates 

Golden Fleece 

Germany, Her Music 

Guatemala 

Hamlet's Home 

Hobbies 

Holy Land on Horseback 

Holland 

Hungary and Her Heroes 

Hawaii 

Hotels Around the World 

Italy and Her Art 

India 

Immigration 

Jerusalem 

Japan 

Java 



CONTINUED ON NEXT PAGE 



MORRILL 



TRAVELOGUES and LECTURES 

WITH OR WITHOUT SLIDES AND MOVING PICTURES 

(CONTINUED) 



Land of the Midnight Sun 
Life Among the Russians 
Life's Music Lesson 
Life's School 
Lisbon, Old and New- 
Murderous Mexico 
Masonic Shrines 
Morrill in the Alps 
Musical Minister 
My Old Kentucky Home 
Marriage 
New Woman 
New Zealand 
Nicaragua 

Nassau and the Bahamas 
Notes of a Pianist — L. M. Gott- 

schalk (illustrated) 
On the Mississippi 
Ould Ireland 

Old World Castles and Cathedrals 
Our Canadian Cousin 
Peru 

Philippines 

Paris and La Belle France 
Panama Canal 

Porto Rico and the West Indies 
Pig- Headed People 
Patriotism 
Quacks 



Yellow Journalism 



Yosemite 



Staging Thru England 

Scottish Scenery 

Slum Society 

Sweden the Beautiful 

Spanish Honduras 

Samoa and Stevenson's Home 

Salvador 

School and Church Bells 

Tracks of a Tenderfoot 

Temperance 

The Theatre and Her Critics 

The Rockies 

The Bug Family 

Thanksgiving and Living 

The Lady Nicotine 

Tasm nia 

Tahiti and Tongan Islands 

The God of Books 

The Ten Commandments 

Up-To-Date 
The Melting Pot 
The Grand Canyon of Arizona 
Trip to Chinatown 
The Scotland of Scott and Burns 
Vienna and the Blue Danube 
Venezuela 
War 
Wales 
What They Did to Mary 

Yucatan and Her Ruins 



F'or Dates and Terms, Address 

G. L. 7VVORRILL 

PASTOR PEOPLE'S CHURCH 
33Se lOtH /^we. South, TWinneapolis, TVllnn. U.S.A. 



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AN HAWAIIAN "PRINCE" 



HONOLULU 




Did The 
Kaiser 

Kill 
Elbert 

Hubbard 

Because He Wrote 

"Who Lifted The 
Lid Off Hell"? 



Elbert Hubbard, Founder of the Roycroft Shops, Lost on the LUSITANIA, May 7, I9I5 



SOME say that the Kaiser in his bhnd wrath sent the 
U-Boat to sink the Lusitania because Elbert Hubbard 
was aboard, Elbert Hubbard named the Kaiser a 
" Mastoid Degenerate " and told about his withered 
arrn and leaky ear. When Hubbard was called to Europe to 
write from first-hand information for the American people 
the Kaiser knew what to expect. Then the Sayville Wireless 
sputtered spitefully — a Sub slipped out from Kiel and the 
Lusita7iia never reached port ! Elbert Hubbard died, but 
his indictment of the German 
tyrant lives ! 



Order the book, Who Lifted the 
Lid and learn why The Hohenzol- 
lern was afraid to let the man who 
wrote it write any more ! 



THE ROYCROFTERS 
East Aurora, New York. 

^ Send me a copy of Who Lifted the Lid, 
for wfiicfi I enclose 25 cents (Forward 
Postage Stamps, Thrift Stamps or Coin — 
Use tfiis Coupon. Write your name and 
address on margin of this page.) 



The Leamington 



Minneapolis 



The Largest and Most 
Attractive Apartment 
Hotel in the World 



DAVID P. JONES, Pres. 

WALLACE H. DAVIS, Vice-Pres. 

WALLACE C. McWHINNEY, Sec'y & Treas. 



Mil f 



y 



I 






Vii/ 





FIRST MORTGAGE LOANS, REAL ESTATE, 
RENTALS AND INSURANCE 

234-238 Mcknight building 



BUY A FARM 

For 20c per month per acre 
and work for us and pay for it. 

In one of the best Red Clover land sections 
in the United States — located in Pine County, 
Minnesota. There is no better land in the 
state; no better soil can be found anywhere for 

Clover, Timothy, Alfalfa, Silage, Wheat, Oats> 

Potatoes and Vegetables 

WE WILL SELL YOU 

40 ACRES, $ 8.00 DOWN and $ 8.00 A MONTH 
80 ACRES, 16.00 DOWN and 16.00 A MONTH 

OTHER AMOUNTS PROPORTIONATELY 

We will give you steady employment summer 
and winter, or you may work on the land in 
the summer and we will give you employment 
all winter to assist you in paying for it. 
When you have the land paid for in full, we 
will loan you enough money to build and fence 
it, buy a team, tools and cow. 

THIS IS YOUR OPPORTUNITY 

COME AND SEE US 

U. S. L REALTY CO. 

215-222 Plymouth Bldg. 

•Phones {¥.t#?3, MINNEAPOLIS, MINN. 

P. S. We also pay 6% for six months on Certificates Payable. 




PRIMITIVE PLOUGHING 



PERU 



The J. H. Johnson Undertaking Co. 

Formerly of the Johnson -Landis Co. and Vail & Johnson 

ESTABLISHED 1SG7 

1900 HENNEPIN AVENUE, MINNEAPOLIS 




Our New Home was formerly a private residence and this idea will be main- 
tained. WE ARE FULLY EQUIPPED to give greatly Improved Service for 
Public or Private Funerals. Auto Service. 

Telephones: Office, N. W. Kenvi^ood 104 Residence, N. W. Ken. 73 

We arc not connected with any other firm of similar name. 



HUSSE Y me. HATTER 

Makes Old Hats Look New 



16^ North 7th Street 

Minneapolis, Minnesota 




Quality Clothes 

FOR 

Men and Young Men 
^=$20 To $50^= 

FINE FURNISHINGS 

Stetson Hats 



llllllliiiiiiiiiiiiiii 



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/VV IIN IN E M F»0 L I S, 



THOEN BROTHERS 

32-34-36 So. Sixth Street 

Between 

Nicollet and Hennepin 
yv\ IIN IN E SOT /\ 



HENNEPIN COUNTY SAVINGS BANK 

Marquette Ave. and Fourth St. 
Resources Over $7,000,000.00 

iNVITES BUSINESS AND PERSONAL CHECKING ACCOUNTS 
4% Interest Paid on Savings, Compounded Quarterly 

OFFICERS 

W. H. LEE, President W. F. McLANE, Cashier 

David p. JONES, Vice-President H. H. BARBER, Assistant Cashier 

ROGER I. LEE, Assistant Cashier 

OLDEST SAVINGS BANK IN MINNESOTA 



The New 

MandariN 

25-27 So. Fifth St., Minneapolis 

**THE TALK OF THE TOWN'' 

A rendezvous of quite unusual distinction — 
an ideal place to dine. 

— definitely refined, strikingly smart, and by far 
the most favored of all the better dining estab- 
lishments. 

— and the utmost assurance in food values and 
service excellence is a constant feature. 

— in fact, the more discriminating your taste, the 
more you prefer the New Mandarin. 

Snappy '^:^f|?r ' n 

1 1 if 9^^>^ Dancing 

Urcnestra -f ® 

Note — The MANDARIN never has and never will serve liquor. 



WHITE & McNAUGHT 



JEWELERS 



Diamonds, Watches, Wedding and 

other Gifts. 

506 Nicollet Avenue, Minneapolis 




[NDIAN DANCE 



BOLIVIA 



BOOK SECTION Booksellcfs 



L. H. WELLS. Manager 



powER-Si Bookhunters 
BOOK IMPORTERS | Bookbindefs 

Bookfinders 



Minneapolis, Minnesota 



COMPLIMENTS 

BROWNING, KING & CO. 

APPAREL FOR MEN AND BOYS 

NICOLLET AT FIFTH MINNEAPOLIS 



N. O. Welander & Co. 




UNDER TAKERS 




1530 East Franklin 

Minneapolis, ^^^ Minnesota 



American Tent and Awning Company 



C. M. RAWITZER, Prop. 



Tents and Awnings, 
Paulins, Wagon Covers, 
Horse Covers and Blankets, 
Auto Covers, Water Bags, 
Canvas Aprons, and Bags, 
Sleeping Porch Curtains, 
Canoe and Auto Tents. 



Cotton and Roll Duck, 
Lawn Folding Furniture, 
Cow Covers and Blankets, 
Feed Bags, Oiled Clothing, 
Sails, Flags, Umbrellas, 
Waterproof Covers, 
Lambing Tents. 



TENTS FOR RENT 




18-20 W. 3rd St. 
St. Paul, Minn. 



307309-311 Wash. 

Ave. N. 
Minneapolis, Minn. 



HERE'S OUR STORY 



We aim to make ours a very superior store. Our name 
is a guarantee of quality and service. Any article bought 
of us must prove satisfactory. If faulty or unsatisfactory 
in any way we replace it or refund your money. 

CIRKLER'S DRUG STORE, At Nicollet ^ 6th 

Prescriptions, Toilet Articles, Perfumes and Candies 

MINNEAPOLIS 



HOTEL DYCKMAN 

Minneapolis' Finest Hotel 



6th St., Near Nicollet 

325 Rooms All With Private Bath 

Hawaiian and Elizabethan Dining 
Rooms Where Over 1200 Dine 

Every Day 

Home of the Wonderful Electric Pipe Organ 

Rates $1.75 to $5.00 Per Day 

H. J. Tremain 



Keasbey (^ MsLttison Co. 

Manufacturers of 
the Highest Grade 

ASBESTOS SHEAIHFNG. PAPER. MILLBOARDS. 

FIREPROOF COVERINGS. ROOFINGS. 

THEATRE CURTAINS. ETC. 

EVE^yUHIJSlG I/f ASBESTOS 

Dial 31126 PHONES N. W. Main 1853 

427-429 WASHINGTON AVE. NORTH 

Minneapolis, Minnesota 




VENUS AT THE BATH 



MANAGUA, NICARAGUA 






S^S^S^g^S^S^S^ 



MULTI. TYPED LETTERS 



3rs2SE=2SSSS^ 



,1... ■i . r | .B | i... . ii .»- i -. .. . i. . Jjl.,u,-..,IL^it_. i ]JJ/,.m 
■MM^tfiM^MMMiMMiari^liiiidMiaiiMaiiHilt^^*'*- 




i 



i4c/. Writing- '-Addressing and Mailing--- 
Stationery Printed- - -Lithographed- - - En- 
graved. Neatly— - Quickly- - -Reasonably 

116 . SO. 4TH ST. - MINNEAPOLIS 



S^S^S^ S^ 5^S??g s^s^s^s^ S^ 




F. BUCHSTEIN Sr CO. 

TRUSSES AND BRACES 

□ Q □ 

113 SOUTH SIXTH STREET 



MINNEAPOLIS, 



MINNESOTA 



WARREN & COMPANY 

WmLESALE^GROCERS 
sP.r.rr"iG4TOFF|E- -J- 

116-20 North Seventh Street 

Minneapolis, ivoi^vr Minnesota 



WE CAN WRITE, COMPILE AND PRINT YOUR 

CATALOG, BOOKLET OR ADVERTISING 

MATTER OF ANY DESCRIPTION 

IN A MANNER THAT 

WILL BRING RESULTS 

ih£ Pioneer Printers 



CATALOG, CALENDAR, AND 
COMMERCIAL PRINTERS 
WHO KNOW HOW 

420-422 Sixth Street South 
MINNEAPOLIS, MINN. 



" When we Sa}; it*s OAK, it's OAK 



»> 



Knaeble & Scherer 

COMPLETE HOME FURNISHERS 
DIRECTORS OF FUNERALS 

Terms to Suit You 

AUTO 45196==PHONES=^=^^=^N.W.HYLAND 196 

511-513-515 Plymouth Avenue 
MINNEAPOLIS, MINN. 



Union DentisTts 

McKENNEY DENTAL CO. 

243 NICOLLET AVENUE 
18 Years at This Location 

OM&r 100,000 F»atients 



Best Work at the Lowest Prices 

Satisfaction Guaranteed 

Dentistry in all its Branches 



Force, System and Equipment Up-to-date. 

MINNEAPOLIS. MINNESOTA 




ROBERT LOUIS STEVENSON'S GRAVE 



MT. VAEA, SAMOA 





rOX (Si LONG 

Undertakers 

and 

Funeral Directors 

OFFICE PHONES \ ^' s^^^'q?! ^^^ 

13 Fifth Street N. E. 
Minneapolis, MinnesotOL 

K^iablUhed 1867 

Plumbing, Heating and Gas Fitting 

Setifer and Water Connections 

PK«r>*»« ' N. W. Main 661 
Phones ^ Automatic 37187 

212 South Sixth Street 
Minneapolis^^ iv\#/// Minnesota 



Hotel Victoria 

O. H. INGRAM. Manager 

A HOMELIKE PLACE FOR HOMELIKE PEOPLE 

All Rooms Equipped with Phone and Bath 

b^ the Da^y Week or Month 

RATES FIVE DOLLARS PER WEEK AND UPWARD 



Close enough In jor Convenience 
and far enough Out for Comfort 



Main 2303 



1308 Harmon Place Minneapolis, Minn. 




YEMRS ••kino\a/iinc; how/ 



V. A\ORE/\U CO. 

optical specialists ^ 



616 Nicollet Avenue, 



Minneapolis, Minn. 




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Portrait Photographers 



622 Nicollet Avenue 



MINNEAPOLIS 






MINNESOTA 



WE SELL 

VELIE BILTWELL SIXES 

9 Models— $1440.00 to $2600.00 

F. O. B. Factory 
"The Name Insures the Quality" 

COME IN AND SEE THEM 

R. C. Smith Auto Co., Inc. 

1601-03 Hennepin Avenue 
MINNEAPOLIS, 

Auto 33969 MINN. N. W. Nic. 603 

Liberty Tea Room 

WEST HOTEL 

Popular for its Lunches and Table d^Hote Dinners 

Service Excellent — Prices Moderate 

MINNEAPOLIS 




NOSE GREETINGS 



ROTORUA, N. Z. 



'6he PALMER 

School of Chiropractic 



"CHIROPRACTIC FOUNTAIN HEAD" 



DR. B. J. PALMER 



DAVENPORT, IOWA. U, S. A. 

IN ORDER to get an understanding of the very 
remarkable cures he saw effected through 
CHIROPRACTIC, the new science of heahh, 
Elbert Hubbard investigated the science and took the 
adjustments personally. As a result of his investigation 
he said : " Chiropractic never brings an adverse result- 
Its tendency is to make a sick man well, and a well 
man better. " 

Mr. Hubbard's opinions are very valuable, inas- 
much as he was the son of a physician and had 
studied seven years with the expectation of following 
in his father's footsteps as an honored, capable 
practitioner of medicine. In a recent book entitled, 
" The New Science," Mr. Hubbard made these in- 
teresting comments about CHIROPRACTIC : 

" The Chiropractor does not pin his faith to any 
single panacea. He simply knows the physical fact that a pressure of bone on nerve brings 
about a -condition where the telegraph system fails to act properly. He sees the result, 
and his business is to go after the cause. With skillful manipulation of the hand, he 
brings about a right relationship and proper adjustment. He finds the cause and fixes it. 
The "Chiropractors are not DOCTORS OF MEDICINE, but DOCTORS 
OF HEALTH, and master mechanics of the Centra-l Nervous System of the human 
body; from them we get a science of healing which is adding greatly to the welfare, 
the happiness and the well-being of the world." 

If You are Sick — If You are Worn 

Out or Racked With Disease 

Try CHIROPRACTIC 




THE 

DOWNHAM & CAMMETT 

CO. 

Designers and Builders 

Automobile Bodies and Tops 



""" """ m „^i, 



Manufacturers of 

Detachable Winter Tops, 

Repairing, Painting 

and Upholstering 

616-618 Fifth Ave. So. 

I Minneapolis, Minnesota 



If you Avant 

High Grade Work 
and Right Prices 

always send your work to 




Master Cleaner and Dyer since 

1895 



1028-30 MARY PLACE 
Minneapolis, Minnesota 







FRENCH PEASANT GIRL 



DIEPPE, FRANCE 




IF YOU ARE A SINNER GO TO YOUR BIBLE 
IF YOU ARE SICK GO TO A DOCTOR 
IF YOUR AUTO ACTS **BAD/^ OR YOU 
WANT A GOOD MACHINE, GO TO 

PENCE AUTOMOBILE GO 




800-804 HENN. AVE. 



MINNEAPOLIS 



O MINNEAPOLIS NOW HAS AN OPTICAL ESTABLISHMENT O 




KINDY-KNAPP, inc. 

719 Nicollet Ave., Opposite Dayton's 

Where the highest standards of prac- 
tice are combined with a perfection 
of service and appointment. This 
concern is under the direct manage- 
ment of Mr. K.J. Knapp, for many 
years associated with one of the lead- 
ing optical establishments on Nico- 
lett Avenue, And whose expert 
knowledge and careful attention to 
the minor details has built for him 
an enviable reputation. 

KINDY-KNAPP, Inc. 

Optometrists and Opticians 
a KODAKS. FILMS AND SUPPLIES O 



Daily Photo Service! Let Us Develop and Print Your Films 

N. W. Nicollet 7038 Tri-State 33 929 



A. J. WEI SM AN 

JEWELER 

Watches, Diamonds, Solid Gold Jewelry, Cut 

Glass and Silverware 

LOANS ON DIAMONDS, WATCHES, ETC. 



Tel. N. W, Main 3823 



234 Nicollet Avenue 



Minneapolis, Minn. 



]|incoln said: 

''IVe shall sooner have the fowl b^ 
hatching the egg than ij; smashing it'* 

'THIS quaint but forceful philosophy of Lincoln's 
may aptly be applied to banking. The Lincoln 
National Bank invariably gives the same consider- 
ation and attention to the wants of the small depo- 
sitor as to those of the large one, believing firmly 
that only through the good will and cooperation of 
its small depositors can it be of maximum service 
to the community as a banking institution. 

Capital and Surplus $300,000 
Four Per Cent on Savings Deposits. Safety Deposit Boxes. 

LINCOLN NATIONAL BANK 

Hennepin at Ninth 

MINNEAPOLIS, - MINNESOTA 



FRED W. HEINRICHS 

Funeral Director and Embalmer 

LADY ASSISTANT 

Parlors for Funerals Free of Charge 

N. W. Hyland 664— PHONES— Automatic 45 304 

317 Plymouth Avenue, Minneapolis, Minn, 




CHILD LABOR 



ANTIGUA, GUATEMALA 



CHICAGO AVENUE 



LAUNDRY 



GEORGE B. ESTERMAN, PROPR. 



2901-2903 Chicago Ave. 



Minneapolis 




Minnesota 




St. James Hotel 

FI^BTTtOOr 

Minneapolis, Minnesota 

Offers Rooms with Hot and Cold 
Water, Telephone & Shower Baths 
for 50c., 75c. and $1.00 per Day. 

Absolutely Fireproof — Nothing to burn but 
the Doors. Strictly a temperance Hotel. 

E. J. COLLICK, Mgr. 



■■HMm 



1 



A 



4^ 



FIRST 

AND 

SECURITY 



wmim 



National 

BANK ' 



% 



s^^^ 



// Sick, Go To The 

LaAvrence Sanatorium 



It is one of the largest and finest private 
Sanatoriums in the Northwest. Occupies 
half-block in fine residence section of the 
city — has four buildings. Staff and equip- 
ment complete for the best Medical and 
Surgical Service. W. D. LAWRENCE, 
M. D., Proprietor. 

Tel. Main 1399 Auto 38 289 
Address 820 E. 17th St,, Minneapolis, Minn. 



n^mw ^A-f^e' 



Opposite Dyckman Hotel |y$ 1^^ TRP 'PHONES: ] J^j^j ^^^^4 



24-26 South Sixth Street 

Opposite Dyckman Hot 

...MINNEAPOLIS... 

TOM LEE, Prop. 




o^ 



Is the largest, most attractive and homeliJ^e, reasonably priced 
Chinese American Restaurant in the Northwest 



NOONDAY LUNCHEON 

11:30 to 2 35c 



.'. Dancing, Music and Entertainment .*. 

Our Chow Mein has a wide reputation and the quality of our dishes is 

Beyond Comparison 

SPECIAL DINNERS AND BANQUETS CATERED FOR 



TABLE D'HOTE DINNER 

5:30 to 8 60c 



Drs. STRAND & STRAND 

♦ ♦ 



♦ ♦ 



CHIROPRACTORS 




Graduates of the Famous Palmer School of Chiropractic 

AFFECTIONS of any of the following |% 
larts may be caused by nerves im- m^ 



pijiged at the spine by a subluxated ■ PHONES* 
» BRAIN vertebra. p 

^^^^iX^s e MAIN 5540 

Er '"•;s7,S;ir'^ r automatic ssseo 



Adjustments £ 

Will « 

Remove ttie J% LADY 

S CHIROPRACTOR 



HEART 
LUNGS 

LIVER lA/ill 

STOMACH WW 111 

PANCREAS 

SPLEEN -I- - 

KIDNEYS Cause of 

SMALL BOWEL 
LARGE DOWEL 
GENITAL ORGANS 
THIGHS & l^CS 



E = 

^IHL or MAN 

MINNEAPOLIS^ Suite 333-34 Loeb Arcade Bldg. 



ST. PAUL — 330 Bremer Arcade 

Phones: Cedar 5007 — Dial 23 142 



SHELLED BY GERMAN WARSHIPS 



PAPEETE, TAHITI 



Bank With a Growing Banl( 

Ample capital and surplus, together with efficient 
officers and directors, place this institution in a 
position to handle accounts of individuals, firms 
and corporations on a most satisfactory basis. 

You are cordially invited to take up your business 
affairs with the officers of this bank and join the 
constantly increasing number of depositors who 
are sharing in its personal and efficient service. 

Officers 

W. B. TSCHARNER, President 

L. S. SWENSON, Vice-President 
M. C. TIFFT, Vice-President 

WILLIAM F. OLSEN, Cashier 

THE BANK OF PERSONAL SERVICE 

Located in the traffic center 
HENNEPIN AVENUE AT SIXTH STREET 

MERCANTILE STATE BANK 



MASONIC TEMPLE PHARMACY 

JACOB JACOBSON, Proprietor 



PRESCRIPTIONS PROMPTLY FILLED 

A full line of Druggist's Sundries, Candies, etc., 

always on hand 

526 Hennepin Avenue (i) Minneapolis, Minnesota 



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SWANSON'S 
"77?e House of Flowers 

OF MINNEAPOLIS 

- AT - 

912 Nicollet Ave. 912 

Gives unexcelled Flower service to Minne- 
apolis and the Northwest through its unsur- ^ 
passed facilities. Accessible— 

Da^ and Night, Sundays and Holi- 
day's for Funeral, Wedding and Social | 
Flowers. IV rite for free literature. 

a ■ o a a o ■ ojiBjti oa noQaonofia 



KAYSER & CO. 



WALL PAPER 



'*We Knot£f Hot£f'* 



822-24 Hennepin Ave., Minneapolis 



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iWM«!Ha«*nm«!«ai 



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Curtis Court Hotel 



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Minneapolis' Newest 

12 STORIES, FIREPROOF, 1000 ROOMS 
Private Baths throughout 

Beautiful Lobby, Ballroom, Cafe, Shops 

n \ Single, $1.50 to $2.50) „ rA 

Rooms \ Do^hle. 2.00 to 3.50 \ P^^ Day 



T*.U«K««». i N. W. East 67 m- ,^^-11 f T. S. 41442 or 41703 

Telephones ^ y. 5. 41 1 12 ^'^^^ ^*"* { N. W. East 797 

Washburn Undertaking Co> 

LADY A SSISTANT 

W. P. WASHBURN J. A. DONALDSON 

P. THORHAUG 




19 Fifth St. N. E., Minneapolis, Minn. 




A MEXICAN LANDSCAPE 



CHARCAS, MEXICO 



LOUIS NATHANSON CO. 



g)| RETAIL CIGARS \^ 



SIX EXCLUSIVE CIGAR STORES 



NICOLLET AT FIFTH 
MARQUETTE & WASHINGTON 
LOBBY, PALACE BUILDING 

PIPE REPAIR SHOP 
IN CONNECTION 



1322 S. E. FOURTH ST. 
501 SECOND AVENUE SOUTH 
326 HENNEPIN AVENUE 



Minneapolis 



Dr. Shegetaro Morikubo 

Representative Chiropractor 



Suite 321^323—622 Nicollet Avenue 



Minneapolis, 



Minnesota 




EVERY THING ELECTRICAL 
FOR THE HOME 

A FEW SUGGESTIONS 

Washing Machines, Vacuum Cleaners, Ironing 

Machines, Toasters, Perculators, Irons, 

Stoves, Grills, Etc., Etc. 

IF IT IS ELECTRICAL AND NEEDS 
REPAIR WE CAN DO IT RIGHT 

ELECTRIC WIRING Q 

STERLING ELECTRIC CO 

29-31-33 SOUTH FIFTH STREEl 
MINNEAPOLIS 

"Service and Satisfaction with every Transaction" 




RESIDENCE p„^ pv,„n»« ' N. W. Drexel 4408 

3636 Minnehaha Avenue ^^^' *^"o"es ^ .j,^ g ^^^^ ^^ g^^ 

McDIVITT & COMPANY 



Funeral Directors & Embalmers 

LADY ASSISTANT 

Odd Fellows Temple Bldg., 2707 E. Lake Street 

t^^^e^^^OUR MOTTO : (^^^^===^^/ 

"The Best Service for the Least Money" 

?:s^A?fo^'2S^o'f Minneapolis, Minn. 

FURS AND FUR COATS 

AT A REDUCTION = 

Storag^o and Repairing: 

F*hone— INic. :2500 : 



BEN J. LIGHT & CO. 

^/?e Popular Price Fur Store 

522 NICOLLET AVENUE 
Minneapolis, Minnesota 



A. E. PAEGEL 



Jeweler and Optician 

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^.^Pearl Buyers 

Minneapolis, Minnesota 




Above Them All! 



Energy Gasoline 

and 

Puritan Motor Oils 



BOTH REFINED FROM PURE OIL 



By th( 



Pure Oil Company 



Your Home Concern 

Emphatically Independent 



Minneapolis n- ' St. Paul 



You Can't Lose If You Use 



Energy Gasoline 




SHOT ON SUSPICION 



YUCATAN 



Unexcelled Service 
Open Day and Night 



N. W. Drex. 1274 
T. S. 62 074 



LICENSED EMBALMER 

Graduate U. of M. Embalmers Course 

J. E. Bostrom & Company 

FUNERAL DIRECTORS 

Lady Assistant 



Office and Parlors 
3008 27th Ave. So. 



Minneapolis, Minn. 



C. GERDES 



Groceries & Meats 



1818-1820 Lyndale Avenue So. 



MINNEAPOLIS 



MINNESOTA 



-;>.^;t^J^T E L E P H O N E S ^S:^^^^ 

Automatic 51144 N. W. Kenwood 1421 



HILL'S 

DINING AND LUNCH 

ROOM 

LESLIE and ROOD, Proprietors 



PHONES: 
Dial 37254 Main 2609 



252-254 Marquette Avenue 
MINNEAPOLIS, :: MINNESOTA 




HEGENER'S 

Barbers' Supplies 

A Full Line of Carvers, Table Cutlery, 

Pocket Cutlery and Toiled Articles, 

Manicure Scissors and Tools. 

207 Nicollet Avenue, 
MINNEAPOLIS DfaMm 



William Weisman Company 

Manufacturing Furriers 



F 



INE 

ASHIONABLE 

URS 



fl There is an air of refinement and luxury about our Furs, 
which in^antly attracts the admiration of those who know 
Quality. 




**He*s a wise man who bu^s his Furs from Weisman*' 

508 NICOLLET AVENUE 
Minneapolis, Minnesota 



I^nt^l Elgttt 

The Home of 

THE THESPIAN 

EIGHTH STREET AND HENNEPIN AVENUE 
MINNEAPOLIS. :-: :-: MINNESOTA 







W * +S(S«1? - 



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i i_i c H le; ft ■ ■eiit C3 s ■ «^^:_..___ 



:iiPiliaS 



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REFINED PLEASURE 



BULLRING, MEXICO CITY 



C. H. ELLIOTT & CO. 

Funeral Directors and Embalmers 

LADY ASSISTANT 
PHONES: T. S. 61-165. N. W. DREXEL 3955 



1839 East Lake St,, Minneapolis, Minn, 



WM. WELLS & COMPANY 

"* Manufacturers of — 

Automobile Tops and Slip Linings 

323 Sixth Street South 

MINNEAPOLIS, :: MINNESOTA 



MINNEAPOLIS BOOK EXCHANGE 

New and Second-Hand Standard Books of All Kinds 

BOUGHT AND SOLD 



JAMES ADAIR, Propr. 

625 HENNEPIN AVENUE 
Minneapolis, ^^ Minnesota 



GERDE AUTO CO. 

"MAXWELL" 

AGENCY 



New Garage 
Shop and Storage 

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Satisfactory Service Given All 
Customers at All Times 

p,,j,„gg( South 7257 

1 Automatic 52 676 

912-914 East Lake 
Minneapolis, Minnesota 



'A Mans House is his Castle 



y} 



CONFER WITH 

HOME 




TECEPHONES 

N vv NIC 90 91 92 93 

T. S. 3Q361 



INC.] 



,REAL ESTATE. RENTALS. LOANS AND INSURANCE 
OGDEN A CONFER MINNEAPOLIS, MINN 



offices: 

50I-2-3-4ANDRUS 
BUILDING. 



SAMUEL CCDNFER 



>y 



''There Is No Place LiJ^e Home 

IF ITS ALL YOUR OWN 



''Confer with Confer'' 

And Cease to Roam 




Rarebit Specialties 

FRESH LOBSTER AND OTHER FOOD DELICACIES 

45-47 South Third Street 

MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA 




HUTS AND NUTS 



HAAPAI, TONGA 



E. M. Dauphine Company 



FUNERAL DIRECTORS 
and EMBALMERS 



MRS. E. M. DAUPHINE, Mgr. 

fN. W. Nic. 1440 

T 1 u ) Tri-State 32970 

Telephones: < , ^j^, g^^^g 

613 Eighth Avenue South 

Minneapolis, ^^S^^^" Minnesota 



A. M. Smith 

DELICATESSEN 

Finest Imported Olive Oil, 
Cheese, Meat and Fish 



249 Hennepin Avenue 
MINNEAPOLIS 



I 



Compliments 

HOME TRADE SHOE STORE 

221 Nicollet Ave., Minneapolis 

EDMUND C. BATES, Pres. 



PEARCE'S 



Where Fashion Reigns 

516 Nicollet 



WOMEN'S OUTFITTERS 

When you want a Blouse go to Pearce's, 
you get more style and value for the 
same money. Our Georgette Blouses at 

$4.86, $6.86 and $9.86 

are remarkable for Style and Value. 



The next Dress or Coat that you want 
think of Pearce's 




$OFTENS^.^« ^■-»,-,^ SAVES 

THE COMPOUND ^"E 

WATER ^^^' ■^^^^■^■^ HANDS 

^ Harmless alike on hands or delicate fabrics. R. L. is 
wonderful for Chiffon and Georgette Crepe Waists, 
Laces and Silks, Woolens and Flannels, as it leaves 
them Dainty, Fresh and Clean. 

^ R. L. Does Not Shrink Anything. 

^ R. L. Rinses freely. Very effective in Kitchen and 
Laundry. Contains the Essence of the Lemon, the 
Oil of the Cocoanut, and other active cleansing 
agents combined in a soft white powder. 

^ Full directions on package at your grocers. 

ROYAL LEMON PRODUCTS COMPANY 



Minneapolis, 



St. Paul, 



Minnesota 





AWKWARD SQUAD 



BELIZE, BRITISH HONDURAS 



FRANK W. PETERSON 

DRUGGIST 



MANUFACTURING PHARMACIST 

Wholesale and Retail 

Locodyne, Citrosal, Glycodyne, Digestonique 

PHONES: T. S. 51240. N. W. SO. 5270 

Cor. Lake St. and Chicago Ave. 
MINNEAPOLIS, MINN. 




MooKE, Tekwilligek, Inc. 



®1|^ iFlom^r ^liop 



FLORAL DESIGNS FOR ALL 
OCCASIONS 

5 SOUTH SEVENTH STREET, MINNEAPOLIS 




MOE & ALBINSON 

Undertakers and Embalmcrs 

PHONES '^- W- N^^^LL^'T ^^^^ 

i I • o* olOlo 

1301-3 WASHINGTON AVENUE SO. 

Minneapolis, r'^ss»=J' Minnesota 



Compliments of 

JOSIAH H. CHASE 



RENTZ BROS. 

Manufacturing Jewelers 

Engravers -Medalists -Gold & Silversmiths 
Cutters of Agates and Precious Stones 

29 So. Fifth Street, Minneapolis 



THE CENTURY NEWS STORE 

HEADQUARTERS FOR MECHANICAL BOOKS AND RADICAL 

LITERATURE 

H. R. WEINBERG & /?. M. BEAVER 

Subscriptions Taken for All Periodicals 

at Lowest Rates 

6 So. Third Street, Minneapolis, Minn. 



Everett Pianos 

— are to be found in hundreds of our 
Best Minneapolis Homes. 

W^HEN \^ ANTING A PIANO— SEE 



\ 



1 




ELMER BROOKS 

OF THE 

THE BROOKS PIANO CO. 

Ill So. llth St., 

Minneapolis Minnesota 




'HtflKm- 





SHOT ON SUSPICION 



YUCATAN 



Unfailing Courtesy, together with sterling up- 
right business principles, is the platform upon 
which is based our thirty years' successful career. 

^1^ AMOR & CO. ^> 

Funeral Directors 

829 Second Ave. So., Minneapolis, Minn. 




Taylor & Watson 

WALL PAPER, PAINTING AND DECORATING 



28 Eio^hth Street, South 



THE OLDEST WALL PAPER SHOP IN TOWN 



Established 1879 



Main [^36 



Dial 3 1 996 



MINNEAPOLIS, 



MINNESOTA 



MASSOLT BOTTLING CO. 

SOFT DRINKS 

"Whale Brand" Ginger Ale— Mineral Waters 

128 Plymouth Ave., North 
MINNEAPOLIS, :: MINNESOTA 



WILLIAM LORENZ 

Phones; Nic. 3775; T. S. 32471 

212 Marquette Avenue 
MINNEAPOLIS, : MINNESOTA 



J. I. BESSLER 

Locksmithing and 
Umbrella Repairing 

Main 5034 



628 Marquette Minneapolis, Minnesota 




WHAT IS HEALTH? 

BY DR. CHARLES LOFFLER 

Minneapolis, Minn., U. S. A. 



If I am not Healthy, Why am I not Healthy? 
How May I Become Healthy? 



These Questions are asked by every civ- 
ilized people, and are becoming more general, 
because ill health is more common every day, 
and the hope of recovery less. 
The Answer was given many years ago by 
Hippocrates, the father of medicine, when he 
said, " As the Blood, so is The Man ; He is 
Just as Weak, Just as Strong." 
Success is measured by the power of endur- 
ance plus proper application. The normal 
individual has normal endurance and normal 
ability to apply his talents. 
Failure is far more common among those who 
are not physically competent, than among the 
healthy, since it takes a strong body to support 
a strong mind. 

Good Health is natural — ill health is un- 
natural. Health is the very foundation of sue 
cess, no matter what the undertaking. He who 
hopes for success, if healthy, should live so as 
to maintain that normal condition, and if not DR. CHARLES LOFFLER, 

in normal health, should first try to re-establish 8th Floor Andrus Bldg., Minneapolis 
a good health standard. 

The Blood is the life of every individual. It gives us every power. Every normal 
man and woman has normal blood- One must have a one hundred per cent blood 
standard to expect to be a one hundred per cent individual. Blood examinations, in 
thousands of cases, show that ill health is commonly caused and contiuues by reason of 
blood impairment. 

Scientists recognize the fact that the cure of chronic and progressive disease can only 
be brought about through blood repair, but have never been able to re-establish a chem- 
ically normal blood, and therefore most such diseases have been classed as incurable. 
My Intravenous Treatment, given directly into the blood stream, brings about the 
necessary chemical changes to establish a normal blood, and thereby gives the blood its 
normal power of building, sustaining, of repair and resistance. The positive beneficial 
results obtained in thousands of cases of chronic and progressive diseases, give incontro- 
vertible evidence that the hope of prevention and cure, of many of the supposed incur- 
able diseases and conditions, is in a chemically normal blood. 





PASSENGER TRAIN BURNED BY BANDITS— NEAR 

VICTORIA, MEXICO 



Colonial Cafeteria 



SELF SERVICE CAFE 

''JUST A LITTLE BETTER'' 

(n^'^^J>2^ South Sixth Streete^^'^u> 



Minneapolis, 



OPPOSITE DYCKMAN HOTEL 



oo 
o 



Minnesota 



Compliments of eM e^ 8^ 



J. Warren Roberts 



RESIDENCE 
THE LEAMINGTON 



FUNERAL DIRECTOR 



913 FIRST AVENUE SOUTH 



MINNEAPOLIS 



JOHN S. ALLEN 



:j E \A/ E L E r: 



Watches, Diamonds, Jewelry, Silverware, Etc. 

Watches Cleaned, $1.25 Main Springs, $1.25 

No. 110 METROPOLITAN BUILDING 

Ground Floor 



Telephone Main 3150 MINNEAPOLIS, 



MINNESOTA 



— — — .^"^i^i^— .^— —^— ^^^» 




MAYAN RUINS 



UXMAL, YUCATAN 




Robt. J. Seiberlich 



State Agent 



The Fidelity Mutual 
Life Insurance Co. 



OF PHILADELPHIA 

Phones: T. S. 38 064 N. W. Nic. 1 108 

704-706 Andrus Building, Minneapolis, Minn. 



Compliments of 



N. L. ENGER 

UNDERTAKER 



N. W. Main 486— PHONES— Automatic 37030 



412 Cedar Avenue, 



Minneapolis, Minn. 



',-'■■ ■^"•H»< <i^--^''^,r' iwSS-fi* '^S«.".i»«^<^' 






'\^^ff^ ' ^y 




P^"^- 



EARTHQUAKE RUINS OF CARNEGIE PEACE PALACE 

CARTAGO, COSTA RICA 



H6e BIJOU 

Minneapolis* Largest Movie Theatre 

7*roducing all the best J^eature^ 

SpeciaLl Mvisic PrograLm for Each 

Production 

Admisston 5 and lO Cents 




FUNERAL PARLORS 

THE EARL UNDERTMING CO. 



Minneapolis, 



Minnesota 




-^¥^^¥«"yt' 



THEATRE OF BACCHUS 



ATHENS, GREECE 



T. S. 53628 N. W. South 1 793 N. W. Kenwood 550 




%d.^ ^- 




Burd P. Johnston & Co. 

FUNERAL DIRECTORS 
and EMBALMERS 



MRS, JOHNSTON, LADY ASSISTANT 



PARLORS 

12 WEST LAKE ST. Minneapolis, Minn. 

3020 HENNEPIN AVE. 



Drink Pure 



Glenwood- Ingle wood 

Spring Water 

913 Hennepin Ave., MINNEAPOLIS, MINN. 



ma 




TOWER OF CONSTANTINE 

CONSTANTINOPLE, TURKEY 




z/tNjcolletave. 
minneapolis, minnesota 

Ladies' Outer Apparel 

OF THE BETTER SORT 



Combining- 



STYLE, 



QUAUTY 

and ECONOMY 




THE LEE 



Modern Undertaking 



Proprietor, R. P. LEE 



Auto. 33707 Ken. 4600 

Nicollet Ave. at W. 15th St. 
MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA 




INSURRECTOS ARRESTED 



HAVANA, CUBA 



Imported Woolens%^&^'^^&. 

^>1 Tailoring and Workmanship that hv^ 

^N "Quality" Clothes Should Have K^ 

WM. L. WOLFSON 

F'inest yyVe^n's TTailor 

33 South Fourth St., Minneapolis, Minn. 

Gentlemen 's Suits and Overcoats 
to Order $50.00 to $100.00 



There is a Reason for My Prices : 
YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR 



NICKBL^S & SMITH 

REAL ESTATE, RENTALS, 
LOANS AND INSURANCE 

Sll Nicollet Avenue 



MINNBAPOI.IS, MINNBSOTA 




'888" LABOR MONUMENT 



MELBOURNE. AUSTRALIA 



Fin e Fxi r^ B. R. MENZEL ^ CO. 




y(y TIM « »14KK W[^ 

X O R iC\ <3 



■/\ IN !::>: 



RER A I R I NG 



qO Manufacturers Oq 
O and Dealers in O 



n 



''Furs of Known Quality 

For Value and Service 
comparison will prove this 

FROM THE CHEAPEST THAT'S GOOD 
TO THE BEST THAT'S MADE 

54 So. Seventh St, 

Minneapolis, Minn., 0pp. Radlsson Hotel 




Everything Worn 



BY THE 



LONDON 

CHI C AGO 

DETROIT 

MILWAUKEE 

MINN EAPOLIS 

RADISSON HOTEL BUILDING 



Well-dressed Man 



EXCEPT HIS SHOES 



PRODUCTIONS OF 

WELCH, MARQETSON & CO., 

VIRQOE, MIDDLETON & CO., 
ALLEN, SOLLY & CO., 

LLOYD, ATREE & SMITH, 

LONDON, ENG. 
LONDON REPRESENTATIVES, EST. 1779 

CAPPER, SON & CO., Ltd. 

29 REGENT STREET PICCADILLY CIRCUS, W. 

63=64 GRACE CHURCH STREET, E. C. 

EXCLUSIVE AGENTS IN MINNEAPOLIS FOR 

DUNLAP HAT5 

"THE NECKWEAR HOUSE OF AMERICA" 





GOING TO MARKET 



CARTAGENA, COLOMBIA 





A. G. REINECKE ^; 

<^^^i^^==^^ Maker ot^^^^^>='^^^ 

Fa^hionabte 
Fur Garment's 

=Fire Proof Storage Vaults — 



puriMirc •> N. W. Main 3573 
P""N^^ Automatic 34 967 



725 Nicollet Avenue 
Minneapolis, * * Minnesota 



\M. J. STAPLETON 

^ FUNERAL DIRECTOR V^ 

Auto Equipment %=.^^fi:^r% Lady Assistant 

OFFITF ^ South 4023 ) T*»Ur^V.r^r»/»c ^ RF^ ' Colfax 635 

o h n c E I j^j^i 52 237 , 1 eleptiones — | Rts. , ^.^^^ 32 703 

T'OS \A/est LaUo St. 
yyvinnoapolis, TWinnosota 




KILLING TIME 



SAN SALVADOR. SALVADOR 



>i 



«( 



HOME LIGHTING 



The Effect of Good 
Illumination in the Home 

Have you ever noticed in which home there is the greatest 
cheerfulness? In the home poorly lighted, or in the home 
well lighted? If you have not, let us tell you. 



Cheerfulness Comes 

Only to the Home Well Lighted 

Is it not worth your careful consideration when we realize 
that a little extra light will bring about the difference 
between gloominess and cheerfiilness? And, too, when it 
costs no more to bring about cheerfulness, is it not worth 
your careful consideration? 
Electric Service has made possible such results. 



THE MINNEAPOLIS GENERAL 
ELECTRIC COMPANY 




•^. 



NicoUett at Seventh, 




MINNEAPOUS 



Our Quality Furs 

COATS, SETS, COATEES, CAPES, 
MUFFS, STOLES AND THROWS 

Entirely new and different models, featuring such furs as 
Skunk, Mink, Hudson Seal, Mole, Nutria, Australian Opos- 
sum, Cross Fox, Blue Fox, Lynx, Squirrel, Muskrat and 
Raccoon. 

Our Furs are Quality Furs; correctly 
designed and made in our own work* 
shop; perfectly fashioned; dependable 

SPECIAL PRICES, TYPICAL OF THE REMARKABLE VAL- 

UES PREVAILING THROUGHOUT THE SPLENDID 

FUR ASSORTMENT GATHERED HERE. 



m 



